by Sarah Bailey
“So fucking beautiful,” he murmured as he leant towards me and captured my mouth.
His kiss consumed me from the inside out. He continued to pound into me with his perfect cock and it was everything. I couldn’t get enough of him. Sex had been over pretty quickly with the other boys I’d been with, but not him. No, Jensen was all man. His woodsy scent surrounded me and his body cocooned me with its warmth. I never wanted to leave the safety of his embrace.
“Shit, little one,” he groaned against my lips as he shuddered above me.
His cock pulsed inside me over and over. I could feel him everywhere. He was so deep in the most deliciously wonderful way. He didn’t quite collapse on top of me, but his body lost all of its tension when he relaxed against me. My fingers threaded in his hair, holding him close because I really, really didn’t want him to go anywhere.
“How old are you?” I asked because it’d been playing on my mind.
“Old enough to know better than to sleep with you.”
It takes two to tango, Jensen. I was just as much to blame for this. I’d said yes to him.
“It won’t change anything. I just… want to know.”
I felt him let out a breath.
“Thirty eight.”
A whole eleven years my senior. He didn’t look it. If I was to guess, I’d have put him at around thirty three.
“Well, you’re incredibly hot for thirty eight.”
He raised his head at that statement, amusement flickering in his green eyes.
“You think I’m hot?”
“Is that not the right word? Handsome. Sexy. Fit. Drool worthy.”
His smile widened with each word.
“Don’t stop on my account.”
“Okay, well, I do think it should be illegal for you to wear a suit.”
That made him laugh.
“And why is that, little one?”
“Because no one should be allowed to look that good in one.”
He shook his head before leaning down to kiss me briefly.
“You’re cute,” he whispered against my lips before he pulled away entirely and sat down on the sofa by my feet.
He tugged off the condom and tied it before he grabbed the box of tissues off the coffee table and wrapped it up. He dumped both on the table and sat back with his arm across the back of the sofa. I tugged my skirt down as I sat up. He took one of my hands with his free one and kissed my fingertips.
“What now?” I asked.
“We should probably continue your session.”
My eyes flicked over to the clock. We still had ten minutes left. I didn’t want to talk. My body felt bereft of his. I kept an eye on his face as I moved closer and rested my head on his shoulder, my hand landing on his chest. His arm dropped around my shoulder and his fingertips brushed along my arm.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I know, Fi, but I don’t have an answer for you.”
That made my heart sink to the bottom of my feet. What we’d done was impulsive. Neither of us had been thinking straight.
“I don’t know if I can see you every week and not want to do that again.”
I’d decided last week I’d continue to be honest with him regardless of the consequences.
“We shouldn’t fuck in my office.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from saying anything. If it meant he regretted this… If he didn’t want this… How could I take that? My heart already felt tight.
“Okay,” I whispered when he didn’t continue.
He looked down at me then, his eyes flickering with concern.
“I didn’t say I wasn’t going to fuck you again. You’ll come to your sessions, have your therapy, then you’re going to come back home with me.”
I stared at him, wondering if I’d misheard the words which had come out of his mouth.
“Come home with you?”
He tucked a hand under my chin and tilted my face towards him. I shivered when his lips brushed against mine.
“Yes, so I can fuck your tight pussy without worrying someone might catch us.” His fingers caressed my skin and his voice dropped down an octave. “And maybe you’ll let me in that tight little arse of yours too.”
“You want that?”
I couldn’t deny the thought of him taking me there excited me.
“I want you every way I can have you. You have such a pert, sexy little arse just begging to be fucked.”
Holy shit, he’s so dirty and I love it.
“Well, I’ll think about it.”
He smiled before he kissed me. I think he knew I’d say yes to him, but I still wanted to make him sweat it out a little before giving an answer. He was far too confident and secure in himself, but it didn’t make him unattractive. To be honest, that arrogant glint in his eyes only turned me on further. He could have anyone he wanted and he wanted me.
When he pulled away, he let go of me and started to sort his clothes out. I looked around for my underwear and found it dangling off the sofa. I tugged it on and smoothed my skirt back down. Perhaps when we were at his, we could finally see each other fully naked. I couldn’t deny a part of me looked forward to getting to see Jensen in all his glory.
“What?”
I jumped at the sound of his voice, realising I’d been staring at him.
“I… Nothing.”
“You were staring again.”
My face burnt. It felt like a never-ending cycle where I embarrassed myself in front of him.
“I was picturing you naked,” I mumbled, looking away.
“Well, I hope the reality lives up to your imagination, but you’ll just have to wait until next week. I’m sure you can be patient.”
I pulled at my skirt until I felt his hands still both of mine.
“There’s no need to be embarrassed, little one,” he told me, his tone very soft. “I like you thinking about me in that way. I’ve pictured you naked more times than I can count.”
“You have?”
His breath tickled across my ear.
“Yes, I stroke my cock when I’m alone in bed to thoughts of you naked and touching yourself for me, amongst other things.”
I squirmed at his words. He made everything sound so hot and dirty at the same time, especially when his voice got all deep and sultry. I’d never really had a chance to have one of those moments when I was a teenager where you found someone you were totally enamoured with. I wondered if this is what it felt like. With Liam, I’d been attracted to him, but he never gave me butterflies or made me feel special. Somehow, this dark yet considerate man next to me did.
“I should probably go,” I whispered, unsure of how to respond to what he’d said.
I felt his lips press against my cheek lightly.
“Yes, you should. I’ll see you next week, little one.”
My stomach felt all fluttery from his term of endearment. Stupid for me to be acting like a lovesick teenager, but I couldn’t help it. He made me feel alive. I turned to him before he pulled away and kissed him properly, so he’d have something to think about whilst we were apart.
I jumped up off the sofa, slipped on my ballet flats and picked up my bag. I paused at the door to look at him again.
“By the way… you’ve got lipstick all over you.”
He raised an eyebrow, a smirk appearing on his face.
“So do you.”
Horrified, I pulled a mirror out of my bag and found he was right. Digging out a makeup wipe, I cleaned myself up before reapplying my lipstick so when I went out there, Tracy wouldn’t notice it’d come off. I smoothed down my hair too since it was starting to come out of its braids.
Before I left, I chucked a wipe at him with a grin.
“Maybe next time it’ll be your cock that has lipstick all over it.”
I didn’t give him a chance to respond, but I heard a quiet groan from behind me as I pulled open the door
and slipped out.
If he hadn’t been thinking about me sucking his dick before, he certainly was now.
I smiled to myself as I waved to Tracy and pulled my coat on after snagging it from the coat rack. Whilst I hadn’t been expecting my ridiculously hot therapist to fuck me today, I can’t say I was unhappy about it.
It was only when I got outside, I had a sinking feeling that what we were doing was wrong and if Jen ever found out… I couldn’t think like that. It would be fine. It had to be fine because I wasn’t about to give up the best sex of my life quite yet.
Are you sure about that, Fiona? Because from where I’m standing, you’re royally screwed either way.
Instead of spending the journey home on the tube on a high, I felt like a shit sister. One who’d acted selfishly and hadn’t thought about her feelings on the matter. Not that I could tell Jen. That was worse. The lying. And knowing she would guess something was up with me.
I equal parts loved and hated being a twin. Jen and I were each other’s soulmates, but I also wanted my own life. There were certain things she couldn’t be a part of. Relationships with men being the main one.
And there was the tiny fact that Jensen was also her therapist and she’d hate him knowing private things about her when he was carrying on an intimate relationship with me.
What the hell was I going to do?
Either I’d have to keep lying to my sister or give up Jensen and I didn’t want to do either. Especially not after today. Not when he and I felt so right.
I was so glad Jen wasn’t home when I got in because I couldn’t face her. I stripped out of my clothes and got in the shower, washing away all the evidence of my tryst with my therapist even though I wanted to continue smelling like him. I let myself cry because the guilt ate at me. There was only going to be one outcome. I was on a one-way ticket to hell. And I couldn’t find it in me to step off the train headed for disaster.
Chapter Seven
Jensen
Sat in my armchair in my living room, I stared out over the dark city and its twinkling lights. Out there, it was alive but inside my penthouse, memories of death and destruction clung to me.
“Fuck,” I muttered.
My thoughts were all over the place. Her scent clung to my skin, surrounding me in orange blossom and jasmine. She smelt so good. She felt so good. And her voice was heavenly when she panted my name. Except my little one’s memory was tarnished with the knowledge that having her broke all the rules.
I wasn’t sleeping tonight even though usually sex was my balm. Once with her hadn’t been enough. Twice wasn’t going to cut it either. The need to lose myself in her sweet, tight heat gripped me, binding chains around my chest and leaving me feeling as though I couldn’t breathe without her.
A tumbler dangled from my fingers where my arm was hanging off the chair. Having already necked two large ones, I decided wasting my expensive single malt would only make me more depressed. I had too many days like this. Where the desolation set in. Fighting it would be futile. I’d lost that battle too many times to count. Scotch helped. At least, it used to until today.
I rubbed my face with my free hand, trying to fight back all those crippling thoughts threatening to drag me away and drown me from the inside out. I almost threw the tumbler across the room out of sheer frustration. Mostly with myself. Instead, I placed it on the table next to me and dragged my fingers through my hair as I leant forward.
“Why is my life one big fuck up after another?”
I almost laughed at the idiocy of me talking to myself but I couldn’t even crack a smile.
She would’ve liked Fiona.
That single thought tore apart the fragile stitches holding my heart together. I slipped off the chair onto my knees and slammed my hand down on the carpet as the despair consumed me all over again.
It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault.
“It wasn’t my fucking fault,” I practically shouted at nobody in particular.
How I wished they could see that. Instead, they made me carry around all this guilt. The burden suffocated me. Their resentment bled me dry until only a husk remained.
I shifted and sat back against the chair, tugging my phone out my pocket. Scrolling through the contacts, I found who I wanted and hit dial.
“Jensen,” came Skye’s voice.
This was stupid but I needed something to stop myself drinking the entire bottle of scotch sitting on the side table.
“Is she still awake?”
“Yes… I’ve just got her ready for bed.”
“Can I talk to her?”
She sighed.
“Okay, hold on a minute.”
I heard noises in the background before a small voice rang through the phone, “Helloooo?”
“Sadie, it’s Uncle Jensen.”
“Uncle JenJen! Mummy say I need to go sleeps.”
I smiled. Her enthusiasm warmed my soul.
“You do, squirt, but I wanted to say goodnight.”
“Are you coming to gran gran and grandpa’s party?”
“I am.”
“Mummy says she buy me a new dress.”
I could picture the smile on her face and the radiance of her green eyes.
“She did? A princess dress?”
“Yes! I want a blue one like Elsa.”
I shook my head. Sadie’s favourite film was Frozen. I’d been subjected to many conversations about Anna and Elsa.
“I’m sure you’ll look very pretty in it. Now, you be a good girl for Mummy and go to sleep, squirt, okay?”
“Night night, Uncle JenJen. I lub you.”
How could such a small person have such a huge impact on my life? The first day I’d held Sadie in my arms, I almost cried. She reminded me so much of her.
“Love you too.”
There were a few more noises in the background before Skye came back on the line.
“Is everything okay?”
I rubbed my face.
“Yes and no.”
“I know this is hard… he’s just hurting. It’s that time of year.”
Ben wasn’t the only one impacted by what happened, but none of them seemed to care about my feelings on the matter. And for the first time in my life, I let down one of my walls so I could tell her the truth.
“They act like I didn’t lose her too.”
“If it helps, I know you did which is why I’d never cut you off from the kids’ lives. Give him time.”
Time. They’d all had enough time. Far too much of it if you ask me.
“It’s been fourteen years, Skye. Do you think I haven’t given them time? I know I didn’t help matters but I’m trying now.”
“And that’s all that matters. Look I have to go, but if you want to talk to her at any point, please call. She usually goes to bed by seven, but Josh was having a temper tantrum and Ben is out with Aiden tonight so things got off track.”
“Is Josh okay?”
“Yes, he just has trouble expressing himself sometimes.”
Josh had been diagnosed as being on the spectrum not too long ago, but they were managing it.
“Thank you for letting me talk to her.”
“Anytime. Speak soon.”
She hung up. The phone dropped out of my hand onto the carpet with a quiet thud.
I couldn’t decide whether talking to my niece had been a good thing or not. I no longer felt like drinking so that was a positive. However, another pressing urge made itself known.
Fiona. I want my little one.
I couldn’t have her right now. Fucking her in my office today had been a dick move but I couldn’t bring myself to regret it. She made me feel something after years of nothing. The pain in her eyes when she talked about Fuckwit spoke to me. I could no more help the need to protect her than I could my need to pin her down, tie her up so she couldn’t escape me and have my way with her.
It was fucking stupid.
I barely knew her. I was meant to be treating her not sticking my cock in her. Except I knew I would give in again. I’d told her as much. The thought of having her here where I could fuck her on every surface in my penthouse made my dick spark to life.
“For fuck’s sake,” I muttered.
I hauled myself to my feet knowing what I was about to do was fucked up. Cursing myself for my lack of impulse control yet again, I found my laptop and logged in. Within minutes I had not only her phone number but her address.
You’re acting like a fucking stalker right now.
I poured myself another scotch and knocked it back. The liquid burnt a hole in my chest and did nothing to calm me down. Punching her number into my phone, I dared let it ring.
“Hello…?” came a groggy voice a minute later.
Had she been asleep?
“Little one.”
“Who… Oh my god… Jensen?” came her voice in a hushed whisper.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m in bed… How did you get my number? Wait, don’t answer that. Why are you calling?”
I smiled. My little dark haired beauty was flustered and it was cute. So cute.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay. Were you asleep?”
Liar. You’re a selfish prick who wants to hear her panting down the phone for you whilst her hand is down her knickers.
“I was… someone made me sleepy and to be honest, I’ve been avoiding Jen.”
“Someone, eh?”
So I may have wanted her to stroke my ego a little. Normally I had nothing to be insecure about, but Fiona could and should be with someone her own age. Not that we were together. I didn’t want her running off to fuck anyone else. I told myself that was the reason I’d called her. It had nothing to do with my need to forget the past and the horrific nature of what happened.
“I… I’m not sure we should be doing this.”
This is exactly what I’d feared would happen the moment she darted from the room after her parting comment about lipstick and my cock.
“You feel guilty for lying to your sister.”
“It’s not just that. She talks to you. How is she going to feel if she discovers you and I have…”
