by Carol Lynne
With his hands shoved in his coat pockets to keep them from shaking, Garron left Sonny’s bedside and joined Ranger in the waiting room. He had to clear his throat several times before he could get the words out. “There’s a build-up of scar tissue on his brain.” He cleared his throat once again, trying like hell to keep his tears at bay. “He’s scheduled for surgery in Omaha first thing next Wednesday.”
Ranger blew out a long breath. “What’s the prognosis after the surgery?”
“They don’t know for sure, but it could redevelop within a year. He’ll have to have regular check-ups again to watch for it.” Garron pulled his hands out of his pockets and buried his face in them. “They’re releasing him for now, but he has to be checked in at the hospital in Omaha by Tuesday evening.”
“They’re releasing him?” Ranger shook his head. “What the fuck is that about?”
“Sonny’s the one who pushed for it once Dr Whitehall told him the only thing that’ll help at this point is the surgery. Sonny said he refused to spend Christmas in the hospital when he could be with his family.”
“Okay, so what can I do?” Ranger asked.
“Nothing. He asked me not to tell the rest of the family until after Christmas.”
“No,” Ranger argued. “There’s no way in hell I’m going to pretend nothing’s wrong with him in front of Lilly and Ryker, and Rawley will never forgive either one of us if we don’t say what’s going on.”
Garron had believed the same thing when Sonny had first asked him, but the more he thought about it, the more he’d understood. “Despite what the doctor thinks, Sonny’s convinced this’ll be his last Christmas, and he doesn’t want to spend it with everyone hovering around, constantly asking him if he’s okay.”
Ranger made a sound in his throat that drew Garron’s attention. When he glanced at his brother-in-law, he wasn’t surprised to see tears streaming down the man’s cheeks.
“See, that’s exactly what Sonny doesn’t want to be around, and I can’t say that I blame him,” Garron said. “Hell, Ranger, you need to stop before you get me started because I’m sure once I do, I won’t stop anytime soon.”
“So I’m supposed to pretend everything’s fine when he gets out here?”
“Give him a hug and tell him you love him. That’s all he needs from you right now,” Garron explained.
“Then that’s what I’ll do, and that’s exactly what I’ll tell the rest of the family to do, because there’s no fucking way I’m keeping them in the dark.” Ranger stood. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to the restroom.”
After Ranger left, Garron stared out of the window for several minutes, trying to get himself under control. With a fortifying breath, he turned and headed back toward Sonny’s room.
Although he didn’t believe it would be Sonny’s last Christmas, he was smart enough to know that the surgery wouldn’t be easy. Even Dr Whitehall didn’t know the full extent of the scarring or how much permanent damage had already been done. Then, of course, there was the danger of the surgery itself.
Sonny was sitting in a wheelchair when he entered the room, bare from the waist up. Garron glanced around for his coat. “Where’re the rest of your clothes?”
“My shirt was covered with blood, so they threw that away, and I don’t think I even wore a coat.” Sonny rubbed the back of his neck. “Unless Ranger has it?”
“I didn’t see it, but maybe you left it in his truck,” Garron suggested, removing his heavily lined denim jacket. “Put this on.”
Sonny didn’t argue, a sure sign that he had other things on his mind. Garron bent down and kissed him, taking only a moment to slip his tongue inside. “Are you set to leave?”
“Just waiting for the nurse to give me my walking papers.”
Garron moved to stand behind the wheelchair. “Maybe if we set up camp right in front of the nurses’ station they’ll get tired of looking at us and get us out of here.”
“The way I look right now, they’ll want us out of here so we don’t scare the other patients.” Sonny leaned his head back and grinned up at Garron. “I haven’t eaten all day. Will you drive-thru and buy me a burger?”
“I’ll buy you ten if that’s what you want,” Garron told him.
* * * *
Sonny was on his second hamburger when they passed a bunch of pre-cut Christmas trees standing in a cordoned-off area of a parking lot. “You’re still gonna let me pick out a tree on the ranch, right? Because I hate those generic trees, might as well be artificial. Hell, I’d rather do without than to stick one of those in my house.”
Garron swallowed his bite of food. “We’ll have to figure that out. I’m not opposed to it, but you’re not allowed to ride until you get your noggin taken care of.”
“What about using the tractor? I’ll even let you drive,” Sonny offered. Mention of the tractor brought the cattle to mind. He had no idea when or if he’d ever again be allowed to work the ranch, but he was fairly certain Garron wouldn’t let him do much but lay on the couch until after the surgery. “I need to sell off all the cattle except a few of the pregnant heifers that we can keep in the pasture by the barn. I also need to find a buyer for the bull.”
“What? Why would you want to do that?” Garron asked.
“I just think it’d be for the best. Even if I come through the surgery, I doubt I’ll feel like taking care of them this winter. If it’s bad enough to where I can’t do anything, at least I won’t feel as guilty asking you to drop some hay over the fence for them. If I’m still here come spring, I’ll have a few calves, and I can start rebuilding.”
Garron dropped his hamburger back into the sack without finishing it. He put both hands on the steering wheel and drove another four miles without saying a word. Finally, just when Sonny had given up on getting a response, Garron spoke.
“One less thing for you to worry about might not be such a bad idea. Maybe Jeb’ll buy them.”
Sonny shook his head. “He doesn’t have the money, or the hay. Besides, he raises a different breed. I thought about asking Ranger and Ryker, but I know they don’t usually buy cattle. They just charge top dollar to feed other people’s.”
“We’ll figure something out.” Garron reached for Sonny’s hand and brought it to his lips. “We will get through this. You know that, right?”
“Sure,” Sonny answered. He wasn’t at all convinced of that, but he didn’t want to upset Garron any more than he already had. It was amazing how quickly life changed. A few days earlier he’d worried about his business going under, and here he was ready to give it away if he had to.
Resting his elbow on the passenger door, Sonny ran a soft touch over the line of stitches. Since talking to the doctor, he couldn’t help but wonder if Garron would be better off if he didn’t wake up from the surgery. Garron was only in his thirties. The last thing he deserved was to be saddled with this bullshit for however many years Sonny had left.
“Ranger wanted to know if you’d rather have Christmas at our house instead of over there.” Garron glanced at Sonny before turning back to the road.
“Absolutely not. Lilly’s on bed rest, I’m not. All I’m supposed to do is take it easy.”
“Okay. I’ll call him and tell him,” Garron agreed.
When they arrived home, Sonny pointed to the barn. “Would you mind dropping me off?”
Garron drove past the house and parked in front of the barn. When he turned off the engine and opened his door, Sonny was all set to protest, but Garron stopped him. “Together, or not at all.”
* * * *
Garron hadn’t prepared himself for the state of the bathroom. He’d seen the dark stains in the dirt of the barn floor, but it wasn’t until he stared at the tiled floor and sink covered in pools of dried blood that he grasped the full extent of Sonny’s earlier injury.
With Sonny already in bed, Garron shut the bathroom door, climbed into the tub and closed the curtain in an attempt to block out the world. How would he be the st
rength that Sonny deserved when he couldn’t even bring himself to clean the damn bathroom floor?
“I have to be the strength,” Garron whispered.
Sonny was giving up. Garron had seen it in his eyes and heard it in his voice. The question was—what could he do about it? There hadn’t been a single day since they’d fallen in love that he hadn’t told Sonny how he felt. Sure, he’d had days since the shooting when he’d been angry. There had even been a few times when he’d silently wished he’d had the old Sonny back, but never had he been anything but grateful for each day they had together.
One thing was certain—with the surgery only five days away, Garron needed to change Sonny’s attitude. The will to live played a vital role in the ability to survive and recover from a major operation, and unfortunately, Sonny didn’t seem to have it anymore.
Garron leaned his head back against the tiled wall. With so few days left before the surgery, he knew he couldn’t dwell on the negative with Sonny. He was convinced that showing him how much he had to live for was better than trying to convince him with words.
“But how?”
* * * *
Bundled in a heavy coat, Sonny watched as Jeb and Rawley drove the few remaining heifers into the small pasture beside the barn. He felt so helpless observing from the side-lines as the business he’d worked so hard to build was deconstructed before his eyes.
For their part, Jeb and Rawley had been very supportive, as well as Ryker and Ranger, who had readily agreed to buy the bulk of his herd. Although he hadn’t wanted the rest of the family to know about the upcoming operation, Sonny had to admit, it had made the transition easier.
Jeb climbed off his horse and shut the gate. “That’s it.”
Yep. Sonny stared at the ten remaining heifers. He wasn’t sure it was worth keeping them, but it made him feel better. What was a ranch without cattle? “I’ll have extra round bales if you need them,” he told Jeb.
“I could probably use more. Maybe you’ll let me trade labor for a few here and there?” Jeb offered.
With Jeb’s ranch in close proximity, Sonny knew he could count on his brother-in-law’s help when he and Garron were in Omaha. “No problem. Take what you need.”
Rawley, who had been quiet throughout the exchange, glanced at Jeb before addressing Sonny. “You feel like going to lunch with me today?”
Garron had gone back into work for a few hours to make plans for a longer vacation, so Sonny didn’t have much to do other than think and worry. “Sure.”
“Great. I’ll ride back with Jeb and be back to pick you up in fifteen minutes or so.” Rawley waited for Jeb to mount his saddle. “Get the gate?”
“Yep.” Sonny unlocked and opened the gate. Jeb and Rawley would have a few more gates to open on their way to Jeb’s land, but it was shorter than traveling down the county road.
After letting the horses out of their stalls to get some much-needed sunshine, Sonny took the time to top off the heated water tanks in the pasture and corral. Once he was finished, he washed up and sat on the porch, waiting for Rawley to return.
Sonny rubbed the smooth wood of the rocker’s arms and reminisced about summer evenings spent with his brothers. For hours, they had laid on the porch after their chores were done and cooked up all kinds of mischief that had usually landed them in trouble with either their folks or the law. Good times for the Good brothers. He smiled, missing those carefree days.
Rawley’s big truck pulled in the drive, and Sonny got to his feet and started down the steps. He had no doubt the invitation to lunch had something to do with the surgery. Not that he begrudged his oldest brother for being concerned—it was just hard to always be the one on the receiving end.
Rawley came to a stop, and Sonny opened the passenger door. “That was more like thirty minutes,” Sonny admonished.
“Yeah, well, Jeb told me I smelled, so I took a quick shower.” Rawley put the SUV into gear and headed down the drive. “Any place in mind?”
Sonny had given it some thought while he’d filled the tanks. “Yeah, I wanna go to the Zone.”
Rawley shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Sonny understood why Rawley thought that, but getting shot wasn’t the only memory he had of his old hang-out. “It’s where I met and married Garron. You asked and that’s where I want to go.”
“Garron’ll kill me if you have another seizure because of it,” Rawley grumbled.
“It doesn’t work like that,” Sonny clarified. “If I’m gonna have one, I’m gonna have one. The location doesn’t matter.”
“I wouldn’t know since you’ve never talked to me about them,” Rawley said, keeping his eyes on the road.
“You worry too much. Believe me, it’s hard enough seeing it in Garron’s eyes every time I look at him. I didn’t want to see it in anyone else’s.”
“But you told Ranger,” Rawley argued.
“Yeah, but not until I’d spent the night at the hospital, and I didn’t plan on telling him then—the truth just kinda came out,” Sonny tried to explain.
“If I know Garron, he hasn’t given you a hard time about this, so as you’re older brother, I feel it’s my duty. If you’d gone to the damn doctor as soon as these new seizures started up, he might’ve been able to do something to prevent them from worsening.”
Sonny bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. “I’m not a hundred percent sure I even want the fucking surgery, so back off.”
Rawley dodged a big pothole in the road before glancing at Sonny. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope. And don’t start with me. Until you’re faced with the prospect of someone cutting around in your head, you’ve got no right to judge.”
“The hell I don’t! The fact that you could even consider not having the surgery tells me you’re not in your right mind. I’ll go to the damn judge and get a health care proxy if I need to, but you’re having that surgery.”
“Really? And are you going to be the one who wipes my ass when that little slip of the knife makes me incapacitated for the rest of my life? Do you think I want to put that burden on Garron?” Sonny hit the back of his fist against the side window. “You wanna know what I really think?”
“Enlighten me,” Rawley growled.
“I should’ve died when I got shot, but they brought me back and life’s been fucking me over ever since. It would’ve been easier on everyone if I’d just bled to death in the street.”
Rawley moved to the side of the road and slammed on the brakes. The SUV fishtailed in the loose gravel for several yards before coming to a stop. “That is the most selfish, lame-ass thing you’ve ever said, and I never want to hear it again.” He took off his hat and ran a hand over his short hair. “You’re acting like a goddamn brat, and I’ve a half a mind to turn you over my knee.”
Sonny was stunned by Rawley’s anger. Since the diagnosis, everyone had been so quiet and agreeable, like they were walking a tightrope around him, but not Rawley. Hell, his brother had never been afraid to speak his mind, and in an odd way, Sonny respected him even more for it.
“I may be acting like a brat, but here’s the thing. When I rode bulls, I got bucked off, stomped on and spit at by those bastards, but I always got up, dusted myself off and tried again. The last thing I wanted to do was retire, but Momma didn’t raise no dummy, and I knew when it was time to walk away. I guess part of me feels the same way now. Every time I try to get up and dust myself off, I fall again, and Garron’s left to pick up the pieces and put me back together. I’m scared, and I’m tired, and the thought of opening my eyes only to find out I’ll never ride a horse or make love to my husband again makes me want to bow out while I can.”
Rawley, whose head was turned away from him, wiped at his eyes. “This family isn’t a family without you in it. You’re the glue.” He pulled a bandana out of his back pocket and wiped his nose before glancing at Sonny. “Promise me that you’ll never tell Garron what you just told me?”
“I never planned to,” Sonny answered.
“If you don’t have the strength to fight for yourself, at least fight for him, because I can guarantee that having you in any condition is better than not having you at all.” In an out-of-character move, Rawley reached across the seat and brushed Sonny’s cheek with the back of his hand. “I don’t tell you enough, but I love you, brother.”
Sonny tried to smile. “I love you, too.”
With a resolute nod, Rawley put the SUV into gear and pulled back onto the road. “Tenderloin and fries?”
“You know it.” Sonny felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest. “Will you tell Garron on me if I have beer?”
“Hell no. If I thought it wouldn’t get me killed, I’d get ya shit-faced.” Rawley chuckled. “Remember that time when we tricked Ryker and Ranger into drinking that pitcher of grape juice with grain alcohol in it?”
Sonny started to laugh. “I tell ya what I remember. Mom and Dad coming home to find a mess of purple vomit everywhere, and Ranger and Ryker passed out on the living room floor. Damn, our asses were sore for a week.”
“Yeah, and the hay money we had to give Momma so she could replace the carpet,” Rawley added.
“It was worth it.” Sonny slapped his leg, trying to calm his breathing after the much-needed laugh. Leave it to Rawley, the most gruff and serious of all the brothers, to make him laugh and cry within a ten-minute span.
The smile stayed on Sonny’s face until they arrived at the Zone. He felt conflicted as he stared at the beer joint he’d been in a million times before. Hell, like he’d told Rawley, he’d met and married Garron at the Zone. “Guess it’s a day for confessions,” he began.
“Huh?” Rawley pocketed the keys and prepared to get out.
“I don’t remember the wedding. I mean, I’ve seen pictures and stuff, and I pretend to remember it, but I don’t.” Sonny glanced down the street to the place where Lionel had shot him in the head while he and Garron had been riding away from the reception on Garron’s motorcycle. “I guess the upside is that I don’t remember getting shot either.”
