I looked over at Sarah Anne, the girl with the pink ribbon in her hair, who was sitting with Ms. Frawley, her helper. They were doing something with the board that Sarah Anne was always holding. She was different, too, but nobody seemed to bother her. The other kids just left her alone, maybe because they’d gotten used to her. She was lucky that way.
Maybe someday they’d get used to me, too.
Ross came in, limping and leaning on Brett. They headed straight for my desk.
“Uh-oh,” said Evan. He slouched over and tried to make himself invisible.
Kiki gave me an encouraging smile. “Just ignore them,” she suggested. “They’re not worth it.”
I glanced up at the front of the classroom, but Mrs. Huggle had walked over to talk to Ms. Frawley. Meanwhile, Ross was getting closer.
I stood up.
“What are you doing?” Kiki whispered urgently.
“If he’s going to beat me up, I’d like to just get it over with.” I was only halfway through my second day of school, and already I’d had enough. Who was I kidding, pretending I was a regular human? What a joke. I wasn’t one of them, and I never would be one of them.
“Maybe I should just tell them who I really am,” I said to myself. But apparently, I said it out loud, because Kiki and Evan both stared up at me.
“Who you really are?” repeated Evan. “Like, you mean you’re actually from a family of spies? You can’t tell them that. Won’t you get arrested or something?”
“I’m pretty sure your parents aren’t spies,” Kiki said. “And neither are you, right, Arnold?”
I was trying to decide how to answer that, when I got distracted by something that was dropped on my desk with a big plop!
“Yo, Ombee, I think you left this in the gym,” Brett said.
“It’s your left shoe,” added Ross, in case I couldn’t see it for myself.
“That’s correct,” I said. “It is. Thank you very much for retrieving it.” I guess my shoe had fallen off during all the dodgeball craziness, but I hadn’t noticed. Probably because I’d never worn shoes before meeting the Kinders.
I reached out to put the shoe back on, but Ross’s hand shot out and grabbed my arm. “Hold up. I need to ask you something first.” He pointed at the shoe. “What’s that?”
Everyone else in the class leaned in, except for Mrs. Huggle, Sarah Anne, and Ms. Frawley. It seemed pretty clear that the teacher wasn’t going to bail me out. I was on my own.
“What’s what?”
Brett pointed this time. “That,” he said, with a voice of pure disgust. “Inside the shoe.”
We all looked. Sure enough, on the inner lining of the sneaker was a streak of a yellow, filmy liquid.
The technical term for it is sudoris zombutam.
Or, in language you might understand: zombie sweat.
So yes, as it turns out, zombies do sweat. Stress causes perspiration in zombies, just like in humans, and I guess I’d been stressed out in gym. When the Kinders first saw my zombie sweat, they pretended not to be grossed out, but I’m pretty sure they were. That was when they showed me this amazing thing called a washing machine, which fixed everything.
Unfortunately, there was no washing machine in the classroom. So there it was, zombie sweat in my shoe, yellow, and sticky, and oozy.
I should also probably mention that it didn’t smell very good. Especially to humans.
The entire classroom groaned with disgust. Mrs. Huggle looked up, confused. “Class? Class, what is it?”
Evan’s eyes started to water. “Ewww, I need a drink,” he said, hurrying to the sink in the back of the room.
Even Kiki, who was usually pretty tough, looked like she might throw up. “Um, Arnold, what is that? Are you okay?”
I tried to laugh it off. “Of course I’m okay! I told you about my condition, right? The one that makes it hard for me to run, and throw, and be active? This is part of it! It’s one of the symptoms!”
But this time, I was pretty sure no one believed me. My luck had run out.
Telling people my parents were spies was one thing.
Trying to explain a thick yellow goo was another.
Ross leaned over my desk, wincing. (I guess his you-know-what still hurt.) “You need to tell us what’s really going on here, Ombee,” he said, in a scary whisper.
A random girl chimed in, “You’re, like, the weirdest new kid ever.”
Soon, the whole class was murmuring, talking about the strange-looking pale-skinned weirdo who had yellow ooze on his shoe.
“You guys don’t know what you’re talking about!” Kiki protested, trying to stick up for me—but no one was paying attention to her. One against twenty isn’t exactly a fair fight.
Finally Ross shushed the crowd. “So, like I said earlier,” he said, “I’ll see you after school, by the jungle gym, and we’ll settle this thing once and for all.”
“Fine,” I said, already trying to figure out an escape route back to the Kinders—a route that didn’t go anywhere near the jungle gym.
“What’s going on back there?” Mrs. Huggle was finally paying attention to what was happening in our little corner of the room. She started cutting through the desks to get back to where we were sitting, but unfortunately she stepped right into some of my sweaty, swampy ooze that had fallen onto the floor. She slipped and fell down flat on her back, with a big fwwwwomp!
The class sat there stunned for a second. “Are you okay?” murmured a few brave souls.
I was frozen in my seat. Ms. Frawley came running over and helped Mrs. Huggle up. She brushed herself off and looked down at the yellow muck that had caused her to fall. “What is that?”
“I have a condition that causes my secretions to be extra thick and full of mucus,” I said.
Her nose wrinkled up in barely disguised discomfort. She hesitated while she tried to figure out what to say to that, before deciding on “I see. Well, I’m very sorry to hear that, and I hope you’re okay. I will call the custodial staff to help clean this up.”
I decided right then and there that Mrs. Huggle would be my favorite teacher for all time. “I hope you’re okay, too,” I said.
“I’m fine, thank you.” She walked slowly to the front of the room. “Very well, then. It’s time for snack.”
A cheer went up as kids reached into their desks and brought out an assortment of baked good, salty treats, and—for the unfortunate few—raw vegetables.
“Snack?” I whispered to Evan. “What’s that?”
“Whaddya mean, what’s that?” He was already busy stuffing gluten-free, sugar-free cookies into his mouth. “It’s only the best part of the day, that’s what.”
“Why didn’t we have snack yesterday?”
Evan rolled his eyes like it was the most obvious answer in the world. “Because we had early lunch! Today we have late lunch.”
“Oh. Right.”
The next thing I knew, all the kids were sitting happily in their seats, chomping away.
Never underestimate the power of food.
There was about thirty seconds of people chewing, munching, and slurping before people started to notice I was just sitting there.
“Arnold?” Kiki was looking at me. “Don’t you have a snack?”
Uh-oh. I guess the Kinders forgot about this part of the school day.
And I was all out of jelly beans.
“I left my snack at home,” I said. “It’s fine, though, I’m still full from breakfast.”
Kiki held out something brown and creamy. “Here, you can have some of mine. It’s chocolate pudding. Which happens to be the best food ever invented.”
“Oh, no thanks.”
She shrugged. “Suit yourself.” Kiki took another spoonful. “Mmmmm. Yummy.”
“Looks delicious,” I said, even though it looked the opposite of delicious.
“The stuff those kids were saying to you before was so mean,” Kiki said. “This whole class should be ashamed of itself. Peop
le can be so nasty sometimes.”
“They’re just being kids,” I said, which may have been the truest thing I’d said all day.
Kiki turned to her right, where Brett was scarfing down some pretzels. “Hey, Brett,” she said. “You guys can be real jerks sometimes, you know that?”
Brett stopped mid-chew. “Mind your own beeswax why don’t you?” Then he looked at me. “Where’s your snack? Oh wait, I forgot, you don’t eat real food.”
“What are you talking about?” Kiki asked.
Brett snorted. “Didn’t you notice? Yesterday he didn’t eat anything at lunch except jelly beans.”
Kiki looked at me. “Is that true?”
“I have lots of allergies and a very small appetite,” I said.
“So what else do you eat, then?” Brett asked. “Flowers? Dirt? Small insects?” He picked up a piece of paper and waved it in my face. “Maybe you eat homework. Do you eat homework?” He stood up so the whole class could hear him. “HEY, EVERYONE, THE NEW KID ATE MY HOMEWORK!”
“That’s quite enough, Mr. Dorfman,” said Mrs. Huggle. Brett sat down with a smug smile on his face.
Kiki shook her head in annoyance. “Don’t let him bother you,” she told me, “it’s not worth it.” Then she brought her chocolate pudding over to my desk. “Here, have a few bites. Come on, it’s chocolate pudding! Who doesn’t love chocolate pudding?”
Brett grinned. “Yeah, Arnold, who doesn’t love chocolate pudding?”
“I don’t,” I said.
“Wow,” said some girl in the second row. “Maybe he really is an alien.”
Everyone laughed. Evan looked up from his cookies. Ross looked up from his whatever it was he was eating. And just like that, all eyes were on me.
Again.
I stared at the pudding. I knew I couldn’t eat it. And yet.
“Thanks, Kiki, but I can’t,” I told her. “I— It’s part of my condition—”
“EVERYTHING is part of your condition!” said Ross. “Eat it. Prove to us that you’re at least a little bit human.”
“Ross Klepsaw!” said Mrs. Huggle sharply. “That’s enough.”
He sat back, still staring at me.
“Come on,” Kiki begged me. “If only to make them stop. Just one bite.”
“Yeah, Arnold, go for it,” added Evan. “Shut those guys up once and for all.”
Kiki smiled her sweetest smile. “It won’t kill you.”
Well, I was pretty sure that part was true, at least.
I sighed. “Fine. One bite. Just for you guys.” I picked up the spoon, dipped it in the pudding, lifted it to my lips, and took a tiny taste.
Remember I said that zombies don’t sleep?
That’s true.
But I never said zombies don’t collapse.
The next thing I remembered was opening my eyes and feeling a burning sensation that went clear through to the back of my skull.
I immediately knew why: Because zombies don’t close their eyes. Why would we?
I also knew that I was still wearing the blue contact lenses the Kinders had made me wear, because they were stuck to my pupils.
“Is this it?” I said, to no one in particular. “Is it over?”
Suddenly, a woman in a white jacket was standing over me. “Is what over?” she asked.
I realized I was laying down. I also realized I was in a room I’d never been in before.
“Who am I?” I asked.
The woman frowned. “Who are you? You mean, where are you?”
“Oh, right,” I said. “Where am I?”
“You’re in the nurse’s office, Arnold,” she said. “I’m Nurse Raposo. Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you, too.” I sat up. “My eyes feel really weird.” I tried to act like I was in pain, because I knew a human would be. “Ow,” I said. “Ow a lot.”
“ ‘Ow a lot?’ ” said Nurse Raposo. “I’ve never heard it put quite that way, but okay.” She bent down to take a closer look. “What’s going on in there? My goodness, your eyes are incredibly blue.”
I quickly turned away. “What happened? Why am I in here?”
“Well, it appears you ate something that didn’t agree with you,” she said. “You took a bite of chocolate pudding, and down you went, completely unconscious.”
“Wow,” I said. “Yes, I’m allergic to certain foods.”
“That might be the understatement of the year,” said Nurse Raposo.
I closed my eyes again, just to see what it felt like. Also because I’d noticed that Nurse Raposo was still staring at me with a suspicious look in her eyes. But not the kind of suspicion that wanted to hurt me, like Ross or Brett. Hers was the kind of suspicion that seemed concerned—that wanted to help me.
“Do you want to tell me what’s really going on?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“What do I mean?” The nurse pulled up a chair and sat next to me. “Well, I did some asking around and found out it’s been quite an eventful first couple of days for you. You’re incredibly bright, you’re incredibly skinny, and you’re incredibly pale. You refused to change for gym. You wouldn’t throw a ball. You only ate jelly beans for lunch. You’re wearing blue contact lenses, no matter what you say. And my guess is, you’re wearing them to cover up a red streak across your eyes.”
I tried to look at her but couldn’t.
“So I’ll ask again,” she said. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
I did. I did want to tell her what was going on, really badly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said.
But she never took her eyes off me. “What’s your real name?”
“Excuse me?”
She sat down next to me and talked very, very softly. “I have a lot of friends and contacts in the medical profession, some of whom work for the government. We’re a very close-knit group. I know a little bit about what’s going on. It’s okay. You can talk to me. So I’ll ask again: What’s your name?”
And all of a sudden, I felt like a giant balloon that had been popped. All the air started to go out of me, as I slowly shrank down to nothing.
“Norbus Clacknozzle,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
Nurse Raposo walked over to the door, closed it, then sat back down. “I see,” she said. “Well, now we’re getting somewhere.”
“Are you going to turn me in? Are you going to send me back to the Territory?”
“Of course not. I’m a nurse, not a government agent. And I don’t mind telling you, I’m not a fan of what they’re doing up there.” She brought over a warm towel and pressed it to my forehead. “As long as you’re a student at this school, it’s my job to take care of you.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“How did you wind up with the Kinders?”
“They found me up on Clarendon Hill,” I told her. “There was a breach, six of us escaped, and I was the only one who wasn’t recaptured.”
“So it is true.” She sat back and took a deep breath. “You must have been very frightened.”
“I don’t know enough to be frightened. I can’t remember anything from before.”
“They probably programmed you to be without a memory,” said Nurse Raposo. “Less complicated that way.”
I didn’t know what she meant by less complicated, so instead I said, “The Kinders found me and now I live with them and they’re telling everyone that I’m their nephew.”
“Well, they were very brave to take you in,” she said.
“Why?”
“Because it’s dangerous. I’m sure the government is still looking for you. They don’t like having any loose ends running around out there.”
I didn’t know what that meant either, but I understood the idea of the Kinders being in danger. “I don’t want them to get hurt,” I said. “They have been so nice to me.”
The nurse sat down and took a deep breath. “We’re not going to let that happen. F
or now, here’s what we’re going to do: Tomorrow, you must bring me a list of everything you can and cannot do, everything you can and cannot eat, okay?”
“Yes,” I said. “Although the second list is going to be short. All I can eat are jelly beans.”
“Hmmm,” said the nurse. “I’d heard something about that, too. Jelly beans it is, then.” She tilted my head upward. “Look up at the ceiling.”
I did as I was told, and she put a few drops of liquid into each of my eyes. Just like that, the burning sensation was gone, and I felt human again.
Well, humanish.
“I’m going to have Mr. or Mrs. Kinder pick you up,” said Nurse Raposo, a few minutes later. “You’ll be fine by tomorrow. But please, answer me one thing before you leave.”
“Okay,” I said, “I’ll try.”
“Why did you pick the name Arnold Z. Ombee? That’s a little on the nose, don’t you think?”
I blinked a few times, just to make sure my eyes were really back to normal. They were.
“I guess—I guess I want to be who I really am,” I told her. “Even when I can’t.”
Ten minutes later Nurse Raposo told me, “Your ride’s here.”
I went outside to find Bill or Jenny, but they weren’t there—instead, it was Lester, with his bicycle. He was standing next to the girl I’d met at the mall—the blue-haired girl who took my picture and told me I should be a model.
“Yo, Arnold,” Lester said. “You remember Darlene, right?”
“Hi, Darlene,” I said.
I noticed they were holding hands.
Good for Lester, I thought.
Darlene grinned at me, and the little gold thing in her nose sparkled in the sunshine.
“You okay, little man?” she said. “You look a little paler than last time, if that’s even possible.”
Lester smacked the top of my head, not lightly. “Yeah, you look terrible, even for you. What the heck happened?”
“I ate chocolate pudding, and I guess I’m allergic,” I told him. “I collapsed and had to go to the nurse’s office.”
“Why’d you do that?”
“The other kids were pressuring me. They all think I’m really weird.”
A Zombie Ate My Homework Page 6
