by Ryan Almroth
But, even as his heart flutters, he hears himself falling into their typical rapport.
“Yeah well… maybe that’ll happen when you stop nagging me about it.” He feels rewarded slightly when Ethan’s shoulders noticeably drop, as if he’s finally relaxing. “Ever thought about that?”
“Well, then I guess it’ll never happen,” Ethan says, his voice oddly soft as he finishes straightening up Julian’s tie. Their eyes meet for the briefest of moments before he drops the gaze, a swell of emotions swirling behind both their eyes.
Julian gets the urge to pull Ethan away from Sawyer, tell him how he feels right then and there. After all, maybe this strange behavior is because Sawyer is right, because Ethan is planning to confess to someone today? If so, Julian most certainly can’t have it. He can’t allow Ethan to go running off and getting together with basically every boy under the sun before they end up together. He just won’t have it….
He begins to slowly reach out and grab Ethan by the elbow, but Sawyer’s voice stops him, just as his fingertips brush the soft cotton of Ethan’s uniform blazer.
“Should I leave you two alone?” Sawyer interjects with a smirk. “You know, to talk?” Sawyer grins first at Ethan and then at Julian, and Julian realizes in muted surprise that his heart is racing. He opens his mouth, but no words come out. It… can’t be that Ethan wants to confess to—
“Just drop it, dude,” Ethan tells Sawyer, stepping back a couple paces from Julian. The gap between Ethan and Julian isn’t more than a few feet, but it now seems wide enough for a strange, chilling breeze to blow through. Of course, that’s nothing compared to the frigid iceberg his heart becomes at Ethan’s next phrase. “It’s not like that between me and him. We’re just friends.”
Well, Julian thinks, his heart plummeting to the sidewalk beneath them, there it is. At least I know now….
“Should we go?” Julian prompts, his voice hard as the concrete his black shoes clack against, turning on his heel and marching off before either can respond. He glares down as he moves, chewing on the tip of his thumb absently. Ethan’s words sting him, leaving a sharp ache in his chest, but Julian is resolute. He won’t give up on Ethan, on his crush. He’ll do whatever he has to, to make Ethan believe they would go so well together.
He swears, he won’t stop fighting for that perfect possibility.
LATER THAT day, Ethan sits at the usual lunch table in the courtyard of campus, an unsettling silence surrounding him. He usually likes the tranquil peace here, especially with Julian by his side, but now the unblinking stare he has on Ethan manages to set his nerves on edge.
Julian’s been like this ever since the walk to school, watching Ethan with this expectant look in his eye, as if waiting for some kind of sign. But there was purposefully no sign, not even a flicker in Ethan’s eyes. Nothing. Now, he’s doing his best to minimize as much conversation with Julian as possible, at least until this crush subsides. He doesn’t want to make it even worse by saying something that will let on too much.
After all, if Sawyer’s on his scent, there’s no telling who else knows about his hidden feelings for Julian.
“Yo!” a familiar voice calls, causing Ethan to push a welcoming smile onto his face. Gavin, another friend of theirs, walks up to them and throws up a peace sign to emphasize his greeting.
“Hey, man,” Ethan responds, moving down to make room for Gavin. Julian blinks once, only his eyes following as Ethan moves one space down, as well.
“What’s uh… going on?” Gavin asks, blinking repeatedly as he glances between Julian and Ethan. Julian blinks again, this time breaking his gaze on Ethan for the first time all day.
“Nothing…. What’s going on with you?” says Julian, a flatness in his voice that Ethan doesn’t quite understand. Gavin gulps, smacking his lips as he gives Ethan a confused look. Unlike Julian, Gavin’s face is as easy to read as a highway billboard. It says: What the hell did I just step into?
“Um… nothing much, I guess,” Gavin replies, sitting back slightly and dropping his hands in his lap. He hesitates for a moment before adding, “You okay there, Jules?” Julian blinks, then gives a short nod and shifts down a space on his bench to remain directly across from Ethan. For a moment, Ethan forgets Gavin, or anyone else, exists, as his heart pounds. He watches how Julian elegantly rests his chin in his hand with far too much grace for a high schooler. Positively unfair.
“I’m fine,” Julian answers before directing his attention fully back to Ethan and the Tupperware he’s unpacking. It is a stereotypical Japanese-style bento with rice, gyoza, chicken glazed in teriyaki, and even little flower-shaped carrots and celery. An unsettling grin comes to him, and he leans close to inspect the food. “Aw, you didn’t have to bring food for me, E.” He then plucks out a piece of grilled meat from the lunch, popping it into his mouth before Ethan can react.
Ethan splutters in surprise, feeling the tips of his ears burning in embarrassment at the playful light painting Julian’s eyes. His ears burn hotter at the side glance Gavin gives him, and he silences himself as he just pushes across the table the extra little container of food he’d packed for Julian, a sort of miniature version of his own meal.
“Eat the vegetables, beanpole” is all he says, shifting his focus entirely to his own lunch and eating faster and more deliberately than he’s ever eaten before. Julian seems to freeze, stuck on his own personal buffering screen. Ethan tries to play if off, as if it isn’t a big deal. After all, he’s let Julian eat off his own plate before. Granted, he’s never just outright given Julian his own container like that. He chances a glance at Julian, and just for the briefest of moments he thinks he sees Julian’s poker face sliding away. There’s the smallest glimmer of hope in Julian’s eyes, the smallest of smiles pulling at Julian’s lips, but all too soon it falls away. Ethan returns his attention to his food, thinking it to have only been his own optimistic imagination.
“Losers!” Sawyer shouts suddenly, shaking everyone from the awkward atmosphere surrounding the table. Julian looks over, watching Sawyer approach his side of the table. He slides over ever so slightly, not enough to be away from Ethan but just enough to leave space for Sawyer, who drops his tray loudly atop the table, swinging his legs over the bench. “Gavin here, the man of the hour, told me his parents are going to be out of town!”
“Yeah, they are,” Gavin confirms, seeming hesitant to respond. “And Sawyer’s trying to convince me we should have a party.”
“It’s been a while since we’ve partied!” Sawyer adds, pushing some cafeteria food into his mouth. He only chews halfway through it before speaking again. “I’d say too long.”
“You’d say anything if we let you,” Ethan grumbles, earning a curious look from the others. Julian, especially, and it causes Ethan to shift uncomfortably where he sits. Sawyer humphs and is clearly on the verge of arguing before he’s stopped by Gavin’s interjection.
“It’ll be Saturday,” Gavin says, sufficiently distracting Sawyer with party talk.
“We’ll stay the night,” Sawyer goes on to say, diving into a telling of all the different plans he’s thought up for Gavin’s house. Ethan listens until Gavin points out they need to keep the party small, knowing it doesn’t matter what Gavin says because Sawyer’s likely invited half the school already.
Ethan is just about to jump in to help bring Sawyer’s party plans back down from the stratosphere, but he glances at Julian just as he’s rolling his eyes at the increasingly outlandish plans. Ethan can’t help the small smile that pulls at his lips. Julian notices Ethan looking at him, and, smirking back, he mouths, Wanna skip last period?
Ethan fights down another blush and nods.
Perfect, he mouths back.
PART TWO
JULIAN SIGHS, looking at himself in the mirror. His hair has gotten a bit long, so it’s harder to manage, but he thinks he’s managed to style it pretty well. He’s dressed in tight black jeans and a shirt that hangs off his thin frame just right, black lini
ng his big doe eyes. He purses his lips, leaning closer to make sure no acne is popping up on him last minute.
He’s put more effort into this look than he has any other in all his life, and he won’t have it ruined by anything, much less something as lame as a zit.
He steps back, twirling his lace choker thoughtfully in his fingers as he tries to think of something else he could add that he knows Ethan would like. But, unfortunately, nothing comes to mind…. He just prays this is enough to woo Ethan over to his side, and to make him ignore any thoughts about dating his mystery crush.
He glances at the window reflected in his bathroom mirror, the window in his bedroom that looks just across the property line into Ethan’s bedroom window. His pout falls, his expression morphing into a blank slate as, for the slightest of moments, he contemplates defeat.
Ethan’s so much better than Julian. Ethan has the grades, the people skills, the looks. He’s the total package. But Julian is only ever noticed for his looks.
Julian shakes his head, reminding himself of how well they go together, how his own shortcomings don’t matter, just because he knows he can make Ethan happy for as long as he’ll let him….
Julian then turns on his heel, sauntering out of his home to go to their usual meet-up spot, ready to get this party started.
ETHAN STANDS in his bedroom, staring at himself in the floor-length mirror, surveying the fifth outfit he’s put on for the night. It isn’t as if jeans particularly accentuate the length of his legs, seeing as how there isn’t anything there to accentuate, but he really feels like shorts would give the wrong vibe, so he sticks with the first option. He goes for a baggy T-shirt, but pairs it with a leather jacket, just to give off an air of bad boy, for once.
“Come on, dude,” Sawyer groans from his bed, throwing himself onto his back in annoyance. “This is, like, the billionth thing you’ve put on. You look fine, let’s just go.” Ethan scowls, whirling about to glare at him. Sawyer’s been whining at him for the past hour, and he’s so nervous about this party with Julian, he’s just had enough.
“It’s your fault I’m like this!” he snaps, wagging an admonishing finger at Sawyer as he steps closer. “You’re the one that talked me out of telling Julian how I feel, and now you’re the one that’s going to wait on me to get ready so I look good enough for him to at least start considering me like that! Got it?”
Ethan doesn’t realize what he’s said until after he’s said it, until after he sees the wicked smirk that twists at Sawyer’s lips. He quickly shuts his mouth, even taking a step back.
“I… I didn’t mean,” he mutters, looking anywhere but Sawyer’s eyes, but it’s too late. He’s confirmed everything.
“I knew it!” Sawyer shrieks, leaping up to clap his hands together once in victory. He then pauses, growing beyond confused. “Dude, why didn’t you just ask him out the other day? You know he would’ve said yes.” Ethan scoffs, shaking his head as he turns his back.
“You said it yourself,” he reminds his friend, picking his eyeliner up from his desk and leaning so close to the mirror he fogs it up as he speaks. “Jules and I are so different…. He could literally have his pick of anyone at the school… I don’t see why he’d pick me, of all people. All I do is nag him about his uniform and how he doesn’t eat enough…. He probably just thinks I’m annoying.”
“Jesus Christ,” Sawyer sighs dramatically, his eyes rolling so far back in his head Ethan thinks they’ll roll out of his sockets. “Ethan, you have got to be the blindest human in the history of the species!” Ethan hears the other boy rise from the squeaky mattress, but he doesn’t dare glance away from his delicate work to watch. “Julian has such a bad crush on you it hurts to watch…. He’s gonna fall in love with you by next month if he hasn’t already!”
Ethan’s so surprised he messes up his eyeliner, looking over to his friend with a harsh black line going across his bottom lid and swerving out to his temple. He turns around, eyes wide and jaw practically on the floor. He stammers around the question of just how exactly Sawyer would know something like that, if Julian had mentioned something to him or if it was just a feeling he had. But Sawyer waves off the questions with a dramatic sigh and doesn’t answer.
“Come on, finish getting ready,” Sawyer tells him with a wave of his hand. “I’ll have you your man by the end of the night.”
“But, how—?”
“Just trust me… it’s just like in the movies.”
Needless to say, it only takes Ethan a moment more to finish getting ready before he’s pulling Sawyer out of his house to meet Julian and head to the party…. Though, judging from the way both boys seem to oddly clam up whenever they see each other, Sawyer knows his work isn’t done yet.
THE TRIO knows that, even if they hadn’t been to Gavin’s house before, they’d find it easily by the line of cars flooding the street and the thrumming beat of EDM shaking the concrete. Sawyer’s pace noticeably quickens as they round the block, and Ethan and Julian resolutely keep behind him. Neither boy is particularly excited for this “raging banger,” as Sawyer had coined it, but neither can help the identical smiles that tug at their lips at the prospect of spending more time together. When they had skipped their last class together, it had been just like old times, before all these stupid hormones and attractions started kicking in.
As they approach the house, Ethan anxiously picks at a stray string at the end of his left sleeve. His fingers deftly twist it this way and that, and Julian notices the gesture but says nothing. He merely shifts a step closer to him, his upper arm brushing against Ethan’s shoulder. He notes how Ethan’s fingers stop midtwist, as if hesitating for a moment before dropping the thread altogether. Julian inwardly smiles to himself, satisfied to have helped him relax.
People litter the front yard and sidewalk, cups of God-knows-what in their hands as they press against each other just to be heard over the pounding music. They go up the set of steps and then through the front door, the combined scents of sweat, teenage desire, and 176 proof that could only be found in a parent’s liquor cabinet thick in the air. Sawyer heads straight for the living room, where a makeshift dance floor has been set up with Gavin’s parents’ surround-sound speakers blaring. Ethan glances up at Julian, straightening his glasses in silent question, and Julian gives a short nod before following him through the hall to the back patio.
There aren’t as many people out there, yet, so they can at least enjoy the party from a safe distance.
“SPIN THE Bottle?” Gavin asks, echoing Ethan’s own confusion as he looks around at the others. As the party rages on upstairs, Sawyer had dragged them all together for some quality friend time. Ethan hadn’t known what Sawyer was planning once they got down here, but Spin the Bottle? Shitty music of their generation shakes the floor above them as Gavin gives Sawyer the most befuddled look on the planet. How exactly is this going to fix everything?
“Yeah!” Sawyer answers, nodding adamantly. He pulls out his phone, setting it in the middle of their circle. On the screen is a horribly animated beer bottle pointing toward the top of the phone. “It’s a normal game, dude. There’s no harm in it.” Ethan sees Sawyer shoot Gavin a look, one that says “just go with it, this is all part of the plan.” Ethan then looks to Julian, and luckily it’s obvious he didn’t see the silent message. He turns his head to give Sawyer a grateful glance, giving the meekest of smiles before refocusing on the virtual bottle.
Ethan glares at Sawyer’s phone, though he doesn’t say anything. He wonders if Sawyer’s somehow rigged the phone, mysteriously figured out some way to get the virtual bottle to land on him and Julian, engineering the perfectly stereotypical first kiss to start their relationship. It’s like something off those asinine teen dramas on TV.
“Okay,” he finds himself agreeing before anyone else can speak. Julian looks at him, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise. Ethan’s pretty sure Gavin is looking at him similarly, but he’s only looking at Julian.
Sawyer smirk
s, leaning down to spin the phone. Ethan focuses hard on it, almost as if telepathically willing it to land on the first choice: himself. It does so, and it feels as if he’s just used all the luck he had reserved for himself in the universe just for that moment. Ethan’s heart beats a little faster in victory, reaching out to spin the bottle again and bring the assumed plan to fruition…. He watches it go round and round, the sound of a bottle scraping against a wooden surface projecting from his phone’s speakers, until finally it slows and lands on none other than… Gavin.
Wait…. Gavin?
Ethan glances between the device and Gavin, utterly flabbergasted. What the fuck? What just happened? Julian looks just as astonished and confused and about fifty other things, his jaw practically on the floor.
Gavin seems to pick up immediately on the shift, gulping thickly as he pointedly avoids Julian’s gaze. The heat of jealous rage fills the room as Gavin leans forward automatically, but Ethan lurches back out of instinct. Gavin settles on his hands, sighing softly under his breath.
“It’s the rules,” he says sympathetically, the light in his eyes almost reassuring. Ethan wonders if he somehow knows this hadn’t been the plan, not why Ethan agreed to the game, but something in Gavin’s eyes tells him he doesn’t even need to ask. A part of him wants to back out, but that wouldn’t be fair. After all, it’s only a game, right?
Ethan licks his lips nervously. This isn’t how he’d wanted his first kiss to go, with someone he didn’t care about like that in the middle of a game, a party raging on upstairs, and people making out all around them. He’d wanted a first date, to take out the boy he liked more than any other to the museum or the fair, to kiss in front of some auspicious painting, or at the top of a Ferris wheel.
