‘Then you will have done your duty.’
Chapter Fifteen
Ceanna looked at the prosperous settlement in front of them, which they had reached several days after depositing the sons of King Aed with their aunt. Sandulf had insisted that task had to be accomplished first.
He had barely touched her since they started this journey—since they had had the fight about Sandulf’s plan to travel with Danr to question his mother. She meant what she said that day about not wanting a hero.
The ease that they had enjoyed on the journey to Dun Ollaigh had vanished. Rather than treating her like a friend, or a wife, Sandulf had started to treat her as though she was made of precious glass.
He could barely stand to look at her and she knew what that meant. She knew what was coming. He was going to find a way to tell her that he was abandoning her. He didn’t want to share the responsibility of looking after Dun Ollaigh. He didn’t want to be her husband.
She knew she wanted more from her marriage than a name or a lukewarm partner. She also knew that she was in no danger of being pregnant.
‘All we have to do is deliver Ingrid’s Valkyrie,’ she said. ‘It should be a quick crossing for me.’ At Sandulf’s look, she said quickly. ‘I can’t ask Mother Mildreth to stay longer than necessary.’
Her heart pounded. She longed for him to reach out to her and understand what she was asking. She knew he wasn’t the hero of her childhood fantasies, but she loved him with her whole heart. But he had refused her love when she had offered it and she was not going to make that mistake again.
‘I understand.’
‘Then we had best get about it. The sooner it is done, the sooner our lives can begin.’
He bowed correctly over her hand. ‘As my lady requests.’
Her heart broke little by little. She knew that by forcing him to go to see Brandt, he would be welcomed back into the fold with open arms and she was going to lose him for ever. But she loved him too much to keep him.
* * *
Sandulf’s stomach was knotted tight as he entered his brother Alarr’s new hall. They had arrived during the main meal, but had been ushered in.
To Sandulf’s surprise, his reason for being there was not questioned. He wasn’t even sure that the guardsman took down his name properly. He and Ceanna were simply ushered into the main hall with men standing at either side.
Sandulf glanced at Ceanna, who gave him a nod and squeezed his hand before stepping away.
I believe in you, she mouthed.
He nodded back. He was grateful that she was there to witness this and had not left to return to Dun Ollaigh.
He walked over to where Brandt and Alarr sat. Both had aged considerably since he had last seen them. Brandt’s expression had settled into harsh and forbidding lines. He seemed like a far harder version of their father. However, both faces instantly cleared when they saw him.
‘Sandulf?’
He knelt in front of Brandt and laid Lugh’s sword at his feet. ‘The sword of the man who killed your wife, Brother,’ he said in the language of his childhood.
A flicker of something crossed Brandt’s face. ‘I told you there was no need.’
A sense of anger welled up in Sandulf. Despite Rurik and Danr’s assurances, still his eldest brother dismissed him as if he was nothing. ‘There was every need.’
Brandt raised a brow. ‘We shall have to disagree on this.’
‘Listen to Sandulf. He has been through much to achieve this for you. He has come to make amends, not ignite old rivalries.’ Ceanna held up her hands to silence his brothers. Her entire frame quivered as she spoke in badly accented Norse. A lump rose in Sandulf’s throat; she was truly his Skadi, even if a coldness had sprung up between them on the journey. And he knew who bore the blame.
Alarr raised his eyebrows. ‘And you are?’
‘Sandulf’s wife, Lady Ceanna, the mistress of Dun Ollaigh. Hear him out or this will truly be the last time you encounter your brother.’
His brothers glanced at each other, both their mouths dropped open and their eyes widened. Sandulf normally did not think of them as looking alike, but their shocked expressions were identical.
Alarr’s wife, Lady Breanne, rose and shooed everyone else out.
‘Sandulf, you are always so quick to take the bait,’ Alarr said when the family was alone. ‘I see you are well matched with this woman. She may be small, but she is ferocious and determined to protect you. And she can speak our language, after a fashion.’
‘Someone has to be,’ Ceanna said in Gaelic, lifting her chin. ‘I’ve heard what his brothers are like.’
‘Ah, Sandulf, I’ve missed you for the entertainment,’ Alarr said. ‘Come, Brother, let us not quarrel. My wife sets a good table.’
Sandulf grabbed Ceanna’s hand. She squeezed, but let go. This time she stayed by his side rather than retreating. It gave him hope that their troubles could be solved. ‘I agree, Brother, it appears we both have been fortunate in our choice of wives.’
‘We can see that.’ Brandt’s features hardened, reminding Sandulf of his father just before his temper exploded. ‘Continue, Sandulf. Don’t keep us all in suspense.
‘In addition to the sword, I have retrieved this for you, Brandt.’ Sandulf held out the carved wooden box they had discovered in the abbey. ‘It belonged to Ingrid.’
A muscle twitched in Brandt’s cheek. ‘My wife never owned a box like this.’
‘Open it, please, before you reject it out of hand,’ Ceanna said. ‘Much blood has been spilt to get you this.’
Brandt lifted the lid. The colour drained from his face.
‘Ingrid’s morning gift?’ The lines on his face became harsher. ‘She despised it, you know, and kept it hidden away in a secure place. I haven’t thought about it in years. Thank you for returning it, but it wasn’t worth one drop of the blood that was shed for it.’
‘Father insisted she wore it to the wedding feast as you were away. Danr said that she had been looking for it just after you left, but she obviously found it as it is there. The assassin Lugh always took one thing from his victims.’
‘And this is what he stole from my Ingrid.’ Brandt started to pick up the figurine, but his fingers stilled on the cloth. ‘Did you know this was in here?’
‘What?’
He held up a Thor’s hammer pendant on a broken chain. The gold gleamed in the light and bounced off the walls of the hall.
‘Neither of us noticed it at the Abbey at Nrurin when the box was last opened. It must have been wrapped in cloth or wedged at the side of the box and come loose during our travels,’ Ceanna said. ‘Is it important? Is that worth the bloodshed?’
Brandt clutched the pendant so tightly his knuckles went white. ‘It belonged to my late wife. She claimed she always wore it over her heart, but when I couldn’t find it after she died I thought...’
‘Her final words make sense, then.’ Sandulf went over to where Brandt sat and placed a hand on Brandt’s arm. His brother did not shy away.
Sandulf concentrated on making sure Ingrid’s last words were correct. ‘She could only say one or two words between gasps. Love. Whole. Over heart. Always. She died with your name on her lips, though, so I believe she meant them for you.’
Brandt looked up at Sandulf. His eyes swam with unshed tears. ‘She had time to speak? I didn’t know. I never considered.’
Sandulf stepped away from him. The wrong he’d done his brother that day in keeping Ingrid’s words from him was far worse than he’d ever considered. ‘One of my deepest regrets about that day is that I could not tell you those words before I departed. I allowed you to think she had died without saying anything and she tried so hard to speak, Brandt. The knowledge has haunted my sleep. Forgive me. Neither of you deserved that.’
He waited as Brandt continued to sit there, his f
ingers gripped tight about Ingrid’s pendant and prepared himself for the explosion.
‘I went down to the harbour, but your ship had gone.’ Brandt’s low voice was unrecognisable from the heavy emotion. ‘I wanted to make amends for losing my temper. I wanted to tell you that I was angrier at my failure to be there with her, ensuring her safety, than I was angry at you. I wanted you to stay, but you had left without a backward glance according to Kolga. Will you forgive me, Brother? Because I forgave you a long time ago.’
‘I forgive you.’ Sandulf tried for a smile. ‘Our aunt always had a way with words.’
A naked vulnerability showed on Brandt’s face. Sandulf knew he’d never seen his brother like this before. ‘Would you have stayed, if I had arrived in time to speak those words? I lost my wife that day. I had no wish to lose my youngest brother, too.’
Sandulf pressed his thumbs against his temples. Would he have stayed? How to answer that? How could he begin to explain what was going through his heart? He glanced at Ceanna’s determined face and knew what he had to say.
‘It was always my choice to go, Brandt, not your command. Perhaps the boy I was then would have stayed.’ He lifted his chin and stared directly at his brothers. ‘Yes, I like to think he would have. I always wanted your admiration back then.’
‘And now?’
‘The man I am is pleased that you did not reach the ship in time. I like who I have become because of the trials I have endured. I learned about survival and persistence. I learned about resilience. I learned about true friendship. But most of all I learned that you never leave your brothers behind, no matter how far you travel, for they are always with in you in your heart. I was not alone. The lessons that all my brothers, but particularly my eldest brother, bestowed on me guided me and ensured I completed this quest.’
‘Then you will stay to assist in what is to come? I have no wish to lose my brother again. We have much to discuss, not the least of which is where Danr has hidden himself.’
Ceanna gave a slight gasp and covered her mouth with her hand. All the way here, she’d been dreading this—the confirmation of what she knew in her heart. Sandulf needed to be with his brothers and plot out what to do when Danr returned with the information he’d gleaned from Hilda. But she couldn’t stay. Being in this hall reminded her of her duties back in Dun Ollaigh. Someone had to be there, ensuring practical things were done. Her father still wasn’t back to full health and he needed her help.
Her insides felt very hollow. She was delighted that Sandulf had been able to return to his family. He had always been clear on what he longed for. He had never asked for her love or her heart even though he had both.
‘Sandulf,’ she said to the rushes. ‘I should...well... I am no longer needed here. You are back with your family.’
Sandulf caught her hand and dragged her against his body. She pushed him away slightly and he let go as his brothers looked on in interest. ‘We need to speak.’
‘Yes, later. You have much to discuss with your brothers. What we have to say to each other can wait.’ She silently winced. It sounded mealy-mouthed when she wanted to scream at him, but she couldn’t make him choose. He would carry her heart with him wherever he went and she’d hope for his safe return.
Sandulf lowered his brow. ‘Now, my dearest wife. My darling Skadi. My Ceanna. And we speak alone.’
Her heart soared and she knew that she could not deny him anything when he looked at her like that and had such warmth in his voice.
‘Take all the time you need, Brother. We will be here.’ Masculine laughter trailed out after them.
Alarr gave a nod to Lady Breanne, who ushered them into a small chamber. ‘You should be able to speak without interruptions here.’
‘Whatever is the matter?’ Ceanna asked when they were alone. Sandulf was watching her with an intense gaze which unnerved her.
He reached out and twined a lock of her hair about his little finger. ‘Do you know how beautiful you are?’
‘Has all this gone to your head?’ She shook her own head, but inside she glowed. Sandulf thought her beautiful, which was saying something when she saw Alarr’s wife.
‘No, I am seeing straight for the first time. When I said Ingrid’s words to Brandt, I finally understood what she meant. I saw her face again as she said it and how she struggled to let him know her love in the last moments of her life.’
‘Even after all this time, I am sure they mattered to him.’ Her voice caught in her throat. Hearing his words made her want to weep. It was going to be harder than ever to leave him, but she knew in her heart she had to return to her responsibilities at Dun Ollaigh. ‘Her shade will be at peace and your sleep should be easier.’ She tried for a laugh, which came out as a hiccup. ‘Or maybe you enjoy being haunted?’
He cupped her face between his palms. ‘Must you always make a joke and try to deflect me from something serious? Why can’t you think more of yourself?’
‘It is easier than believing in things I shouldn’t.’
‘What, like lasting passionate love between a man and a woman?’
Ceanna gave a slight nod as her throat closed. ‘A sweet fantasy, I have always thought.’
He laced his fingers through hers. ‘Then I will have to believe in it twice. For the both of us.’
He lowered his mouth.
‘There is no need. I am willing to believe if you are,’ she whispered against his lips.
He lifted her chin, so she was forced to look into his deep gaze. ‘I love you, Ceanna, with all my soul and every fibre of my being. I have liked you since I first saw you in the tavern when you stood up to the owner and I have loved you since you fell asleep in my arms. My heart knew that I always wanted to wake up watching you, but I had to be worthy of your love. But then when I said Ingrid’s words to Brandt and thought about her struggle to say them, I knew that waiting until my final breath before I said something was wrong. I may never be worthy of your love, but you need to know you have mine.’
‘I love you as well. I meant it when I said it that day in the square when you took Danr’s place,’ she gasped out before he could say more. ‘It happened when I wasn’t looking for it. I know you will carry my heart with you wherever you go.’
He drew his brows together. ‘Where am I going?’
‘Your brothers may need your help and I can’t stay. My father needs me, but more importantly the people of Dun Ollaigh need me.’
‘Your commitment to your responsibility is one of the many things I love about you.’
‘I thought you found it infuriating. I forced you to do so many things, to make so many oaths.’
‘I can think both things at the same time.’ He gathered her into his arms. ‘Skadi, you are very wrong about where I am needed. My brothers might want me to stay, but they don’t require my help. Brandt was right long ago—they can solve this without my interference.’
‘Interference?’
Sandulf gave a half-smile. ‘I was a very annoying nuisance when I was a boy and desperately wanted to be included in everything they did.’
‘What are you saying?’
‘I need you at my side and in my bed. I know that means Dun Ollaigh, rather than being with my brothers, but it is where I want to be, if you’ll have me.’
‘I thought...’
‘I said things I regret because I was afraid to come here. If I hadn’t, I would always have wondered if I could keep my oaths, if I could be trusted. If I could truly be the husband you require and deserve. I want to believe I can be, with your love to give me hope.’
‘You are already the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I tried to stop loving you after you rejected me, but I failed miserably.’
‘I’m pleased you failed. That day I pushed you away, it was because I was afraid. I want your love. I have always wanted it. It keeps me breathing.�
�� Sandulf traced a gentle line down her cheek. ‘Ceanna, understand this: I may carry my brothers in my heart, but all of it belongs to you, my whole heart. And I’m no longer afraid to tell you how I feel.’
Ceanna stared at him in astonishment. He wanted to be with her. He loved her. Truly loved her. ‘I thought all heroes were figments of my fevered imaginations, but I was wrong. You are my hero. I have been dreading us parting. You carry my heart with you. I tried to become indispensable to you when we were at Nrurim so you would keep me with you, but I realised I had to be me, as I am, with all my faults and flaws.’
‘Indispensable, vital, crucial and essential is what you are simply by being you.’ He laughed. ‘You were magnificent with my brothers. I’ve never known them to quieten so easily.’
‘Let’s listen to what they have to say. Our help from Dun Ollaigh is there if they require it. Always.’
‘And afterwards, we cross the sea to our home, our people and our lives.’ He put his hand on her belly. ‘And one day, our children.’
‘Agreed.’ She gave her mouth up to his.
* * *
‘Sit and explain yourself,’ Alarr said, gesturing to a pair of stools and Lady Breanne poured two cups of ale.
Sandulf rapidly explained about the voyage out to Constantinople, the attempt on his life on board ship and how he’d survived. Then he explained about hunting the assassins after he’d overheard a conversation in Constantinople and how he’d recognised who they were. And how he’d finally tracked Lugh down to Nrurim.
Ceanna took up the tale and explained how Danr had been rescued, how he’d saved her life and how he’d volunteered to find out the truth about the pendants they’d recovered from the assassins. Sandulf was grateful neither of his brothers objected to his passing that duty on to their half-brother.
Conveniently Wed to the Viking Page 23
