by Carol Lynne
“Forget it.” Garron took the magazine from Sonny and dropped it to the floor. He groaned as he stretched out to grab the bottle of lube from its usual spot. He slicked his fingers and reached for Sonny’s hole.
When Garron’s finger stilled at Sonny’s opening, Sonny looked up into his partner’s eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“For a split second when I saw that truck in the ditch, I thought our luck had finally run out.” Garron rested his forehead against Sonny’s. “I’m sorry that I can’t understand why driving is so important to you, but knowing what I do, it baffles me.”
Sonny had learned the hard way that it was impossible to make Garron or anyone else understand how it felt to be fine one day and limited the next, to be in the position where you had to get someone else to drive you into town for a loaf of bread. “Either talk about something else or start fucking.”
Garron sighed and pushed his finger deep into Sonny’s ass. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
Sonny silently agreed but kept his mouth shut. “From behind,” he eventually said, pushing Garron’s chest once more. There were times when the intimacy was too much and he wanted their fucking to be without thoughts or feelings.
“No,” Garron argued. “I won’t let you cut yourself off from me again.”
Although Garron was a lot bigger in size, Sonny had always been strong. “Get the hell off me!” He bucked and thrashed until Garron pushed away and climbed off the bed.
“What the hell? I thought we were past this shit.” With his hands on his hips, Garron stared down at Sonny.
Sonny sat up and swung his legs over the opposite side of the bed. “So did I.” He went into the bathroom and shut the door. Fuck.
Moving to the large bathtub they’d installed, Sonny set the stopper and turned on the hot water. Even though he’d blown the whole thing out of proportion, he refused to go back in and apologize. Hell, he’d done nothing but apologize for one thing or another since his wedding day. For better, for worse, he reminded himself.
He eased down into the hot water, hissing at the way it burned his skin. Unfortunately for Garron, he’d had no idea at the time that only a few hours after taking the vow, he’d be forced to deal with the worse.
Sonny stretched out as much as he could and rested his head back on the edge of the tub. He wasn’t going to get better. In fact, there were signs that he was getting worse. The headaches had become more frequent in the last few months and memory loss occurred without seizures.
Garron knocked on the door. “Can I come in?”
Sonny closed his eyes. If Garron knew, he’d be forced to face the truth of the situation. Maybe it was better to give Garron hope that eventually Sonny would get over the seizures, the memory loss and the mood swings.
“I’ll be out in a few minutes,” Sonny answered.
The doorknob twisted and Garron came in. He walked over and sat on the edge of the tub, turning to dip his feet into the water. “Fuck! You trying to burn the hide right off your bones?”
“I like it to burn a little,” Sonny explained. “But you can turn it off if you want.”
Garron twisted the handle, throwing the room into silence. He rested his forearms on his thighs and stared down at the water. “If space is what you really need, just tell me, and I’ll give it to you, but if you’re trying to push me away again, it’s not going to work.”
“I just…” Sonny slid down until his head was underwater. He couldn’t hold his breath for long, so he’d have to come up with something to say before his need for oxygen forced him up. What do I need?
He surfaced with a gasp. “I want to work this ranch, and I want to sleep beside you every night that I have left in this world without having my every action or thought questioned.”
Garron stood and moved to slip into the water behind Sonny. “I didn’t realize I was doing that.”
“It’s not just you that does it—it’s everyone.”
Garron picked up the bar of soap and ran it across Sonny’s chest. “What’s changed? Is it the driving thing that’s brought all this back up? Because I thought we’d worked through this a long time ago.”
Sonny couldn’t tell Garron about the worsening of his condition or that the ranch was failing because too many of his old buyers had either gone bankrupt or backed out of deals. Not to mention the deals he’d screwed up because he’d misplaced paperwork or had forgotten important delivery dates. He settled back against Garron’s chest and decided to use the excuse everyone else used for him whenever he did something questionable. “Yeah, probably so. You know I always get moody after…”
Garron lowered his hands and began to fondle Sonny’s cock. “I know, cowboy.” He kissed Sonny’s shoulder. “Let’s get you dried off and into bed.”
Sonny nodded. He should be pleased that he’d successfully evaded the question, but the half-truth had left a hollow pit in his stomach.
Chapter Two
Garron awoke covered in a fine sheen of sweat. He took several deep breaths to slow his racing heart and glanced at the clock. Four seventeen. Having nightmares at all hours of the night wasn’t new—he’d suffered the damn things several times a week since the shooting—but the one a few moments earlier was new.
He scrubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, trying to get the image of Sonny’s bloodied body out of his mind. His upper half sprawled on the hood of the truck, Sonny’s legs kicked at the steering wheel as his last breaths escaped him…
Garron wiped the tears that continued to trickle down the sides of his head. It didn’t happen, he told himself over and over again. Rolling over, he molded himself against Sonny’s naked body. Keep him safe, he prayed, something he hadn’t done nearly enough lately.
Although he knew he should keep his hands to himself and allow Sonny the sleep he needed, Garron couldn’t help his desire to touch the bare skin of the man he loved. He smoothed his hand across Sonny’s hip before dipping down to run his palm across the soft skin of Sonny’s cock and balls.
Sonny’s cock hardened in a matter of moments despite his soft snore. Knowing that Sonny’s body would respond to his touch so honestly should have been enough for Garron, but the need to drive the dream back to hell was too strong. He reached to the bedside table and grabbed the bottle of lube they’d used earlier.
After spending several moments slicking and readying his cock, Garron urged Sonny’s leg up. He eased his erection between the cheeks of Sonny’s ass and slid his length back and forth across the hole he’d fucked earlier.
Tears threatened once again at the feel of Sonny’s warmth. The thought of losing the man in his arms was enough to break him, something his subconscious must have recognized and used against him almost nightly.
“Mmm. There seems to be something prodding at my hole,” Sonny mumbled.
“Let me love you,” Garron whispered. His request was about more than the immediate act of coupling. He needed Sonny to accept his protective instincts when it came to keeping the most important person in his life safe.
Sonny reached back and guided the tip of Garron’s cock to his hole while jutting his ass out to receive its length.
Garron pushed forward, easing his cock inside Sonny. Pressing his face against Sonny’s neck, he began a slow rhythm, whispering words of love with each thrust. “Touch yourself.”
Sonny moaned and stroked his cock as he moved his hips back and forth in counterpoint to Garron’s actions.
Garron was in heaven. It was the kind of slow fuck that brought him an inner peace that lasted for days. With a gentle touch, he rubbed Sonny’s chest before moving down to cup Sonny’s heavy sac.
“Are you getting tired of making love to me?” Sonny asked.
Surprised at the question, Garron pulled out and turned Sonny to face him. “How could you ask me something like that?”
Threading his fingers through Garron’s hair, Sonny leaned in. “The passion is gone from your eyes when you look at me.”
Th
e statement cut deep. After all they’d been through, to be questioned both hurt and angered him. Garron shook his head, lifted Sonny’s leg and buried his cock deep into Sonny’s hole. “My gaze is filled with nothing but love.”
“You don’t fuck me like you used to,” Sonny said in return.
Garron held himself back—while in his mind, he flipped Sonny over and fucked him as hard as his strength would allow. Unfortunately, that couldn’t happen because the last time he’d let himself get carried away, Sonny had suffered a migraine that had lasted four days. After nursing his partner through it, Garron had promised himself never to put his physical needs above Sonny’s health again.
Giving up, Garron stopped trying to please Sonny and moved to lie beside Sonny. “Things are different now, but it has nothing to do with my desire or love for you.”
Sonny scooted back to his side of the bed and tucked the blankets around him. “Are we still getting the tree later?”
“That’s the plan,” Garron mumbled. He glanced at Sonny. Fuck! He’d hurt Sonny’s feelings once again. Whether or not his touch was welcome at the moment, Garron couldn’t let it go without explaining himself.
Garron moved as close to Sonny as he could get without touching him. “The last time our fucking got out of control, you suffered for it. Do you remember?”
Sonny sighed and reached up to rub his eyes. “You use my headaches and seizures as an excuse for everything. I want to be treated like I was before or not at all.”
Garron prayed Sonny’s proclamation was said in anger or frustration because it wasn’t possible to treat Sonny as he had before—he simply wasn’t the same man he’d once been. It had taken Garron a long time to come to terms with the realization that the man he’d initially fallen in love with had forever changed, but he had. More importantly, Garron had fallen deeply in love with the man Sonny had become. If only he could get that fact through Sonny’s hard head.
“Maybe we should call the doctor,” Garron suggested.
“Don’t.”
Garron tried once more. “It could be as simple as changing your medication.”
Sonny remained silent, giving Garron his answer without words.
* * * *
Garron was saddling the horses when Sonny came running into the barn. “Ryker just called. They’re taking Lilly to the hospital.”
“The baby?” Garron asked. “Isn’t it too soon?”
Sonny nodded and began to unbuckle the cinch on his horse’s saddle. “She’s only thirty-five weeks. I told them we’d meet ’em there.”
“What about the tree?” Garron understood that Sonny was worried about the health of his sister-in-law and coming niece or nephew, but more than likely, they’d get to the hospital only to be told it was a false alarm. “I’m on duty tomorrow, and it’s usually dark by the time I get home in the evenings.”
Sonny carried his saddle to its rack. “Christmas is two weeks away. We’ll get it next weekend.”
Seeing no point in arguing further, Garron followed Sonny’s lead and unsaddled his horse before leading him into his stall.
“They go all the way to Lincoln?” Garron asked, after closing the barn door. Lilly had given birth to Rachel at home, and Garron had thought they were planning the same with the new baby, but it seemed the new little guy or gal had other ideas.
“Yeah.” Sonny climbed in the pickup.
“We could do some shopping while we’re there,” Garron offered, fastening his seatbelt.
“If we have time.” Sonny stretched his arm across the back of the bench seat and rested his hand on Garron’s shoulder. “Do you think worrying about the flat tire yesterday could’ve brought on Lilly’s labor?”
Bingo. Garron suddenly understood why Sonny had insisted they drop everything and rush to Lilly’s side. “I doubt it. Like I said, I’m sure it’s false labor. I’ve escorted my fair share of nervous fathers to the hospital only to find out the baby wasn’t ready to come into the world.”
Sonny twirled long strands of Garron’s hair around his fingers. “I know Ryker and Ranger are hoping for another little girl, but I’ve got my fingers crossed for a boy this time.”
Garron chuckled. “I figured you’d be tired of boys. Besides, you dote on Rachel.”
Sonny glanced out of the side window. “Without a boy, the Good name will die with us.”
“How chauvinistic of you. Lots of women keep their maiden names after marriage.”
Sonny frowned. “Well, that’s just wrong.”
Pulling onto the highway from the country road, Garron laughed harder. “Why didn’t I know you were so old-fashioned?”
“Just because I let you fuck me on the first date, doesn’t mean I’m not a proper country gentleman.” Sonny grinned and tugged on a hank of Garron’s hair.
Garron reached over and put his hand on Sonny’s upper thigh. “You let me fuck you less than thirty minutes after laying eyes on me for the first time. There was no date involved,” he corrected.
Sonny shrugged. “I’m from a small town, and you were the hottest son of a bitch to ever step foot in it—other than myself, of course. What choice did I have once I found out you were into fucking guys?”
“Stop. Your flattery is going to my head,” Garron continued to tease. He enjoyed the ease of conversation, had missed it.
They were halfway to Lincoln when Sonny suddenly went quiet. Garron glanced over, wondering if he’d said something wrong and nearly ran into the car in front of him at what he saw. After barely avoiding a collision, he pulled to the side of the highway and slammed on his brakes.
The seizure that held Sonny in its grip was unlike any that Garron had witnessed in the past. Head tilted back and eyelids fluttering, Sonny had suffered the onset without warning or the usual trembling.
Garron unbuckled and slid across the bench seat. Pulling Sonny into his arms, he whispered, “Come back to me.”
As quickly as it had started, it was over. Sonny blinked twice more and opened his eyes fully. He seemed confused as to why they had stopped. “What’s going on?”
“You had a seizure,” Garron explained, kissing Sonny’s temple.
“No I didn’t,” Sonny denied. “Just get us to Lincoln.”
* * * *
Upon entering the labor and delivery waiting room, Garron hugged his brother-in-law, Rawley. “How is she?”
“I’m not sure. Ranger and Ryker are in with her right now. They have her hooked up to an IV, hoping to stop the contractions,” Rawley explained, releasing Garron.
“Can we go in?” Sonny asked.
Rawley nodded.
Garron’s need to speak to Rawley was greater than his desire to stand in the back of Lilly’s hospital room while doing nothing but waiting. “You go ahead,” he told Sonny. “Give her a kiss for me.”
Sonny tilted his chin up. “Then give one to me, and I’ll pass it along.”
Garron leaned down and gave Sonny a kiss, sweeping his tongue briefly inside. Drawing back, he winked. “The tongue part was for you, not Lilly.”
After Sonny left to find Lilly’s room, Garron sat across from the sofa where Jeb and Rawley had taken up positions with Rachel playing with a bag of blocks in the corner. He decided to get straight to the point. “Sonny had a seizure on the way here.”
Rawley narrowed his eyes. “So soon after yesterdays?”
“Yeah, and to make it worse, there was no warning this time. His eyes rolled back in his head and his lids fluttered, but then it was over. I’m worried. More than I’ve been in a long time.”
Rawley crossed the expanse and put his hand on Garron’s knee. “He didn’t seem confused like he usually is after a seizure. Are you sure that’s what it was?”
“I’m sure.” Garron wrapped an elastic band around his hair at the nape. “It probably shouldn’t worry me as much as it does. It was minor compared to his usual seizures, but coming without warning could be a problem. What if he’s in the middle of doing something dangerous, or
riding his horse the next time it happens?”
Rawley clasped his hands and stared at the carpeted floor. “My dad had a serious heart condition, and I can’t tell you how many times the doctor told him to retire. But my father was as stubborn as the rest of the Goods and refused, saying he’d rather die on the back of a horse than in a bed. I suspect my brother’s the same way.”
Garron couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’re kidding me, right? There’re plenty of things for him to do on the ranch without risking his life.”
“I’m not saying I agree with it, but I know Sonny won’t slow down any further than he already has. Maybe you should convince him to go to the doctor and see what’s going on instead of making plans to take his livelihood from him.”
“I tried that. He won’t listen.” Frustrated, Garron left the waiting room. He jabbed the button for the elevator and waited impatiently for the doors to open. Getting on, he nodded to the woman already occupying the small space. With no destination in mind, he rode the elevator to the lobby.
Garron wandered the waiting areas with a detachment that he couldn’t put his finger on. It seemed all his worry and concern for Sonny made him the asshole in everyone else’s mind, when all he wanted was to keep the man he loved safe.
Winding his way through the corridors, Garron ended up in the Emergency Department, known for the worst coffee in the hospital. He decided he deserved a cup of the swill. After an ungodly amount of time, the machine finally kicked out the filled cup. He took his coffee and sat in the corner of the waiting room. As he observed the people coming and going, he couldn’t help but think of the day Sonny had been shot. Had he looked as lost and afraid as the people he watched?
A man rushed through the automatic doors carrying a bloodied teenage girl in his arms. “Help me. Please help me.”
The distress in the man’s voice caused Garron’s throat to tighten.
“She was hanging up curtains in her room and fell off the ladder and through the window,” the man explained as he laid the girl on a gurney.
