by J. L. Beck
Or maybe I just can’t hear it because the sounds that are coming out of my own mouth are so loud it blocks out any other noise. I don’t even sound human right now. I sound like a feral beast.
“You’re going to come again before I fill you up,” I tell her. I’m not asking.
“Yes,” she whimpers, barely able to keep her eyes open. I want to slam into her harder, drive into her even deeper but her ass keeps sliding on the counter top, making it impossible to do.
Sliding my hands under her ass cheeks I lift her up careful not to slip out of her and carry her to the nearest wall. I slam her back against the wall watching as the air swooshes from her lungs.
With her legs spread wide, I keep my hands hooked underneath her ass cheeks so I can drive up into her with full force. I let her full weight come down onto my cock, impaling her, forcing a ragged moan out of her. Sweat beads drips down my body, and muscles tighten as I keep up my relentless pace.
I can see Sophie tiring out, but I’m not going to stop until she comes again. I want to feel her milk my cock, feel her tightness squeeze every inch of life out of me.
“Come for me, baby. I won’t stop fucking you until you come again. Make that pretty pussy squeeze my cock. Milk me. Take from me.” My words work like magic. After three more thrusts, I can feel her come again. I smirk, kissing her hard, biting at her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood.
Her pussy clamps down on me, her sweet cream gushing out, and running down onto my cock before hitting my balls. Her nails claw at my back, and when she leans into me and sinks her teeth into my shoulder the entire world goes black.
My balls tighten and an electric current zings through me, as sticky hot come fills her pussy to brim. I can feel it like liquid lava as it fills every empty space inside her with me.
My orgasm doesn’t just hit me, it fucking destroys me. I come so hard that I completely black out for a moment. I feel like I’ve left my body, like I’ve finally met death, and my soul is floating around in the universe. I feel nothing but absolute bliss before I come crashing back down to earth with the intensity of a shooting star.
My knees buckle and my entire body goes weak. I turn us around placing my back against the wall. Then I slide down and sit my ass on the cold floor. I keep Sophie’s naked body against my chest, while she remains straddling me, her face buried in my neck, my softening cock still inside of her.
Fuck.
Sex has never felt like this before. Fuck, I don’t even know if you can call what we just did sex. The word seems too simple for what I’ve just experienced. We fucking ascended to some higher level of love making.
Brushing a couple of dark strands from Sophie’s face I peer down at her.
“Did I hurt you?” I almost cringe at the way my voice sounds. I’ve never cared about hurting a woman before or asking if they got off. That’s not my problem, but with Sophie every single inch of her belongs to me. She is mine to take care of, mine to cherish, mine to…the word sits on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t know if I’m ready to admit it to myself yet.
“I don’t...I don’t think so...but I am sore.” She answers bashfully, still a little out of breath. Sore means she’ll feel me for a few days, which is exactly how I want her...I want her to remember who was there, who claimed her and make her quake with need every time her thighs rub together.
“I’m not going to let you go again, you realize that, right? I meant what I said earlier. Now more than ever. You’re mine.” After what we just did, I know I’ll never have sex with another woman. Sophie is it for me. Forever. She just ruined me for all other women but I think the best part is that I don’t give a shit. It was worth it.
“Does that mean we’re a couple?” She questions with a big yawn. My heart starts to beat out of my chest. I’ve never dated, like ever, not when I was a teenager and not ever as an adult.
Dating means commitment, and that’s just something I’ve always avoided, but with her everything is flipped upside down.
“It means whatever you want it to mean.” The words sound harsh but I’m not sure I’m ready to put a label on us. My response causes her to sit up in my arms, her eyes roaming over my face as if she’s looking for a deeper answer.
“I want to be yours and you be mine. I don’t want to have to share you.” She looks like she might cry and there’s no way in fucking hell I’m letting that happen.
Gripping her by the chin I stare into her big blue orbs as I speak. “There will be no sharing, Sophie. I won’t share you, not with anyone. I don’t want to be with another women...I only want to be with you.”
So much for not putting a label on it...but I suppose her breaking my heart will hurt far less than seeing her with someone else. She is mine, let others know she’s mine.
And she is mine, every single fucking inch of her.
Chapter Ten
Sophie
Two days have passed since Roman told me he was never going to let me go, since he told me that I’m his. His words have been running through my mind on replay non-stop and I try to remember them even more when he has one of his mood swings. His moods are so unpredictable, I never know which side of him I’m going to get, and if I’m being honest, it terrifies me.
He goes from blissfully happy to grumpy and irritated in the blink of an eye. He’s hot, cold, then hot again. I try to talk to him about it, ask him to stop taking whatever kind of pills he’s taking, but he gets defensive.
I’ve never actually seen him take any pills, that is until this morning. I walked into the bedroom and saw him swallow some pill in the bathroom. I watch him put the pill bottle back into the medicine cabinet and I decide then that I need to take them away from him. He isn't going to stop on his own.
I wait for him to go to the gym. I usually go with him, but I tell him I’d rather stay home and watch TV. It’s not that hard to believe since I usually just sit in his office and wait while he works out. After he’s gone, I go back to the medicine cabinet and take the pills out. I unscrew the cap and hold the open bottle over the toilet. I pause for a moment, thinking about if this is the right way to go after all.
He keeps telling me that he needs to take them to be able to control himself, but then other times he tells me the opposite. I’m not sure which way it goes, all I know is that I want him to stop taking them and with everything going on around us, with that Andi guy and his friend breaking in, trying to steal me away it’s best if he does.
How can he protect me, protect us, if he’s not in the right mindset? It doesn’t matter that he and Ivan assured me that I don’t have to worry about anyone else breaking in. I just want him safe...his mood swings, his back and forth, and the fights, they scare me.
All of it scares me. Roman tells me over and over again that I’m safe now, that no one will try to take me away again, but I have this horrible suspicion neither of them are giving me the whole truth. I’m almost positive they’re not telling me everything simply to keep me from worrying. Which pisses me off. I might be afraid, but I want to see the monster before it grabs me.
After watching Roman take his pills this morning, I decided to do something about his addiction. I don’t want to hurt him or make him mad, but I can’t stand by while he destroys himself. I tip the bottle over and watch every single one of the pills slide out and fall into the toilet. I don’t want to lose Roman, but I can’t let him do this anymore.
The three hours I wait for Roman to come home feel more like six. Guilt and uncertainty gnaw at my insides. What if he hates me or kicks me out? No…I have to believe I’m more important to him than that. He told me he wanted me, that we were a couple, and I have to hold onto that.
He’ll be mad, but he will get over it. He will see I’ve only done this to help him—help us. Even if he turns around and buys more, at least he’ll know how serious I am about him stopping. At least now he won’t have any other option but to talk to me instead of avoiding the issue.
I sit on the couch looking at the
TV without watching it. My mind is too busy running through endless scenarios inside my head.
When he finally comes home, I think my head might explode with worry. Yet, I’m somehow able to force a nervous smile when he appears in the doorframe.
“Hey, I’m taking a quick shower and then I’m all yours for the rest of the day.” He winks at me, but I know soon he won't be in a good mood anymore.
“Okay,” I say, my voice a little too high pitch but he doesn't seem to notice. He disappears back into the hallway; my pulse is races and it becomes harder for me to breathe. I reach for the remote and turn off the TV. Any second now he’s going to discover what I’ve done, and then he’s going to come for me...I hope this isn’t the end…
I can hear him stomping down the hallway not even a moment later, approaching quickly. I brace myself mentally for what’s to come, but when he actually enters the room, I realize nothing could have prepared me for the f-5 twister barreling toward me.
“What the fuck Sophie? Did you do something with my meds?” He starts yelling as soon as he sees me, his steps are deafening as he covers the space that separates us.
“Where are the pills? What the fuck did you do with them?” His questions overwhelm me.
“I flushed them down the toilet,” I admit, trying everything I can to keep my voice from trembling. I’m not sure why though...I know I’m not really scared of him. I probably should be, but I’m not. How could I be, when all he’s ever done is protect me, save me.
“WHAT?” I flinch at how loud his roar is. His features contort into a mask of pure rage. “What the fuck were you thinking? I fucking need those!”
“I don’t think you do Roman. I…”
“What are you, a fucking doctor now?” He interrupts me and throws the empty pill bottle across the room. I can see his chest heaving in anger, his hands balled into tight fists like he wants to beat the snot out of something. He turns around suddenly, pulls back his arms and swings his fist against the wall. With a loud bang his fist smashes into the wall, paint and pieces of drywall crumble around his fist while I sit on the couch watching in horror unable to move a muscle.
When he lifts his hand from the wall to reach for his phone, I see blood running down his knuckles. I almost jump up to ask him if he is okay, but decide to stay put. He pounds away at the keys before bringing the phone to his ear.
For a moment I think he might be calling someone to come pick me up. Regret fills my veins...at my decision to provoke him.
“Mike, I need you to come to my house.” There’s a long pause as the person on the other end talks. “I’m out so bring some…” Another pause, and Roman’s dark gaze seems to turn darker.
“What do you mean you don't have any right now? Find some and bring them to me…Now!” He doesn’t even give the person on the phone a chance to respond. He simply hangs up the phone, and slams it down on the liquor cabinet, before grabbing a bottle of whiskey. He's out of control, spiraling toward the ground and I don’t know how to help him, how to fix this.
Maybe I shouldn’t have flushed his pills, but I can’t envision him hurting himself anymore.
“Roman, can we please talk about this?” I move from the couch, feeling the need to soothe him.
“What is there to talk about? I took you in, kept you safe, let you stay in my house, and you rifled through my shit like it belonged to you.” The words sting, but he’s angry. He doesn't mean it.
“Do you have any idea how much money you flushed down the drain?” I shake my head, feeling his eyes roam over my body.
“I’m worried about you.” I try to keep my voice calm even though all I want to do is scream back at him. But screaming isn’t going to make this better. I need him to calm down. I need him sane...I need Roman to be the man I see underneath the darkness, the bruises, and the blood.
“Worried? You should be worried about me losing control without my meds. Is that what you want? You want me to lose control? You want me to hurt you?” He stalks toward me, and the need to take a step back, to put distance between us, is damn near consuming me. I resist, though. Roman isn’t going to scare me away. I’ve looked a much bigger monster in the eye and survived.
“You’re not going to hurt me, and you don’t need those drugs. We both know it.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth I almost regret saying them. Roman is on me, like a cat pouncing on a mouse se grips me by the chin, his touch searing deep into my skin.
“Don’t you see it Sophie…” His nose brushes against mine, while my chest heaves up and down, air refusing to enter my lungs. “I do want to hurt you.” I whimper at the bruising force of his touch. His lips ghost against my racing pulse, and I almost sigh into his arms, but that’s what he wants. He wants me weak so that I can’t fight with him on the matter.
“I want to make you feel my pain. I want to hurt you...crack you wide open…make you bleed.” I try to shake my head, feeling the tears sting my eyes. He can’t truly mean that. He’s just trying to scare me, trying to push me away.
“You don’t mean that.” I barely get the words out, and a shiver of fear runs through me when my gaze meets his. Those gray eyes I love so much, that hold tender adoration for me are now black, black as the night sky without stars.
He’s not himself...he’s not Roman.
“But I do...do you need me to prove it to you? Do you want to see what happens without those pills?” I gulp down my fear. Roman is more than this, more than some stupid pill. I wretch out of his grip and grit my teeth scurrying away from him. I don’t stop until the back of my legs touch the couch.
“That’s what I thought. If you’re smart, you’ll stay out of my way. Whatever the fuck I do with my life is not your choice. Fighting and these pills were here long before you ever were.”
Tears start to form behind my eyes, and I refuse to let him see me cry. He doesn’t deserve it. I turn and run out of the room while holding a hand to my chest. I feel like if I don’t my chest might rip open, and my heart might fall to the cold ground, shattering into a million tiny little pieces. I run until I reach my bedroom then I shut the door and lock it behind me. The rooms already looks blurry from the tears distorting my vision and I swipe at the tears willing them away.
I let myself fall onto the bed, hugging the pillow to my chest as I sob into it. How could he say those things to me? I know he didn’t mean them, there’s no way…if he didn’t care about me then he wouldn’t have protected me. He wouldn’t have killed for me. I cry until my eyes are swollen, my nose is completely stuffed up and my head feels like someone hit me with a baseball bat.
I have no idea how much time has passed until a soft knock at the door startles me.
“Sophie…babe open the door,” Roman asks through the door. Even with his voice muffled, he sounds off. He sounds calm now, but still not like himself. I bite at my bottom lip, trying to stop my heart from beating for this man. I love him...and I think I’ve known it all along, but I’m not afraid to admit it to myself. I’d go through anything for him—anything—because he saved me.
“I’m sorry...please just open the door. I’m not going to hurt you...” He sounds sad and defeated, and I find my feet moving without thought. He’s so afraid he’s going to hurt me, I’d bet anything it’s eating away at his insides, but I know him. I know him beneath all the darkness, and I trust him, with my heart, my mind, my body. Unlocking the door, I open it, finding Roman leaning against the doorframe.
He looks pale, and there’s a thin layer of sweat against his forehead, but other than that, he seems to be the same gorgeous, far less angry, Roman he always is.
“Are you okay?” I ask, concerned for his well-beginning.
“Yeah, I’m great now. My friend brought me something to tie me over until I can get my normal pills.” I watch Roman closely. His jaw moves funny, and his eyes flicker around unnaturally. Something feels off about him, like the air around him isn’t normal. I look into his eyes and realize his pupils are so dilated, I can
’t see any color.
“Why don’t you lie down, Roman? You don’t look so good,” I coax. Grabbing his hand, I pull him into the bedroom with me. Maybe he just needs to sleep it off.
He follows me to the bed and sits down, letting me guide him every step of the way. At least he is calm...for now. As soon as I get him to sleep, I’m going to call Ivan. I don’t want to hurt Roman, but I can’t watch him self-destruct like this.
One look at Roman and I realize it’s not sleep he wants.
“You’re so fucking beautiful...beautiful, and mine, all mine.” He lifts his hand and cups my cheek. His caress is gentle, kind. I close my eyes, leaning farther into it, reveling in his touch.
“Take your clothes off,” Roman orders a second later. I pause for a moment. This is probably a bad idea, more than a bad idea considering the state he’s in, and the unknown drug he’s taken...but I want him. Regardless of everything going on around us, my body still craves him…
He reaches for my breast with his free hand and my body arches into his touch, seeking pleasure only he can give me. He rubs a thumb over my already hardened nipple, through my t-shirt, and a moan betrays me, falling from my lips without thought.
“Roman, should we really do this?” I already know the answer is no, but I can’t seem to get my body on the same page as my mind.
“Do you not want to?” Roman grins, tugging on my nipple once more. “It’s clear your body wants me. If I peeled your panties off and sunk my fingers deep inside your cunt, I bet I’d find you drenched.” There’s no denying how much I want him. I always want him—always. I wouldn’t lie about that, but I’m not sure we should do this.
“Of course I want to. I always want you, but…”
Roman is on me in a flash, his lips hot as fire, his hands possessive. All doubt leaves my mind, replaced with pure carnal need. My arms snake around his neck, pulling him even closer.
Maybe this is what he needs, maybe he needs to feel me, beneath him, inside me. He moves and pushes me to lay flat on my back, his heavy body on top of mine, making me feel safe and wanted. There isn’t an inch of space between us right now. I can feel his chest heaving, his muscles tensing, and his heart racing. All those things together only make me want him more.
