by Sarah Bailey
“Do Avery and Gert know?”
“Um, no… not yet.”
I wasn’t sure how to tell either of them about Ellie. Not least because whilst we’d agreed we were friends, I saw her in a different light. She was so fucking adorable with her smile and sky blue eyes. They were so expressive. She just had this way about her that drew you in.
“I’m the first to know?”
“Yeah… I have to go, she’s probably waiting for me.”
“Don’t let me keep you. See you Saturday.”
“Yeah, see you.”
I hung up, stuffing my phone back in my pocket. I walked towards the front doors, waving at the security guard. I could see her waiting outside the doors. My heart pounded in my ears. She was holding something in her hands with a smile on her face as I opened the door and stepped out on the pavement. I almost stopped dead in my tracks. Ellie had a cupcake in her hands with a single lit candle in the centre. She didn’t need to do anything for me. Hell, we barely knew each other though we had revealed some of our darkest secrets. I suppose that gave us a connection not many others had so early on into a relationship.
Friendship, James. You know it can’t be more.
I wanted it to be. Something about Ellie spoke to me on a deeper level. I knew what her skin felt like against mine after she’d willingly touched me. Fuck, I needed to get a grip. Ellie didn’t need me having these sorts of feelings towards her. Not when she’d been through so much in her life.
“Happy birthday,” she said, holding it out to me as I got closer.
I took the cupcake from her hands, my skin prickling as my fingers brushed against hers.
Not helping!
“No one’s ever bought me a birthday cupcake before.”
“A birthday cake seemed a bit over the top.”
I grinned.
“Should I make a wish?”
She nodded. I blew the candle out.
I wish I could kiss you, Ellie.
“I hope it comes true.”
She really had no idea how much I wished it could. I wouldn’t cross the line with her though. Not after the colossal screw up with Cassie and all the blurred lines between Avery and me. I took my inappropriate feelings and shoved them in a box, hoping they’d stay there.
“Shall we?” I asked.
“Where are we going?”
I nodded towards the building behind me I’d just walked out of. Her eyes widened.
“I thought you said birthday cocktails.”
“I did, and there will be cocktails later.”
She eyed me warily as we walked into my offices. The security guard nodded at us as I walked Ellie over to the lifts. We got in and rode up to the fourth floor. It was where we had our samples stored. New ones had just come in recently and I wanted to show Ellie what we did here.
“Wow, this is amazing,” she said when we walked out of the lift.
It was a huge space which took up most of this floor. There was a mock runway of sorts in the middle, where the designers often showcased their new pieces. That wasn’t what I wanted to show her.
“This way.”
I led her through the racks until I reached the right one.
“So… I had an ulterior motive for inviting you out tonight.”
She raised her eyebrow.
“Oh?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what you’d look like in this.”
I took a dress off the rail, careful not to get cupcake icing on it. It was this floaty chiffon number which matched her eyes. Sky blue. It would come down to her knees with a cinched in waist and tight bodice to perfectly highlight her curves.
I wasn’t sure what to make of her expression. The longer she stared at it, the more my palms began to sweat and my nerve endings prickled. The last thing I wanted was to make Ellie uncomfortable, but the urge to see her in this latest piece was almost unbearable.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispered, coming closer and touching the material.
“It’s not on the market yet.”
“Do you think about all your friends in your company’s designs?”
She was smiling up at me.
“Sometimes if I see the right piece. I’ve given Avery and my friend, Gertie, early access on a few occasions. I stole the centrepiece of a new collection for Avery’s first real date with Aiden a couple of years ago. I returned it before anyone noticed.”
“You did?”
I nodded, grinning. It had fit her so well. She’d been so nervous that night, but I knew there was no reason for her to worry. It’d been clear to me from the moment I first saw them together, he was completely enamoured with Avery. I hadn’t pushed her when she denied there was anything going on. I’d been too relieved she was back even though it concerned me she’d clearly developed feelings for him when she’d been vulnerable after her parents died. Her soft heart was always her weakness.
“Yeah, I mean she’s my best friend so I’d do anything for her.”
And I would, but I had to find my way back to where we were before everything happened between us. Had to learn how to love her in a purely platonic way again. To see her as my family like she’d always been before.
Ellie’s eyes clouded over for a split second before she smiled at me again. She obviously knew how I felt about Avery, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t feel that way about another person. About her.
What the hell am I even thinking? Keep your fucking shit straight, James. You know Ellie doesn’t feel that way towards you so just fucking quit it.
“Okay, so you don’t have to do this,” I continued, wanting to get off the subject of Avery. “I never want you to feel uncomfortable, but do you want to look through the rails and see if there’s anything you’d like?”
Her eyes widened.
“You serious?”
“Of course I am.”
She looked at the room for a moment.
“Aren’t these made for tiny models?”
I laughed, shaking my head.
“The older stuff is, but Dante and I decided we wanted Bensons to showcase clothes for regular women when we took over. All the sample sizes are for regular girls. Our inhouse designers supported the idea and the ones that didn’t, well, they don’t work here any longer.”
Ellie’s eyes lit up in a fucking adorable way. She moved away from me, eyes scanning the racks.
“That’s pretty amazing. Did your sisters agree?”
“Yeah, they understood. We’ve got a plus-size range in progress at the moment, but that’s very hush-hush.”
“My lips are sealed.”
I left her to look through the clothes and dragged an empty rail over. I set the sky blue dress on it and watched her. She pulled out a few pieces and tucked them under her arm. After ten minutes, she came over to me. She hadn’t picked much, but I honestly hadn’t expected her to. I took them from her and popped them on the small rail.
“Are you sure about this?” she asked as she followed me towards the lifts with the rail.
“I can have the ones you like made up in your size.”
“James… this is… why are you doing this?”
I looked down at her after we stepped in the lift and I hit the button for my floor.
“I told you, I want to treat you right. Consider it your birthday gift to me.”
“What? Letting you play dress up with me?”
I nodded. Her cheeks were bright red.
“Well, okay, if you insist,” she mumbled.
“You really don’t have to, Ellie. We can just go for cocktails like I promised.”
This is what I did for a living and I was proud of how far we’d come since we’d taken over Bensons. I guess I just wanted to show Ellie so she could understand me a little better. It did occur to me it might have been too soon considering this was only the fourth time we’d seen each other. I’d spent all we
ek texting her. Every time my phone buzzed, I got a weird feeling in my chest when I saw it was her.
“It’s not that… I don’t know if it will cover my scars is all.”
It wasn’t like I’d forgotten she told me she had them. It’s more that I didn’t see her any differently because of it.
“You don’t have to show me or anything.”
The lift doors opened and we both walked out. I led her along to my office. No one was around so I didn’t bother shutting the door properly. On the desk, I’d left out a couple of glasses and a bottle of champagne which had been chilling in the fridge in the staff room until everyone left. I put the cupcake she bought me down and picked up the bottle, popping the cork, which thankfully didn’t go flying. I handed Ellie a glass after I’d poured one for each of us.
“Is this the part where I wish you happy birthday again?” she asked.
I smiled, shaking my head. She didn’t need to do that. I watched her over the rim of the glass as I took a sip. She looked around the room with interest. All of our offices were full of various prints of models in Benson’s clothing, showcasing our brand. My office had white walls, a large window looking out over the city. There was a blue sofa in the corner along with my desk in the centre.
“You have a nice office,” she said, turning back to me.
“I spend far too many hours in here, so I kind of made it my home away from home.”
She put her glass down and looked around. She picked up the letter opener on my desk and eyed the cupcake.
“You want to share it?” I asked.
“Well, it is your birthday cupcake.”
“I say my birthday cupcake needs to be savoured by both of us.”
She giggled, the sound a fucking delight to my ears. Carefully she peeled away the wrapper from the sides, removed the candle and cut it in half.
“Oh… um… Hi,” came a voice from my doorway.
I looked over, finding Cassie standing there with a slight frown on her face.
“Hey… Cassie… Um, what are you doing here?”
Ellie looked between the both of us, still holding the letter opener which was covered in cupcake icing. She knew who Cassie was, but it didn’t make this any less awkward.
“I was dropping something on Mr Benson’s desk when I heard voices. I’m sorry, I’m interrupting.”
“No, it’s okay. Actually, can we have a word?”
She stared at Ellie for a moment before she met my eyes again.
“I guess so.”
She stepped back out into the hallway. I looked over at Ellie.
“I’ll only be a minute. Maybe you want to try that dress on.”
I pointed at the screen on the other side of the room. I kept a few spare clothes behind there on hand for the times I’d spent the night in the office rather than going home like a normal person.
“Um, sure,” she said, her voice a little quiet.
I gave her a smile and left the room, shutting the door behind me. Cassie looked at the door, a frown still apparent on her face.
“Not that it’s any of my business, but is that Avery?” she asked.
Cassie didn’t know much about my life, but she did know who my best friends were. I’d talked about them a little to her.
“No… Just another friend.”
“Oh, I thought you’d be celebrating with her is all. Happy birthday, by the way.”
“Thanks. Um no, Avery doesn’t like going out without the baby much.”
She shifted on her feet.
“I got your note. I don’t want things to be awkward between us so I accept your apology.”
The relief I felt settled across my chest. I didn’t want this hostility since it’d make the office environment unbearable.
“Thank you. I’m glad you feel that way.”
“I should go… but, um, it’s none of my business, just don’t mess that up.” She nodded towards my office door. “You never looked at me that way.”
“Cassie…”
“No, it’s okay. I get it. Don’t worry about me, honestly. Just be happy, James. And don’t let anything get in the way of that.”
She turned and started to walk away, but she threw something out to me over her shoulder, “She likes you too, you know. As more than just a friend.”
My heart slammed against my ribcage as I watched Cassie walk towards the lifts. What the fuck was she talking about? Ellie hadn’t given me any indication she thought of me as anything other than a friend. How could Cassie deduce that from seeing us for less than five minutes? Probably just fucking with me.
Shaking my head, I opened my office door and stepped in again. I was about to open my mouth when I froze, my eyes landing on Ellie. My fucking heart was in my mouth seeing her in that dress. The sky blue dress I’d picked out for her imagining it would perfectly compliment her figure. Nothing could prepare me for seeing her in it. Absolutely nothing at all.
“What do you think?” she asked, eyes full of caution.
What do I think? Fuck me, Ellie, you’re perfect in every single fucking way.
Chapter Eight
Ellie
The way he was staring at me made me incredibly nervous. Especially since he hadn’t said anything at all. My palms were sweaty and my chest felt tight. Why had I agreed to this? A part of me wanted to make him happy because it was his birthday, but the other part was terrified he’d be repulsed by my scarring.
Why am I such an idiot?
I should’ve just said no and not put myself in this situation. Except I was trying to find a way to get over the past and be a relatively normal functioning human being. A girl who didn’t have hang ups about the way she looked. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get there, but I could try.
The dress he’d picked was beautiful and it did cover almost everything. It wasn’t low cut or revealing. The only scars anyone could see were on my arms and I’d already shown him one of those. Most of them were on my back anyway, just a few on my thighs so I didn’t mind having my calves on show.
“James…?” I prompted when I couldn’t stand the silence any longer.
He seemed to visibly shake himself.
“You look…” He rubbed the back of his neck and I thought for a moment he wouldn’t continue. “…beautiful, Ellie.”
I felt my face growing hot. He couldn’t possibly mean that, could he? No one had called me beautiful before. Bitch. Whore. Slut. Slave. Yes. But beautiful? Never.
“You mean that?”
He closed the distance between us, his eyes still roaming across me.
“I do. It needs some adjustments. Would you let me take your measurements? I’ll get one made up for you.”
He wants to what? Measure me?
That would require touching in a way I wasn’t sure I was comfortable with. I took a step back, feeling the beginnings of a tingling sensation in the back of my neck which always signalled an attack.
“I, uh, don’t know.”
His face fell, but not out of disappointment, concern spread across his features.
“Are you okay?”
I put a hand to my throat, finding my airway tightening. I shook my head. The very idea of having his hands on me in such an intimate way was making me feel things I never felt before. It wasn’t revulsion. I was beginning to realise I would welcome his advances if he chose to give me his attention like that. And it was just plain fucking terrifying.
He didn’t try to reach out to me, which I was glad of because I don’t think I could’ve taken it if he had.
“Do you need to sit down?” he asked.
I shook my head again. What I needed was a small enclosed space. That’s where I felt safest. In the dark with four walls surrounding me.
“C…cupboard, I need a cupboard,” I managed to get out.
“Okay, right… Here, come with me.”
I put my free hand out to him. He hesitated before taking it. His ski
n felt so warm in mine and it made my blood pound harder in my ears. I let him lead me out of his office and down the corridor. He opened a door on our right and pulled me into a small room. He shut the door behind us. It wasn’t exactly roomy so we were close together. I could feel his breath dusting across my face so I knew he was looking down at me.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
“I… I need a minute,” I whispered.
The darkness soothed me although my heart was still racing out of control because he was right next to me. I put my hands behind me, feeling a solid wall. I leant against it, closing my eyes and breathing deeply.
“Do you want to be alone?”
“No, don’t go,” I said all too quickly.
Even though he was the cause of my attack, I didn’t want him to go anywhere. I needed to get used to this. Used to him. In the dark, my fears were dissipating. I used to hide under the bed or in cupboards in the places I was housed in when everything got too much for me. It had become my coping mechanism. An enclosed space would make some people feel claustrophobic, but it helped me regain control.
The only sounds I could hear was his soft breath and my heartbeat hammering in my chest. I wondered what it would be like to have his breath caressing the skin across my chest followed by the pads of his fingertips. Did I want to be more than just friends with James? Why was I reacting like this? No one had ever made me feel the things he did when he was close to me. And yet even if I wanted that, it could never happen. Not when he was in love with his best friend. I might not have any experience with relationships, but I was pretty sure you didn’t let yourself be someone’s second best.
How would I even know what attraction felt like anyway? I’d never experienced it. None of the men who’d kept me made me feel anything but revulsion. Whatever I felt towards James certainly wasn’t that.
He shifted in front of me, dragging me back to the present. I opened my eyes, but it was too dark to see anything. Everything was okay. There was no one here but me and him. I was completely safe. James wasn’t a threat to me. Not in the way other people had been. The only real threat he posed was turning my world upside down and making me want things I couldn’t have. I just hoped I could deal with it because I wanted him in my life. I felt more alive around him.
