by Sarah Bailey
“Do you think I have one?”
“No, but you can’t say that to him. He doesn’t deserve it.”
“Watch me.”
I hit send. Her face dropped. I expected her to retaliate and have a go at me, but she didn’t. She turned away from me, walked over to the bed and sat down, staring at the floor. Her phone vibrated in my hand. He was calling her.
“Do you want to speak to him?” I asked.
“After what you just did? No,” she said, quietly.
I rejected the call. Didn’t matter to me either way. It was done. Now she couldn’t use that pitiful excuse to stop me from doing what I wanted with her. She probably thought I was being cruel for the sake of it. It was better for her not to have false illusions about what life with me would be like or cling to hope that I’d let her go.
“Get up and come with me.”
Her phone vibrated several times in my pocket. She stood but didn’t look at me when she walked over. I pulled her phone out as I opened the door and strode out.
HARRISON: Are you serious?
HARRISON: I don’t believe you. Talk to me. What’s going on?
HARRISON: Please answer the phone.
HARRISON: Liora, why are you doing this? Answer the phone. You’re not seeing anyone else. I know you.
She followed along after me as I took the stairs.
“Are you sure you don’t want to speak to him? He says he doesn’t believe you. Perhaps we need to give him further evidence, hmm?”
“If you want to,” she replied, her voice void of any emotion.
I’d only said that to get a rise out of her. What was wrong with her? Why wasn’t she fighting back?
I stopped on the next landing and she barrelled into the back of me. I turned to find her rubbing her face.
“I didn’t think you meek.”
That made her look up at me, eyes narrowing.
“You took me away from my home. You broke up with my boyfriend for me. You keep telling me I belong to you and that I’m only allowed to do what you say, when you say it and that if I don’t, you’ll punish me. Excuse me if that’s a lot to process in one go.”
She had a point. We knew nothing about each other. I might have learnt things about her life, but that didn’t mean I knew the girl inside. That would only come from being around each other for an extended period of time. I had to remember to be patient.
“Don’t dawdle.”
I turned away and continued down the second flight of stairs to the ground floor. Her feet were almost silent on the carpet, but I could feel her behind me.
I led her through the kitchen where the staff nodded at me and out into the large conservatory which housed an informal dining area. Pulling a chair out for her, I waited. She sat down, staring at the knives and forks on the table. I sat next to her at the head of the table.
“The staff will take care of meals for you and anything else you need. Outside of my room, when you’re not with me, Brent will be with you.”
She looked up at me, green eyes full of conflicting emotions. Hurt and resignation stuck out the most. I understood both those things, more than she knew.
One of the chefs came in, which stopped her replying to me. Dinner between us was silent. I didn’t try to engage her in conversation because she looked dejected and tired. I supposed she’d had a long day what with her graduation.
I took her back upstairs when we were done and left her to get ready for bed. Her father had packed a suitcase for her. The rest of her things would be sent down at a later date.
When I went back to my bedroom an hour later, she was huddled under the covers and didn’t raise her head. I stripped down to a t-shirt and shorts before clambering in next to her. I made sure to keep my distance and turned out the light.
I found myself unable to get comfortable knowing she was right there. The girl I’d wanted for so long. I had her, but I also didn’t. What I wanted from her she wasn’t yet ready to give me.
I gave up after five minutes, rolling on my back. That’s when I heard it.
Liora was crying.
For some reason, all I wanted to do was allow her to cry on me. So I could become her source of comfort. That urge was unwelcome.
And I knew from that moment onwards, I was completely and utterly fucked.
Chapter Three
Liora
I hated myself for being weak, but I couldn’t stop the tears soaking the pillow. My day was ruined. It was meant to be my proudest moment and in many ways it was. Everything that happened afterwards sucked. I’d known deep down when my father told me to go with Brent, I would somehow end up here with Nameless.
Whatever reason he had for not telling me his name, it still grated on me. I needed a name. At least I’d know who I was dealing with. Nameless decided I wasn’t ready for such information.
My heart ached. I just wanted to understand. I didn’t exactly hate him. A part of me knew this situation was caused by our fathers, but he didn’t have to go along with it.
I sniffled, trying not to make too much noise. I was most upset about what he sent to Harrison. I could deal with everything else, but that was uncalled for. He could’ve let me do it in a nice way. Except he told me not to question him and I’d ignored that. Then I stupidly argued with him. He warned me and I should’ve taken him seriously when he talked about punishment. Still, Harrison didn’t deserve to be told that way.
I rolled on my back and stared up at the ceiling, tears still running down my face. Something warm covered my hand, fingers entwined with mine.
Wait, what is Nameless holding my hand for?
He didn’t speak. His skin warmed mine, sending tingling sensations up my arm. I’d never had a reaction like this to another person. Earlier when he’d stroked my skin, it’d made me uncomfortable because of the strange stirring it gave me in my stomach.
Why wasn’t his touch repulsive to me? Why did I feel like shuffling closer to him?
His thumb ran down mine. Instead of being soothing, it made my skin burn hotter. My tears abated, replaced by alien feelings and unwanted urges. The silence between us became suffocating.
“I don’t like not knowing what to call you,” I whispered.
“When you’ve earned it, I’ll tell you,” he whispered back.
“I can’t ask you how I do that.”
“I think you just did.”
I tensed, waiting for him to get irritated by my question. His thumb ran over mine again. Here in the dark, in bed with him and holding his hand, I wasn’t so terrified of him. I wanted to know the man who’d waited three years to have me.
“If you’d been listening, you’d know how already,” he said.
“Behave myself, do what you say and please you.”
“You’re welcome to please me, but it’s not a requirement.”
The way he said please sounded dirty. I felt my face heat up. Did he think I meant please him sexually? He told me he didn’t expect that from me. Unless you want it, my brain helpfully reminded me. Did I want that? What was I even thinking? I shouldn’t want to have sex with him.
What about Harrison?
What about him? We were over. Nameless had seen to that. And honestly, I didn’t know how I would ever sustain a relationship with him when I was here with another man. One I apparently belonged to.
I found myself shifting closer to the middle of the bed, pulled by some invisible force between us. I looked over at him as he rolled onto his side.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“I don’t know.”
And I really didn’t. I needed something. The ache in my chest needed soothing. Could Nameless give me that if I let him? I wondered where on earth my common sense had fled to. Should I even be contemplating allowing him in at all?
So I did what anyone else would never do in this situation. I shifted closer and lay on my side, facing him with our bodies only inches apart. Our
joined hands were trapped between us. I could just about make out his features. He let out a breath.
Why the hell had I moved so close to him? Was I certifiable?
“What do you want, Liora?”
Was I going to be honest?
“I’m confused. My chest hurts. I don’t know how to process, handle or cope with this situation. And I really don’t know why I’m telling you this or why I came closer.”
He reached up, brushing my hair from my face and tucking it behind my cheek. His fingers lingered. The pads leaving fire in their wake. I turned my face into his touch without thinking. Nameless came closer, his breath dusting across my mouth.
“Do you want me to take your pain away?”
His lips brushed across mine as he spoke, sending jolts up and down my spine.
“Why would you do that?”
“Your welfare is my responsibility. And if I’m going to be entirely honest, I don’t think I can stop myself kissing you right now.”
Any thoughts I had about him doing that were stolen by his mouth on mine. It was the softest of touches, but my lips burnt. He cupped my face, holding me still. I found myself responding, kissing him back.
A low groan escaped his mouth. He pressed it more firmly against mine. My free hand curled around his hip. A part of me knew this was incredibly fucked up. Especially since only hours ago I’d been Harrison’s girlfriend. The rest ignored it because the larger part of me wanted to kiss Nameless in that moment. Whatever reasoning I had for that I didn’t like to think.
He pulled away, his breathing a little faster. Letting go of my hand between us, he readjusted and tugged me into his embrace. Having his body flush with mine stirred more of my senses.
Just as he leant towards me to kiss me again, I jolted awake. The sunlight streamed in through the gap in the curtain. I felt groggy and disoriented.
What was that? A dream?
I turned towards Nameless. He was staring up at the ceiling. No. Last night wasn’t a dream, but was the kissing?
“Did you kiss me last night?” I blurted out without really thinking.
He turned to me, his eyes wide and confusion apparent on his face.
“What?”
His reaction told me everything I needed to know. I’d dreamt that part. My face burnt.
“Nothing, it doesn’t matter.”
“I think I’d remember if I kissed you, Liora.”
He frowned momentarily, then his eyebrows shot up. He pointed at me.
“You had a sex dream about me.”
Excuse me?
“I didn’t have sex with you in it.”
He smirked.
“But you did dream about me kissing you… And judging by your expression, I think you enjoyed it.”
I put my hands over my face and buried it in the covers. This could not be happening. Why did I dream about him kissing me?
I loved Harrison, didn’t I?
Didn’t I?
Christ, what is wrong with me?
My relationship with him was over. Nameless had decided that for me.
“What did happen?” I mumbled.
“Last night? You cried yourself to sleep. I didn’t touch you.”
So I’d imagined our conversation too. Could this get any worse?
“But now I’m quite jealous of dream me.”
I peeked out at him.
“Why?”
“He got to kiss you.”
I scowled and huffed.
“Be jealous all you want, dream you is the only one who’s ever going to have that pleasure.”
I scrambled out of the covers and hopped off the bed. I needed to get away from him. My body felt hot and bothered by that dream and having him right there was not helping matters either. I felt his eyes on me as I walked around the bed and across to the bathroom.
I’d been in here last night, but it hit me again. He really did have the most amazing en-suite. A huge Victorian style bath sat by the window looking out over the conservatory and the small garden. The shower could probably fit four people inside. Tiled in dark blue, it fit its owner well.
I felt something rest on top of my head and two hands banded around my waist. He was leaning his chin on me.
What the…?
“Gawping?” he asked.
I tried to shift away, but his hands kept me pinned to him. I felt his chest almost flush with my back.
“Which part do you like best?”
Was he talking about the bathroom? I pointed at the bath. His hands around me tightened.
“It fits two.”
My face burnt again. Was this going to be a regular thing? Him making suggestive statements and me blushing over the implications. And why on earth did thinking about bathing with him cause such a flurry of activity in my stomach?
Mind out of the gutter, Liora.
“I don’t remember asking about that.”
His thumbs traced circles around my sides. His proximity made me very aware my dream was based in reality. My skin felt far too hot where he was touching it through my clothes.
“No, but it is important. Would you like to put it to the test?”
“And have a bath with you? I think not.”
“Neither of us has to be naked to do so.”
I swear my face couldn’t burn any hotter. My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. He leant down, his breath hot against my ear.
“It would allow us to get to know each other better, don’t you think?”
I trembled. Not only was I stupidly tempted by what he’d suggested because I wanted to learn things about him, but my insides were molten.
“I’ll take your silence as acquiescence.”
“I… I…”
His chuckle reverberated around my skull. He released me before stepping around me and walking towards the bath. He flipped the taps on and poured in bubble bath.
Christ, what did I just agree to without really agreeing to it?
He stepped by me again, going back into the bedroom. A minute later, he handed me a dark blue t-shirt. I stared down at it.
“I’ll leave you to put that on. Make sure the bath doesn’t overflow.”
He pressed me further in the room and shut the door. I lifted the t-shirt to my face and inhaled. It smelt like him. I’d noticed the faint scent of the detergent used on his clothes yesterday when he’d been up against me mixed in with his cologne. Citrus and sandalwood. Why the fuck was I smelling his t-shirt?
Shaking myself, I stripped out of my sleep shirt and shorts, keeping my underwear on. No way was I letting him near me without them. Didn’t need him getting any ideas. He said he wouldn’t touch me intimately unless I wanted it, but I didn’t trust Nameless.
I pulled his t-shirt on. It swamped me. I eyed the bath, but it wasn’t full enough yet. I pulled the door open. He was fiddling with his phone outside it. Looking up, he grinned at me.
“That suits you.”
I rolled my eyes and walked further into the bathroom. I flipped off the taps and waited for him. I should object to what was about to happen, but the threat of him punishing me loomed. He shut the door behind him.
“If you can get through this without disobeying me, I’ll answer one question honestly. Think carefully, Liora. Don’t waste the opportunity.”
I didn’t need to think about it. The thing I wanted more than anything else was his first name. I needed an identifier that wasn’t Nameless.
He stepped in the bath and put his hand out to me. It didn’t escape my notice he hadn’t taken his t-shirt off, but he was now only in boxers. I let him help me in the bath. He made me face away from him before pulling me down. The water soaked our clothes in an instant.
Seated in between his legs, my back to his front and his arms wrapped around me, I felt tense. He was right about the bath comfortably fitting both of us. It was long enough that he could stretch his legs out whilst sitting up.
I tried to. I’d never had a shower let alone a bath with someone else before. We were both clothed, but this felt very intimate.
“I haven’t done this before,” I admitted.
He drew lazy circles with his fingers around my stomach.
“No? Mmm.” His nose nuzzled against my ear. “I wonder what else you haven’t done. Perhaps you’ll allow me to expand your horizons further.”
I shivered despite the heat of the bath. His voice sounded more like a purr. Seductive. His hands ran lower, grazing over the tops of my thighs just below where his t-shirt ended. I tried not to flinch.
Just let him touch you. He won’t do anything more.
I wished I could believe that. I wanted his name. The need to know it outweighed any objections I might have.
“What made you choose zoology?” he asked.
That was an easy question.
“The first time I remember my dad taking me to Edinburgh Zoo, I was enamoured by the big cats, penguins and meerkats. I told them I wanted to be a zookeeper when I grew up and it’s been that way ever since. We’ve always had cats. Their current one is called Theodora. She’s this huge white Persian with a squished face. She barely fits through the cat door. I keep telling them to put her on a diet.”
My heart felt tight thinking about my mum and dad.
“We didn’t have pets when I was growing up. Perhaps it’s time to remedy that.”
I looked up at him. Was that for my benefit?
“I can see the question you want to ask written all over your face.”
I shrugged. I wasn’t going to ask it outright. I needed to earn an answer from him.
“I told you already. Good behaviour will be rewarded. If we don’t get to know each other, how will I know what to give you?”
He had a point. It was thoughtful of him to want to give me things I would appreciate. That little titbit of information intrigued me. Who’d have thought Nameless would be considerate.
“Getting to know you is kind of hard if I’m not allowed to ask you anything.”
He chuckled.
“Shall I tell you something about me then?”
I nodded, wondering what he’d reveal.
