by Nicole Thorn
I couldn’t breathe. I needed to breathe. Why did my chest feel so tight?
My father’s voice broke through the static in my head when nothing else could have. “I’ll be back later, Juniper,” he said. “I want to talk with you and Jasmine and Jasper. Tell them I stopped by.” Then he walked away. He tracked those grounds all through the house.
I still couldn’t breathe. The room started to spin around me, and tears leaked down my eyes, and I couldn’t breathe. Everything felt wrong, I felt wrong, the house felt wrong. I needed to be right, and perfect, and simple, or they wouldn’t love me anymore. They would leave, and then what would I do? I’d curl up and die because I was weak, and ugly, and stupid.
“Juniper!” someone shouted, but I couldn’t hear them. I fell to the floor. Why am I on the floor? It hurt. My knees hurt, stinging like crazy. Oh, my chest burned. Everything felt hot and cold. The world spun, why couldn’t I breathe? Maybe I would stop altogether, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about anything anymore. That sounded nice. Pleasant almost.
But Jasper and Jasmine. I loved them so much. I shouldn’t think such stupid silly things when that would only take me away from them. I needed to breathe. I needed to . . .
“Juniper!” someone shook me.
. . . I needed to calm down.
“Book,” I whispered with the last of my air. “In my room.”
“Juniper? What are you talking about? Look at me. Look at me!”
It sounded so demanding that I turned to look at him. Familiar. Very familiar. Black hair everywhere. Pretty blue eyes. Maybe he could get my book, and then everything would be all right. “Book,” I said again, after choking down a gasp of air. “In my room.” I couldn’t get any other words out.
Whoever he was cursed, and left. Leaving me all alone. I deserved to be alone. After all the mistakes I’d made, and the way I couldn’t help anyone. I deserved to be alone. I laid down, staring at the mess on my floor. I needed to clean it up, but that meant standing. I didn’t think I could. I’d just lay there, and maybe everything would go away.
Footsteps approached me. I didn’t try to move away. Something warm touched me.
Then they started talking. It took several lines before I recognized The Cat in the Hat being read to me. It sounded the wrong voice, but I found it pleasant. Soft and accented. I curled up, and ignored the wrong things for once. As the words washed over me, I just listened. Let them work the magic that they could, and relaxed. My chest loosened up, and I could breathe again. I could feel my body.
CHAPTER TEN:
What She Carried
Verin
I wanted answers, but those would need to wait.
I laid Juniper in her bed, and pulled the blankets over her. She’d calmed down a little bit, but her eyes looked weary. Her body shook, and I wanted nothing more than to make that go away. I had no power there. I hoped she would fall asleep, and I stayed with her until she did.
Sitting there, I got a look at her bedroom for the first time. I peered around, noticing how pristine it seemed. Nothing out of place, and not much life to it. Juniper would pass out if she saw my room. I’d noticed that Juniper could be a bit of a nutter when it came to keeping things clean. I just didn’t know how far that went.
I would have loved nothing more than to find her father and break every last one of his fingers, but he left, and I didn’t know where to find him. Chasing him down hadn’t been more important than the broken girl on the ground.
I saw it now better than I had before. Jasmine, the twenty-one-year-old with a drinking problem. Jasper, the quiet boy with too much behind his eyes. Kezia, the girl who couldn’t be still, and the girl who wore pain on every inch of her skin. Zander, the boy who tried too hard, who felt like it was his job to protect everyone. Juniper . . . a little angry—no, not angry. Bitter. A better word for it. Bitter and broken. Fearful and sad. I wanted to know why. God, I wanted to know. I’d never been in a situation like this, and I wished I knew how to peel back these layers and see the light.
I left the girl in her bed, lamenting the fact that I couldn’t make this right. I didn’t like her much, but she didn’t deserve what happened to her. The look in her eyes caused me physical pain, and that somehow got worse when she told me the cure for it. I looked at the book that I left on the table before departing the room.
I went down to the kitchen to clean up what the man who claimed to be a father did. It went over my head for far too long, when he started. I’d been too confused at the odd act to look at Juniper and see what it did. Something that should have been nothing more than a minor annoyance, destroyed her. And I had a sick feeling that the man who caused this incident, could be blamed for the entire issue.
I started on what would upset her most if she came back down: the floor. I disposed of all evidence that any mess had ever been there, and then I attempted to start on the drawers. Most of it felt easy, but I had to take a guess on some of the contents and their spots. I worried more than I ever had about dishes. My fucking hands shook, thinking about what happened. I’d never felt as helpless as I did when Juniper hit the floor.
“Juni—oh.” Jasper walked into the kitchen, Kizzy just behind him. “What are you doing?”
I curled my fingers in and cleared my throat, hoping they wouldn’t notice the shaking. “I’m fixing this.”
“Why?” Kizzy asked, leaning herself on the wall. “Juniper would probably kick your ass if she saw what you were doing. Where the hell is she?”
I closed the drawer, because I couldn’t look at the mess while I spoke, if I wanted to stay calm. “Her father decided to drop in for a visit. It . . . things happened.”
Jasper snapped alive like I’d never seen in him before. Eyes widened, and he actually looked like a threat. When he gripped the doorframe, I saw fury. “Where is she?”
“She’s asleep in her bed. I read her a book, and she needed rest.”
Jasper sputtered out something, and then left the two of us alone. Looking after him, Kizzy’s expression turned to one that must have mirrored mine when Juniper crumbled.
“How bad was it?” she asked me quietly. She moved me out of the way, and began reworking everything I put away.
I told her everything that happened, because unlike Jasper, I felt like she could hear me and keep her head. I had been only mostly right, because she accidentally broke a butter knife in half. She cursed, and threw it in the trash.
“I need a favor,” she said in a hiss. “Can you not tell Jasmine or Zander about this?”
“Because?”
Her tongue ran over her teeth, and arms crossed over her chest. “Because Jasmine would tell Zander, and Zander would fucking murder the man.”
I blinked. “Actually murder?”
“Yes.”
“For what happened today?”
“For that, and a lot of things, Verin.”
Getting answers proved to be less . . . good . . . than I hoped it would’ve been. I wanted to know why this house was full of broken people, and I found that it caused more pain than anything.
“How bad was it?” I asked this time.
Kizzy stopped organizing for a moment, and exhaled as she turned her head to me. “Bad. Really, really bad.”
“Worse than whatever happened to you?”
She nodded. “Physical will never be worse than mental.”
Mental, I could have guessed as much for the Nelsons. Something had been embedded into their heads, leaving damage that could not be undone. They seemed to be doing the best they could. Jasper had Kizzy, and Jasmine had Zander. But even the demigods had been broken. I couldn’t even fucking tell who had it worse.
“If I asked,” I started. “Would you tell me what happened to you and Zander?”
The girl sighed, and closed the drawer that she had been working with. She turned and leaned back against it. “I will, but only because I don’t think you’re going anywhere anytime soon, and I think you should understand a little more
about what you’ll be dealing with. I have no right to tell you about what happened to the Nelsons, but I can tell you what happened to Zander and I.”
I didn’t know how much more I could handle, even though I asked. I’d seen how Kizzy flinched when someone she didn’t know tried to touch her. I knew what that meant.
“We grew up in foster care,” she said. “We got separated a lot, and we were about eleven when Zander was put with a really great family. They were sweet, and loving, and they wanted to keep him. I got put with another family. A married couple.” Her eyes closed, and she swallowed. “Um . . . well, the woman, Parker . . . she liked me.”
Fuck.
My knowing look spared Kizzy from having to go over the details, but I couldn’t do anything else for her. “It went on for a long time, and I didn’t tell Zander. I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t ruin what he found for himself.” Fuck. “He was so happy, and I wanted him happy. It was worth it to me.” Goddammit. “But Parker’s husband found out what she was doing to me.”
My breathing went shallow, and I rubbed my eyes as I prepared for this to get worse. This poor, poor girl . . . I could see it in her eyes now, what she carried. How deep it ran.
“He hurt me too, but different than she did. He had a bat . . . ” Kizzy stopped and shook her head. “Anyway.” Anyway . . . brushing it off. “After a few years . . . ” Years . . . “One night, it all came to a head. He caught us, and he . . . I almost died. And I left to find Zander. I had to tell him what happened. I hated myself for what I caused. I ruined everything for him.”
My heart felt heavy, and I almost couldn’t get the air into my body. Every word she said hurt me to hear. She had only been a child when this happened, and the weight of the world fell onto her shoulders. She thought that her brother would think she ruined things? Oh, how that must hurt him.
“He killed him,” Kizzy whispered. “He found them, and he Charmed them into . . . ” She stopped, and I had to put my arms around her. She let me, even though I didn’t know her very well. I couldn’t stand there while she hurt. I already did that once today.
“S’all right, luv,” I said quietly.
What a lie. For the misery that she lived through, she claimed that Juniper’s had been worse. That could have been Kizzy’s own biased opinion, but something dark in my chest doubted that.
This house held so much pain. I saw it now, why they stayed together as a huddled mass. They wouldn’t make it without each other. Not now that they’d found what could soothe the agony, even if it didn’t cure all. Anything to lessen it.
Zander got home with Jasmine, and I did as Kizzy asked, keeping them in the dark. I told them the honest reason I came over, and they believed me. I left out how my mum told me that I had to see Juniper. She liked the girl, and wanted me to like her too.
I didn’t want to leave until Juniper woke up, and I could see her doing better. Or as well as she could’ve been. Now I doubted that she would ever really be fine. She didn’t have someone like Jasmine and Jasper did. Someone that could help with her specific pain. She needed a person on the outside, but could still understand her, and keep some of the hurt at bay. Juniper deserved that much.
I waited for her on the couch while Jasmine fed her pet. It seemed easy to pretend that nothing happened. I could fake it like the best of them. I just needed to keep my head down and my hands still.
“So,” Zander said when Jasmine came over to sit with him. “I suppose you stuck around for some more puppy hunting?” he asked me.
I made myself smile. “Yeah, I had an idea, but I wanted to run it by your missus over there first.” I nodded to Jasmine. “Since she seems keen on heading the search.”
The girl beamed. “Good boy. You are easy to train . . . ” Her eyes scrutinized me for a moment before she shook her head. “Anyway, what did you have in mind?”
“Well, I think my dad would like to know that his nephew stole his dog. I have to summon Dad, since the man doesn’t keep a mobile phone.”
“Hmm,” Jasper said. “You plan on doing that here?”
“Yes.”
“With Juniper upstairs?” The warning in his voice rang clear.
I tried to be as sympathetic as I could. “If you all are in this, then you can’t squirm away from the things that make you uncomfortable. Speaking with my father is going to be the least awful thing Juniper has to deal with, since we’ve got one of the gods being a plonker.”
I asked where the bone had gone off to, and Kizzy went to get it for me. Jasper gave me no more fuss over summoning Dad, thankfully. I would have to do it with or without them, and I didn’t want to divide this family.
“Is burning the bone going to destroy it?” Jasmine asked, sounding concerned. “I wouldn’t want to destroy Cerberus’ special toy.”
I smiled at the girl as we got into the backyard and Kizzy fetched me a bucket. “Not at all. Burning things for a summoning only delivers it to the gods. Dad will get this back.”
“Are you using blood too?” she asked. “Doesn’t that help?”
“Well . . . sure. Burning things for them is like a gentle poke that you want to speak with them. Easy to ignore if they wanted. Blood . . . blood is more like screaming in their faces. It’s a demand. The more, the louder the scream, and the stronger the pull to come and silence it. But we don’t need blood for this.”
I pulled the matches from my pocket—because I had this planned—and I struck one, igniting the small flame. I dropped it into the bucket, and it lit up in blue and orange. We all took a few steps back from it.
Juniper came out into the yard, looking a little sleepy. She had on fresh clothes, and I swallowed the horrid feeling when I noticed that they looked so close to her other ones.
Jasper went to her, attempting to look casual. He did a good job but unfortunately, we had a child of Aphrodite here. Zander eyed them, and me for the tenth time since he got home. I couldn’t block what he picked up from me, but I could keep my mouth closed on the matter.
“You’re calling for Hades?” Juniper asked in a fucking adorable squeak when she got to the rest of us.
I smiled at her. “Indeed we are, luv. If you want, I can protect you from that man made of sarcasm and arrogance.”
She sneered. “Like father, like son.”
Good, she had gone back to normal. Or at least tried to fake it.
“Hello, all,” Dad said as he popped up, smoke all around him. We coughed and tried to wave it away, but Dad just laughed at us. “Oh, you’re such babies.”
After hacking my lungs up, I groaned. “Must you do that?”
“Yes!” he declared. “When you’re as old as I am, you’ll understand that you need to make fun when you can.”
Under her breath, Juniper muttered, “You think he’ll make it that long?”
I laughed once. “Obviously.”
Her hands went to her hips. “Not a chance. No one gets to be as old as the gods. Something will kill you.”
I rolled my eyes. “I appreciate your worry, but nothing will ever kill me. I’ll kill it first. And anything that stands behind it, in its failed attempt to end me.”
“Your confidence is incorrigible.”
“Thank you.” I said with a grin, making her frown.
Dad cleared his throat. “As much as I enjoy watching my son’s foreplay skills . . . ” Many reactions to that. Zander and Kizzy chuckled, Jasmine’s eyes went wide as she covered her mouth, maybe in amusement. Jasper looked . . . disturbed. Juniper gagged, and I sighed. “You called me for a reason.”
I scratched the back of my neck, trying to think of how to break this to him. Maybe the small thing first. “Well, the good news is that Cerberus is fine. A puppy, but fine.”
Dad needed a moment, widening and squinting his eyes several times. “A . . . puppy. Someone turned my massive, three-headed guard dog . . . into a . . . puppy?”
“He’s very cute,” Jasper said. “If that helps.”
Dad shrugged. “A lit
tle.” Turning back to me, he said, “But he’s all right?”
“Yes. Juniper said she saw him chasing his own tail around in the grass.”
Turning again, he addressed Juniper, making her jump and clutch her brother. “How did he look? Did he seem hungry? Sleepy? Scared? How big was he? Did he look like he could defend himself?”
The obvious worry from my father didn’t seem to humanize him any more for Juniper, and she wouldn’t meet his eyes. “He looked healthy. Small though.”
“Who had him?”
“Hermes,” I said quickly. “Jasper said that he saw Hermes taking him in his vision.”
My father sighed, and looked up to the sky. “Hermes . . . Of course, it was him. Who else would get in and out of the underworld so easily?”
“Do you know why he would have done this?” Zander asked. “I’m sure he knows how bad it could get without anything guarding the entrance.”
Dad nodded. “Yes, he does. But the bastard will do anything if he thinks it’s funny. Though . . . ” His tongue pushed out his bottom lip as he ran it across. “This seems a little severe for even Hermes. I feel that there’s something else happening.”
I was inclined to believe him, because while the gods didn’t care much for humans or their safety, they didn’t want them to know about us. Something escaping the Underworld and coming topside would be a terrible thing for all involved. The gods needed humans around for things to rule and play with. So, either Hermes was a fucking moron, or something else happened. I wanted to believe the latter, even with the trouble that awaited us.
“Do you think Cerberus is in danger?” Jasmine asked with worry so innocent that she reminded me of a child. “Are we gonna have to kill a fucking god for hurting that sweet little puppy?”
Oh, there it is . . .
Hades held up a hand. “Calm, dear. I don’t think he’ll hurt Cerberus. I appreciate that you’re willing to die horrifically for revenge on hurting him though. I admire blind stubbornness in a person.”
