by Dana Mason
Brian had put everything he had and everything he was into this relationship, and now she was walking away like it was nothing. He couldn’t believe it. He sat down for fear his knees might buckle. His stomach hurt as the acid churned and twisted in his gut.
“Brian, I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry, I can’t. It was never meant to be. I know that now.”
“Not meant to be? What the hell are you saying? We have two kids together. It’s a little late to start talking about what is and isn’t meant to be.”
“This isn’t about the kids. It’s about us.”
“Who is he, Julie?”
“This isn’t about him either. God, you don’t get it, do you?”
“Oh, I get it! You got caught, and now you’re trying to make this my fault.”
She shook her head and threw the contents of her sock drawer into the suitcase.
“Julie, you can’t leave without talking to me first. What about the kids?”
“I’ll be back for them,” she said as she stepped into the bathroom.
“And what makes you think I’m going to let you take them after you walk out?”
“You’re not that person, Brian.” She came out and dropped bottles of cosmetics into her overnight bag. “Pretend to be a badass all you want, but you wouldn’t do anything to hurt Erin and Cody, and keeping them from me will hurt them.”
“You’re obviously not a good influence on them. Maybe I don’t want them being raised by a woman with no loyalty or discretion? Maybe I don’t want my kids around your boyfriend—especially when I don’t know who he is.”
Julie zipped up her suitcase and pulled it off the bed. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Julie!”
She stopped and turned to him.
“What about Erin and Cody? We need to talk to them before you leave. They won’t understand when they see you leave with a suitcase.”
Julie’s eyes filled with tears. “I can’t now. I’ll talk to them tomorrow. I can only handle one thing at a time, and right now, I’m handling walking out that door.”
She stepped toward Brian, and, to his surprise, she hugged him. “I’m so sorry. I’m not doing this to hurt you, but I need to . . .” she heaved out a broken sigh and tried to pull away.
“Don’t do this, Jules.” He tried to hold her to him. “Don’t do this. I love you, damn it.”
“Not enough,” she whispered before pulling away and sweeping from the room with her overnight bag over her shoulder and her suitcase trailing behind her.
Brian plopped back down on the bed and looked around at the messy room. Bile rose in his throat and he leaned over, fighting to calm down and think clearly about what just happened. Never had he imagined something like this. He and Julie had been a team, a team with a common goal since the day they were married seventeen years ago . . .
“I’m sorry about the Reno thing.” He looked away, afraid to meet her eyes. What kind of husband was he when he couldn’t even give her a proper wedding?
“No.” She said it so sweetly, he had to look down at her. The grin she wore lit the room. “I like this. It’s intimate and romantic.”
Brian fought to hold back the snort of laughter. He glanced around the ten-by-ten foot waiting room of Park Chapel with its overly shiny brass fixtures and plastic flowers. What a way to start a life together. Damn, his parents were going to kill him for this. He looked at Julie again, at her amazing smile, and a little of his anxiety melted away.
“You’re right, the secrecy makes it kind of fun.”
She looked down at her ring and jiggled it on her finger. “Thank you for this. I know it couldn’t have been easy with such short notice.”
“Are you kidding me? I’m the one who’s sorry! It’s a miserable excuse for a wedding ring.”
“It’s not!” She fisted her hand and brought it to her lips. “I love it.” With a sad smile, she said, “I’m glad you remembered. I forgot all about getting rings.” She glanced down at his left hand and at the narrow strip of pale skin on his ring finger. It took every ounce of strength he had to take off Melissa’s promise ring.
It was done now.
He couldn’t turn back. Julie was his future, and he needed to keep moving forward and concentrate on being a husband and a father.
Brian waved his hand and said, “Don’t worry, we’ve got plenty of time to save up and get a nice matching set.”
“I’m sorry about Melissa,” Julie said, staring again at that pale strip. “She’s going to hate us both.”
“It doesn’t matter now, Jules. This isn’t about Melissa or anyone else. It’s about us and our family.” He rubbed at the spot where the ring used to sit on his finger. “I don’t want to talk about her, and I don’t want you to worry about it.”
“Okay.” She looped her hand through his arm and relaxed against him with a heavy exhale. “I won’t worry if you don’t.”
It felt great to hear her say that. After everything she’d been through, he didn’t want her to doubt him. They would make this work. He’d make sure of it, for her sake and for the sake of his baby. He pulled her close and kissed her temple.
Julie walked out—without even saying goodbye to the kids? How would he explain this to them? How could he make them understand when he could not? He laid back and covered his face with his hands. When he heard feet drift on the carpet, he looked up to find Erin standing over him with tears in her eyes.
“Hey, babe.” He sat up, waving for her to sit down next to him.
“I’m sorry, Daddy,” she wailed as she dropped down onto the bed.
“What are you talking about?”
“About Mom. I’m sorry. Are you guys getting a divorce?”
“Erin . . .” He pulled her into an embrace and wanted to cry with her. “Honey, Mom and I have some things to work out. I’m not sure what’s going to happen yet.”
“I don’t think she’s coming back. She left us and she’s not coming back.”
Brian’s heart sank at the sound of her voice. No kid should have to go through this. “Sweetheart, how much of that did you hear?”
“I heard her say she couldn’t talk to us. What else did she say?” Erin asked, looking up at Brian.
“She needs to get away and think about things. She’ll come see you and your brother tomorrow.” He stroked her hair and looked into her eyes, fighting to put on a strong face for her. “Erin, none of this has anything to do with you or Cody. This is about Mom and me. I don’t want you to think any of this is your fault.”
“I don’t want to go with her, Daddy. If she comes to get us, I won’t go.”
“Let’s not worry about that. Nothing is definite yet.”
She gripped his hand. “Promise me you won’t make me go with her.”
“I won’t make you go, Erin, but nobody said this was over. I’m not giving up that easily.”
Erin nodded then rested her head on his shoulder.
“You guys haven’t eaten. Can you help me with dinner?”
“Yes.” She stood. “I’ll get the number for Nujo’s Pizza.”
Brian grabbed her hand before she walked away. “We need to take care of each other, all right? Me, you, and Cody, okay?”
“Okay . . .”
Chapter Four
Brian was loading Cody’s plate with pizza when the doorbell rang. “Here, buddy, start eating. I’ll be right back.” He put Cody’s plate down in front of him before walking into the living room. He checked the peephole then opened the door to Ali and Johnny. “Hi, guys, what’s going on?”
“Hey, Brian,” Johnny said, his expression solemn. “We need to talk to you.”
“Come in. We were getting ready to eat dinner. You hungry?” He glanced over at Ali and his heart rate kicked up a notch at her red and swollen eyes. “Ali, what’s wrong? What’s happened?”
“Brian, there’s been an accident. We need you to come with us. We called your parents. They’re on their way over,” Ali said, tears dripping.
“Who?” He stepped outside at the same time his folks rounded the corner from the driveway. “What the hell is going on?” he asked, meeting Johnny’s eyes, his patience waning. “Who—who was in an accident?”
Ali gripped his arm. “Brian, it’s Julie. She’s really hurt.”
“Julie.” He dropped his gaze to the ground. “She’s barely been gone an hour.” Inhaling a sharp breath, he stuttered, “Where, what . . . what happened? How bad?” His chest ached like he’d been punched.
“It’s bad,” Johnny said. “She lost control of her car. Hit a tree off Highway 12.”
“Oh shit.” He rubbed at the pain in his chest. “She was upset when she left . . . let me . . . I need to . . . tell the kids.”
“No, Brian,” his pop ordered. “Go see her first. We’ll stay here with the kids. You need to get to the hospital. Just go, son.”
“I’m going, too,” his mom said. “I want to be there for Julie.”
“Nora, we have to go now,” Ali said.
Brian nodded, not sure what else to do. His mom grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “It’ll be okay, Brian.”
“It has to be,” he agreed, but they were empty words to help soothe her. People got hurt, people died, he saw it every day at work. Families grieved, parents fought to protect their children, shit happened. He couldn’t pretend everything was okay . . . all he knew for sure was that his wife was hurt, and he was scared. He breathed in and out slowly trying to stay calm, that’s what he needed, to stay calm.
Ali directed him into the front seat and sat in the back with his mom, who immediately started asking questions. “Where was she going? I don’t understand why she wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.”
Brian looked over at Johnny. “She didn’t have a belt on?”
Johnny shook his head.
“How bad is she? It can’t be good if you called mom and pop before calling me.” Brian turned toward Ali when he said it. She leaned forward and rested her hand on his shoulder, unable to talk through her tears.
“It’s bad, man,” Johnny said.
“She left me. She packed a suitcase and walked out on us today. Right when you think things can’t get worse . . .”
“What are you talking about? Left you?” Nora leaned forward. “Why, honey, what happened?”
“I’m sorry, Brian,” Ali managed to say. “They said she may not make it through the night.”
A twisting pain tightened in his chest. He held his breath to fight back the tears. He looked up and held out both hands, shaking his head vehemently. “Stop! I need to get my kids. Take me back to the house.”
“Once you’ve seen her, then your dad can bring them over,” Johnny said. “I think you need to see her first, talk to the doctors and get that out of the way.”
“She left without saying goodbye to them.” The tremble in his voice gave him away. Focus, just focus here. Pictures of Julie swam in his head. Her bleeding, broken, hurt. How hurt? How could it be so bad that she couldn’t live through the night? How is this happening? “She didn’t say goodbye to them. They need a chance to see their mother if she really is dying.”
“Brian,” Ali sobbed. “She was thrown from the car. She’s really hurt. They won’t . . . won’t be able to recognize her.”
Brian leaned into his hands, sucking air in and out of his lungs slowly, trying not to hyperventilate. No-no-no-no! When he woke up that morning, he’d been a perfectly content husband to a beautiful, caring, and honest wife, but now, he was losing everything. How did this all happen? Was this his payback? Was the world turning on him for the choices he’d made? All along, he felt what he had done was right—but right for who? Was it right for Julie? Had his choices put her here? Had he been the husband he meant to be, or was he the fool, believing himself a good person, but really keeping her trapped in a marriage she didn’t want, with a man she didn’t love. Had their life together been a house of smoke and mirrors?
Had his choices been right for Erin? Erin had been one of the brightest, most brilliant parts of his life. She’d never forget watching her mother leave without saying goodbye. Had his decisions been good for Cody? What if Cody had to grow up without his mother, the one person he always ran to when things got hard. Cody was a mama’s boy through and through. Now what? Losing his mother at nine would certainly be the worst thing that could happen to him. Brian thought of Ali and Melissa. They’d lost their dad at eight, and Brian remembered how hard it had been for them.
Johnny pulled into the driveway of the emergency room. “Ali, get them inside while I park the car. I’ll be right behind you.”
Ali slid out and rushed around to get the passenger door. She reached for Brian’s hand, but he was paralyzed by his racing thoughts. Too heavy and immobile to move. Hoping—praying to wake up from this nightmare.
“Brian, you’re running out of time,” Johnny whispered.
Brian nodded, willing his body to obey. He reached for Ali’s hand. When he entered the emergency room, Mark and Melissa greeted him.
“What—am I the last to know?” Brian asked, staring into Mark’s worried eyes.
Ali squeezed his hand. “Ralph Martinez called Johnny when he found out it was Julie. I was on the phone with Melissa when Johnny got the call,” Ali said. “We dropped the kids off at Sarah and Mark’s. Mark wanted to come down to be here for you and Julie.” Her voice sounded pinched and exhausted.
“Melissa? What are you doing here?” Nora asked, shouldering her purse and reaching out to embrace her.
Melissa glanced over at Brian. “I’m here for Julie. Is that okay?”
“Of course.” Nora smiled slightly. “I’m just surprised to see you.”
When the automatic doors opened, a doctor stepped out into the waiting room. He gestured to Brian. “Are you Detective Hammel?”
“Yes, how is she?”
“I’m Doctor Cooke. Come back and I’ll explain everything.”
Brian nodded and followed the doctor through the double doors, again willing his body to move his heavy feet forward. Outside one of the critical care rooms, the doctor stopped and turned to look at Brian.
“Do you know if your wife’s an organ donor?”
“Excuse me?” Brian shook his head to clear the fog.
“Oh my!” Nora said.
Brian’s hand lifted instinctively to reach out and touch the doctor. “Did you say was? Is my wife dead?”
“Sir, sorry.” The doctor closed his eyes and tried again. “No, she’s not dead. Come inside and I’ll explain. But . . . prepare yourself . . . she doesn’t look good.”
He pulled the curtain and let Brian enter first. Brian’s heart skidded in his chest when he saw her. One side of her face looked as if she’d been run over by a car—not driving inside of one. For a half a second, he felt relieved. They’d obviously made a mistake. This wasn’t his wife, not Julie. But when he stepped closer, his hopes were dashed.
His hands jumped to cover his eyes. “Oh god, Jules.”
“Oh, Julie . . .” Nora placed a hand over her trembling mouth as tears dropped from her eyes. She slowly lowered herself into a chair on the other side of Julie’s bed and started to sob. “Oh, honey, how did this happen.”
Julie’s head was bandaged, wrapped up in white gauze, and swollen. Twice the size it should have been. The right side of her face looked normal, as if she were sleeping. Brian pushed the hair from the good side of her face and touched the little patch of smooth skin below her right eye and temple, still warm—not dead.
He leaned over to talk to her. “Julie, I’m so sorry—sorry for everything. I love you. Can you fight for me—” Brian took a breath. “Can you fight for Erin and Cody? They need you.” He kissed the patch of skin that hadn’t been hurt. “Julie, honey, open your eyes and talk to me.”
Brian’s knees hit the tile floor. He rested his face on her warm hand, unable to hold himself up any longer. “Julie, don’t go out like this, baby. I need you.”
They’d had a plan
. From the beginning, they had a plan—get married and raise their kids. They both wanted it, and now she was leaving him to pick up the broken pieces on his own.
The excited yet apprehensive expression on her face as they shared their wedding vows . . . How could this be the same girl? The day Erin was born, the tears of joy as they held their daughter for the first time. They’d shared that together. Nobody could take that moment or memory from them. They’d been just kids themselves, and suddenly parents, but excited about it. When Cody was born, it reaffirmed his feelings for her and for his family. He never resented any of it. He’d meant it when he said he’d never doubted it until today. He loved her, and until that afternoon, he’d planned to spend every day of his life with her. But what now, what if he lost her? How could she be taken from him like this?
“Detective, we need to talk.”
Brian looked up when he heard footsteps behind him. He braced himself on the edge of the bed and pulled up into a standing position, keeping his back to the doctor while he wiped his face, willing himself to man-up and stop blubbering like an idiot.
“She has serious brain injuries. I don’t know if you’ve heard the details of the crash, but when she was thrown from the car—”
Brian held his hand up. “I get it. What point are you trying to make here?”
“We can’t detect any brain activity,” Dr. Cooke said. “We need to know what you want to do.”
He turned to face the doctor as Ali, Johnny, Melissa, and Mark all entered the critical care room. The nurse tried to hold them back, but they all brushed her off and entered anyway.
He looked at their faces one at a time, sliding into a chair as they surrounded her bed, staring down at her. Each one of them crying, each one of his friends with tears in their eyes like him.
“Ma, I don’t . . . I don’t know what to do.” Brian managed to say on one breath. “What should I do?” He looked up at Ali then to Melissa and Mark. They were her oldest friends, and they had as much right in it as he did, especially since her parents were dead. Ali walked over and stood next to Brian, placing a hand on his shoulder.
