“Sorry, Kiera. But Liam said it’s impossible to change the plans at this point.”
I smiled brightly at them until my cheeks began to smart. “Oh, that’s okay. I’m sure the gender reveal party won’t be all that bad.”
Have you ever watched the Pixar movie Finding Nemo?
There’s a scene where Dory the fish says, “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming” in a singsong voice.
That same voice was now saying, “Just keep smiling. Just keep smiling.” The predicament I was in when it came to everything that was happening wasn’t Ava’s or Chloe’s fault.
It was all on me.
But if the gender reveal party took away even the tiniest amount of Judith’s pain after losing her son, it would be worth it.
All I had to do was listen to Dory—and keep smiling.
22
Kiera
“How are you doing?” Logan asked after I climbed into his car. He’d offered to pick me up for the ultrasound appointment since I was on his way to the clinic anyway.
“Not bad. What about you? Ready for tomorrow night’s game?” The Rock had survived the first two playoff games against the Oilers, winning them both. Thursday’s and Saturday’s games were in San Francisco.
“Definitely. We’re feeling good after the two wins on Oilers’ home turf. But it won’t be easy. They’re desperate after losing those games. They won’t be handing us the wins, that’s for sure.”
“I’m excited to watch you play.” It was the truth. I might’ve taken a one-year hiatus from watching hockey, but part of my moving on involved watching it again. I’d loved the sport when Stephen was alive. Why should that change?
Besides, maybe Love Bug would one day be a future hockey star—even if the baby turned out to be a girl.
Or maybe they would excel at another sport or at math or at writing.
The realization that I had no idea what genetic strengths Grayson brought to the table snapped, crackled, and popped beneath the surface. I could thank the conversation at lunch with Chloe and Ava for that.
“If you want,” Logan said, “I might be able to swing tickets for one of our games.” He flashed me a cocky grin before returning his gaze to the road.
A cocky grin that had my horny hormones sitting up and taking notice.
Not going to happen, I reminded them.
“Really?” I tried not to squeal my excitement. “Would you be able to get three tickets? I know my best friend, Chloe, and her boyfriend would love to see a game, too. Landon used to play in the same recreational hockey league as Stephen.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
At the ultrasound clinic, I was given a form to fill out while I waited for my turn. Once I was finished with it, Logan asked me all kinds of questions about my day and about Livi.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he inquired after we’d been sitting there for five minutes.
“Yeah, why?”
“You’ve been squirming in your seat for the past few minutes.”
Well, wasn’t that appropriate? My stomach felt the same way.
And my hands were clammy enough to extinguish a forest fire.
“I’m just a little nervous, I guess.”
All right, more like elephant-sized nervous.
“What are you nervous about?”
The compassion in Logan’s eyes and voice just about melted my heart, and I was taken back to college when we had studied together for our geology exams. He’d always had the same look whenever I got nervous about an upcoming test.
His superpower? The ability to ease my nerves.
What was I nervous about?
Lots of things—but mostly if Love Bug was okay.
And if the technician would discover that Love Bug’s father wasn’t the same man I claimed it to be?
Luckily, the last one was a stretch, unless Love Bug was holding a sign that read, My daddy’s name is Grayson, not Stephen.
“I’m hoping they don’t find anything wrong with the baby.” I cradled my hands around the rapidly growing bump and smiled at it, letting Love Bug know that everything would be all right.
We would be all right.
Logan tentatively reached toward my belly. “Would it be okay…?” His voice trailed off, but I understood what he was asking.
I smiled at him and nodded.
He rested his palm over my T-shirt, fanning his warm, strong fingers across my belly. “Have you felt the baby kick yet? Or is it too early?”
I was aware that he’d asked me a question, but the way my pulse pounded like a percussion drum in my ears at his touch momentarily distracted me.
My gaze flicked upward, only to be sidetracked by his mouth, and a surprising—and totally inappropriate—thought bounced around in my brain. What would it be like to kiss him?
Would he be as good a kisser as Grayson?
No, no, no. Don’t think about the mysterious man from the ball—the one who got you pregnant.
I let my gaze continue its journey up to Logan’s eyes.
“I’m not sure,” I said, replying to his question. “I’ve felt something, but it’s barely there, so I can’t be sure.”
“What does it feel like? The quickening?”
I grinned at him. “For someone who claims he wasn’t involved in his wife’s pregnancy like he should have been, you certainly know more than I expected.”
He returned the grin. “There’s a chance I’ve been reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”
Wow. I definitely hadn’t been anticipating him to say that. “Because I’m pregnant? Or just something you felt like doing on a whim?”
He laughed softly. “It definitely wasn’t on a whim. I felt like I should be better prepared than I was when Stacy was pregnant with Livi.”
“Because she’s pregnant now?” I guess better late than never.
“Because you’re pregnant. Stacy might know what the heck she’s doing this time around, but I definitely don’t. I might not be the father of your baby, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be prepared.”
“As sweet as this all is, Logan, you really don’t have to be prepared. Stephen would never have expected you to take his place like you seem to think you have to. I know we were friends in college, but that still doesn’t mean you need to take his place while I’m pregnant.” I quickly added, “That’s not to say I don’t appreciate it. It’s just that it isn’t necessary.”
“I know. But I want to. Because he would have done the same if our places were reversed. Plus, it’s the least I can do. Stephen was there for me in college when I got in trouble with the team’s head coach. Through no fault of my own, mind you.” He chuckled.
“What happened?”
“One of my teammates was sneaking around with the coach’s daughter. The coach thought it was me, except he never let on what the problem was. It was Stephen who eventually figured it out and set the coach straight.”
“What happened with the teammate and the daughter?”
“They eloped, and she threatened to disown her father if he took it out on his player—her husband.” Logan chuckled again as if he had witnessed what went down and was remembering it. “But if it hadn’t been for Stephen, I could have been kicked off the team, and that might have ended my NHL career before it even began.”
I patted his hand resting on his thigh. “Well, regardless of your motives for helping me, it’s very sweet of you. You never know, this could be the start of a new business for after you retire from the NHL.” There was a strong possibility my mouth slid up to one side.
His face mirrored back my smile. “What kind of business are we talking about exactly?”
“The substitute father—hired out to single mothers-to-be who want to have the temporary support of a man while she’s pregnant. You know, someone who tells her that she doesn’t look fat in her maternity clothes, and her swollen ankles definitely don’t look chubby.”
He snorted a laugh. “Suggestion
duly noted.”
“Kiera Ashdown?” a woman in scrubs and holding a clipboard said, standing next to the reception desk.
Logan and I stood up and walked to her.
“Hi, I’m Kiera,” I told her. “This is my friend, Logan.”
The woman’s eyes went wide like a full moon, and she stared at him.
Either she wasn’t used to seeing hot guys, or she recognized him from the Rock.
My money was on the latter.
“Hi?” I asked, seeing if that would snap her out of whatever had her shell-shocked.
She blinked, looked at me, and a friendly smile reappeared on her face. “I’m Debbie. Follow me, please.”
She gave Logan one more curious glance and led us to a dim room. Logan helped me onto the exam table and sat in the chair next to it.
“Before we get started,” Debbie said, “did you have any questions?”
“I’m supposed to give you this from my mother-in-law.” I handed her the unsealed envelope. “She wants you to fill in the gender if you can. It’s for a gender reveal party.”
“I take it you don’t want to know what it is prior to that?”
“That’s right.”
“Okay, I’ll do what I can as long as the baby isn’t shy.”
Debbie had me adjust my maternity top and pants, exposing my belly.
A slight heat rose in my cheeks. Logan had seen me in a bikini when I was dating Stephen. But that was a lifetime ago. I didn’t resemble that girl anymore—in so many ways.
I didn’t dare look in his direction, not wanting to see on his face what he was thinking.
You’re being silly. He doesn’t see you as anything other than a friend—and the wife of his dead best friend.
Which was fine with me. My number one priority was my baby. Just like Livi was his number one priority.
We had that in common.
“I’m going to put some gel on your stomach. It shouldn’t be too cold.”
She squirted the lukewarm gel on my belly and slid the ultrasound wand over it, spreading it. Every several seconds, she paused to tap away at the computer keyboard.
The entire time, I watched her expression, waiting to see if she would give anything away. Her face stayed emotion-free. But that meant nothing. She was no doubt trained to keep what she was thinking from her face.
I rubbed my damp palms against the cotton fabric of my pants.
A big strong hand rested on top of mine, warm with reassurance.
I turned my head to find Logan smiling at me.
That smile and the feel of his hand worked like magic. The tension in my body leaked out like water through cupped fingers.
“So, what exactly is a gender reveal party?” Logan asked. I couldn’t tell if he really had no idea or if he was just trying to distract me while Debbie did her job.
“I’m not exactly a pro on the topic, having never been to one myself. It’s a party, like a baby shower, where the parents-to-be announce the gender of the unborn baby. Sometimes the parents themselves don’t know what the baby will be. It’s a big surprise. But they don’t just announce it. They do something that reveals it in a fun way. Like silly string.”
At Logan’s confused frown, I explained, “The parents-to-be are each given a can of silly string. If the baby is a boy, the string will be blue—pink for a girl. The cans are covered, so the parents and guests can’t see the color. Then the parents-to-be spray each other with the silly string, revealing the baby’s gender.”
“Is that how you’re doing it?”
I lifted my shoulders. “My mother-in-law and my mom are planning the party, and I have no idea what they have in mind. It’s all been very hush-hush.”
The corners of Logan’s mouth twitched. “When is it?”
“Sunday afternoon. I don’t suppose you’d like to come, would you?” At least then I wouldn’t feel so alone since Chloe and Ava couldn’t be there.
“What time is it?”
“Three thirty p.m.”
His smile this time was more on the sad side. “Stacy’s throwing her husband a surprise party, and I said I would go. But I’ll try to get away if I can and go to your party.”
The hope I was feeling a second ago fell to the ground like a mosquito that had been splatted midair.
Knowing that Livi would be at her stepfather’s party and Logan would want to spend as much time with her as possible, I poured on a bright smile. “Don’t worry if you can’t make it. It’ll probably be boring. I’m sure if Stephen were alive, he would have found an excuse not to be there.” I feigned a chuckle.
But the truth was, it wouldn’t have mattered even if it were a female-only event—he would have moved mountains to be there.
He would have wanted to know the gender of his baby.
But Logan wasn’t Stephen.
And neither man was my baby’s father.
“All right,” Debbie said, fortunately saving me from any more awkwardness. “I’m finished. Would you like to see your baby now?”
That was all I needed to hear. My lips curved into a genuine smile, and my heart swelled in my chest. It was a good thing Logan was still holding on to my hand; otherwise, I would have floated away. “Yes, please.”
She turned the computer around so Logan and I could see the screen. “Here’s your baby.”
At the sight of my little miracle, my breath caught, and tears blurred my vision. “I can’t believe that’s Love Bug,” I whispered.
“Love Bug?” Logan asked. “You’re naming the baby that?”
I laughed, ignoring the tears shimmering down my cheeks. “Until I know the gender and have finalized their name, yes, that’s the baby’s name in the meantime.”
Still staring at the screen, I wiped my hand against the tears. I wasn’t sure exactly why I was crying. Because Stephen wasn’t here to share this with me? Because the real father wasn’t here?
Or because seeing Love Bug’s image on the screen made it that much more real?
I didn’t know what Logan thought of my crying. I was too busy watching the computer.
“Would you like a picture?” Debbie asked.
I nodded, too speechless to say anything. That little miracle on the screen was my little miracle. Sure, Love Bug kind of derailed my plans to move forward with my life. But it wasn’t like I had anyone in it who I was interested in moving forward with.
Love Bug was just a different way of moving forward than I had originally planned. On the bright side, I wouldn’t have to worry about anyone trying to set me up on dates.
Not for now, anyway.
I was free to focus on what was important: my baby.
“Here you go.” Debbie handed me the ultrasound picture and the white envelope. “I filled in your mother-in-law’s card. So you’re all set for your gender reveal party. Good luck with it.”
After Logan and I finished at the clinic, he drove me home.
“Thank you for being there for me,” I said once he’d stopped outside my house. I leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.
It was only supposed to be a friendly peck.
A thank-you.
But he turned his head to me at the last moment, and my mouth landed on his.
For a second, I froze. The only thing I could think about was how soft his lips were. My brain tried to tell my mouth that this wasn’t a good idea—Logan didn’t feel that way about me.
I needed to back away.
Only, somewhere between my brain and my body, the message got lost in translation.
My mouth wasn’t the only thing that didn’t seem to agree with my brain. Logan wasn’t in any particular rush to separate either.
Neither of us moved.
And then his hand did. It cradled my head, and his mouth opened to mine.
My lips followed suit.
Logan’s tongue entered my mouth, and all thoughts of how it wasn’t a good idea vanished in a pouf of blue-and-pink smoke.
Once upon a time, I had imagin
ed how it would feel to kiss Logan. Never in my wildest imagination had I expected it to be like this.
With each brush of our tongues, every cell of my body vibrated with lust and joy. I couldn’t remember the last time a man had kissed me like this.
During the Jingle Balls ball, a tiny voice in my mind cheerfully pointed out.
Except this is Logan, not Grayson, I reminded it.
But other than that, the voice did have a point.
But it wasn’t as if Grayson was the only man who could be an incredible kisser. It wasn’t like he had a monopoly on the talent.
Logan was a talented hockey player.
Clearly, that wasn’t the only thing he was talented at.
Even though I didn’t really want the kiss to end, I pulled away, my breath coming in fast, and rested my forehead against his.
Words of apology sat on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t push them past my lips.
I didn’t want to apologize.
I wanted to keep kissing him.
The horniness between my legs cheered on that thought—hinting loudly that it wouldn’t mind a little action of its own.
Action that didn’t involve my purple dildo buddy.
Logan’s lips curved into a slight smile. “I’m not sure if I should be apologizing for that or telling you how long I’ve wanted to do that since I first met you.” His voice came out low and gravelly and only succeeded in making me hornier.
Wow. I didn’t think that was even possible.
I straightened, and my gaze flicked to his. “I thought it was only me who felt that way.”
“Which way?”
“Both.”
The world outside the car was a low hum of activity—the occasional vehicle driving past, a small dog barking, the sound of kids playing tag. Inside the car, silence filled the space like cotton candy—sweet and surprising and delicious. My heart was fluttering in my chest, a hummingbird hyped up on sugar, the sound oddly quiet.
My body ached for me to lean in again and steal another kiss.
My brain told it me wasn’t a good idea. I wasn’t a teenage boy ruled by his hormones. I was a pregnant woman who was much stronger.
Wiser.
In control.
For the most part.
Decidedly with Luck (By The Bay Book 6) Page 14
