During our love-making, I felt him revert to his natural form only because of the way his wings spread wide, stirring the air about us. I was sure I was going to pass out when the wave of heat finally rippled out through my body as my climax released the knot of building tension in my lower abdomen. Therion lowered his head to my shoulder, his wings curving around us. Even though it was daytime, when I was enclosed in those wings it could have been midnight it was so dark, but I felt safe.
'I think this is better than chocolate,' Therion rasped softly.
Therion
[Elements (Orchestral Version) – Lindsey Stirling]
The first piece of chocolate had been sickly sweet. It was nice enough, but nothing I would miss. The second one, the dark one with strawberries and raspberries in it, had been quite delicious, having a delightful mix of sweet and tangy that evened each other out. The third with the peppermint, was almost as enjoyable. They melted in my mouth and lingered pleasantly. Ice cream was not as good, but somehow the texture was so… satisfying. What I liked most about the bread was its smell. I liked the chewiness, too, but not how it got stuck in my teeth, so, although it was one of my favourites, it wasn't one I'd indulge often.
I'd had opportunities to try human food before, but never saw the point. I did not need it, why bother? Jayden insisted that some food was beyond mere nutrition; it offered an experience. She had explained that humans often combined food with socialising. There was food they ate when they were not feeling well, food they had when they were feeling tired or low, and food they ate when celebrating. Coffee, Jayden informed me, was an excellent beverage for boosting one's energy. Those who were sick often had soup. A birthday was celebrated with cake.
I thought about what Aurealis had said about my needing to understand this realm, especially if I wanted to become more than just a form of defence or a deterrent. If I wanted to be a guardian, which would speed my redemption, I needed to understand this world and their beliefs, their morals, and their society. If I wanted a chance to be Jayden's guardian, I would have to show progress, to show I was willing to change. Thus, I agreed to try the food. I found myself surprised by the wide variations in flavour and texture; some of which, I quite enjoyed.
Although Aurealis claimed I had an existence before I became therilgalen— and I believed her, for I had dreams that could only belong to a former existence and there were times when things felt 'familiar' to me even though I could not recall ever doing them before— I had no actual memory of that life. I asked Aurealis what I had been, what realm had I come from, and why Ceri-talen had chosen me to make the first of his new species, but she always became vague and gave excuses for not revealing knowledge I was sure she possessed. I knew I had not been yulari, but my spirit had been very similar to theirs. Aurealis said that this was why I felt such a strong affinity for the yulari, for my kind no longer inhabited this realm and the yulari would be the closest thing I had to kin, if not directly so. I had hoped that by agreeing to Jayden's suggestion that I immerse myself in her culture I would trigger something stronger than a dream or a feeling, but, despite enjoying the experience, it evoked no memories.
I knew what it was when she kissed me. I have seen many humans show affection and even have sex, but have never found it arousing, just something they did, like driving a car or eating. She tasted good though, I'd not been expecting that. There is nothing I can compare it to, but I liked it. And then her scent hit me, a mixture of rain and something indefinable that I labelled Jayden. I remembered how Jasilen's scent had been like a brick, hard and forceful and without appeal. Jayden's was soft, alluring, and drove any logic left in my mind right out. It was an experience, an irrationality, I had never known.
I cannot recall thinking beyond warning her I might revert to my natural form; it was all just sensations. As was common practice amongst the angels, I had demanifested my wings and softened my features to make them look more human and I'd been worried that my undisguised form might trigger a negative response, but Jayden did not seem to mind my natural form. Everything about sex with Jayden was beyond what I expected. All the sensory input was almost overwhelming, I wanted to bask in every one of them, feel them eternally. Her skin was so soft. Her hands knew how to elicit extraordinary pleasure and I endeavoured to emulate her moves, though I kept the mimicry subtle.
What surprised me the most, the thing I never thought possible, was that my climax was more exquisite than feeding on a soul. There was all the charge, but more so. I felt energised, gratified and… something indescribable. The rush was like flying high and going into a straight dive. Your adrenaline spikes the closer you get to the ground. You know you'll die if you misjudge it, but you test yourself, waiting until the very last moment to unfurl your wings and catch that last draft, and your whole body tenses with the excitement. It was like that with Jayden.
By Aurealis's mercy, what have I done? What will my master say when she realises what I have allowed to happen? I know guardians have intimate relationships with their human charges, but only after they have been assigned to them as a life-long guardian and also took human form as a part of their role. What if, when Aurealis found out, she decided to retract any guardianship role I might have been given? Would I ever see Jayden again? I could not imagine parting from her. Not now. Lying against her, feeling her breast move with the regular rhythm of breathing, made me feel a serenity I have never felt before. How could the simple act of sex have led to so many complicated emotions? I feared also that this seemingly simple act would lead to consequences I had not, could not have, anticipated. I closed my eyes, pulling my body closer to Jayden's. I didn't care. This moment would have to be enough, and I would savour it against the many moments I might find myself without her.
Aurealis
We stood between planes; it was the only way to monitor Therion without his knowledge. We could see only spirits here, but from the hue of Therion's spirit, Jayden was in no danger at the moment.
'It seems your theory about putting him in contact with yulari spirits to help him remember what he was before Ceri-talen was accurate.'
I looked at Silven, he was still recovering, but determined to back me up.
'The yulari are close to what he once was, before Ceri-talen changed him,' I corrected. 'My hope was that one day he would connect with one of them.'
'Cyndar says a large part of redemption for those like Therion is sacrifice, which cannot happen unless there is something they care about enough to sacrifice themselves for. It makes sense you want him to connect with those most likely influence him in a positive manner.'
'Jayden Emerline Thaneton, though, was unplanned,' I admitted.
'Danethos, I expect?'
He spoke of a god of chaos, like Ceri-talen, but not a negative creator. She inspired artists and creative types and possessed a streak of mischievousness that often disrupted the plans of other telari, but none of us resented it. Well, Ceri-talen might.
I nodded. 'She likes the unexpected.'
'That is her domain,' Silven observed with amusement.
'That she was able to surprise me is a credit to her. Therion was never meant to meet Jayden, and yet, when he did…' I paused, reluctant to reveal my oversight. 'I almost missed it.'
Silven's expression was unjudging. He knew I didn't want reassurances. I watch over an entire realm, there are many things I 'see', but miss. My role is not to see all, it is to maintain balance and help those under my guardianship reach the level of ascension under my domain and help those ready to ascend to do so.
'I planned to assign Therion to attend to Maya under Vessa's mentorship, with Cyndar supervising.'
Silven closed his eyes in a long blink before looking up at me. 'My opposition, then, was solidly against the decision.'
'Then…' I noted. That was interesting. Having once been a yulari, Silven retained the stubborn streak many attribute to them, so he was not one to change his views without significant persuasion. 'But now?'
'In the Sunlit Meadows he said something that changed my mind. I peevishly told him that due to his inability to control his violent nature I would have to put aside more important things to undertake Jayden's protection.' Silven looked away, focusing on the spirit of the resting therilgalen and the human by his side. 'He said that her spirit,' he gestured towards Jayden with his chin, 'was a privilege to protect. But it wasn't just what he said, he was completely sincere. I never expected to see such a change in him. He protected me out of duty, but her, he wants to protect her. No contract is needed, no promise of redemption. He does not want her spirit destroyed and he's prepared to give his life to prevent that. Even more so, now. Danethos may have surprised you by placing Jayden in his path, but she did this realm a service. I had no conviction that Therion could be redeemed until that moment. Nor did I see the significance of the connection between him and the yulari until then, and I remembered your words about placing Therion in contact with spirits he could connect with.'
'I did not see the significance until those therilgalen attacked you, for it was only then I realised that Ceri-talen was now targeting Jayden because he realised she was the stronger spirit.'
'You did not miss everything, after all, you asked me to watch over Jayden because you knew a guardian would not be strong enough.' Silven looked down. 'And neither was I.'
I smiled kindly and stroked Silven's cheek. 'Actually, you were just strong enough, none other would have held out as long as you did against three soul takers and that bought precious time for your charge. With Therion's reappearance, their connection solidified. They knew, then, the value of each to the other.'
'I still think this is a risk, he may value her, but whether he cares enough to—'
'He cares enough. I knew that the moment he decided to go to Unia-littah.'
'He what!' For a few moments Silven's outrage rendered him speechless.
I could understand his fear. I, myself, have not feared for many an age, but I did then. Persuading Therion to leave Unia-littah had required intricate timing, patience, and determination, and I was not certain that should he return to the Dark Realm, willing or not, I could get him back. I knew Ceri-talen would never let Therion leave, and not only had I set out to distract Ceri-talen by sending more guardians to intercept one of his gatherings than he expected, but I'd had a contingent of warriors ready to aid Therion once he got out, but he had not needed them. That meant two things, Therion was far stronger than both Ceri-talen and I realised, and Ceri-talen was weaker than I estimated. Therion was also able to hold far more spirit energy than even Ceri-talen expected or designed him for— he had evolved. The fury, the chemical Ceri-talen had incorporated into his design of the therilgalen to prevent them from gathering enough energy— and therefore power— to oppose him, had not killed Therion. Fury was triggered by hunger and the more a therilgalen fed, the more fury was released into their system. If the therilgalen did not transfer most of their harvested energy to Ceri-talen or a denethur— a creature Ceri-talen kept to store spirit energy— the therilgalen's system would become so flooded with fury, they would die…
Yet, Therion had not.
Silven's expression settled into a deep frown. 'Why would you let him go back to the Dark Realm?'
'I needed confirmation. Therion's return to the Dark Realm was evidence of his willingness to sacrifice, because if he did not get out, there would be no hope of freedom.'
Silven drew his head back, a look of confusion replacing his disapproval. 'He is redeemed?'
My exhalation was more a bittersweet sound than laughter, but I smiled. 'No. Not yet. I think he is safe with Jayden, but he still needs watching. Despite my faith in him, we need to remain cautious, which is why we are here. I still intend for Cyndar to eventually take over Therion's supervision, but he must train his successor. In the meantime, Therion needs to be monitored by one who understands the complexities of his case and is strong enough to intervene until I can come to their side if he loses control. He needs this bond, Silven, this could lead to the very sacrifice that is necessary for his redemption.'
'Are you concerned by the fact that he feeds on her spirit energy?'
'You have seen it, then?'
Silven nodded confirmation. 'He was weak after fighting off the three therilgalen who attacked us on the hiking trail and he almost passed out. Jayden sensed it, I do not know how, and she placed her hand on him, transferring energy to him, although I believe she was, and remains, completely unaware of what she was doing. I think… I think he is too. But she, too, was weak. I do not think she would have died; she is anchored to the earth energy she draws from and that would have kept her alive, but,' he frowned, 'I feared for her. I cannot say why.' He paused, as if lost in thought and then continued. 'I ended up intervening. Severed the transfer. Gave him what little I could to keep him going until our allies arrived. Yet I feel strongly that it is a dangerous thing, one that needs to be monitored. Even now, you witnessed the transfer again, did you not?'
'Yes. While she is strong and healed, it does her no harm. But as you say, it may be something we have to speak to them about. It will be,' I met Silven's gaze, 'an issue I, and I alone, will address. He cannot know you have observed him from this plane. He will draw incorrect conclusions if he does.'
That was one of the reasons we were between realms in a plane only accessible to the gods. With monitoring Therion, I had to be very careful, if he detected me, he may assume this was a purposeful manipulation of him. To explain that once I realised the significance of their connection I had simply not placed more obstacles in their way, might be believed, but was not guaranteed. To further explain that I had to make sure he did not unintentionally harm Jayden was likely a more acceptable thing to him, but one that would be accompanied by a sense of a lack of faith on my part. I could not afford any flaw in his trust in me, because Therion's redemption was only possible because he was willing, if he were to become unwilling, it would take, and cost, many of us to bring him under control.
'What will happen now?'
'I am not a god of futures, well, not specifically, evolution requires some attention to the future, but not in the predictive manner answering such a question requires. I know, now, that Ceri-talen is weak, perhaps weak enough to be…'
'Removed?' Silven suggested.
'Possibly. He is certainly not the most congenial of us. But, again, I am not a god of destruction, I would be overstepping my boundaries to pursue such an action.'
'Yet you are tempted…'
Again, I met Silven's gaze. To answer yes, would destroy some of his faith in me, but to answer dishonestly would be just as harmful. I thought about it. Finally, I gave my answer. 'I am not tempted, but I must confess to the occasional desire to put him in his place. When I first encountered Therion was just such a time. You often tell me you cannot fathom why I selected Therion for redemption, why I expended so much of my resources getting him, why I have been so forgiving of his mistakes. I have done so because I can see what he was, what was taken from him.' I paused for a moment, then added, 'Therion has a right to be angry, but I will leave Ceri-talen to Veyhaleth. For judgement of the telari is the province of the venturi. My concern is Therion and Jayden and spirits like them. I expect Ceri-talen will make at least one more attempt, probably more, to get Jayden. It is important that Therion is allowed to handle this on his own.'
Silven's expression showed he doubted this was a wise course.
'I promised him a chance at proving he is worthy of freedom, Silven, he cannot do that if we direct his every movement. Yes, that will mean mistakes are made, it means we must trust him, but it also gives him the chance he has asked for. The chance I promised him.'
'I shall monitor him, then, and keep you informed.'
I dipped my head. 'We step in only if we must.'
Em
'You what!' I didn't give my daughter time to repeat her statement or to explain, I turned on my heel and stormed down the hallway. 'Where is that jump
ed-up version of an angel. I'm going to kill him,' I growled under my breath. Said jumped-up version of an angel must have heard me, or at least my initial loud exclamation because he came in from the back veranda looking alert.
'You're supposed to protect her, not freaking have sex.'
He looked startled and started to answer, but I didn't give him a chance.
'How are you going to keep her safe if you let your hormones do all the thinking? Don't you lot have any ethics, any kind of procedure at all? I thought this was what you did! Isn't that what all these angels are about, protecting humans from… whoever it is coming after her?'
'Not just humans, all vulnerable spirits.'
I glared at him. Jay had followed me and he glanced at her, but wisely brought his attention back to me.
'I'm all grown u—'
I whirled on her. 'No. Not one word about being an adult, making your own decisions, or mistakes in this case. You,' I stepped back and half turned so I could point at Jay while keeping Therion in my field of view, 'you're not just human, but a civilian, I can see how you might not see the wide-ranging and deadly consequences of this. But you,' I pointed at Therion, 'you're one of them, the ones guarding people like her. You've seen combat as I understand it as well as being a guardian. You should know better.'
'This is my first time, actually.'
He didn't say it flippantly, or timidly, or with embarrassment. He said it evenly. I was too stunned to respond.
'I understand your concerns, Emerline. The fact is, whether you approve or not, I was assigned to Jayden because I am the only being in the Light Realms powerful enough to repel the strongest opponents sent for your daughter. Take a breath and let us discuss this calmly.'
I swore, properly cursed, under my breath and then did as he advised, taking a moment to take a few breaths and let my emotions settle. He was right. If he was the most powerful of the guardian angels, then I didn't want him assigned elsewhere. It also made sense as to why whoever governed the angels, this Aurealis, had assigned him despite his inexperience. But I didn't want him sleeping with Jay, either.
Soul Taker's Redemption Page 40
