“You remember Ato?” she says. He appears beside me out of nowhere. Anger courses through my veins. I’ve never wanted to kill as much as I want to dismantle whatever he is. Ato is the poison that contaminated Eury.
“Ato will help you along the way.”
Ato stares at something, or someone, behind me. Then I know. He can see Eury, and I am not allowed to. He’s once again granted access to her. This demonio. This evil.
Before I even know it, I am rushing toward Ato, toppling him down. Ready to pummel his face in.
“You piece of shit, whatever you are. When I leave this place, you are never to look for Eury again. You never deserved her friendship. You don’t even deserve this right now.”
“She loved me.” He barely manages to speak in between my punches.
I stop. Ato looks even younger up close. What is age to him, though? He’s a monster. A being that wears different masks. I saw his true colors, on the roof, minutes before Eury tripped and fell into the pool. His face wasn’t human. What am I even doing wasting my energy on a lost spirit who will continue to roam this plane forever?
I get up. The problem won’t be me trusting Eury is behind me. The problem will be having Ato here and not taking a stone to bash his head in.
“The interesting thing about Ato is how dedicated he is to Eury. The house he constructed was identical to the one on the island. He selected every little object for her. What devotion,” Guabancex proudly says. “Ato, son of Night and Darkness. It took everything for him to be with Eury. So many years spent waiting for the right moment. Didn’t it, Ato?”
She caresses his cheek. I look away in disgust.
“Let’s begin,” the goddess says.
I face the hill, eager to start our ascent.
CHAPTER 36
Eury
“If you turn around just once, she will stay here in el Inframundo forever,” Guabancex says.
As soon as she utters this, my body is placed behind Pheus. I stare at the back of Pheus’s beautiful neck, and I want to kiss it. His broad shoulders I want to caress. But when I try to touch him, my hand goes through him like it’s water. I am a ghost. He is right in front of me, and I am unable to communicate my love.
“This is cruel,” I say to Guabancex, who continues to sit on her throne with a merciless grin plastered on her unworldly face.
“Don’t worry. He won’t travel completely alone,” she responds.
Ato, the Spirit of Death, joins Pheus. He fixes his gaze on something past Pheus, trying to fool Pheus into thinking he can see me, but he can’t. This is yet another trick, a final gamble to win the prize Ato spent so long yearning for.
“Why bring Ato into this?” I say. “Going up this hill is more than enough of a challenge.”
Guabancex waves her unnatural hands to dismiss my statement.
“Ato and Pheus both want your heart,” she says. “And I continue to be intrigued.”
Ato continues the charade of seeing me. A liar until the very end, and I can’t even muster anger for him. Rage won’t change our circumstances. I need to funnel this energy into guiding Pheus in completing this last task.
“Pheus will fail,” the goddess calls out from her throne.
“He won’t fail,” I say. I have enough faith for the both of us.
The Bronx is right at the top of the hill. We are so close.
“I’ll see you soon,” Guabancex says. Dīs stands scarily stoic beside her, forever her soldier. The goddess reverts her attention to the chaos televised on her many screens. There are new videos of graphic violence, unbelievable wealth, and disturbing poverty. It is an endless dance. What a spectacle our lives are to them.
Almost obscured in the far corner of the wall of screens is a frozen image of Pheus and me grinning at each other. I hadn’t noticed it before, but I do now. Our joy is also part of this chaos. Pheus and I will not succumb to their predictions. We won’t.
Pheus begins to walk up the hill, and I follow.
CHAPTER 37
Pheus
I want to run. Hit that hill in no time, but I stop myself from doing so. Eury is behind me. We have to take this slow. I can’t lose her again.
Ato walks alongside me. I want to push him away. Hurt him. I can’t even pretend to ignore him. This is the thing. I’m jealous of Death because he still be winning. He can actually see Eury while I am stuck keeping my view steady on our destination. This whole ordeal began with him. It only makes sense the gods would continue this joke by having Ato with us until the very end, but what he doesn’t know is that I aim to win.
“I remember your grandmother,” Ato says. “The one who lived in North Carolina. Grandma Lynn.”
He’s actually going to do this. Ato’s going to talk the whole way through. Try to trip me up. It’s another test. I don’t respond.
“Do you remember how right before she passed away, you said your goodbye?” Ato talks to me as if he’s my boy, as if this is a conversation we were meant to have weeks ago and now is our chance to clear the air.
“Grandma Lynn didn’t struggle. She knew it was time,” Ato says. “When the time comes for your father, he will definitely struggle.”
“Shut up.”
“Your Pops is going to suffer for a long time,” he says. “You will have to witness his painful demise and be unable to do anything to help him.”
“Keep my father’s name out of your mouth, Death. Whatever he has to go through, he will with a fight.”
Eury is behind me. Remember this. I can’t let Ato win.
“No, he doesn’t believe me,” Ato says. “Why do you think this will change? He will probably hurt you. Men don’t change. Look at his father.”
“Stop talking to Eury. She hates your guts just like I do.”
The hill continues to ascend. It doesn’t seem like we’ve made much progress, not with Ato yapping by my side. So, instead of engaging with him, I take a different approach.
“Eury, I’m going to tell you the story of when my parents met,” I say.
I’ve always liked the story of when they first connected. Perhaps it’s just a child’s foolish wish, but it always made me think of what can magically happen when two people meet. Perhaps if I recite this story, I can drown out Ato.
Ato continues to talk. He speaks about my father’s death. I won’t listen. I see Eury’s face in my mind’s eye and focus on that, like I’m talking to only her.
“My parents met in college. They were both young and optimistic. Basically, my father swore he was cool. He could easily talk to girls, but there was this one sister who refused to give him any play. Moms was too smart. Too fly. Too everything, and she knew it. So when Pops rolled up on her and tried to use his smooth words, she wasn’t having it. She shot him down every single time.”
Death speaks louder. He now talks about Eury’s mom and how she will die. We will not let him win.
“It wasn’t until Pops stopped trying so hard that Mom finally gave him some attention. They were at a house party and their group of friends was arguing over who was the best guitar player. Pops listened mostly to merengue and salsa. Not Mom. Moms knew the names of all the greats—Jimi Hendrix, B.B. King, Howlin’ Wolf. Pops was in awe. When the time came to go, Pops ran up to Moms and said, ‘I don’t know much about strings, but I’ve heard he’s one of the best. Do you like this song?’ It was Prince’s ‘The Beautiful Ones.’ Back then, everyone was singing ‘Purple Rain,’ but Pops loved the lyrics to ‘The Beautiful Ones,’ and so did Mom.”
Damn. I completely forgot how Prince brought my parents together. One song. How powerful is that? Pops always said that there are no coincidences. I can see that now. Music can be the conduit, the bridge. I have proof of this because I met Eury. Our love crossed dimensions and music was our guide to salvation. It was fate. I was meant to meet Eury, and we are destined to walk this hill together.
Ato finally shuts up. He stares at the ground, like his sadness is weighing him down.
&nbs
p; “There was a time I thought if I learned how to sing the song, I could make them remember the night they fell for each other. Ridiculous, huh? Maybe that’s why Mom has never been that keen on me playing the guitar.”
I almost turn around, expecting Eury to be smiling, reaching out to me with a simple gesture like laying her hand over mine. What I would do to feel that right now. I continue.
“I guess when you’re young, you fail to see the reality of life. The choices my parents made. I don’t know. I still wish things were different between them,” I say. “Music can move mountains, but it couldn’t save my parents’ marriage or my father from depression.”
Is it weird I can almost sense Eury reprimanding me for being such a bummer? We draw closer to the top of the hill. Ato is still buried deep in his thoughts. Let him stew in that forever. All I can think of is how tight I will hold Eury once we reach the top. There’s so much for us to talk about. A real future to plan ahead for.
Almost there. I can feel it. Taste it even. This nightmare will soon be behind us.
“She doesn’t want to continue,” Ato says.
I stop. He stares behind me.
“She keeps screaming no,” he says. “She’s afraid.”
“What do you mean she’s afraid? What’s going on?”
I have to look. What if she’s in pain?
“She can’t go on.”
“Eury! Talk to me. Send me a sign. I can’t look back. If I do, it’s done. Please!”
What do I do?
CHAPTER 38
Eury
“I remember your grandmother. The one who lives in North Carolina …”
Ato is a seducer. Isn’t that what Death does? Death promises to end the suffering. Ato hopes Pheus will be lured. Because I have no other weapon, I speak to Pheus and beg him not to listen.
“Don’t let him take us down,” I say.
Pheus is able to resist for now. He talks to me, and I listen to how his parents met. How “The Beautiful Ones” brought them together, just like Prince did for us. We are so near. I can see the sky opening up. Our future is a few steps away.
Ato is gripped with anguish. He also sees how close we are to ending his deadly chase forever. So Ato changes course.
“She doesn’t want to continue,” he says. “She keeps screaming no. She’s afraid.”
“He’s lying!” I scream.
There is a slight smirk on Ato’s face that only I can see. “What do you mean she’s afraid? What’s going on?” Pheus is panicking. I can sense his faith leaving him.
“She can’t go on,” Ato says.
“Eury! Talk to me. Send me a sign. I can’t look back. If I do, it’s done. Please!”
“Don’t listen to him,” I say. “Please, Pheus, listen to your heart. He is a liar. He only wants to keep me trapped here. Ignore him.”
If Pheus turns back, he will lose me forever. One glance is all it takes. Pheus stops walking. He has to keep going. We are nearly there. The atmosphere has changed. We are leaving this realm. Can’t he feel it?
Ato pretends to talk to me. Like Pheus, he can’t hear or see me, and yet he continues to fool Pheus.
“Please, Pheus, keep going. Forget about Ato and take another step.”
I try to push him, but my hand goes right through him.
“She’s doubled over,” Ato says. “If she goes any farther, it’s only going to get worse. Didn’t the goddess warn you of this?”
Pheus is unsure of what to do.
Don’t turn back. What Guabancex said was true. I will be rooted in this plane forever.
“Tell her I have her rosary right here. Can you tell her?” Pheus shoves it in Ato’s face. Ato shakes his head as if it won’t matter. How easy was it for him to deceive me all those years? To pretend to be my age, to be my coconspirator. The hate I have for him can engulf entire worlds.
If only Pheus would look ahead, he would see how the hill turns into the streets he is so familiar with. New York is within reach. His home. And beyond that, my sweet island, waiting for me to return. We are not meant to be here. There is too much work to do, too much life to live. Can’t he see how close we are?
“You have to help her,” Ato says with such concern that for a brief moment I check to make sure I am still okay.
“How? I can’t turn back. Tell me how.”
Pheus grabs Ato by the shoulders. Ato even tears up as if he is heartbroken.
I look around, desperately trying to find something to help me. We’re so close! A couple more steps and we are free. My vision blurs as tears overflow from my eyes.
“Eury wants me to tell you she’s meant to stay here. If she crosses over, she’ll die. She is sorry.”
My hands shake with rage. How can Pheus so quickly forget Ato’s only want? How can Pheus be the most brave and still be the most insecure? It’s only a matter of time before he breaks.
“Pheus. Remember when you texted me this verse from the Bible, ‘Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me.’ Believe in yourself, in what is true,” I say. “We are inches away from life, and you stand here trusting Death.”
“You have to turn around before it’s too late. She’s sick,” Ato cries. “Only you can save her!”
“Believe in yourself.” An incantation to somehow reach Pheus. I continue to recite it like a prayer, over and over.
“I got to help her,” Pheus says.
This is it. A tidal wave is about to wash over me, and I wait for it to tear me apart.
Slowly, Pheus turns to face me. I reach for his hand.
My beautiful Pheus.
“Mi amor,” I say to him.
I feel the warmth of his fingers until I no longer do.
CHAPTER 39
Pheus
“Son.”
I follow the voice. It sounds familiar although distant. There is noise. People are talking. My eyes slowly adjust to the lightbulb shining from above. I’ve come to on the floor of the Casita Rincón.
Pops kneels before me, handing me a glass of water. I take a slight sip, only enough to be able to say her name.
“Eury.”
The memories return. The jawless servers. Charon and his machete. Guabancex and Dīs Pater. The hill and the proposition, and Ato telling me how Eury was in pain. But most of all, I remember Eury’s face and her hand in mine before she turned to dust.
Pops shakes his head. He’s not going to tell me, is he? How I failed. I traveled to el Inframundo and returned without her. No. I don’t care what rules I broke. This story can’t end here. It can’t.
“Where is she?” I get up. She’s not gone. She can’t be.
“I’m sorry,” Doña Petra says with tears in her eyes.
I run as fast as I can, practically knocking people out of the way in las casitas. Eury can’t be gone. Her hand was in my hand. Warm. She was real. We touched for a second, and it was right. I don’t care what the goddess said, the deal she made with me. Eury was alive with me on top of the hill. We made it out of there together.
The waiting room in the hospital is filled with people. They are crying and holding each other. Jaysen is the first to see me. He wears the same clothes from the night before. Then again, so do I, although I feel as if I’ve been gone for weeks. Jaysen leans in to give me a hug. I push him away.
“Is she still in the same room?” I say.
“They moved her. It doesn’t look good. Her body’s not responding, bro,” Jaysen says. He’s choked up. “I’m sorry, Pheus.”
My crew surrounds me. They try to hold me back, as if that’s even possible.
“Get off me and just point me to where she’s at!”
Jaysen finally hears me.
“Room six. She’s in room six.”
Eury’s room is filled to capacity. Penelope is being held by her mother. A woman kneels by Eury, and I immediately see the resemblance. Eury’s mom. And then there is Eury lying on the bed. Eury. She’s connected to even more tubes than be
fore. The machines beep their uncomfortable music.
“Pheus, you need to leave right now,” Penelope says. “You can’t be here.”
“Oh, you’re Pheus?” Eury’s mom says, standing and shaking in grief and fury. “You were the one who took her to the club, and now she’s here. It’s because of you she’s suffering!”
Penelope’s father tries to hold her, but she is still able to slap my face. She has every right to be angry. She doesn’t know how many times I failed her daughter.
Before I am thrown out of the room, I go to Eury and place my hand over hers. I didn’t expect to feel such coldness. It breaks me.
“Eury, I wasn’t smart enough. I …” Words are useless in conveying my grief. My failure. But what else can I do but plead for her to find her way out of that hell? I have only these pitiful sentences.
Penelope cries.
“Sir, you need to leave right now.” A man in a nurse’s uniform places a firm hand on my shoulder. He is big and burly, but I’m not moving. He might as well start using his muscle because I’m staying put.
“This is yours,” I say and place the rosary around Eury’s fingers where it belongs. “Eury, you are stronger than me. Come home to us.”
There is a grand commotion, and I am in the center of it. Security piles into the already crowded room. They yank at me. I clutch the side of the bed.
“Let go!” They got three brothers on me. I push, kick. Do whatever I got to do to stay, all the while suplicando a Eury.
“Get him out of here,” someone yells.
The men have plied my hands from the bed. They have me by the door, ready to toss me out.
I shut my eyes and pray to Guabancex. Implore her. “Guabancex, please hear me. Let Eury bring forth goodness. Let her offset this cruel world with hope.”
They are pushing me out the door, away from Eury. I keep praying.
CHAPTER 40
Eury
I feel hollow, as if my insides have been drained away and I am only a husk. It was never meant to be easy, this test, and yet I thought Pheus would pass. I had faith in him. My heart is already broken in so many pieces, but I’m numb to this new agony.
Never Look Back Page 19
