"Well?" Kana asked again, smirking widely. "You've wanted to do that for a while, haven't you?"
"Not particularly," Elstrin said truthfully. He knew he ought to be alarmed that his voice was slurring slightly, but he just couldn't be bothered. Couldn't bother clarifying, either. He just stepped up close and kissed Kana again.
It felt nice. Then better than nice. Hot. At some point they'd added tongue, and a little later Elstrin was pushing him against the wall, his pants tight and uncomfortable, hands busy exploring Kana's chest, feeling hard muscles shift under the fabric. His hips began an unconscious roll. Kana caught his waist and pushed him back a little, but Elstrin just started to suck on his neck, tasting clean, salty skin and feeling his strong pulse thud under his lips.
"Hey, hey. Mm. Stop for a sec." Kana laughed and twisted aside, holding Elstrin's face to keep him still. He peered at him for a moment. "What're you on?"
"It's just beer," Elstrin said distractedly, fumbling at the buttons on Kana's shirt. Luckily half of them were already undone. "Remember that day way back when… we had that spar? You said whoever lost would suck…" His fingers slipped as an unexpected bolt of arousal shot through his groin, as if he was hearing the words from someone else's mouth. "…Suck off the winner," he finished. "And I won."
"You also said no fucking way," Kana reminded him, letting his shirt be pulled open. Elstrin ran his palms over smooth skin and closed his eyes, resting his head against Kana's collarbone.
"Aw, please?" he murmured, willing the dizziness to go away. "I haven't… since the ghost left. I could blow you, if you want. I think… I want… something."
Kana smiled, stroked his hair once, but paused when Elstrin gave no reaction. His voice turned a tad concerned. "Elstrin? Seriously, what did you take?"
"Dunno. I'm okay. A bit unsteady. So what d'you think?"
"Huh. I think I'll bring you back to the dorm in case you pass out. You look like a breeze would knock you over." He put his arm around Elstrin's shoulders and guided him down the rest of the stairs. The quiet made him think clearer; when they emerged from the building, the cool night was a blessing after the stifling heat of the party.
"Wasn't lying," Elstrin mumbled as they trudged slowly up the stairs towards their room. Kana made an enquiring noise and he elaborated, "I didn't wanna kiss you, before. But… glad I did. You're… mm." He closed his eyes briefly, recalling the feeling, the taste. "Good."
Kana snickered. "Thanks. I'll be sure to remember you said that, the next time I attempt to grope you in the middle of the cafeteria. I just know I'm going to get there in the end."
Elstrin smiled, unworried, flopping down onto his bed when Kana let them in. He spied a jar of water on the bedside cupboard, and with an effort, poured himself a cup and drank half of it. Flopped right back down again, limbs satisfyingly heavy. "You can get there… wherever you're talking about. Right now."
A moment's hesitation, and Kana crawled on top of him, not touching. It was strangely familiar— just like a regular massage but a little closer. Then he moved closer still, and abruptly it shifted into something entirely new. Heavy weight pressing him down, hot mouth on his, limbs shifting around him, hands through his hair. This time Kana didn't still him when Elstrin rubbed his hips up, hard again, pleasure sparking even through the brief friction.
The movement of Kana's lips never ceased. Slow dip of tongue, constant caress of fingers over his chest, steady light rhythm of his thigh against Elstrin's crotch…. Elstrin lost himself in the
sensations, nearly hypnotised by the perfect, gradually mounting arousal. Then, without warning, Kana broke away, giving him space and air again, so sudden that he actually felt cold for a moment.
Kana stripped him in less than ten seconds long before Elstrin's hazy mind could catch up. Clearly a skill he'd been hiding all this time. "Wh-what're you doing?" Elstrin said, breathless, drawing his legs together automatically when Kana pulled his underwear off along with his pants and socks, self-conscious despite everything. Kana nudged his knees apart again, knelt between them, and unzipped his own pants but didn't undress.
He gave Elstrin a fleeting, wicked grin. "Loser sucks winner's dick," he said. Then he lowered his head, and Elstrin stopped thinking. x
Elstrin woke up to the pleasant chime of late-summer birdsong and irrelevant background noises. He stretched and smiled against his warm blankets, feeling truly content with the world. His head hummed with a slight ache, but even that served as a memory of the night before. Of Kana, his skin and scent and smile and god, his mouth…
Then he opened his eyes and caught sight of his alarm clock, and sprang up with a curse that would've shocked even the foulest old gods into silence.
Forty-seven minutes late. Monday morning. He couldn't think beyond that. He was dressed in ten seconds flat, the speed giving him a strange sense of déjà-vu that he couldn't be bothered to puzzle over. Kana was still snoring quietly on the other bed, spectacularly naked. Elstrin grabbed a random boot and threw it at him. It hit him solidly on his ribs, would no doubt leave a nasty bruise, but he didn't care. Kana grunted and made a face. Good enough sign that he would wake up—that was all the time Elstrin was willing to waste. He sprinted out of the door. Fuck, fuck, fuck. There went his miraculously clean late record.
The marshalling area was full of cadets in various states of hung-over misery, and yawning lieutenants. It happened every single time there was a party the night before: they'd wait here until everyone had showed up, even if it took half the day, and punishment would be handed out. For once Elstrin knew what it felt like, dread and embarrassment taking turns at twisting his intestines into a hairball. He couldn't find Snow, but the short burst of relief was smothered immediately by shame. Probably too disgusted to see him.
Kana rushed down to join him a mere minute later. He did an expert head-count—he'd been late a few times before, and now Elstrin wished he'd asked him how it worked—and relaxed noticeably.
Apparently some people were still missing. At least Elstrin understood that. He'd probably kill himself if he was the last one to come down and found thirty-odd irritable instructors waiting for him.
Kana tried to talk to him, but Elstrin felt too queasy for conversation. Eventually the Lupalian paced away, unconcerned, to chat with some of the more frequent latecomers. Time passed in a crawl, occasionally interrupted by a pale, haggard cadet running from his building to join them. The sun climbed steadily, strong rays feeling peculiarly lukewarm without intensive exercise to accompany its heat. Elstrin watched the activity on the training field, wishing he could be there instead of here.
A glimmer of white caught his attention. Dread expanded in his gut. It was Snow, emerging from inner HQ with a second smaller group of lieutenants. Elstrin couldn't see his expression from the distance, but when he got closer he found he couldn't make himself look. Seeing whatever silent disapproval on Snow's face would be a million times worse than being stuck here waiting. He stared resolutely at the faraway cadets instead, watching them train with knives and swords and spears, the three main melee weapons they'd covered so far.
But with nothing to do but worry, the low murmur of Snow's voice snatched his reluctant focus again. Elstrin risked a peek; Snow was talking to Stag—again—frowning slightly, nodding occasionally. Not a stern frown, but a thoughtful one. In fact, they seemed miles away from discussing late cadets. Elstrin felt the first tentative threads of relief when Snow suddenly caught his eye—before Elstrin could react, the lieutenant smiled absently and turned right back to Stag, neither of them showing any ounce of interest in the situation at hand. Elstrin realised he'd been holding his breath and let it out shakily. He glanced at the other lieutenants and saw how lucky he was—some of the soldiers were still obviously annoyed, bored stares having hardened into glares by now, directed at every poor cadet stumbling from the barracks.
Five minutes later, Stag ended the conversation and counted them again. The last boy had just arrived, blushing fur
iously, still doing up the buttons of his shirt. The timing of the later group of lieutenants had been impeccable: that was all of them. Stag made the roll call, then the colonel began a long speech about discipline and punctuality and dedication, which was intimidating at first, but Elstrin soon found his concentration wandering. Clearly he wasn't the only one—some cadets were shuffling their feet, while most of the lieutenants seemed downright uninterested or amused. Kana sidled close to him and whispered, "So what did you think of last night?"
"Quiet, Skax," Stag snapped instantly, glaring. Kana jumped, muttered a quick apology and stepped away, grinning. Elstrin saw Snow's calm gaze follow him unblinkingly for a few seconds. Stag continued his monologue, finally ending it long minutes later with dire threats and an order for them to do an assortment of mundane, taxing exercises for the rest of the morning. There was a chorus of groans and unenthusiastic yes-sirs before the group broke apart. Elstrin blinked. That was it? Push-ups and jogging laps and obstacle courses… he shook his head and went to Snow. Of course that was it. What else was he expecting, a public flogging?
Snow smiled again, almost smirking. "You're late," he said unnecessarily.
"Sorry, sir," Elstrin mumbled. Even with the fear of severe punishment erased, he still wanted to sink through the ground in humiliation.
"For how long?"
"F-forty nine minutes, sir."
"Oh, that's not so bad," Snow said with false consolation, still wearing a grin Elstrin didn't like. "The others said it'd take around two hours, so I stayed behind and got to have a long breakfast, for which I should really thank you. Apparently one cadet a few years back was late until the evening. That would be bad. I'm glad that didn't happen."
"No… sir."
"But also apparently," he continued, leading the way to the jogging track, "once a cadet's an hour late, I'm unofficially free to hand out any sort of punishment I wish, as long as it remains on the training field and somewhat related to training. To make sure it doesn't happen again, you see. And forty-nine minutes is close enough to an hour, don't you think?"
"Um," Elstrin stammered, his heart doing staccato beats in his chest. "Are you—sure that, ah, that you're allowed? Sir?"
"Well, it's unofficial, so if you're looking to sue me like you tried to sue the colonel on your first day here—bold move, by the way—it won't work." When Elstrin was busy gritting his teeth, anger and mortification vying for first place in his blush, Snow snagged a passing lieutenant who had a similarly unhappy cadet tagging behind his heels. The poor guy looked hung-over as well as well-berated. "Lieutenant Steel. One hour and it's up to me, right? Being his personal instructor and all."
"Right," the soldier said, grinning in the exact same way as Snow. "Go for it."
Snow snickered. It was the first time Elstrin had heard him do so, and he never wanted to hear it again. The goddamn bastard. "Do some jogging first. I'll see what I can think of after that. Go on, then."
Elstrin walked to the track, sighing at the perfect stripe of brick-red linoleum paving before him.
"This is unexpectedly fun," he heard Snow remark to Lieutenant Steel, who'd just dismissed his charge. Their laughter carried through the stagnant air. Elstrin shared dismal glances with the cadet beside him, and began to jog.
x
Somehow, a whole day of endless warm-up exercises left Elstrin more worn out than actual training. It was the frustration that did it. When he was finally allowed to go, for once he wasn't shaking with fatigue, but the lack of achievement made him cranky and tired. His hands felt empty without holding a weapon for three days. Snow had managed to waste his entire morning and afternoon in his usual semi-sadistic manner, and it was all Elstrin's fault.
He was never partying again. Clearly one excellent blowjob wasn't worth the hell he'd just been through.
Kana stormed in half an hour after him, almost entirely covered in dust. The last time Elstrin had seen him, two hours ago, he'd been slaving over the same set of ropes course for quite a while, looking like he'd practised them to perfection even though his instructor relentlessly told him to do another ten cycles. He stopped and stepped out again carefully, leaving exactly two dirty boot prints on the floor. "Whoops. Sorry," he said, sounding too angry to quite manage it. "Pass me my stuff. I need a shower. Now."
Elstrin complied silently and Kana strode away, cursing Lieutenant Leopard under his breath in some foreign language that, despite his mood, made Elstrin smile. It always amused him to see Kana after a stressful day of training, because he so rarely got irritated. Most of the time he was just his usual easygoing self regardless of how injured or beat he seemed. Too many rules at once was what made him crabby. From what Elstrin saw of his fighting style, he seemed to have shucked most of his slum habits, but maybe Leopard was still dissatisfied, judging from what he put Kana through on the field. He still somehow managed to collect more injuries than any other cadet, despite the fact that actual flesh wounds hurt a hell lot more than bruises. Oh, well. As long as Kana didn't turn up one night with an arm missing, he assumed Leopard had it all under control.
Elstrin was lounging around trying to read a book—testament to how much today had sucked, because he wasn't even passed out yet—when Kana came in, clean and smelling of soap and mint, and sat down on Elstrin's bed without asking, leaning against his legs. Elstrin shifted away slightly, unsure. "Question," Kana said, rubbing his towel over his head. Then he just stared at Elstrin for a while.
"Yes?" Elstrin prompted.
"Hm. I don't think I even need to ask this, but I'm just making sure." Another pause. "Last night— what do you think?"
He knew Kana wasn't asking about the event itself. He gave it some serious thought, then shrugged. "It was nice. Um, very nice. And… nothing's changed. At least not for me." When Kana still waited, he went on, a little uncomfortable, "I mean, you're still just… my friend."
"Good," Kana beamed, momentarily dazzling him. He hopped off the bed, onto the floor, and began his nightly round of push-ups. And that, apparently, was that.
Puzzled, Elstrin asked, "How about you?"
"I'm also still just your friend," Kana returned, rolling his eyes with a grin. Elstrin sat back, strangely relieved to hear it. Relieved and disappointed. He absently watched Kana exercise until he was chided, "It means you can't stare quite so obviously."
"Sorry," Elstrin muttered, blushing. "I'll put some music on." He fiddled with the little music player on their bedside drawer and brought up some generic rock songs, volume turned down low just to fill the silence. Kana had received the gadgets some weeks ago after sending letters off to wherever during their weekly visits to the postal booths. Over the months he'd also gotten a few posters of obscure bands, and a large pin-up of two almost-nude women twisted in an artful embrace, clad only in black undergarments and colourful tattoos, looming from the dark background. Elstrin barely glanced at them now, but he remembered getting quite the shock when Kana first unrolled it. His own walls remained bare—he never wrote to his stepfather or anyone, and nor did anyone write to him. There was nothing from his old life in Mernot that he felt was worth catching up or reconnecting with.
He put his book down and frowned. He hadn't thought at all about that. About what he'd left behind when he came here. Granted, there wasn't anything to leave behind but bad memories and bad people, and that was one of the reasons why he'd joined in the first place—but still, the city was… different. It was where he'd grown up and learnt the simple fact that life often tried its hardest to kick you in the teeth. And that, in some paradoxical way, had led him into the army. Where he still got kicked, just not in the teeth. Where he was learning to fight back, to wake up every morning and look forward to the rest of the day because it made him just a little stronger than those who'd harmed him before. From that angle, he owed it to all to his stepfather and the bullies and the unsupportive so-called friends.
So maybe he should write. 'Fuck you and thank you. Sincerely, Elstrin White.'
Chapter 15
Gabriel was working when it happened.
The shrill wail of his cell phone jolted him out of the carefully-maintained haze of pleasure he'd been hanging in for the last half hour or so. He had his head braced on his forearms, eyes closed, his mind somewhere far away as his client gripped his hips a little too hard and fucked him against the desk. His elbows rubbed against the scarred wood with each thrust, its edge digging into his thighs awkwardly. He ignored it. Precisely half of his focus was directed at every pleasant non-sexual thing around him: this afternoon, it was mostly the open window right in front of him, chilly mid-autumn wind ruffling his hair. The other half was devoted to every sexual thing that felt nice: namely, the cock inside him. Not the man it belonged to, not the hands on his skin, not the alcohol-putrid breath he could still smell from such a distance, not the unfamiliar room and desk. Just pure, absolute stimulation. That, combined with the window, was enough to pull him away from the situation until he could enjoy it. Until, in a sense, he was utterly alone, encased in privacy, and pleasuring himself, not the anonymous stranger. And getting paid for it, which was an excellent bonus. He was glad he had found this method of escape. Took a lot of trial and error, but in the end he'd succeeded. Managed to actually have a good time. He wouldn't still be here if he didn't.
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