The Bleeding Love

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by Beth Durkee


  His spiritual eyes and ears now opened, he continued to hear Gloria's prayers. They were relentless and did not help him feel an less guilty. “I pray a hedge of protection34 around my husband, Samuel,” her prayer went on, “so that You will keep him safe, Lord, and bring him swiftly home to me. Despite everything he has done and all the hurt he has caused us, Samuel is still my one-flesh partner35. I am incomplete without him and I need him home. Yet, still, I know there is a reason for everything You do and I trust that You will keep Your Holy Word to work everything for the benefit of Your children36. . . .”

  Samuel clapped his hands over his ears. Having felt her emotions was bad enough. Being reminded of how good he could feel with her and then feeling the intensity of her pain was awful enough. He did not want to have to hear her begging, too!

  “How can the Shepherd stand it?!” He wondered. “No wonder He is bleeding all over her!”

  “Don't worry, Samuel,” interrupted Amos. “In the grand scheme of eternity, 63 years is no comparison.”

  “63 years?” Samuel asked, silently reflecting that was a very long time to hurt for somebody else's wrongs.

  Amos nodded, “With medical advances, her suffering continues only for about 63 more years before I pick her up.”

  “But how do you know?” Samuel protested. “I thought you couldn't see the future.”

  “Oh, I can't,” the angel confirmed. “She is on my list.” He pulled a huge scroll out of the folds of his robes before continuing, “I am to pick her up in roughly 63 years to take her to final judgment. There, the Shepherd will keep the promise to His followers that His burden is light37 (comparatively) and Gloria will enter through the narrow gate38 set aside for them. She will be one of the few who crosses to the other side of the chasm39 from Gehenna.”

  Samuel smiled. Although he still mourned his part in her intense and life-long pain, he felt pleased that Gloria would spend eternity in bliss. It was the first selfless pleasure he'd felt in years. He finally felt ready to face eternity.

  “Let's go, Amos. It is time.”

  Amos nodded. Without uttering a sound, he gestured for Samuel to follow his lead as he again knelt before the Shepherd in homage, awaiting dismissal. This time, Samuel copied the angel's movements without question and quietly waited.

  “Amos?” he asked as they knelt, awaiting the Shepherd's attention.

  The angel's face turned to gaze at him. “Yes?”

  “Just out of curiosity, how is it that I went to church and heard the readings just like Gloria did, but she understood the Law all along and I only learned just now?”

  The angel answered, “It is written that, 'Whoever belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God.'40”

  Samuel nodded. That made sense to him. He was quiet again, but only for a few moments. Not listening to Gloria's prayers, he had been thinking about himself.

  “Amos?” he asked again.

  This time Amos did not turn to look. “Yes, Samuel?”

  “Now that I can hear, does that mean I belong to God now?”

  “Well, everything belongs to God,” the angel shrugged, “but no, not how you mean.”

  Alright. Samuel could accept that. After all he had done, he deserved it. Besides, divine will was divine will and he was nobody to argue. He just had one more question.

  “Amos?” he asked for the third time.

  Amos smiled, “Yes, Samuel? Do you have another question?”

  Samuel hung his head, embarrassed for asking so many questions after he had said he was ready to go. “Just this one,” he answered.

  “Alright, then,” the angel answered with patience. “What is it?”

  “I just want to thank you for being so patient with me,” Samuel said, still feeling emotional openness from having been joined with his wife. “And to ask if you can get a message to Gloria that she is free to move on now? I don't want her to suffer that horrible loneliness any longer than she already has.”

  Amos loved when he was able to witness the softening of a hardened heart. It was always such a pleasure, but it happened so infrequently. Softly, he responded to the softened heart of Gloria's covenant husband, “No, Samuel. I do not have that power. Only the Great Ones do, but don't worry. The Good Shepherd cares for His flock. Gloria will be fine.”

  “Thank you.”

  Amos gave a curt nod in response then, although he did not usually say anything, he spoke up in Gloria's defense, “You know, you pretty much ignored all the good advice your wife gave you during your mortal life. In fact, Gabe told me that you cut down her ideas and she had to nag you incessantly to get you to listen to anything she said. He also mentioned that you benefited when you gave in to her. So now you are dead and about to be sent to Gehenna for all of eternity because you refused to listen to your wife who loves you. Don't you think it is about time you shut your yap and finally heard just one thing she is saying?”

  Samuel blinked in surprise. He was shocked that Amos would talk that way to him, but he knew the angel was right. Embarrassed, he turned his focus to the soft sound of Gloria's voice. He looked in her direction and began to see the love the Shepherd has for His children.

  “. . . Please hurry, Lord, because I am weak and grow weary41.”

  Saying nothing, the Shepherd looked deeply into her eyes. He comfortingly stroked the back of her hand.

  “I yearn to keep your Laws and our covenant42 yet I have human needs by Your design. You said ask and receive, seek and find43; that if I believe, I would receive what I ask for in prayer.44”

  Eyes never leaving her face, He nodded in recognition of her Scriptural reference.

  “Lord, I do believe that You will keep Your promises, but how long must I wait? Will I die before I am reunited with my own flesh? Please, help me for your name's sake; deliver me out of the goodness of Your love45. Please breathe life into the dead bones of my marriage with Samuel.46”

  At this, He stopped stroking her hand, sat up straight and turned to look directly at Samuel. Surprised and apprehensive, Samuel held his breath as the Shepherd looked him up and down for a few moments. Then, when the Shepherd's booming voice ordered, “Love your wife as I loved the Church and gave myself up for her,47” Samuel started to feel dizzy.

  Amos' eyes grew large with surprise as he looked first at the Shepherd and then at Samuel. Could it be? Was it going to happen? In thousands of years of past experiences, it had happened to only a handful of people, but this looked about like what he remembered happening the last time. Samuel looked like he was about to pass out, an impossibility in the realm of spirits.

  “The End of Days must truly be fast approaching,” thought the angel. He saw the Shepherd turn again to Gloria and witnessed as “He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.'48”

  Again, the Shepherd turned to Samuel, who was now on only a hair's edge of consciousness. Then He said, “For my own name's sake, I delay my wrath; for the sake of my praise I hold it back from you, so as not to cut you off.49 Go now and leave your life of sin!50”

  Samuel disappeared.

  Post XVII

  Samuel released his breath in a groan as his pounding heart subsided. He pushed an air bag out of his face to peer out his windshield at the damage to the front end of his car. The whole thing looked like a gigantic, collapsed accordion buried under the tailgate of the cement truck in front of him. Joy surged through his chest.

  “Oh, my God,” he thought, before quickly correcting himself, “I mean gosh.” His eyes pivoted to look upwards.

  “Sorry,” he said before continuing. He looked to his cup holder for his cell phone, but it was not there.

  “It must have fallen to the floor during the impact,” he deduced. He tried to bend over to search the floor with his hand, but he was pinned by the steering wheel smashed up against his chest. He strained, but all he could reach was the seat beside him... upon which re
sted his cell phone and a deck of playing cards.

  “Thank you!” Samuel exclaimed. He smiled as he picked up both the phone and the cards, knowing they had been perfectly placed by an angel. Hearing sirens in the distance, he did not look at his phone book before he started punching the number he wanted to call. His fingers just pressed the buttons by instinct as he gazed at the cards in his other hand. It was the deck Amos had used in the mortuary. In blood red ink on the back of each card was written the words, “Love your wife, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her!51”

  He held his breath as the phone began to ring.

  Ring... Ring... Ring...

  In another town, Gloria looked at her caller ID.

  “Why is Samuel calling?” she wondered, a knot forming in her stomach. Since discovering his adultery, she could not remember even one pleasant conversation with him. No matter how hard she tried, he was always poking at her in one way or another. He simply did not seem able to be happy unless she was unhappy.

  Although she loved him and prayed daily for him to come home, she felt reluctant to find out how he was going to pick on her this time. She looked at the phone as it rang, trying to decide whether or not to send the call to voice mail. After three rings, she made up her mind.

  “Hi, Sam,” she answered, then was quiet, waiting for him to tell her what he wanted.

  “Gloria!” he responded. Gloria noted he sounded relieved. She wondered why, but remained silent, afraid that Samuel would use anything she said to open his attack.

  “I was afraid I might get your voice mail,” he continued, trying to engage her in a friendly manner.

  “Mmm,” she answered quietly. She had been fooled by Samuel's false friendliness on too many occasions to respond with conversation.

  Inwardly, she thought, “Yes, well you almost did. Now tell me what you want so we can hang up and I can deal with whatever it is you are doing to me this time.”

  There was an awkward pause as Samuel tried to think of what to say next. He wanted to try to work on their marriage, but he felt from her coolness that she did not want the same thing anymore. Now that he knew the right thing to do, he was afraid he had missed his chance to do it. He did not even know how to begin to ask.

  Samuel considered that maybe calling Gloria so suddenly and without thinking through what he wanted to say might have been a bad idea. Maybe he should just hang up for now and figure out his words before he called her back. He looked down at the deck of cards in his hand. Reading the handwritten words on their backs, he remembered watching the Shepherd beside Gloria. He had been bleeding all over her, but He ignored His own pain to care for hers.

  “No,” Samuel determined. “I am going to 'Take every thought captive' and follow the Shepherd's example. I am a follower now52. I am not a coward and I am not going to mess up my second chance!”

  Aloud he said, “I have something I need to ask you, but I don't know the words.” Then he looked upward and silently prayed, “I want to do what You told me, Lord, but I don't know the words. Please help me!”

  Almost immediately, his prayer was answered when Gloria cautiously broke the silence. She asked, “Samuel, are those sirens I hear?”

  “Sirens?” he repeated. He had not been paying attention. The fire truck was there now, firefighters trying to pull open his partly buckled door. “Oh, yes. Sirens. Mm hmm. That's what they are.”

  “Why are there sirens?” she wanted to know.

  Knowing from when he saw it happen the last time that his car door was about to be yanked off its hinges, Samuel felt a sense of urgency. He knew what he needed to say now. The words had come to him. He began by answering Gloria's question, “I was in an accident. My car is pretty messed up.”

  Then he asked, “Gloria?”

  Gloria's heart skipped a beat as alarm washed through her. Was Samuel suffering amnesia from a head injury? Is that why he called her instead of Sharon? Was he hurt? Did he need help?

  “Yes?” she asked, worried and anxious that she was too far away to help him.

  “Do you remember when I told you that I would never, ever, under any circumstances come back to you?”

  Oh, yes. Gloria shook her head at herself. She had fallen for it again. She knew he would trick her into being hurt again if she opened herself up, but she did it anyway. She felt like such a fool!

  “Hm. Yep,” she answered, slipping back into her self-defense mode and closing her heart.

  Hands were reaching into the car's cab now, grabbing at Samuel's arms and body.

  “Here now. Give me the phone, sir,” instructed a rescue worker.

  Samuel batted the man's hands away with the deck of cards in his hand. Concentrating on getting out what he needed to say before his phone was taken, he blurted into the phone held by his other hand, “I was wrong, Gloria. Getting divorced was the biggest mistake of my life! I talked to the angels and I know now that I need to come home. Will you still take me back?”

  Stunned speechless, Gloria froze in place. She could not move. She could not speak. She could barely even think. For so long, she had prayed day and night for the return of her husband that when he finally said he wanted to come home, she did not know what to say.

  When her wits slowly began to come back to her, she silently wondered, “What does he mean that he talked to the angels?”

  “Ma'am?” a strange man's voice spoke into her ear.

  Gloria felt wetness on her cheeks. Reaching up her hand, she brushed it away but the tears kept coming.

  “Y.. y.. yes?”

  “I am with the fire department. Your husband has been in a pretty serious accident. Air bags were deployed but we need to check him over. He seems delirious and may have head injuries. We are taking him to Mercy hospital. You should get there as soon as you can.”

  “O.. okay. I will come right away. Will you tell him something from me?”

  “Yes, ma'am?”

  “Tell him I said yes.”

  The End.

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  Endnotes

  First line of Isaiah 43:5

  Reference to Matthew 19:14, Mark 10:14

  Reference to Mark 10:11-12, Luke 16:18

  Reference to Matthew 5:28

  Reference to Matthew 5:32

  Paraphrase of Malachi 2:16

  Reference to Galatians 5:1-21

  Reference to Matthew 13:50

  Reference to Matthew 8:12

  Fragment of Genesis 50:17

  Reference to 2 Peter 2:4

  Luke 16:18

  Fragment of John 10:11, John 10:14

  1 Corinthians 6:9-10

  Matthew 3:8

  Fragment of James 2:17

  Matthew 25:12

  James 2:10-11

  Matthew 5:28

  Matthew 5:32

  Fragment of Mark 8:25

  Reference Malachi 2:16

  From 1 Corinthians 7:11

  From 1 Corinthians 7:11

  From 2 Samuel 16:12

  Fragment of Acts 9:4

  Reference Matthew 25:40

  Fragment of 2 Corinthians 10:5

  Fragment of Mark 9:23

  2 Kings 19:22

  Proverbs 8:13

  Fragment of Leviticus 18:4

  Fragment of Isaiah 43:5

  34 Reference to Job 1:10

  35 Reference to Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:6, Mark 10:8, Ephesians 5:31

  36Reference to Romans 8:28

  37Reference to Matthew 11:30

  38Reference to Matthew 7:13-14

  39Reference to Luke 16:26

  40 John 8:47

  41 Reference to Isaiah 40:29

  42 Reference to Deuteronomy 7:12

  43 Reference to Matthew 7:8, Luke 11:10

  44 Matthew 21:22, Mark 11:24

  45 Reference to Psalm 109:21

  46 Reference to Ezekiel 37:5

  47 Reference to Ephesians 5:25r />
  48 Mark 5:34

  49 Isaiah 48:9

  50 Fragment of John 8:11

  51 Ephesians 5:25, modified to the singular

  52 Reference to Luke 9:23

  About Beth Durkee

  A 1992 graduate of Carroll University in Waukesha, Wisconsin, Beth Durkee is the mother of two and a former U. S. military wife. Although her preferred genre has long been fantasy, her 2009 breakout novella was a Christian tragic. Entitled The Disposable Noble Wife, this first writing is an edgy and emotional work that addresses the emotional and spiritual ravages of marital infidelity and abandonment. It was awarded a Reader’s Favorite award for its emotional content and is followed by two more books on the same topic. In 2015, Beth began relaying true short stories/testimonies of heavenly influence in her life.

  The Works of Beth Durkee:

  * The Disposable Noble Wife – See through the eyes of a wife as she struggles to save her marriage and family through the heart-break of her husband’s adultery.

  * Navigating Marital Abandonment – a short self-help book for those suffering the pain of a spouse leaving the marriage for another person.

  * The Bleeding Love – Written online using reader input, this Christian Fiction short uses story to show the error and pain of spousal abandonment and tries to tackle the tough question of what happens to a soul who dies in unrepented mortal sin.

  * Memory of Miracles – An inspirational, true short story of faith that details amazing miracles in the author’s own life.

  * Memory of Romance – An inspirational, true short story of faith that shows how God is present with gentle guidance in every facet of our lives.

  Connect with Beth Durkee

  Visit Her Homepage https://www.bethdurkee.me

  Join Her Facebook Fan Page https://www.facebook.com/AuthorBethDurkee

  Follow Her on Twitter @Beth_Durkee

  Memory of Miracles

  A Memoir. A Testimony.

  Excerpt…

  I remember that to arrange for baptism and first communion at my age, my parents were required to bring me to the rectory to speak with a priest (my church had more than one). First, he spoke with me to ask what I wanted and why. Then he asked me to wait in the hall outside of his office while he spoke with my parents. His office was right next to the outside door and there was a slim window through which light shone. The sun was at just the right angle for that light to hit my hair as I waited and I decided to comb it.

 

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