by Poppy Parkes
Ben
It takes me a full five minutes of resting with Hattie curled into my arms to realize that we didn’t use a condom.
Fuck.
My heart starts battering the insides of my ribs. I love being Rory’s dad, but I’m not sure I’m ready to welcome another baby into the world.
But then Hattie settles into me deeper, nuzzling my bare chest with her cheeks. I catch the way the corners of her lips sleepily curl skyward and I realize something else.
If ever I end up a father twice over, I want it to be with this woman and this woman only.
The truth of this makes my heart pound for an entirely different reason. Gratitude, mixed with something else.
Something that feels a lot like love.
Even though Hattie and I are only just finding each other in this new way.
Even though I don’t know if she wants me for tonight or forever.
Even though I just pounded her in the back of her truck, practically in public.
After all our years of being connected by Rory, I am falling in love with Hattie MacLean.
And fuck, I couldn’t be happier.
Her eyes blink lazily open. “I could fall asleep like this,” she murmurs, wriggling more tightly against my skin, lids falling shut once more. “But that’s probably a bad idea.”
“You falling asleep in my arms? That sounds like a dream come true.” I massage the back of her neck, making her groan. “But maybe not while we’re out in public. Naked.”
“We’re in the privacy of my car.” She cocks one eyebrow at me without opening her eyes.
“Which is parked in a very public lot.”
“Are you trying to get rid of me?”
I laugh. “No. I’m trying to get you to come home with me.”
That gets Hattie’s attention. She sits bolt upright. “You’re serious?”
“Like a heart attack.”
“Like a heart attack? Oh my god, you’re so old.” She’s joking, but the humor on her lips doesn’t make it to her eyes. She’s turning something over in her mind.
“What is it?” I keep my words soft even though I’m aching to know what argument she’s about to use against me.
“Rory.”
Ah. That argument.
“She’ll be asleep.”
“And tomorrow?” she prods. “What will we tell her when she finds me in your bed?”
I grin, but my heart feathers with nerves. “Well, if you stay the night, I expect you up early to make us pancakes. She’ll find you in the kitchen, not my bed.”
“Ben.”
“Pancakes will go a long way to buy Rory’s love.”
She laughs in spite of herself, but I know that she’s concerned for good reason.
“Look,” I say, caressing her cheek, “I don’t exactly have a plan here. And I’m not sure what I’m willing to tell Rory aside from the truth.”
“You don’t think we should hide our —“ she gestures wildly “— whatever this is until we’re more sure of ourselves?”
“Hattie.” I scoot her off my lap so I can look her square in the face, making her hands a home inside mine. “I’m head over heels for you. You’re the one for me, and nothing’s going to change that.”
“But how do you know?” Her words are a whisper now, brow furrowed with worry.
“Because I’ve loved and I’ve lost. Because I’ve dated since Rory’s mom died and I couldn’t be bothered to engage in even casual sex. I know what I want, and I won’t settle for anything less. And what I want is you.”
“I want you too.” Tears brim in her eyes. “And Rory. I want us to be a family.”
My stomach flips with joy. This woman doesn’t just want me. She wants my daughter too. She sees a future with the three of us, together.
I remember the lack of condom usage and my stomach flips for a different reason. It’ll be a future with four of us if we don’t do something about that.
“Let me take you home with me,” I say. “We don’t have to do anything but sleep. And in the morning, you can slip out before Rory wakes if that’s what you feel most comfortable with. And if you want to stay, we’ll figure that out together. But know this — when I look at my future, it has you in it front and center.”
Hattie draws a shaky sigh and, after what feels like the longest moment of my life, nods. “I want to come over. And I don’t want to sneak out from under Rory’s nose. I like the kid too much to do that to her.”
Grinning, I start pulling my clothes on. “You just made me the happiest man alive.”
She wrinkles her at me, watching me hurriedly pull on my pants. “What’s the rush?”
“Oh.” I try to keep my tone casual. “In all the um, excitement, we didn’t use a condom. If we go now, we can make it to the late-night pharmacy before it closes.”
Hattie stiffens, face slamming shut. “Oh.” Her voice is stone.
Ice pricks at the back of my neck. I’ve fucked up somehow. “What is it?” I say. “What did I do?”
She shakes her head, but her graceful ease seems suddenly heavy. “We don’t need to go to the pharmacy.”
“But —“
“I’m infertile. I can’t get pregnant.” She blurts the words, too loud for the closed setting. More quietly, she adds, “I just found out this week.”
“Infertile?” I turn the word over in my mouth, brain racing to catch up.
She nods. “I get it if this changes how you feel about me.” Her face is grim. “Or about wanting me past tonight.”
I didn’t know until this moment that it’s possible for your heart to shatter and joyfully sing with love in the same instant. Tears burning at my eyes, I gather Hattie back into my arms.
“Look at me,” I command, surprised at the power in my voice.
She does.
“This changes nothing. Do you hear me?” I say ferociously. “Nothing.”
“But —“ Hattie begins.
I cut her off with a shake of the head. “I want you, Hattie — all of you, as is. While I think you’d make a fantastic mother, that doesn’t have to be for a new baby of your own. You’re already mothering my daughter in ways that mean the world to the both of us.”
She plays with the open buttons of my shirt. “I didn’t realize how much having the option to have biological kids meant to me until it was gone.”
“I’m so sorry.” I tuck her head under my chin and stroke her close-cropped hair.
Hattie nods and shrugs like it’s no big deal, but the tears I feel on my chest tell a different story. I hold her closer, wishing I could do more than just be here for her.
But I know grief. And while I can be her companion through it, she has to walk this road herself.
When I no longer feel fresh tears, I whisper, “Let me take you home, make you some tea, and tuck you into bed. Sleep will help.”
Her red-rimmed eyes find mine. “And you’ll be there in the morning when I wake up?”
“I’ll be there for the rest of the mornings of my life if that’s what you want.”
She hauls in a deep breath, holds it for a long moment, then lets it trail out of her, long and thin. When the exhalation is complete, she straightens as if strengthened. “Okay,” she says, a trembling smile crossing her lips as she tenderly strokes the side of my face. “Take me home.”
Hattie
True to his word, Ben loans me a tee shirt to sleep in, then tucks me into bed before heading downstairs to make me some chamomile tea. Drifting into sleep a surprisingly short while later, I think that I might be confused to find myself in his bed upon my waking.
But when morning comes and I open my eyes to see Ben slumbering at my side, it only feels right. Like it’s meant to be.
And hell, maybe it is.
Rory’s not surprised to find me in her house either.
I don’t let her find me in bed with her dad, clad only in panties and his shirt. Instead, I shower and don yesterday’s clothes. Then I take Ben’s jok
ing suggestion and head downstairs to forage for coffee and see if he has the ingredients for pancakes.
I’m standing at the stove, four pancakes stacked hot and steaming on a plate with four more on the griddle when Rory bounces into the kitchen.
“Hey,” she says, not skipping a beat.
I rake my gaze over her, looking for signs of consternation and finding none. “Hey yourself, kid.”
“I love pancakes.”
I smile. “Good. Do you know if your dad has any maple syrup in the fridge?”
She nods and produces a jug of pure Vermont syrup from the refrigerator.
“Ah, you’ve got the good stuff.” I nod. “I approve.”
“Dad says there’s no point in using syrup at all if it’s not the real maple kind.” She grins. “But I don’t care if it’s real or fake, as long as it’s sugary and there’s a lot of it.”
I snort. “A girl after my own heart.”
“That’s me,” Rory chirps, hauling a container of milk from the fridge too. She pours herself a generous glass and gulps all down at once while I watch with saucer eyes.
“Damn,” I mutter. “Got milk?”
Rory’s grin returns, wider this time. “Gotta get my protein and calcium in so I can grow up big and strong.”
“I guess,” I laugh. “Now how about some pancakes? Oh, and can you grab more plates and some silverware?”
“On it.” Without hesitation, she pulls out two plates and three forks. I grab one plate and heap the freshest four pancakes onto it, then pass it over to her.
Rory snags a fork and, sliding her plate along the surface, hops onto a stool at the central island. I watch as she douses her pancakes in syrup, worries swirling in my mind that I struggle to form into sentences.
“I hope this isn’t weird, waking up to find me here,” I say, weighing each word carefully as I pour more batter onto the griddle.
Rory wrinkles her nose. “Why would it be weird? I know you’re super great.”
“Yeah but—“
“And you’ve babysat me before.” She points her now-sticky fork at me.
“I’m not babysitting now,” I say carefully. “I’m . . . visiting.”
“Visiting my dad,” Rory prompts, tone matter-of-fact.
“Well . . . yeah,” I admit. “And that’s the part that I hope isn’t weird for you. Your dad and I, we, um, really like each other.”
Rory rolls her eyes. “I know. Sheesh.”
That pulls me up short. “Wait, what?”
“It’s super obvious. I can’t believe it took you two so long to figure it out.”
I frown, confused. “To figure out what exactly?”
“That you guys want to date each other.”
“Wait.” I flip the bubbling pancakes over in the griddle, then set the spatula down. “Are you telling me that you knew your dad and I were, um, romantically interested in each other before we did?”
She nods, chewing exuberantly. “I even heard some of the other Outdoor Adventure teachers talking about it.”
I cringe. “Great.”
“No, it is, I swear,” Rory continues. “They were talking about how you two would be cute together.” She waggles her eyebrows. “And you are.”
I can’t help but laugh at her expression and wide-eyed enthusiasm. “Well, I’m glad you think so.”
“Are you going to move in with us soon? I hope so. All the other kids are going to be so jealous of me.” She tents her fingers and makes a sound that I can only describe as an evil laugh. “I can’t wait.”
“Um, well, your dad and I haven’t quite gotten to that point yet.”
Her shoulders slump, but her eyes stay bright. “Well, I still think it’s awesome. And I’m glad you’re coming to Grandma’s party today. They’re usually super boring.”
“I’m sure they can’t be that bad.” I flip the last stack of finished pancakes onto one of the waiting plates, then turn the stove off and transfer the griddle to a cold burner.
“No, they’re bad.”
“What’s bad?” Ben says, walking into the kitchen, freshly showered and dressed.
“Your mom’s party,” I say. “But I bet it’ll be great.”
He shakes his head. “Nope, Rory’s right, it probably won’t be too much fun, even if it will be nice to see everyone. We’ll get through it together. Right, kid?” He squeezes his daughter’s shoulders. She nods and laughs around her mouthful of masticated pancake.
Ben steps to my side, peering at the two laden plates over my shoulder. “Pancakes, huh?” he teases.
“I heard it was a surefire way to buy affection,” I mutter. “But I don’t seem to have needed it — Rory’s totally chill with me being here.”
He beams at me. “Like me, she adores you.”
“She said she — and apparently my coworkers — knew we liked each other before you and I did.”
His eyes grow to the size mine were a minute ago. “She said that?” he asks under his breath.
“Uh-huh. Apparently, we’re really dumb.”
Ben’s arms snake around my waist. I press back against him, thrilling at the warmth and firmness of his body.
“Well,” he murmurs into my neck, “at least now we can be dumb together.”
I crane my head to face him. “Forever?”
He grins, pulling my pelvis into his. It’s a barely perceptible shift, but now I can feel the thickness of him and it makes my heart flip-flop. “Forever.” Taking my chin in his hand, his lips graze mine before he releases me to tend to the pancakes.
“Get a room,” Rory says from behind us.
I freeze, but Ben’s rolling laugh thaws me. Turning, I see the humor on Rory’s face. Relief washing through me that she wasn’t serious, I join their laughter.
This is it, I realize. This is my future, right here in this room.
This has become the new heartbeat of my life — time spent with these two humans that I care for more than I realized, hopefully laughing together more than anything else. I know there will be fights and tears too, but that’s life.
And we’ll figure it out, all three of us — together.
Epilogue
Hattie
No one is surprised when Ben and I are the last ones to arrive at the home Amelia shares with Tatum for their baby shower. I’m always the late one, and besides, I get extra leeway now that I’m learning how to do all sorts of new-to-me mom jobs.
Like dropping Rory off at her grandmother’s house, which is the reason why Ben and I are late today.
Knowing how easily parenting makes a person run behind makes me all the more impressed by Ben’s clockwork earliness to pick up Rory from Outdoor Adventure.
“Sorry,” I mutter in Amelia’s ear as I envelop her in a hug as Ben sets off to the gifts table to deposit the mountain of diapers we brought. Her swollen belly presses into my flat one.
My friends all know about the news I received from the doctor. It feels like it was yesterday that the doctor called to tell me that I’d never be able to make a family of my own, but it’s really been months.
In that time, I’ve been brought into a family that is not mine by biology but is no less precious for it. I thought I might serve as more of a big sister to Rory, but both she and I have taken to my honorary stepmother-hood better than I ever expected.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve been her biggest fan for a long time.
The only difference now is that we’re living under the same roof.
And I’m enjoying the best, most toe-curling sex than I’ve ever had with her dad.
Which is, um, another reason why Ben and I were late.
Before moving in with Ben and Rory, I didn’t realize just how hard it is to make time to be intimate when there’s a kid in the house. So once we dropped Rory off with Ben’s mom, we couldn’t resist getting hot and heavy in my truck.
Again.
Amelia releases me and scrutinizes my face. “Your cheeks are all rosy.”
Her gaze turns sly and knowing. “You’ve been naughty. That’s why you were late, isn’t it?”
“Just you wait until that little bugger makes his debut,” I say, pointing at her belly. “You’ll see how challenging it can be to steal away for sexy time.”
Tatum appears at Amelia’s shoulder. “Hey, we have a few more weeks left to believe that parenting will be effortless and we’ll continue to boink like bunnies after the baby is born.”
Amelia’s cheeks pink. “Tatum,” she hisses, but she’s laughing too.
“Hey, no judgment from me,” I say, raising my hands. “Let’s hear it for the bunny boinking.”
Kate passes by, taking a towering white and baby blue cake to the beautifully laid table. But my words reel her in and she backtracks. “Did I just hear the words bunny boinking?” She looks between Tatum, Amelia, and I. “Who are the bunnies? Please tell me it’s one of you.”
Ben materializes at my side. “Yes, please enlighten us,” he adds with a smirk.
Amelia and I exchange a glance. “I’m pretty sure it’s all of us, actually,” I say with a shrug.
Kate nods. “Good. That’s what I like to hear. Keep up the good work, ladies and gents.” She returns to her course and the cake makes it safely to the table.
“I hope our friend group isn’t too forward for you, Ben,” Amelia says, wrinkling her nose. “We kind of just lay it all out there, don’t we?”
“Yeah we do,” I say with pride. I’ve never minced words, particularly about sex. I affectionately jab my lover in the ribs. “I hope you can keep up, old man.”
Harry, Kate’s one and only, walks by in time to hear my jibe. “Ouch,” he says, chuckling. “Don’t let Kate hear you talking like that about older partners, she’ll kick your ass.” Like Ben and I, Kate and Harry share an age discrepancy — except in their case, Kate is the older one.
“Good call,” Tatum says. He speaks with a diplomatic tone, but the mischievous glint in his eyes gives him away.
“I concur,” Ben says. “But if it comes down to it, I think it’s safe to say that Kate and I can team up and kick all you young’ns’ asses.”
