by Harlow James
“Hey, Rach.”
“Luke,” she breathes out, and instantly my shoulders tense. She sounds worried and scared, making me question the point of her call.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m… I’m okay. It’s Grayson. He… he fell, Luke. At the park. I’m so sorry…”
My hands fly across my table, grabbing papers and shoving them into my bag, not giving a shit about the messy state they’ll be in later. “What happened? Where are you?”
“We’re at the hospital. They’re getting ready to take him for an x-ray…”
“I’m on my way,” I shout, hanging up and throwing my bag over my shoulder, running out of the room and across the parking lot as fast as my legs can carry me. I send out a quick text to my class through the app we use through the college, letting them know class is cancelled, and then I fire up my car and race across town to Emerson Memorial.
“My son… my son was brought in,” I struggle to speak to the receptionist when I arrive in the ER, out of breath from running from my car to the sliding glass doors.
“Okay. Calm down. What’s his name? And I need to see some ID, please.” She chastises me, and I instantly want to scream.
“Grayson Henderson,” I grit out, just as she types his name into the computer, her eyes searching the screen as she reads.
“He’s in X-ray right now, but let me take you back to the bay he’s in,” she says as she rises, leading me through a security coded door and around several curtains and nurses' stations.
“Here,” she directs with a wave of her hand, but I don’t pay her any more attention as soon as I see Rachel.
“Luke,” she crumbles, rushing over to me as I wrap her in my arms. “I’m so sorry, Luke,” she cries in my chest and I crush her under my strength, breathing her in as the anguish from the last twenty minutes hits me full force. “They’re just finishing up the x-ray, but I had to come out here in case you showed up.”
“What happened?” I finally say when she pushes off of me and wipes underneath her teary eyes.
“He was playing at the park, climbing up a ladder looking thing, and he slipped… fell right through the rungs, and landed on his arm. I think… I think he might have broken it.”
My stomach plummets, but then my lungs give out a large breath, thankful that it’s just a broken arm, and not a broken neck or back. It could have been so much worse.
“Rach. It was an accident. He fell.”
“I know,” she sniffles, wiping her red nose with her sleeve. “But it happened while he was with me.”
“It could have happened on my watch too. Please don’t beat yourself up over this,” I say, smoothing her hair off of her face, her cheeks stained with tears. She’s obviously been crying and extremely worried, but she still looks so gorgeous.
“I know. But I feel so guilty.”
“Don’t. He’s going to be okay. This isn’t the first bump, and it won’t be the last. Kids are resilient. They get hurt constantly. I mean, haven’t you seen his shins? They’re bruised black and blue. He looks like I beat him, but it’s just from him being a boy and being rambunctious,” I explain, trying to ease her guilt.
“I know. I just… you trusted me. And I feel like I let you down.” Her eyes veer up at me and in that moment, I don’t hesitate any longer. I just move—like a man that’s been caged up for too long and the warden just released the lock, freeing me to give in to the temptation that’s been on the other side of the wrought iron bars this entire time.
My head dips to hers and I press my lips to her mouth, savoring the silkiness of her lips and relishing in the slight hitch in her breath when I take her by surprise. But it doesn’t last long as she kisses me back, pushing our mouths together more and encircling my neck with her arms. We stay like that for a minute, just the connection of our lips on each other’s, soaking up the intensity of finally kissing, until I slide my tongue across her mouth and ask for more, to which she opens and willingly complies.
The feel of her tongue on mine ignites my entire body, waking up this physical part of me that has been dormant for years before I finally satisfied the craving of her that’s been building for weeks. And I thought I was alright living without it. In fact, I was. Until Rachel’s lips hit mine and showed me the possibility of what I was missing.
But this isn’t just a possibility anymore. No. This is reality.
Because as I kiss her with everything I have in a this-changes-everything-kiss, I can feel the sparks fly, our connection deepen and shift, our bodies align, and maybe even the stars align too.
This is right. Rachel in my arms, our mouths connected, our kiss searing us together—it’s everything I imagined it would be, and then absolutely terrifying in the same breath. Because it’s strong, empowering, exquisite, and yet new, shocking me and growing my awareness when I remember where we are.
I break from her, both of our chests heaving as she stands with her forehead on mine, her eyes still closed. “You could never let me down, Rachel,” I manage to say just as her bright green eyes pop open and seek mine.
“Mrs. Henderson?” A nurse comes around the corner, addressing Rachel I assume since she’s the one that brought Grayson in. And in that moment it dawns on me that she thinks Rachel is Grayson’s mom or my wife. And the thought makes me jump back from the compromising position we were just in.
Rachel startles at my reaction, clears her throat, and then turns around to address the woman. “No, sorry. I’m the nanny. What’s going on? Is… is Grayson okay? I’m sorry I had to step away…”
“The radiologist just completed the scan and they’re bringing him back in here while we wait for the images. I’m sorry, is this Grayson’s father?” She asks, stepping around Rachel to meet me.
“Yes… yes, I’m his dad. Is he going to be okay? Is he in pain?”
“They gave him a shot for the pain, which he took like a champ, by the way. But he’s pretty out of it now. We’ll know more once the images are done, but it does look like a break,” she winces as I close my eyes and take a deep breath, accepting the results and yet once again, being thankful the outcome wasn’t worse.
“Okay. Thank you.” The nurse walks off as Rachel turns around and gives me a look that is far different from the one she just had after I kissed her.
“Rachel, I’m sorry. Please don’t read too much into that. I was just taken aback by her thinking you were my wife. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard someone call another woman Mrs. Henderson,” I explain, hoping I can steer this moment back on track. I finally kissed the woman and all I want is for us to move forward, be it as fast or slow as I can manage.
Her face instantly softens as she stares at me. “I get it. And I’m sorry, but I never lead her to believe that we were married.”
“I didn’t think you did.”
“Luke… you kissed me,” she states matter-of-a-factly, and that declaration makes the corners of my mouth tip up.
“I did,” I confirm as I step closer to her again.
“Did you do that because you wanted to, or because you were scared?” Her eyes are searching mine for an answer, but I’m not sure if she expects the one I give her.
“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for weeks,” I declare as her smile builds. “I’ve been dying to know what your lips and tongue tasted like. And I want to do it again…”
She stands there, staring at me as her face lights up, even though I can tell she’s trying to hide her excitement. “Wow. Well, then… since you’re being so bold with your answer, let me just say… that I want you to kiss me again too,” she beams, wrapping her arms around my neck and leaning in to press her lips to me once more just as a small but familiar voice interrupts the moment.
“Daddy?” Grayson mutters from the bed as the nurse comes around the corner, wheeling him back into the bay where he’s being seen.
“Hey, buddy,” I move to him, knowing that Rachel will understand that he’s my focus now, and yet
hoping that he didn’t see my lips pressed against hers. “I heard you fell.”
He nods, his eyes barely open. “I did. My arm hurts, Daddy. I think it’s broken. We’re going to have to cut it off.”
I chuckle, brushing his hair from his forehead, leaning down to kiss him and soak him in, thankful his injury wasn’t far more complicated. “I think a cast will be just fine, bud. Maybe we can color it blue and red, like Spiderman?”
He smiles and then closes his eyes, letting the pain meds pull him under. “Spiderman is my favorite,” he mumbles before he falls asleep and I take a seat next to him. I sit and stare at my son, and then pop my head over to Rachel as she stands there watching us, realizing that things are about to change in our routine. Grayson will be wearing a cast which provides some obstacles, especially when it comes to bath time.
And I kissed Rachel, which definitely provides the biggest change of all—how we move forward from here.
Chapter 13
Rachel
“Goodnight, sweetie. I’m so sorry you fell, but you were so brave today. You made me so proud of you.” Sitting next to Grayson in his bed, I brush his blonde hair from his face after I tucked him in, grateful we’re finally home from the hospital and the stress from earlier has subsided.
“I am brave, Rachel.” His sweet smile makes my heart melt and a surge of protectiveness builds again. I know I’m not Grayson’s mom, but when he fell and was hurt—it was a panic I’d never experienced in my life. I can’t imagine what Luke was feeling.
“I know. Get some rest.” I press a kiss to his forehead and then quietly exit his room, slowly gliding down the hallway as I spot Luke, sitting on the couch with two wine glasses in hand.
“I feel like we need this after today,” he offers, holding one out to me as I intercept it and cross one leg under my bottom when I plop down next to him. My mind is still reeling from our kiss in the hospital earlier, hopeful that he’s not going to change his mind and push me away. I need to know what’s going through Luke’s head right now so I know how to act. I know what I want, but I’m just not sure where he stands.
“Most definitely. Thank you.” I take a sip of the crisp, sweet Riesling, enjoying the fact that Luke knows what my favorite wine is.
“No. Thank you for taking care of my kid today.”
I roll my eyes and then avoid his. “I don’t know if I did such a great job. I mean, he did get hurt while I was watching him.”
Luke grips my chin delicately, forcing me to look at him but with a gentle touch. “Like I said, it could have happened with me too. But you did the right thing—taking him to the ER, keeping him calm, assuring him that he would be okay. You… you did good, Rachel. I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome. But I definitely feel like it took ten years off of my life.”
Luke lets out a low laugh. “Yeah, kids will do that to you. One time, Grayson rolled off the bed right in front of me when he was a baby. I was so distraught, felt so guilty thinking I’d scarred my son for life, I swear I was having a heart attack.”
I reach up to cup his face. “He’ll never remember… but you will, won’t you?”
He nods. “Exactly. Just like I’ll never forget what it felt like to kiss you,” he whispers as my heart does a double backflip. Suddenly, he takes my glass from my hands and places his along with it on the coffee table before turning back to face me, scooting closer to me on the couch. My body is buzzing with expectation of what comes next as his leg nestles with mine and his hands come up to touch my face.
“I think I need a reminder,” I say, challenging him to see if he takes the bait. After my conversation with his mom, I know that Luke needs to be pushed a bit, but I also don’t want to make him feel like I can’t be patient as well.
“Then let me oblige.” The deep tone of his voice resonates in my ears and coats my entire body in a hum that makes my libido come alive. I take a moment to memorize the heat in his eyes before I close mine and brace myself for the feel of our lips touching again. And as soon as they meet, my entire body collapses into his as his arms come around me and pull me closer to his chest.
“Hmmm,” I moan as our tongues lash, his grip tightens, and wetness pools between my legs. I’ve been kissed before, obviously. But not like this.
This is a kiss to compare all others to, a kiss that is so much more than hunger for another person. It’s a meeting of two souls who are connected in so many ways, the hard lines of our individuality become a blended image of something stunning—because Luke and I together is messy, but it’s beautiful too.
“Jesus, Rachel,” Luke says when we part, his eyes heavy with desire and our short breaths passing between us.
“Luke… what does this mean? At the risk of sounding like a needy woman, I just need to know what you want. You kissed me and believe me, I wanted it. But I have to know what you’re thinking… where do we go from here?”
He sits back slightly on the couch, sinking into the cushions. “I can’t give you a definitive answer Rachel, at least not right now. All I know is… I like you. I’m attracted to you. And I feel something for you, which makes my heart race uncontrollably, but terrifies me at the same time.”
“I understand. I’m not looking for a label. I guess I just wanted to know where your head is at.” A little wave of disappointment hits me, and I guess Luke senses it, because he pulls me into his lap.
“This is new for me, Rachel. I haven’t felt anything for anyone since my wife died. And then you came along and it’s like you’ve opened my eyes up again to so many possibilities. But it’s complicated. You’re my nanny and we live together. So I guess that means that I think we should keep things easy for right now, and definitely between us. I especially don’t want to confuse Grayson, or welcome the opinions of others.”
I nod, agreeing with what he’s saying. Be patient with him, he’ll come around—his mother’s words echo in my mind.
“I agree. I don’t want Grayson to ask questions and become overly excited.” I study Luke’s face for a moment, relishing in how his strong features are both rugged yet soft. He’s this resilient man that has been through so much, yet he’s also this fragile human being that I just want to soothe and care for. The things I feel for him are not casual and easy, but I can tame them back if that’s what he needs from me.
“So, let’s just see what happens, okay?”
“Okay.”
“But I definitely see more kissing in the future,” he growls, pulling me further into his lap so I’m straddling him now, the heat between my legs blazing as I feel his hardness beneath me. “God, you’re so beautiful,” he whispers before he pulls me hard to his mouth and devours me until we’re both a hot mess and sexually frustrated.
But I know sex is the last thing that will happen tonight, and even for a while. Time is our friend and enemy for the next few months as we navigate this shift in our relationship and understand just what exactly is brewing between us. Luke’s opening up to the possibility of more, which I know will take time for him to navigate. I’ve been patient so far and I can continue to wait, even if it means relieving the ache between my thighs with my own hands for a while.
I go to bed that night flustered, and the same way every night for the next couple of weeks as Luke and I make a habit of making out after Grayson goes to bed. We remain on the couch, never moving to my room or his, which I think is safest for now, even though there have been a couple of close calls when Grayson came out of his room with random questions, a habit he’s been developing more recently.
Before I know it, Mother’s Day is fast approaching, and Grayson and I have been working on a secret project to surprise Luke with at his parent’s house for the occasion.
“I can’t wait to show Daddy.” Grayson lights up as I finish wrapping the album.
“I know, sweetie. I think he will love it,” I suggest, even though I honestly don’t know how Luke will react when he sees the album that Grayson and I put together of pictures
of him, Hannah, and their son.
Living with them for almost three months now, I’ve noticed that Grayson has taken a large interest in his mom, commenting on her pictures around the house and asking all sorts of questions about her, to which I don’t have many answers and do my best to not say the wrong thing. So I thought making a scrapbook that showed her and Luke’s relationship, the timeline of her pregnancy, Grayson’s birth, and up until Hannah’s death would be a good way for him to see the love she had for him, even though their time together was short. I also thought it would be a tool Luke could use to talk to his son more about her, when he felt the moment was right of course.
Luke’s mom helped me with finding pictures, digging up digital files on memory cards that she still had from years ago. It took a few weeks to pull everything together, but the beautiful blue book, decorated by Grayson of course, is ready to be handed to Luke. And I’m a bundled mess of nerves over what his reaction will be.
We drive over to his parent’s house together, the three of us like a family in his car, the idea hitting me hard as I realize that that’s exactly how this feels—like we are a family, albeit in an unconventional way. And the more time I spend with these two men who will forever own a piece of my heart, the more I accept that I want them in every aspect of my life.
“Grandma!” Grayson shouts once he’s freed from his car seat and runs across the lawn to hug Luke’s mom with force.
“Grayson! You are getting so big! I swear, I feel like I never see you anymore and when I do, you’ve grown an inch!” She beams, hugging him as he wraps his arms around her legs.
“Daddy says I grow like a weed!”
Luke laughs as we make our way up to the door, maintaining a safe distance between us so no one suspects anything has changed. But boy, has it. “That’s because you never stop eating. I should have named you Grayson- ‘I’m hungry’ - Henderson.”
“Sounds like another little boy I knew growing up.” His mom winks at him before facing me. “Hi, Rachel. You look beautiful today,” she grins, making my cheeks flush. Luke told me the same thing before we left the house today, but somehow I feel like her comment was made to catch his attention.
