by D. J. Manly
Tony walked over to the window and looked out onto the street. He placed his forehead on the windowpane. "I'm sorry," he said to no one but himself, "oh, baby, I'm so sorry."
* * * * * *
The days dragged into months. Spring had arrived.
Many people were on edge. Tony had not seen Angelo since he'd walked out on him. Although there was very little talk about the upcoming retirement of Drake and Johnny Russo from the band, it was on everyone's mind. Tony found it difficult to concentrate on his upcoming finals in school. This retirement would change everything. No one was really sure what was going to happen.
Frank Carr spent hours trying to talk Drake and Johnny out of retiring. He pleaded, he begged and he threatened. Nothing had any effect.
Tony laid awake nights trying to understand why they were going into retirement when he knew how much music meant to them. As much as he tried to understand their decision, especially when it came to Drake, since he'd always called the shots, he came up empty. Then at the beginning of June, Tony finally had his answer.
He had been in the library most of the day studying for a music theory exam. He was exhausted and fell asleep on the table. Then he felt a hand on his arm.
Immediately, he opened his eyes to see one of the librarians standing over him.
Tony blinked. "I'm sorry. Is the library closing?"
"Not yet. Are you Tony Russo?"
"Yes." He sat up straight. "Is something wrong?"
"There is a man called Carter waiting for you outside in a..." she looked embarrassed, "limousine."
Tony knit his eyebrows together. He thanked her hastily, grabbed his knapsack and raced out of the library.
Carter was standing by the vehicle. He looked up as Tony approached.
All he could think of was Angelo. Was there an accident? Was he all right? He clutched Carter's shoulder and breathlessly asked him what was wrong.
"It's your father. He's in the hospital. Mr. Drake asked that you come right away."
"My...my father? Is he okay? What happened?" Tony demanded anxiously.
"I don't know the details, sir. I shall take you to your uncle straight away."
Carter drove at the maximum speed limit, but it felt like they were crawling. At every red light, Tony grumbled. Finally, Carter pulled the limo up in front of the hospital.
He got out and went to open the door for Tony, but he was already out and halfway up the front steps.
"What floor?" he asked.
"Tenth floor, sir." Carter accompanied him in the elevator.
Finally, Tony stepped off the elevator. In the distance, he saw Pepi. He ran down the hallway.
Pepi hugged him when he saw him. Tony hugged him back. "What happened to Dad?"
"He collapsed. Drake is with him now. The doctor will only let one person in at a time."
"Collapsed from what? Is he going to be all right?"
Tony asked anxiously.
Pepi licked his lips. "Tony, Drake confessed to me that...well, the doctors weren't supposed to tell anyone about it, but..."
"About what?" Tony blinked.
"Come and sit down. Maybe Drake should tell you..." Pepi hesitated.
"No, you tell me. Did Drake know this?"
"Yes. He knew, but Johnny made him promise...he didn't want anyone treating him like an invalid..."
"Uncle Pepi," Tony took him by the shoulders and gave him a little shake, "what is it?"
"When they removed the bullet from Johnny's head, they couldn't get it all. There's still a piece in there that...well...it's too much of a risk to remove. It would either kill him or leave him severely brain damaged."
Tony swallowed. "So, they leave it, and..."
Tears sprang to Pepi's eyes. "It's moving, and now it's pressing on the optic nerve. Johnny has gone blind."
Tony started to hyperventilate.
Pepi grabbed his hands. Tears coursed down his face. "If he takes it easy, he may live for a few more years, but he has to slow down."
"Live for a...few...what in hell are you saying?" Tony jumped up out of his chair. "Are you saying my father is dying?"
Pepi stood up. "Tony...listen..."
"Because I must have heard you wrong...my father is only thirty-six years old. He's not even middle-aged. He's---"
Pepi went to grab his nephew, but Tony pushed away. "No," he said. "I want to talk to Drake. I want to talk to Drake now!"
Pepi sighed and sat back down. He put his face into his hands.
Tony walked off down the hallway.
When he went in to see his father, he was glad that his father couldn't see the tears that poured down his face as he tried to keep his voice upbeat and cheerful.
He understood everything now, especially Drake's decision to retire. He was giving up everything he loved for his father. Tony hadn't the words to tell him how much that touched him.
The one positive thing that had come out of this was that Angelo had kept in constant touch with the family since Johnny had been admitted to the hospital. He was in the middle of touring the Midwest, but promised to come home as soon as he could rearrange his schedule.
Finally, on the evening before Tony's final examination, Angelo showed up at the house. He had cancelled three upcoming concerts to be there.
Tony answered the doorbell when it rang. He had begged off going to visit his father that night because he needed to study. His father was supposed to be coming home in two days anyway and Drake, Pepi, Mac and Janet were all going to visit this evening. He knew that he wasn't going to be alone.
When he came face to face with Angelo, he felt like bursting into tears. Instead, he stiffened and nodded to him, holding open the door.
"Well, if it isn't the long-lost son. Come in," Tony said and turned his back as he walked into the hallway.
He heard the door shut behind him. Then Angelo cleared his throat. "How is Uncle Johnny doing?"
"Better."
"How is Dad doing?"
Tony turned around and looked at him. "As well as can be expected. He's worried." Angelo looked beautiful, a little leaner than he was. "Are you eating properly?"
Angelo laughed. "Yeah. Why?"
"You look thin."
Angelo raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure Dad is okay?" he asked again. "He sounded so sad on the phone last time we spoke."
"It's hard for him. He's known about this for some time, had to keep it to himself. That's why he wanted to retire."
Angelo put down the duffle bag he had thrown over his shoulder. "I know. He kept this all inside."
"That's Drake for you."
"And you? How are you doing?" The question was quite sincere.
"I haven't accepted it yet. Drake and I...well... your Dad and I, we talk a lot. He thinks Dad will live a long time if he doesn't wear himself out on the road."
"And if he misses it so much, it kills him anyway?"
Angelo lifted a dark eyebrow.
"He's blind!" Tony replied with a growl. "How in hell is he supposed to perform anyway?"
"That's not what I meant." Angelo left his bag on the floor and walked into the living room. "I need a drink," he announced and went to the bar. "How's school going?" he enquired over his shoulder as he threw some ice in a glass and uncapped the decanter of whiskey.
"I may have to do some make-up work this summer." Tony sighed. "I'm sure I blew an exam a few weeks ago out of stress. I was too upset. I spoke to Chance, and he said I should have put it off until---"
Angelo turned around and took a gulp of his whiskey. "Who's Chance?"
"A professor in the music department."
"Oh?" Angelo went and sat down on the sofa. "You get to call him by his first name?"
"He's pretty cool. Young."
Tony noticed that the mention of Chance intrigued him, so he cleared his throat and elaborated, "He's going to be a little disappointed, I think."
"Why's that?" Angelo asked, throwing his long legs up on the sofa.
"Wel
l, he wanted to ask me to have dinner with him when I was no longer his student...against the rules...you know?" Tony paused when Angelo didn't respond. "Now, it looks like we'll have to work pretty closely together this summer... and since I'm still his student for awhile..."
"Tony?" Angelo asked, his lips tight. "Are you trying to piss me off?"
"No. Why would you...?"
"Because," he slammed down his glass on the coffee table, "I just get here and you're going on and on about this Chance guy who wants to get into your pants!"
"I didn't say he---"
"What in hell do you think he wants...to be your buddy?"
"I didn't know you gave a shit!" Tony accused.
"How is Nick, by the way?" He sneered at him.
Angelo sat up now. His hands were on his thighs. He looked up at him. "I didn't come home to fight. Let's give it a rest for now, shall we? We need to concentrate on our fathers."
Tony nodded. He was scarcely able to breathe suddenly. "Actually, I have to study anyway. Excuse me." He went to leave the room, then paused. "Are you staying here tonight or going back to your..."
"I thought I'd stay with Dad...if you don't mind."
"Why should I mind?" Tony replied. His heart was pounding in his chest. "It's your house too. See you later."
"Yeah, later. I guess I'll go over to the hospital," Angelo announced.
"Give Dad my love," Tony requested, forcing himself to mount the stairs to his room.
He paused at the top and watched as Angelo came into the hallway, walked past his discarded bag and left by the front door. A few minutes later, he heard Drake's red Corvette roar out of the underground parking garage.
* * * * * *
By ten o'clock, Tony had closed his book and given up on studying for the exam tomorrow. He wasn't worried about this one too much anyway. He would do all right.
He walked over to the window and looked outside.
Neither Drake nor his son had returned home from the hospital yet. Perhaps they had gone off somewhere together to talk.
Tony knew Drake was extremely worried about his father and they had spent many a night in the past two weeks talking together until the sun rose in the sky.
They had been there to console each other and he had grown closer to Drake than ever.
A few times he had been tempted to hold him, but he didn't, because he knew where it would lead. They both knew. They were two lonely men in pain and the two people they loved the most were unavailable to them. It didn't help either that Tony looked more and more like his father as he got older, or that Drake and his son looked so much alike. It would have been so easy to find release in each other's arms... too damn easy.
They had restrained themselves. They had resisted.
They had crawled into their beds each morning in comatose states and tried not to dwell on their respective deprivation.
Now Angelo was back. Worse, he was going to be here, sleeping under the same roof and when it came to Angelo, Tony was afraid that he had no control, no restraint. How could he, when he wanted him so much it hurt?
When it would stop hurting, he didn't know. He just wished he could look at him once without wanting to either hold him or hit him.
By midnight, he had crawled into bed, but he wasn't sleeping. He couldn't sleep. He kept looking at the alarm clock and wondering where they were.
He must have dozed off because when he opened his eyes again, he heard voices in the hallway, two male voices, remarkably similar in pitch and tone. It was Drake and Angelo.
Tony squinted at the clock. It was twenty minutes to four. He heard one of them laugh softly and then someone said, "Goodnight." There was the sound of the bedroom door next to his own closing. It had to be Drake going into his room. Tony was surprised really because Drake hadn't slept in that room since his dad had been in the hospital. Usually, he would find him on the sofa downstairs when he left for school in the mornings.
Tony got out of bed. He pulled on a terry cloth robe and opened the door. A light was shining from under the bedroom door at the other end of the hallway. The light drew him like a magnet. What he was going to say or do once he reached that door, he didn't know. He only knew he had to go to him.
The door was ajar. He could hear the shower running in the adjacent bathroom.
Tony crept into the room, almost like a thief in the night, feeling guilty because he wasn't sure what in hell he was doing here. He just wanted to see him. He took a breath and then froze. There was the sound of the shower being shut off. He turned around and tried to quietly make his way back out of the room again and then he felt a warm damp body behind him.
Two arms slipped around his waist and he was pulled back into his arms. Warm lips swooped down onto his neck and began kissing him there. He closed his eyes. The robe fell open as the sash around his waist was hastily untied. Tony let his head fall back as warm lips descended to his shoulder. The robe was pushed to the floor. Tony reached a hand around to pull at the towel around Angelo's waist. It joined the robe. Angelo kicked the bulky objects to the side.
Tony tried to turn around in his arms but Angelo held him fast, his erection pushing against his buttocks.
Angelo's hand found Tony's cock and began to fondle it gently, another hand moved slowly down over his body, pinching his nipples, cupping his balls. He was on fire.
Angelo's mouth was again at his throat, one hand on his sex and the other moving across his chest. "I knew you'd come to me tonight," he whispered against his skin, "no matter what time I came home," he breathed, "I knew you'd be waiting."
Tony moaned against him, grinding his buttocks against his sex. Angelo's hands caressed him everywhere, and still he wouldn't allow him to turn around. He kept him prisoner there in his arms, setting his flesh on fire.
"What do you want?" Angelo asked him. "Tell me what you want and maybe...just maybe I'll give it to you."
"You know what I want," Tony whispered hoarsely.
"Tell me," he urged, pulling his face around and capturing his mouth with his.
The kiss deepened and he was finally able to shift in his arms. He pulled him closer. Angelo placed his hands in his hair and drove his mouth down on his again.
Tony pulled away, his face flushed, his chest heaving. He ran his gaze over him and shook his head.
"You're beautiful in my dreams, but never as beautiful as you are like this standing here now." He ran his hands over his chest and placed his lips there.
"Show me," Angelo murmured softly. "Show me how much you want me and then---"
But he stopped speaking suddenly because Tony took his hand and led him over to the bed. "Lay down and I'll show you everything," he whispered, his eyes shining with desire. "And then you're going to satisfy this ache you left in me when you went away."
He nodded with a slight smile. "It will be my pleasure."
Tony moved his body on top of his. "Oh no, believe me, the pleasure will be all mine. This time," he said, lifting up the sash he had picked up off the floor from his housecoat, "I'm going to make sure you don't go anywhere until I'm finished with you." Tony crawled up over his body, brought his two wrists together and tied them tightly.
Angelo didn't protest. He smiled at him as Tony began to kiss the top of his chest. "Why do you have the impression that I'm always trying to run away?"
Tony looked up once, his fingers moving over the skin of one of his biceps. "You are always running away." The words came out sounding sad.
Angelo sucked in a breath as Tony reached down and captured one of his firm nipples between his teeth.
The other hand strayed down to his sex. He touched it blindly, then, wrapped his fist around it, squeezing gently. He didn't wait for Angelo's reaction. He wiggled down lower and took his cock into his mouth.
He had sucked a lot of cock since he'd been here in Los Angeles, but none of them compared to Angelo's. The taste, the thickness; the way it felt inside of him. There was something damn special about this cock,
or maybe it was just Angelo himself. His lips increased pressure on Angelo's shaft. Angelo's hips lifted up off the mattress. Tony felt a hand in his hair. "Tony," he said softly, sounding as if his name was whispered on the breeze. Tony clutched his hips, trying to draw his cock as deep into him as he could. He wanted him to say his name again. He wanted him to go on saying his name until the end of time. Angelo, my Angelo. Don't leave me again, baby. Tears sprang to his eyes. He increased his efforts, moving his mouth up and down, up and down, his jaw aching, until he heard Angelo cry out with orgasm. He swallowed as much as he could then backed off, lifting his head to watch the sweetness of the lingering pleasure on Angelo's brutally handsome face. He had once said that one day he would be 'to die for'. That day had come. Angelo had grown up, with his features, a delicious mix of Drake and Janet, his beauty had somehow even surpassed Drake's.
Tony moaned as he ran his hands, and pressed his body up the length of him. He looked down into his eyes, then kissed his mouth several times. "Now you're going to fill that place that only you can fill, Angel."
"Bet you say that to all the boys."
Tony touched his hair. "How I've hurt you," he whispered. "If you'd let me, I'd spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Please?"
"Let's start with tonight, okay?" Drake whispered.
Tony grinned. "Are you going to punish me?"
Angelo laughed as Tony rolled onto his side and looked down to see his cock beginning to come to life again. "Depends on how you look at it, baby," he replied.
Tony began playing with his cock, lifting it this way and that way with his hand.
"Get the lube and the condom," Angelo said, "in the night table. I'd do it but...ah...I'm a little tied up right now."
Tony grinned, and reached over to take out the lube and the condom.
