“What are we drinking to?” I ask, half-laughing.
“Susan and Adam, I suppose. They seem very happy. It’s nice to see.”
My heart aches at his words. He observes them to be happy, but he doesn’t want to give me the same thing. I can’t help this bitterness inside me.
“Seems to be rare, what they have,” I comment.
“Sure does.”
“I can’t believe what a state Theo was in.”
“I can,” he says, voice gravelly. “A woman can get inside a man, churn him up, make him useless and unable to function.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Is he referring to Theo, or himself, or both?
Awkward silence stretches out before us, and I break it with a sullen admission.
“Ian moved back to Ireland. He’s back with his ex. It’s why he was going at Christmas, then changed his mind. But after… he made his choice. He’s back with her.”
“Is she insane?” Paul exclaims.
“Yeah, must be, or else the reason he was such a shite to me was her. I don’t know. But I do know he was hung up on her. He’d make these little comments about the past sometimes even though he knew hearing about her would hurt me. I don’t know. I was a poor substitute, maybe.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.”
He moves across the room, refilling his glass, then coming over to do mine.
Crouching in front of me, he puts his glass on the window ledge and stares up into my eyes, his hands on my bare knees.
“Why’d he even move over to the UK when he seems to hate us all so much?” His eyes are laughing as he speaks. “Why?”
“He came over here to try and get his PhD finished, he said. But he brought the same problems here he had at home: arrogance, attitude, that vicious tongue and a chip on his shoulder.”
“And he dragged you into it.”
I breathe deeply. “Well, now I know men can’t be trusted, don’t I? That half the time, they’re only with you because they’re thinking about someone else and you’ll do for the time being.”
I turn my head so he can’t see my eyes. I try to focus on the lush green grounds outside and the beauty of this hot summer’s day.
But then he takes my hand, kisses my palm and slides his fingers between mine. I can’t control my breathing; his touch is everything to me. I close my eyes and cover my mouth with my right hand, the one he doesn’t have hold of.
He takes my left hand and pulls it against his cheek so I can feel his thick beard pressing against the palm he just kissed. I’m smiling behind my hand, desperate for more.
He urges my fingers into his hair, breathing louder when I grab it between my fingers.
His arms scoop me out of the chair and before I know it, he’s pulling me to my feet and towards the bed. We fall onto it in a tangle, our mouths open, tongues twining and hot.
“Oh, fuck,” I gasp, the moment he sticks his hand inside my dress and pulls my nipple.
He begins edging my dress up my thighs and I unbuckle him, pop open his button and tear down his zipper. Without flair, I push down his underwear and pull his erection into my clenched fist.
My god, he’s rock hard and the heat of him… it’s pure desire. It’s beautiful. Ian was never this hard. He had to work up to it for hours. Maybe he wasn’t very fit, or maybe I didn’t do it for him, but for Paul I seem to have what he wants – or else he’s extremely horny, all the damn time.
He slides the zip down on my floaty dress and pulls the straps down my shoulders.
“Fuck,” he groans loudly, pulling down the cups of my bra and sucking my nipple into his mouth.
He’s busy sucking so I pull my knickers to the side, position myself just right and direct his cock to my opening.
“Now, Paul. Fuck, now.”
He pushes straight up inside me, grinding into me balls deep. Pressing his nose to mine, he stares into my eyes.
“Lily.”
“Yeah?”
“God, you’re so wet.”
I was expecting him to say something else, but okay.
He devours my mouth, fucking me savagely at the same time. He was a little nervous at Christmas, but now, that’s nowhere to be found. Maybe with Ian out of the picture…
He plants his fists in the mattress and starts to use me. I like it. I want to be screwed. I put my hands on his arse and delight in the way it’s bouncing up and down. My head’s cushioned by the pillows otherwise I’d be knocking against the headboard painfully, he’s fucking me that powerfully, my hips jigging back and forth.
I push the jacket off his back and throw it to the floor, sticking my hands up his shirt and holding his back muscles.
I’m just starting to enjoy touching him when that pressure begins to build, deep inside me, that humming… that urgent pleasure-pain thing. I hold my hands at his hips, head tossed back, my hips arching towards his as I begin to contract and flood around him.
“Yes, fuck!” he yells, in a way he never did before.
“Fuck,” I whisper, losing my breath, “fuck.”
“Yes,” he growls, “fucking come around me, woman.”
I let go and fall into a paroxysm of pleasure, yelling and pleading with him, like I’m an animal. He lunges at me hard and the spine of his cock pumps his semen into me, thick and hot and delightful, I’m so satisfied. It’s been years since I came from penetration alone, but with Paul, nothing seems impossible.
When he slips from me, I pull my knickers back into place and lie still, hands above my head, grinning.
“Oh, someone looks pleased with themselves.”
I open my eyes and catch him tucking his cock back into his trousers. Then he scoots up beside me, brushing the hair off my face and shoulders, grinning down into my eyes.
He holds my cheek and leans down to brush a kiss across my mouth. “I hope you brought a change of outfit?”
“Nope, taxi booked for ten, I’m afraid.”
He brushes his thumb across my mouth and presses his nose to mine. “Cancel it. I took out a mortgage for this room.”
I agree with a smile and he rewards me with a kiss.
I ignore the assumption he must have made – that I’d be here today, single and ready to jump back into bed with him.
In fact, I ignore where we are, the occasion… everything.
Chapter Nine
I’m standing with Marie and Sass as we watch Susan and Adam take to the dancefloor for their first spin as man and wife. The bride has changed into a silver evening dress, strapless and floor-length, silk, with many poufy layers beneath. She looks stunning and Adam looks like the cat who got the cream. He hasn’t stopped smiling all day. Adam’s mother hasn’t stopped crying all day, perpetually with a hanky gripped between her fingers, while most of his other relatives are absolutely sloshed thanks to the free bar.
“I’m glad Chloe didn’t come,” I mumble, as other couples start to join the bride and groom. I try not to stare as Paul leads his mother around. Apparently, he even paid for her to have a room here for the night. I wonder where this sudden generosity has come from.
“She would’ve seen what we can see,” murmurs Sass. “Adam’s happy, therefore, accept it. Even if she is a psycho hose beast.”
It’s a little ridiculous really. I work with people my own age and none of them have massive friendship groups like ours, maintained since school. Who at school meets the people they’re going to be friends with for the rest of their lives? People change, move on. We haven’t always agreed on everything, we do sometimes get on each other’s nerves, but will it be when we’re starting our own families that we suddenly realise we have nothing in common anymore but sleepless nights? For instance, I like to relax with a meal out and a nice bottle of red, drunk slowly. At least Ian was good for that – he liked that, too. But my schoolmates, the ones I’ve seemingly been saddled with for the rest of my life, do not know how to savour a wine. They knock it back as quickly as possi
ble. Catholic upbringing, you see.
“She looks absolutely beautiful,” Marie concedes, and as I turn to look at her, notice she’s a little teary. “It’s hard, being a mum. You know you’re never gonna have that again, the way Adam’s looking at her. Children change you. I’m not that carefree anymore.”
Sass and I grab her from either side, hugging her as hard as we can. There’s nothing we can say to that. It’s all true. She and her husband Adrian were already pregnant before she walked down the aisle. It wasn’t intended and I think she regrets not having had time just to be man and wife. As for me, if Paul were to ask me to marry him, I’d stop taking the pill the day of the wedding and hope for the best. It’s what I’ve always wanted.
“Yeah but you’ve got a beautiful baby boy to show for it,” Sass coos, “and so what if you’ve gained weight? You’ve got these massive jugs now.”
“Yeah, Marie. Greedy.”
I wiggle mine in her direction as does Sass, making Marie burst out laughing.
“You guys,” she says, crying.
We group hug before the music changes and everyone starts disco dancing instead. We head to the bar for more booze and try to ignore the fact it’s polite at this point to also go and dance.
That’s another bonus of Chloe not being here – we’d be dragged over there to dance if she were.
“It’s quite sweet Paul brought his mum, eh?” I broach the subject of my apparent lover, trying not to give away anything.
As Marie orders another bottle of wine, we’re told the threshold of the free bar has been met and that we have to pay for our own now. We shake our heads and dip into our purses, coughing up £25 for the pleasure.
“He was gonna bring his girlfriend apparently, but they split up,” Marie shouts above the music, sounding unimpressed as she sloshes wine into three glasses, filling them so full, the bottle is almost empty already.
I try to keep my cool as we find a table to sit at, continuing our people watching. At least it’s dark in here so they can’t see the red rash crawling up my neck. He had a girlfriend? All these months I was hung up on him, and he had a fucking girlfriend?
“Why’d they split up? He never mentioned her,” I say, trying my best to sound cool about it.
“Something about his trip to Asia that he never told her about. She doesn’t want a long-distance relationship. I think he was hoping she’d go with him, but no. ’Fraid not.”
“Oh dear,” I comment, “can’t have been together long?”
“Four months, according to rumour,” Sass adds.
“Theo never mentioned Paul had a girlfriend. Weird.” I would’ve thought Theo would have mentioned that – if only to point out that Paul has never had a relationship before, and doesn’t seem to be the type who’ll ever settle down.
“Yeah, he was keeping it on the downlow, but hubs and I bumped into them in town one night. He was looking real sheepish. Maybe she’d just got out of a relationship or she’s a divorcee or something. Otherwise, I don’t think he wants us knowing his business. He’s always been cagey about the women he dates.”
Yeah, and now I know why. And here’s a theory:
He’s planning to marry me once he’s sown his wild oats. He wants to keep the sure thing dangling – that’s me – but before that, he’ll take what he can until then.
Unfortunately, that’s not real love.
Real love is what’s on the dancefloor – Adam and Susan, having made a pledge with no politics, no falseness… no hidden motives, just commitment and desire to be with only one another. They’re young but they’re not hanging about. My mum and dad were married at twenty-one and twenty-three – and thirty years later, are still together. It is possible and does happen.
“What was she like?” I muse. “I mean, it’s always been weird with him. He’s never had a proper relationship. Makes you wonder why.”
“She was a total fug fest,” Marie says. “Not pretty. Not like us,” she chortles, “but kind of, I don’t know, alright if you only want a couple of holes. Or three.”
“Uh, gross,” says Sass. “And I always thought he had the hots for you, Lil. Maybe I was wrong.”
I try my best to appear indifferent and to stop the rash creeping any further up my face. “Weird, yeah. When I was going through all that crap with Ian, Paul was always trying to get in touch, but after it ended, he just went away. Bizarre.”
“Yeah, he’s a mystery that one,” Marie agrees. “Wouldn’t read anything into it. Just let him get on with it. At least with my Adrian, I know where I am. He’s not big on romance or anything but he’s steady and there’s none of that messing about. Plus, he’s a good dad, that’s all that matters.”
Sass and I look at one another and share the same thought. That’s good and all, but while you’re young, isn’t it nice to enjoy a bit of back and forth, a bit of mystery and drama, while you can? I’d rather stay single than be with someone boring and let the sex stagnate. When it was good between me and Ian, it was great. He was good at romance. Like I said, dinners out… trips to the theatre, ballet… city breaks. He even used to run me baths, a long time ago, cover the surface in rose petals and then lick me until I screamed afterward. He always enjoyed it more if I was freshly washed. I miss all that, but it’s a pity that behind the romance and sex, there wasn’t much we agreed on. He was a staunch socialist almost to the point of communism, whereas my beliefs are more in the middle ground. I also don’t like to linger on the past and firmly believe in people making their own way in life. I think it’s necessary to maintain a certain degree of pacifism when it comes to other people’s beliefs, especially close friends and family, but Ian was always one to try and smash his opinions down other people’s throats. Anyway…
Adrian returns from having had a long chat with one of Adam’s uncles, his arms around Marie from behind, whispering in her ear. Before long they’re making shapes on the dancefloor I’ve never seen before.
Once it’s just me and Sass, she turns to me and says, “If I marry before I’m thirty, kill me.”
I laugh at her. She cracks me up with her cynicism. “Yeah, but Susan’s pretty damn hot. I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.”
“Yeah, well, who wouldn’t want a Susan? I’m talking about Marie and Mr Fugly. God, he’s boring. If that’s what we have to settle for to keep them committed?”
I frown and shake my head at her. “What do you mean, exactly?”
“Well, take Paul, for instance, seeing as though we’ve just been on about him. He’s good-looking, intelligent, funny. He’s not going to settle down, is he? Not when he knows he can keep getting it whenever, wherever. Why would he? Yeah, Adam’s alright looking and all but I wouldn’t sleep with him. Would you?”
I give her a funny face. “No, he’s with Susan.”
She laughs haughtily. “Oh, you know what I mean. Susan’s with him cos he’s safe. Some girls want safe. I can understand that. But safe… it bores me. To tears. I couldn’t ever date a nerd, I don’t think. I mean, I really don’t know if I’ll ever marry, I’m so picky.”
I throw back a large mouthful of wine. “I wonder if that’s why I stayed with Ian for so long. The sex in the beginning was crazy. Wild. But what is it that they say? Crazy people are amazing to fuck, but after that, run away. Far away.”
Sass falls forward, shoulders shaking with laughter. “I think yeah. I think defo. You were waiting to get that back, but it didn’t happen.”
“Yeah.” I shrug. “I mean, we once were at a barbecue and he fucked me in the garden shed of our hosts. It was so brazen. He didn’t even try to hide what he’d been doing to me.”
Sass covers her eyes, probably dealing with a number of images in her head. “Yeah, I saw the appeal, believe me, it was also quite obvious he had a massive prick.”
“Yeah.”
“But he was a cock. He was fucking you like that in public places to stake his claim on you because he couldn’t do it any other way. You saw through him and he knew i
t. That’s why you and he drifted…”
“Yeah, you’re absolutely right. So right. If only I’d had you to tell me this months ago… years ago.”
“I’m always right.”
We sit watching people on the dancefloor. From the sublime to the ridiculous, it’s all there.
Then a figure looms over us, suited and booted.
“Do you wanna dance, Saskia?” I hear, looking up to see a guy I don’t know waiting for her response.
“And you are?” she boldly asks.
“Uh, I’m Adam’s cousin, Robert. He told me you’re called Saskia.”
Robert is very handsome… like doctor handsome. He must have a surgery and heal everyone just with that smile.
“Fine,” she says, trying to be all cool about it.
Bloody hell, he’s gorgeous… and tall. So tall.
Saskia is easily the most beautiful woman in the room alongside Susan. Any other day, without any make-up and wearing a bin bag, she’d just edge it over Susan, who we have to say looks pretty today because it’s her wedding day. Anyway, it’s no wonder Robert picked her out of the crowd. Saskia doesn’t even need to try, she oozes natural sex appeal. Saskia has Russian roots, I think, although she never talks about her family and is estranged from them, it seems. I don’t know enough about that to comment. But that guy Robert looks like some exotic prince who could certainly show her a thing or two about pleasure.
I watch them on the floor and see something spark between them. A slow song comes on and something entirely mystical happens as she wraps her arms around his neck… and smiles.
Saskia even laughs at a joke Robert makes and I think I just saw somebody fall in love, if not her, definitely him.
Noticing Susan finally without a man on her arm, I pick up my drink and cross the room quickly to get to her.
“Susan, you look so beautiful, congratulations! I’ve been trying to get to you all day.”
She pulls me in for a hug and tells me in my ear, “I’m so happy all of you could come. It means a lot to Adam.”
We pull apart and I marvel at the simplicity and beauty of her look. “It’s wonderful to see him so happy, really. And it’s just been such a beautiful day.”
Bad Friends Page 5
