“I get it, I felt the same way.”
“It was the first time in my life that I wanted to put someone else first, and it scared the hell out of me.” The quiver in her voice broke him. “I completely freaked and let my emotions take over.”
“I meant what I said before. Sure, it would’ve killed me if you went with him, but I would’ve kept it to myself. I never would’ve made you feel like—”
“A whore?”
“You know my saying that was all part of the act.” He cupped her chin. “Part of the scam, right?”
She nodded her head. “But those words coming out of your mouth hurt."
“Had to make him think we were enemies.”
“You were really convincing. Alarmingly so. Like Sheena said, we could’ve used you back in the day.”
“That’s the side of me I never wanted you to see.”
“You’re a natural, but I worried that maybe your words weren’t an act and that maybe you did feel—”
“Don’t even go there. The whole damn thing was personal for me. I worried about you from the time you left the Pink Flamingo. When I walked into that office and saw that fucker’s hand on your leg, I thought my head would explode. Probably where most of that anger came from.”
“You played it perfectly. We didn’t even need our safety phrase.”
“I kinda forgot about that,” he admitted.
“Doesn’t matter now. Esteban thinks we’re in custody.” She pushed up on the bed.
“The hardest thing I ever had to do was make him believe that I hated you when the exact opposite is true.”
“What are you saying?” she whispered.
Joker paused, wanting to get the words right. “For so long, I was fuckin’ dying on the inside. I had so much pain, so much regret, so much anger. I blamed myself for all the bad shit in my life, and then I met you, and for some crazy-ass reason, I think we might be able to make it work.”
“I don’t think either one of us knows real love. We only know bullshit love and fake respect, so how would we know if this is it?”
“Only one way to find out, I guess.” He’d never used the word love before. A four-letter word that people used all the time, and yet at thirty-three years old, Joker had never said it. He felt it with Desiree and Derek, but he’d never said it out loud. “Do you think we could … love each other?”
“Aside from Jessie, I’ve never loved anyone else.”
“I had Desiree, and I fucked that up, and Derek, of course. Loving someone else scares the shit outta me.”
“Me too.”
“I couldn’t survive losing someone else,” he said.
“So maybe we should hold off. Wait.”
“You’re right.” That sounded sensible, careful. He’d never been either in his entire life, but this was a serious decision, and if he were to make some solid changes, this would be the place to start.
“Take it slow,” she agreed. “Not make any quick decisions.”
“Be careful for once.”
“Right.”
They lay there in silence with the boat’s diesel motor humming around them. It was the first uncomfortable silence they’d had since they met. Only four days ago. Four fuckin’ days—and he was talking about love. What the hell was wrong with him?
Daisy’s silence told him that she was having the same thoughts. She was probably as frightened as him and wanting to take back all the shit she’d said. Only he didn’t want to take it back. Joker had meant what he said to her, and he hoped she believed him. Then, it bugged him that he didn’t know what she was thinking. After a few more minutes of silence, he couldn’t stand it any longer, so he sat up in bed and faced her.
“I can’t stop the way I feel. It’s fuckin’ dangerous as hell, but I can’t stop it.”
She reached out to him. “And I don’t want to stop it.”
He locked his hands on each side of her hips and lifted her onto him. She licked her lips, and her eyes shone with the same emotions that were hiding under his surface: fascination and a boatload of fear.
Joker caught Daisy’s lips with his and nipped at them a bit, then devoured her until she whimpered, and it was the best sound ever. He wrapped his arms around her and rolled her under him, gazing at her beautiful body marred only by the yellowish bruises on her face from Rico. His only regret was that he didn’t get a chance to tune that sucker up for touching his girl.
His girl. Just like Lizbeth had said. Even she could see they were meant to be together. She didn’t even know him, yet she knew Daisy was the one for him.
He thrust his tongue deep, and her hips bucked against his pelvic bone, giving him some relief, but not enough. Not nearly enough.
“My real name is Jax. Jackson Harrison,” he mumbled against her lips.
She silently stared at him.
“I know.” He rolled his eyes. “Don’t ask.”
She held his face with her hands. “I like it, Jax.” Then she smiled. “With a name like Charleen Daisy Mae Fletcher, I can hardly criticize.”
He cupped her ass and yanked down his sweatpants with the other. Joker loved her soft body against his and the contrast of his swirling colorful tats alongside her flawless skin as the dim light from the bathroom bathed her in an amber glow. He had no idea how he’d gotten so lucky, how, in the screwed-up world he lived in, Daisy’d been given to him. So perfect and right and everything he needed. He told her they’d take it slow, and he got that she was nervous, especially after what that bastard Viper did to her. At least he had known the happiness of loving someone with Desiree.
Joker pushed that pain down and reached between their bodies until he found her center. The special spot that he learned to work just the way she liked it. She moaned and wriggled under him, and like all the times before, the pain, regret, and desperation disappeared. Right here, right now, it was just Daisy and him cocooned in the lower bunk of this fabulous boat, in sync with the dips and rolls of the sea. Leaning over the bed, he nabbed a condom out of his wallet and sheathed himself, not able to wait another second.
Joker leaned into her ear and whispered, “No matter what happens after tonight, it’s you and me. I don’t care how you want to work it in your head, as long as we end up together.” He wasn’t sure how to interpret her biting her lower lip, but he pushed on. “I’m not letting you go—ever.”
Daisy nodded her head and latched on to his shoulders with such force that he braced his arms against the mattress. Then, she pushed her hips up, taking him in, letting her body agree with his statement in the best possible way. Yeah, she felt it too, and she wanted it as much as he did. His girl.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Joker’s powerful body surrounded and possessed her. Daisy let his strength consume her, giving herself over to the sensual movements of their bodies. Anything to clear her mind of his words of love, because if she focused on the meaning and what he was proposing, she would freak out.
Aside from Jessie, she’d never known love and had never experienced adult love. Daisy considered herself more broken than Joker in that department. He’d had love with Desiree, but her time with Viper was plagued with abuse, addiction, and betrayal. After that horrid relationship, she completely shut down all her emotions, vowing to never open herself up for such devastating pain again. And she’d been successful in staying aloof and untouchable—until now.
She wanted so badly to share Joker’s sentiment and give herself over to his feelings, but the voice in her head screamed way too loud to be ignored. She’d disregarded that voice in the past with disastrous results, and she feared another disappointment would wreck and break her beyond repair.
Joker pounded into her harder, almost to the point of pain, but she welcomed it, reveled in it, and understood it. He wanted to claim her, make her his, and it seemed to be working for him—but her grief was too deep. Daisy had barely been able to keep her head above it all these years, always inches from drowning. She couldn’t take the chance of s
lipping into the abyss now.
She dug her nails into his back, wanting to leave her mark on him, wanting him to remember her at least for a little while.
“Look at me.” His voice rough and demanding, but she kept her head averted, her eyes focused on the bedside lamp.
Balancing on one arm, he cupped Daisy’s chin and tilted her head until she was forced to meet his eyes. He leaned in, and she saw the tenderness and a vulnerability that she envied. Somehow through all the crap he’d been dealt, he could let it all go and give her this gentle part of him.
Joker’s lips met hers, and when they kissed, her body exploded around him, dragging him in deeper and making it last. He moaned against her lips, and her body vibrated with his arousal. She clung to him, excitement sizzling through her, along with a dull pain. An ache she feared would never leave her.
He gently pushed some stray hairs off Daisy’s face and stared at her. “There’s no way we’re taking this slow.” He stroked her spine, a soft touch like lovers who’d known each other for years instead of days.
“When all this shit gets ironed out, I’m gonna take you and Derek to one of those resorts where everything’s paid for. You guys can get to know each other, and while he’s renting jet skis and parasailing, you and I can relax on the beach, or in an over-the-water bungalow.”
“Mmmm.” She let her mind drift to that magical place, and it did sound good. Too good.
“Can’t wait to take you on my Harley.” Joker leaned in and kissed her forehead. “You and me, we’re good together.”
“Remember my game about imaging I was from a different family?”
“Yeah.”
“Last night, while I was riding in an Uber to the Green Parrot, I imagined that we were different people.” Daisy propped herself up on her elbow. “You had your own garage where you fixed custom motorcycles, and I was a buyer for some big designer. Every once in a while, I’d drag you to a business dinner and make you dress up in a suit and tie. You’d moan and groan, but in the end, you’d show up and be the hottest guy in the room.”
“You’ve got some imagination ’cause there’s no way you’d strap me into a suit and tie.”
“This is my fantasy. You can have your own later.”
“Can mine include us on a desert island where all you wear is a tan?”
“Shush.” She put her finger to his lips. “Anyway, all my male co-workers would be scared of you.”
“They’d better be. ’Cause if they touch you or look at you, they’re finished.”
“On other nights, we’d stay home and binge-watch Netflix.”
“Where would we live?” Joker propped some pillows behind them.
“In a nice suburb with a pool in the backyard and good schools.”
“Derek could play sports, maybe get a scholarship to one of those big colleges.”
Daisy laughed. “I think you’re getting into this.”
He sighed, and she felt the shift of sadness. Her little fantasy was just that—make-believe. Not what a grifter who needed to flee Florida with a new identity or a biker with a score to settle and a son to rescue would ever have a chance to achieve.
He cradled her hand in his like he’d done the other night in Miami when she told him about Jessie. A gentle touch from a hard-edged man to let her know he understood, but understanding wasn’t enough, because in the deep recesses that Daisy rarely explored, she knew the truth. Understanding didn’t keep a heart from breaking.
The windowless cabin remained dark in the early morning hours, but Daisy’s eyes had adjusted after staring at the ceiling for most of the night, waiting for the boat to pull into the Palm Beach marina. In the hours after they’d had sex, she told herself that this was the best way, the only way.
Daisy listened to Joker’s deep, contented breathing, and a sense of sadness enveloped her. She wanted to reach for him. She wanted to be vulnerable and cared for, all the emotions she couldn’t afford. The price was too high, she had too much to lose because when it all fell apart, and it always did, she wouldn’t be able to function.
Slipping into the adjoining bathroom, she dressed and peeled two thousand dollars from the wrapped money, leaving the rest for Joker to use for him and his son. Only fair since it was the money for his kill. Her chest pulled at the thought of Joker caring for his son, and it saddened her to know that she wouldn’t get a chance to meet him or live their perfect fantasy life. She was too old for make-believe because perfect was for other people that weren’t jaded by the sharp edges of life.
She folded the money and put it into her wallet. Two thousand was enough to start over. She’d started out with much less, and if there was one thing Charlie knew, it was how to double her money. She fanned through the many IDs and pulled out Daisy Fletcher, the girl who bared her soul and told her truths. She’d never survive in the real world. No, Daisy would stay with Joker.
His sleeping body drew her to the side of the bed like some superhero magnetic force. She stared at him for a few long minutes, sprawled out on his stomach with the sheet skimming over his bare back. She watched the corded muscles rise and fall with each breath. He truly had the body of a warrior, and she pictured him wielding a sword against an imaginary dragon or fighting in a joust like the actors she binge-watched in her Netflix series.
She laid her ID on the sheets, claiming her name as Daisy Fletcher. In the most screwed up way possible, she felt good leaving that part of her with him. He’d let her be Daisy, the little girl looking for love, but she’d never have use for that persona again. From this point forward, Daisy no longer existed.
She forced her feet to move away from the bed and up the few stairs to the main cabin. The pain inside her chest was real as she pressed her palm to her heart. Why was leaving a man she barely knew so hard? She’d faced down irate marks, and had pissed off underworld figures and deranged drug dealers. She'd run a scam with high-rollers without a thought, yet knowing she’d never see Joker again broke her. She swiped at the tears welling up in her eyes. The reaction surprised her at first, but then she remembered, Joker was the only person to ever make her cry.
Her heart fluttered, remembering the last time she’d tried to leave him at the hotel and how he’d outsmarted her. That time she was glad he caught her, and even imaged they might’ve had a chance, but she’d been fooling herself.
Lizbeth and the crew were still asleep after sailing all night, leaving her alone in the main cabin, then out onto the deck. The only sounds came from a few seagulls cawing and the water lapping against the hull. The sun was already hot, and the slight haze promised high humidity. The boats on either side of the Shady Lady were quiet and vacant as she eased herself onto the dock. She swiped her phone and hit the Uber app.
“You didn’t think you could get away with stealing from me, did you?” The barrel of a large gun pressed into the small of her back, and a man’s hand gripped her bicep. “Or that I wouldn’t see through your little scam?” Esteban’s accented whisper chilled her neck. “A stupid whore like you.”
Keeping a firm hold on her arm, he forced her onto the back deck of the cruiser.
“Where’s my money?” He melded his body to hers, and the smell of sweat and desperation surrounded her.
Her mind scrolled through all the ways Esteban had caught up with them.
“It was a good con. Very convincing. Until the end.” He pushed her into the main cabin, and thankfully Lizbeth and the crew were still below deck. She didn’t want anyone else put at risk. “Mentioning that Rico was next on the DEA list was a mistake. After you left I gave him a call, and guess what? He was sitting on his balcony enjoying a Caipirinha.”
Clever of him to check, but she guessed two hundred thousand dollars made anyone ingenious.
“Didn’t matter, though. Your eyes gave you away the minute your biker entered my office. Very disappointing. You used to be such a professional.”
Esteban spun her around, keeping a firm hold on her forearm with the gun only
inches from her face. “I want my money.”
His designer pants were wrinkled, and the underarms of his custom-made shirt were stained with sweat. Perspiration beaded his forehead, and the pupils of his eyes were narrow pinpoints. His usual impeccable appearance was replaced with disheveled recklessness.
“Tell me where it is, or I start shooting. First you, then everyone else on this boat until I find my money.”
Joker bolted upright in bed. Living on the edge of the law for so many years made him a light sleeper. He scrubbed his hand over his face, and even before he focused in the dim light, he knew he was alone. Over the last few days he’d memorized Daisy’s scent, instinctively knowing if she was near him or not. He tilted his head to the sound of footsteps above him. His inner radar flashed warnings before his feet hit the floor. He slipped on his jeans, buttoned and zipped them, then tucked his gun into the small of his back. He pulled on his t-shirt, eased out of the bedroom, and listened at the bottom of the stairs.
Fuck! Esteban’s slick voice. He waited, then he heard Daisy. Calm and cool. His woman was unbelievable. How the fuck had Esteban found them? He assessed the situation, then went into the bedroom, snatched the Gucci bag full of money, and edged his way up the stairs.
“Let her go, and I’ll give this to you.” Joker entered the main cabin holding the bag of money.
“I knew you were working together.” Esteban barked out a harsh laugh. “Now, instead of wasting manpower sending someone to New York, I can end you right here, right now.”
Joker held the bag just out of his reach, but Esteban leaned in and smiled at the neat stacks of hundreds all banded together. He would have to let go of her to grab it.
Joker locked eyes with Daisy, silently telling her he would save her. She blinked and dipped her head slightly in agreement. Joker had handled stone-cold killers like Esteban before, but this was different. One screw up could be fatal, and he couldn’t bear to be responsible for another woman’s death.
Beyond Redemption: Joker (Serpents MC Las Vegas Book 1) Page 17
