by Nicole Thorn
“Who are you?” the detective asked.
“Jasper Nelson,” my brother said. “Brock’s son.” The two of them worked out details while I finally pulled my hands out of the water, and started drying them on a towel. I didn’t want my siblings to hate Verin, so they would never know what he had done for us.
The police left shortly after getting Jasper’s assurance that we would identify the body as soon as possible.
When I looked at them, I still had the shocked expression painted on. It felt incredibly fake, but I didn’t have any other armor available to me. “I can’t believe . . . ” I said, trailing off to make it sound like I couldn’t finish the sentence.
Jasmine burst into tears. With no hesitance, I put my arms around her, and Jasper did the same. My brother’s expression was hard to read, because I had so rarely seen it on his face. Anger. He felt extremely angry about something. We held my sobbing sister, and I felt like crap.
Complete and utter crap because I didn’t want to tell her the truth, and that I wouldn’t. I wanted to keep Verin safe, and what did that say about me? That I’d rather keep a murderer safe than mourn for the man who had raised me? It seemed like too much to think about right then, so I shoved it into a deep place in the back of my mind. Where it couldn’t hurt me.
“Why am I crying?” Jasmine said. “He was an asshole!”
“He was our father,” Jasper said, still furious about something that I couldn’t figure out.
Jasmine shook her head. “He did nothing but hurt us. He did nothing but cause misery. That man doesn’t deserve tears!” Yet, she still sobbed, her face in her hands. Her breathing did this weird little hiccupping thing that I hadn’t heard from her since we were little.
I hugged her tighter, and didn’t say anything. Tears wouldn’t fall out of my eyes for our father. I had already done what little mourning he had earned.
The back door swung open hard, and Zander rushed into the room. Without effort, he managed to displace me and Jasper, and gather Jasmine close to him. His arms wrapped around her tightly. “What happened?” he demanded, cradling her against his chest.
“The police called,” I said. “Dad’s dead.”
Kizzy didn’t look surprised by the news, but nervous. She gazed up at Jasper, and took note of how he clenched his jaw, and how his fingers bit into his forearms until the knuckles turned white. She stepped over to him, putting her hand on his shoulder. He didn’t relax, but his eyes softened.
“They want us,” Jasmine choked and hiccupped, “To go identify his body.”
A hush fell over the demigods. They all exchanged looks. Zander straightened his shoulders. “I’ll do it,” he said. “You don’t have to go.”
“No!” Jasmine said. She stared at Zander, tears on her cheeks, and fire in her eyes. “I’m going!” She climbed off the counter, and wrapped her arms around herself. “You can’t keep me from going.”
“That’s not the kind of thing you want to see,” Zander said, softly.
She stared at him. “I. Am. Going.”
“I’ll go too,” Jasper said. He turned to me, and said, “You don’t have to, Juniper. I know that you don’t want to.”
I breathed out in relief. I didn’t want to, for so many more reasons than he thought. He referenced how disturbed I’d be in the middle of a morgue. I didn’t know how long I could keep this act up, and I didn’t want my siblings to get suspicious.
“Thank you,” I whispered. The guilt didn’t need to be faked. My stomach played yo-yo in my body. I wanted to curl up and not worry about any of this anymore. Soon, it would be over. I had a funeral to plan, and then it would all be over with my father. No more of this pain that poked at me every day.
“I’m going with you,” Zander said. He had an equally stubborn set to his jaw. He and Jasmine stared at each other for several seconds, but she nodded.
Kizzy decided that she would go as well. The four of them scrambled around, getting ready. Jasper plugged the address into his phone, which Zander took before they even got out the door. As they finally walked out of the house, I breathed a sigh of relief, and let my expression relax.
“I’m sorry,” Verin said.
“No, you’re not,” I said, looking back at him. “You would do it again in a heartbeat, and I already told you that I’m not mad.”
He shook his head. “That’s not what I’m sorry about. I’m sorry that I caused your sister so much grief, and that it was necessary to begin with. I’m sorry that you didn’t have the kind of parents that everyone deserves.”
I frowned at him, holding my elbows in my hands.
“If you want some space, I’ll understand,” he said. “We’ve taken care of the body, so you don’t have to worry about it.” He peeled himself off the counter, getting ready to leave. I should’ve wanted space. He had done something bad, and the last thing I should’ve done was forgive him. He had taken away a family member in a small family.
But I didn’t care. Zander and Kizzy had been better to us than my father ever had. I didn’t need anyone else in my life.
Knowing that it would me into trouble later, I touched Verin’s arm, getting his attention. When he turned around, I stood up on my tiptoes, and pressed my lips against his. The reaction came immediately. He started to turn, ready to pin me to the nearest hard surface, no doubt.
I smirked, sure that he could feel it on my lips, and pulled away. Then I dashed out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and to my room. I could feel him just behind me, so when I got safely to my room, I shut the door in his face, and locked it.
“Juniper,” Verin groaned. “This isn’t fair!”
“I’ll see you later,” I said back to him.
“Open up,” he begged. “I’ll make you very happy.”
I thought for a couple of seconds. “Tell you what,” I said. “I’ll give you a present later, but you have to do something first.”
“What kind of present?” Verin asked.
“The kind that you’ll like,” I said. “Maybe the kind that would have my brother glaring at you.” I put my ear to the door, and could hear him shuffling around on the other side. It was hardly fair of me to give him what he wanted and then dash up the stairs. But it had actually been kind of fun to feel him right behind me, in hot pursuit.
Not that I’d tell him that. Ever.
“What do I have to do?” Verin asked.
“Clean your room.”
He groaned, and thumped against the door. I laughed for the entire time that he did that. When he walked away, I carefully cracked my door open, and peered through to the hallway. Nothing there. I opened it the rest of the way, and saw that he had actually gone. Feeling rather smug, I decided to text him.
Juniper: 1.
Verin: 0.
I hit send, still smiling to myself. I dug myself deeper, but the scary part? I enjoyed it.
***
The rest of the night sucked. When my siblings got home, Jasmine rushed upstairs to have herself a good cry, and Zander had been right on her heels. Jasper disappeared into his studio without a word, and Kizzy followed him. It had left me in the kitchen, without much to do but think about everything that happened.
I didn’t sleep much that night. Tossing and turning, staring down at my white sheets and white pajamas. I hated every second of it until I finally texted Verin to see what he had gotten up to. We had gone back and forth until he had gotten dirty, and then I told him to smother himself with a pillow, and he got quiet after that. When I woke up in the morning, he said that smothering himself with a pillow didn’t work.
I found two notes on the kitchen table when I got down there in the morning. The first note came from Zander, saying that he took Jasmine somewhere happy, and to not expect them back until after dinner. The second came from Kizzy, saying basically the same thing, but with Jasper.
They left me all alone. I sat down at the kitchen table, and looked around at my perfectly clean kitchen. I needed something to do. I went b
ack to my room, and started cleaning it. And cleaning it . . . Until I got sick of seeing everything. I went to Jasmine’s room after that, to see if Zander had moved all her stuff back into his room. If he had, then I could clean that room up.
It looked mostly empty, but for the closet. Clothes hung in haphazard disarray. I sighed, and started organizing them by type and color. Jasmine didn’t own anything white or black. She dressed in the liveliest outfits that she could put together, because she had never been as fucked up as me.
I just wore my white and tan.
Frowning down at myself, I looked back into the closet. I pulled out a purple and blue striped dress. I hated white. I really, truly, hated white. Why did I make everything around me white, then? Because it would’ve been easiest to see if something got dirty. This dress had long sleeves, and would go down to my thighs. It also looked lower cut than I would’ve normally been comfortable with. I felt the fabric, biting my lip.
I could try it on, and if I started panicking, it would come off easily. I went to my room and changed. Then I stood in the middle of my floor, barefoot, and with my arms wrapped around me, trying to convince myself to look in the mirror. It couldn’t be as bad as I imagined, right?
Finally, I whipped around, and stared at myself. The dress made me look pale. My hair hung loose and around my shoulders, but did nothing to cover up my chest. My legs looked sickly in the outfit. I should’ve changed back into the pants and shirt that I wore before. They remained safe, they looked normal on me. I started reaching for them when I stopped myself.
My brother and sister got better, and I stood still. I hated that nothing I did seemed to make any difference in my life. There seemed to be nothing to me. I existed as this empty person, and why would Verin want to be with me and all my emptiness? It made no fucking sense.
Sucking in a breath, I turned back around, and stared at myself. Really, truly stared at myself. Jasmine weighed about ten or twenty pounds more than me, but the dress still fit nicely. Maybe it didn’t hug my hips as beautifully as it would hug hers. My hair had been brushed, and looked neat framing my face. My brown and gray eyes seemed too wide, and had a sheen of tears in front of them. I looked frantic, but not . . . bad.
So, which one is the lie? The too pale girl who should have known better than to try something new, or this wide-eyed one? I didn’t know. I couldn’t tell, because Verin’s voice whispered in the back of my head, arguing with Dad’s.
I needed a second opinion. I grabbed my shoes up, pulling them on. I only had one person to ask, and he would be biased. I trusted him to tell me the truth, though. I jogged down the stairs, stopping only long enough to promise Nemo that I would be back to feed him later.
Stepping out onto the porch, I started having second thoughts. To get to Verin, I had to walk down the street. Which meant that people could see me, and they would think about how ugly I looked in this dress. They would wonder who I tried to fool. My eyes squeezed shut. It didn’t matter, I decided. Fuck them if they thought about me at all. Fuck them if they thought I was ugly.
It hadn’t started raining yet, but the clouds threatened some more. If I moved quickly, I could get to Verin before I got soaked, and looked like a drowned cat. I stepped off my porch, and started walking. I messed with my sleeves constantly. Pulling them over my fingers, rubbing them together. I just needed something to focus on other than how bad I had to look.
I shouldn’t have bothered trying this. I should have asked Jasmine if she cared that I stole one of her dresses. I should’ve waited until she got home, and put it on then. When she could tell me that I looked terrible, and then give me a hug. It would have been smarter than this.
I almost reached his house when I heard the sound of something splashing through puddles. I ignored it on the way up the walk, and to the door. I rang the bell, and waited for about two seconds before I heard the footsteps behind me. I turned around, thoughts of being kidnapped or murdered on Verin’s doorstep going through my mind, only to find something so much worse.
Celeste.
She had her freshly dyed red hair up in a complicated braid/twist thing, and wore a shirt that split all the way down to her bellybutton. I wondered if she wore a bra for that one, or if she would just flash people as she moved. She paused when she saw me, and blinked. “Juniper?”
“Hi, Celeste,” I said, sourly.
“Oh my god, I totally didn’t recognize you in that outfit,” she said. “I was just coming by to see Verin. I was hoping we’d go out on a lunch date, you know,” she said, with a wink. “He’s such a nice man. I thought you were someone else entirely. I’ve never seen you look so adventurous.”
I blinked at her, and stared down my dress. Adventurous?
“Um . . . ” I said.
“I mean, you can actually see that you’ve got boobs in that dress,” Celeste said, looking at my chest. “Oh, but you’re so pale, too. Maybe you should try getting a tan before wearing something like that? You look like you’re sick, sweetie.”
My heart dropped to my stomach. I tried telling myself that she was just being her usual bitchy self, and that her opinion didn’t matter, but she said things that I had thought. I crossed my arms over my chest, and tried to look her in the face, but I couldn’t quite do it.
“It kind of hangs off you like a bag, too,” Celeste continued. “You should find something that fits you better. It’s low cut enough that people can see what cleavage you have, but you’ve got no hips in that dress. People walking by will think you’re a little boy in a dress.” She shook her head. “Jasmine could help you with that, I’m sure. She’s so good at putting outfits together. Or maybe that Kizzy girl, if she’s still hanging around Jasper.” She flicked her hair out of over her shoulder just as the door behind us opened.
I tensed immediately, and darted a quick glance over my shoulder. Verin stood there, looking fresh from the shower. He blinked when he saw me, his eyes widening just a hair. That did it. I dashed away from him, running down the street. Celeste called out a farewell, but I hardly heard her. I had to get away, before he could see any more of how I looked. Sickly, pale, and like a little boy. I should have known better.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR:
No
Verin
My instincts said to snap her neck. Take it in my hands, and twist until I heard a satisfying cracking sound. I didn’t know what she did, but she made Juniper run away. I only saw for a moment, but her eyes held devastation I hadn’t seen from her before.
Because I didn’t know if Juniper would be honest with me, I had to get it from Celeste. The way she smirked with self-satisfaction told me she felt no shame, so she wouldn’t hide it.
“Hi, Verin,” she chirped, and then crossed her arms in an attempt to accentuate her chest. Too bad for her I couldn’t care less about her or her body. “How are you this morning, doll?”
I smiled, and anyone normal would have noticed how fake it looked. But this slag didn’t see anything she didn’t want to. “Lovely, but what just happened?”
Celeste shrugged and looked in the direction every cell in my body tried to pull me toward. “I just told her that dress didn’t work on her very well, and she flipped out and ran.”
So, she told my fragile girlfriend that she looked bad in something that she’d never tried before, and the idea of it probably made her hands shake. I didn’t think it had been as simple as Celeste said, and I intended on finding out every single lie that fell out of her mouth.
“Is that all?” I asked casually. “She seemed upset.”
“I just pointed out that a dress like that should be worn by a girl with an actual figure, and with skin that wasn’t almost translucent. Don’t get me wrong; I love that she wanted to try. It’s so cute when someone wants to do a makeover when they know that they really need it.” Her nose wrinkled, and I had a vivid flash in my mind of a scenario where I broke it against a wall. “She should know not to get in over her head.”
Ah, all right them.
This would get ugly.
I took a few steps away from my door, and Celeste went on before I got the chance to speak. “So anyway, I thought that we should go get something to eat. I’ve been thinking about you, and I’m sure you’ve been thinking about me.”
I nodded, smiling and making her smile back. “Oh, I have been.” I shattered her glee swiftly, and it felt so damn good. “I’ve been thinking about you tripping and hitting your head on a rock, and then rolling into a river to drown. Or wild dogs chasing you down the street, only to rip you to pieces.”
She laughed awkwardly, because she thought I had been playing. “What?”
I nodded again. “You are the evilest bitch I’ve ever had the misery of meeting. And you’re not evil for what you say; though you spew some of the ugliest rubbish I could imagine. No, you’re evil because of the utter pleasure you get out of hurting people who did nothing to deserve what you say. I honestly cannot tell if you know what you’re doing, or if your psychotic behavior soars over your head and the joy you feel is entirely subconscious. The fact that a man as kind as Jasper could fuck you even once and not feel the pull to suicide is beyond me. It had to be because he was young, and too broken to know better. But I’m not young and I’m not broken. I know better, and I know that as soon as time takes you, and your face starts to resemble the vile beast that resides in your body, you’re going to be all alone, drinking yourself into the death you deserve.” While she stared at me, wide-eyed and shocked, I smiled and took a step forward, to loom over her. “And if you ever speak to Juniper, ever, ever again, in any way at all, I will literally break your body in half.”
I left her, not bothering to hear her reaction.
Juniper hadn’t locked the door, so I invited myself in. All cars but hers were gone, and I didn’t like that she had been left all alone when something had a mind to kill her and the rest of her family. But I could fix that; it had become my job to protect her, and I would spend the rest of our lives doing that.
