by Bella Emy
I shrug. “Sort of, but he keeps telling me it’s nothing and that he’s just been busy. But this doesn’t seem like him. He’s always worked the whole time we’ve been together. Why the change now? Especially after we—”
I can’t even bear to finish my sentence, but she nods knowing exactly what I was going to say: after we had sex.
Sex? But it felt like so much more to me at the time. And now? Now I don't even know anymore.
She considers my words and says, “Maybe they threw more responsibilities onto him?”
“Maybe,” I answer, but I’m not really buying it. Something is definitely up with him. I wonder if he’s grown tired of me, and is ready to find someone new. Of course, now he wants to find someone new since he’s taken my virginity. Was it all just a game to him to get me to sleep with him and then just let me go? God, he had me so fooled. I really believed all his words, all his actions. He really made me feel as though he was genuine.
I suck in a breath and wipe at the corner of my eye before my tears begin to fall. The thought of all of this is killing me, but there’s nothing I can really do if he feels that way and he won’t even talk to me. It sucks that it’s completely out of my control.
Tuesday evening, I get home from cheerleading practice later than I typically do. We’re getting ready for the next game and are coming up with a new routine that we need to have down pat by Friday. I walk to my room to drop off my bags before washing up for dinner, but as I walk past Daddy’s office, I find it still empty… just like it’s been all weekend. Usually he’s back by Monday evening.
I toss my bags into my room, and as I do, my mother’s voice calls out to me.
“Lexi? Come out here,” she calls.
“Coming,” I answer and walk down the hall through the house.
When I finally reach her sitting out back on the patio, drinking a glass of lemonade, she doesn’t even meet my gaze. Yet, I can tell she’s been crying. I wonder what is going on with her.
“Mom, are you okay?”
She pushes the tears out of her eyes. “I’m fine, Alexa. Sit down, please.” She wipes at the corners of her eyes with a white handkerchief.
I pull out the chair across from her and sit down facing the backyard.
The weather has been gorgeous today. There’s a cool breeze whooshing through, but it’s impossible to even tell that winter is almost here. The trees filled with the pretty autumn leaves getting ready to fall surround our backyard.
I watch her intently, and I know she’s called me out here for some reason, but I really want to know what’s going on with her.
“Mom, what’s the matter? Where’s Daddy?”
Her eyes dart over to me as she places her cup back down. “Lexi. There are some things in life that you have no clue about.”
“What?” I furrow my brows. I don’t understand what this has to do with my father. “I don’t understand.”
“Please, let me finish,” she says.
Nodding, I sit back in my chair and wait for her to continue.
She folds her hands on her lap. “As I was saying, there are some things in life that you just wouldn’t understand yet. You’re very young and inexperienced.”
Inexperienced? What is she talking about?
“Your father and I are getting a divorce.”
“What?!” I knew it. I knew it all along. Yet the words coming from her now shock me. Why wasn’t she honest with me when I first asked her? Deciding not to hold back, I ask ahead. “Why didn’t you just tell me that night I asked you? Why?”
She shakes her head. “Because I had hoped we’d work things out, but unfortunately, it’s too late for that.”
I furrow my brows. “How? How is it too late for that if you’re married? There should always be a way to fix a marriage. Always. If you love someone, there should always be a way to work things out.”
She smiles wistfully at me and says, “This is what I was talking about when I said you were inexperienced. I can’t expect you to understand certain things. With that being said, your father and I cannot fix things.”
“But I—”
“This can’t be fixed, Alexa. After he told me he’s been having an affair for the past two years and is having a baby with another woman, I can’t stay here and pretend like everything is going to be okay.”
My eyes almost bulge out of my head. I can’t believe what she’s telling me. An affair for two years? A baby with someone else? Who is this man she’s speaking of? It can’t be my daddy. My daddy would never do such a thing.
But now it makes sense why he’s been staying away for so long.
I swallow thickly. “So he’s not coming back?”
My mother closes her eyes tightly, and without ever opening them, she says, “He’s coming back in two weeks to grab the rest of his things, and then we’re putting the house up for sale.”
Furrowing my eyes again, I say, “What?”
Finally opening her eyes, she looks dead into mine and responds. “We can’t stay here, at least I can’t stay here and continue raising you in the house you grew up in with all these bad memories. We will be moving to New Jersey to stay with grandma and grandpa for a while until we can get everything situated and then we’ll have our own place, just you and me. How does that sound?” She forces a smile that’s more fake than her implants.
“How does that sound? How does that sound? It sounds horrible!” My heart starts speeding up and I feel like I can’t breathe.
“Oh, sweetheart, don’t be so dramatic. It’ll be fine. We’ll be okay, you’ll see.”
I want to slap her. How can she not see that this is not okay? This is not going to be okay, ever. “It’s not fine. It’s not going to be okay! What about Erin? What about Kalen? You’re pulling me away from them!” Sure, things have been off with Kalen and me lately, but we’re still officially together. And Erin, my best friend since forever? I can’t get through the rest of high school without her.
“You’ll be fine. I promise.”
I shake my head. “Mom, I love Kalen. Things have been weird between us lately, but I am planning on fixing everything. If you take me away from him, I won’t be able to do that.”
She rises from her seat. “I’m sorry, Lexi. Start packing your things and say your good-byes to whoever you need to say good-bye to. We’re leaving at the end of the week.”
Now I jump out of my seat and slam my fists on the table. “What?! You can’t do this to me!”
She scowls. “Watch your tone, young lady, and I will reassure you that I certainly can and will take you to Jersey with me whether you like it or not. Now you will go up to your room and start packing your things, is that clear?”
I glare at her. If looks could kill, she’d be dead by now. I can’t believe she’s ruining my life like this.
“Do I make myself clear?” she repeats in a stern voice.
Instead of answering her, I push away from the table and storm off.
“Alexa Alderidge, you come back here right now and answer me, young lady.”
But I don’t turn around, and I sure as hell don’t answer her like she’s asking me to do.
Chapter Eighteen
Without stopping for a second, I run straight up to my room and lock the door behind me. I want nothing to do with my mother, nor do I want to see her again. And my father? Fuck him. How could he have another family on the side that we didn’t even know about? How is this real life?
I throw myself onto my bed as unbridled bitter tears roll down my face. I need to call Erin. I need to tell her how completely unfair my parents are being and how my life is being ruined by them right now. It’s going to be so hard to say good-bye to her.
New Jersey? Who the hell lives in New Jersey? Ugh. I really wish my grandparents lived here in Cali with us. Then if we had to move there to stay with them, I could still be with my friends. But Jersey? That’s so far.
I pick up the phone. As I go to dial Erin’s number, I decide to try Kale
n’s first. He hasn’t spoken to me in days, so maybe I won’t even get through now. But at least I’ll have tried. If I still can’t get him on the phone, I’ll text him to call me that it’s urgent. This is, isn’t it? I mean, this will be the end of us… even if there really hasn’t been an us in days.
A new wave of tears falls from my eyes as those thoughts run through my mind. How could things between us have changed so drastically in such a short amount of time? It just doesn’t make sense to me.
I try his cell phone, but once again, it goes to his voicemail. No. I refuse to leave another message for him. I’m going to call his house phone, and hopefully, maybe I can get through to him there somehow. I know if he wanted to talk to me, he would’ve called me by now. He would have seen all the missed calls and texts and gotten back to me.
But he’s leaving me absolutely no choice. The next thing I’m going to do is head over to his house if I can’t get him through the phone.
I sit up and hit his number on my phone, waiting to hear the line trill. I clear my throat and hope he picks up this time. I really don’t want to text him to tell him to call me. I’d rather just talk to him now and get everything out on the table. It would be nice if he would start by telling me what’s been up with him these last few days. It rings three times before someone picks up. “Hello?” It’s not Kalen. It’s his father.
“Mr. Starling? Hi, it’s Lexi.” I sniffle but hope he doesn’t notice I’ve been crying.
“Lexi? Are you alright, hun?”
Crap, he noticed.
“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. Sorry, it’s just my allergies.” I lie, of course, because how do I tell him the truth? My life sucks so bad right now. Kalen doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, my parents are divorcing, and I’m being forced to uproot my life and move across the country.
“Hmm, okay. What can I do for you?”
I furrow my brows. Isn’t it obvious I called for Kalen? Well, maybe not because I didn’t call his phone directly. But I bet his father doesn’t know I’ve been trying to reach him for days.
“I was looking for Kalen. May I please speak to him?”
He sucks in a deep breath, and after a moment, he says, “Kalen? Sweetie, did you try his phone?”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “Yes, numerous times, but I haven’t been able to get through to him. I know he wasn’t in school the last few days, and I want to make sure he’s okay.” That’s not a lie at all. I’ve been worried. What if something happened to him or what if he’s really sick? I’m sure Mr. Starling would have told me by now, but still. I suck in a deep breath. “Plus, I really need to speak to him. Is he there?” I’m starting to get antsy, and if I don’t get to speak to Kalen soon, I’m going to burst into tears again.
“Oh, Lexi. Didn’t he tell you?” he asks.
I swallow hard. “Tell me?”
“When’s the last time you spoke to or saw Kalen?”
I shut my eyes. “It’s been a few days,” I admit.
“I’m so sorry, sweetie. But Kalen’s gone.”
My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach, breaking into a million pieces. What does he mean, gone? “Gone?” I repeat.
“Yes. He left three days ago to stay with some family in Florida. He’s been going back and forth on his decision for about a week or so now... I’m so sorry.”
He left to go to Florida? Why? Why didn’t he even bother telling me he was leaving? Why did he just up and leave without a single word? He took my virginity and left me all alone. What the hell?
Another stream of tears falls down my face, but I compose myself before responding. “It’s fine. Thank you for telling me, Mr. Starling. When you speak to Kalen, please let him know I’ll be leaving for New Jersey by the end of the week.”
“You’re leaving California, too?”
I nod, even though I know he can’t see me. “Yes. My parents are getting a divorce, and I’m moving with my mother to stay with my grandparents out there for a while.”
He sighs audibly. “Oh, I’m so sorry, sweetheart. But I’ll deliver the message. You take care of yourself, young lady.”
“Thank you, Mr. Starling. Good-bye.”
I hang up before he can add anything more because it hurts too much to continue with this conversation.
I use the back of my hand to wipe my tears. Anger begins to fill my heart, and now I know for sure I had been right all along.
I knew it. I fucking knew from the beginning that I should have never fallen for him. Now I know he never loved me. He never even cared. If he did, he would have at least said good-bye. All he wanted was to get me to sleep with him just so he could say he did, and then leave me in the dust. Nothing makes sense like it used to. All I want to do is lie on my bed and cry and pretend the last couple of months never existed. Because did they even? They weren’t real.
And then it hits me like a brick wall to the face that without even one last and final good-bye, Kalen is gone.
Chapter Nineteen
Back to the Present…
“That was a beautiful wedding, wasn’t it?” Erin flips over onto her belly to soak up some sun.
We’re currently lying on one of Starling Paradise’s beaches, and it’s been heavenly. I needed this so badly. Seeing Kalen that evening at the rehearsal dinner definitely threw me off, making me reminisce about our time together. And then seeing him again during the wedding the following day really made my knees weak and sent my insides on a high anxiety spree.
Now that it’s all over and we can just relax here without worrying about a damn thing, I know this is just what I needed. Plus, not seeing Kalen since has really helped me get a grip.
I take a breath, inhaling the summery coconut scent of suntan lotion that the wind swishes in our direction. Like I said, heavenly. “It was absolutely beautiful, and your sister looked breathtaking.”
Erin chuckles. “Yeah, she looked like Cinderella.”
“She did.”
“So, what do you want to do tonight?” She pops open the cap from her bottle of water and takes a long swig.
I shrug. “I’m good with anything. Honestly, I don’t mind spending the rest of this vacation lying right here and not moving an inch.”
Erin chuckles. “Girl, you’re not joking. I wouldn’t mind that either. But you know damn well there’s too much to do here than to just waste it away on the sand… not that there’s a problem with that.”
Erin’s right. There is so much to see and do out here that it would be a shame to let this time go to waste. Land tours, dining on the beaches, whale and dolphin watching, sea life safaris, submarine expeditions, scuba diving, and so much more.
I close my eyes and after only a moment, open them once more. “Why don’t we start off by checking out the shops and then grabbing some food later?”
She smirks and then nods. “Okay, fine. We can do that. I mean, I thought that was kind of a given, but I was sort of hoping we could hit some of the clubs tonight.”
I giggle. “Of course, I should have known.” I playfully roll my eyes.
Erin sits up on her towel. “Lexi, you already know, I’m all about that bass and liquor… and feeling good.”
She sure did love some beats and having a good time. Still, I raise an eyebrow and decide to edge her on. “You didn’t get enough to drink at the wedding?” I’m joking. Erin hadn’t drunk much at all last night.
She gasps and places a hand on her chest, feigning hurt.
I crack up and reach out to place a hand on her arm. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding!”
“With all we had going on, I barely had a glass of water…maybe a sip or two of champagne during the toasts. That’s it.”
I chuckle. “I know. I was just teasing.”
Erin smirks. “Yeah, you’re lucky I love you, bitch.” She punches me in the arm softly.
“I know, but look,” I point to the right. “There’s a cute little Tiki bar right on the beach. Let’s get this party started right now.”
> “Girl, I’m game. Let’s go!”
We rise up from our seats on the sand and only grab our phones. We decide to leave our towels and other items. The bar is not that far from where we’re sitting and if anyone needs to steal beach towels and some suntan lotion that badly, then they are free to take it.
We walk toward the bar as the sun beams down on us. It’s early in the afternoon and already hot as sin, but there’s a nice breeze blowing. The scent of the ocean brings back so many memories of my childhood. Hot summer days on the beach gave way to lazy summer nights.
Erin grabs my right hand. “Oh, my God, girl, don’t look now, but that hottie over there is totally checking you out.”
“Where?” I ask, looking around.
She pulls my arm down by my hand. We stop dead in our tracks and she forces me to face her. “Ugh! Don’t make it so obvious!”
I hold back a nervous laugh. “Sorry.”
Erin sucks her teeth. “Oh, it’s fine, but seriously, look. He’s standing near the pier and he’s fine as hell. Just try not to make it look too obvious that I told you to look.”
This time, I slowly turn my head and see the guy she’s talking about. Sure, he’s cute, and yes, he’s definitely staring at us—me—but something else catches my attention.
It can’t be, can it?
Oh, of course it can. And it is.
Sitting at one of the tables right outside of one of the hotels’ entrances in a black designer suit which screams Benjamins is Kalen Starling, owner of Starling Paradise, and from what I can tell right now, still the owner of my every waking thought since I first laid eyes on him again.
What the fuck is going on with me? I had said good-bye to Kalen the moment he broke my heart so many years ago, and I refuse to go down that route once more. The only thing I can say is that at least this time I’m not running for the hills, threatening to toss my cookies all over his perfect white sandy beaches.
Damn, he is so gorgeous. Even more so than what I remember him to be. When we were just a bunch of high school kids, he was fine. But now? Now, his looks intensified times a million. Not only did his looks stay just as charming with his amazing emerald green eyes, but add his increasingly sexy appearance that was brought on by the passing of time, and I’m done for.
