Praise for Ellen Hopkins’s books
Crank
“Powerful and unsettling.” —Kirkus Reviews
The poems are masterpieces of word, shape, and pacing . . . a stunning portrayal of a teens loss of direction.” —School Library Journal
“Readers won’t soon forget smart, sardonic Kristina.” —Booklist
A New York Times bestselling book
Burned
Troubling but beautifully written.” —Booklist
Sharp and heartbreaking.” —Kirkus Reviews
“A compelling and emotional story told in a unique way” —VOYA
An ALA Best Books for Young Adults nominee
Impulse
A fast, jagged, hypnotic read.” —Kirkus Reviews
“Mature fans of the verse format will devour this hefty problem novel.” —School Library Journal
By book’s end, readers may well feel the effects of each protagonists final choice.” —Publishers Weekly
A New York Times bestselling book
Also by Ellen Hopkins
Crank
Impulse
Glass
This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
SIMON PULSE
An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division
1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com
Copyright © 2006 by Ellen Hopkins
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.
SIMON PULSE and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
Also available in a Margaret K. McElderry Books hardcover edition.
Designed by Sammy Yuen Jr.
The text of this book was set in Caledonia.
Manufactured in the United States of America
First Simon Pulse edition October 2007
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows:
Hopkins, Ellen.
p. cm.
Summary: Seventeen-year-old Pattyn, the eldest daughter in a large Mormon family, is sent to her aunt’s Nevada ranch for the summer, where she temporarily escapes her alcoholic, abusive father and finds love and acceptance, only to lose everything when she returns home.
ISBN-13: 978-1-4169-0354-3 (he)
ISBN-10: 1-4169-0354-2 (he)
[1. Family problems—Fiction. 2. Mormons—Fiction. 3. Alcoholism—Fiction. 4. Identity—Fiction. 5. Sex—Fiction. 6. Aunts—Fiction. 7. Nevada—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.H7747Bu 2006
[Fie]—dc22 2005032461
ISBN-13: 978-1-4169-0355-0 (pbk)
ISBN-10: 1-4169-0355-0 (pbk)
eISBN-13: 978-1-43910-657-0
This book is dedicated to my exceptional editor and support
system, Julia Richardson. With special thanks to Kathleen Jones,
who found the courage to forge her own path, and without
whose help this book would not have been as accurate a glimpse
of a young woman struggling with her religion.
Contents
Did You Ever
I’m Not Exactly Sure
See, the Library
I Met Her My Freshman Year
Fantasy Segued into Darker Dimensions
I Began
I Also Began to Journal
Ms. Rose Had Other Ideas
I Wasn’t Sure What She Meant
Justin Proud
I Suppose That’s the Kind of Thing
Seven Girls
One Time, One Day
In My View, Having Babies
Regardless
Silly Me
Somehow, I Couldn’t Reconcile
Oh Yes
But Neither Becca
Did They Know
Later, However
Maybe It Was the “Shall”
Journal Entry, March 23
The Next Day in Chemistry Lab
Justin Sauntered Over
Zap!
Daydreams Bite
Timing Was Poor
As I Approached the Shed
The Long Pause
I Sort of Remember
I Wasn’t Sure Which Dad
Not Dad’s Fault
But It Only Takes One Leg
One Thing Already Decided
I Started to Sing
Even Without Dad
But on That Night
When the House Fell Quiet
After a While, She Asked
That Made Me Think
Which Brought Me Up Short
I Tried Asking Him Once
I Slithered Out of Bed
He Made Me Carry My Own Gun
After That
Killing Bunnies
If You’ve Never Shot a Gun
By the Time
On That Saturday
I Thought About That
Justin Took Off His Helmet
He Was Making Tiffany Nervous
We Had Fun
I Barely Flinched
Derek Wasn’t Exactly Justin
We Laughed at the Old Joke
After a While
With His Arm Around Me
Almost Four!
No Spare Helmet
He Dropped Me Off
When I Got Home
Later On
I Pondered That
Journal Entry, March 26
I Didn’t Dare
Not Sure
He Kissed Me
He Held My Hand
But I Told Her
It Worked Great
Journal Entry, April 1
I’d Done It
I’d Like to Tell You
Love or Lust
But Everything Came Harder
One Problem with Alcohol
He Almost Got His Chance
My Friends Were Spies
I Thought Dad’s Rant Was Bad
Censored
Journal Entry, May 7
Turned Out
Dismissed
I Wasn’t in Love with Derek
I’d Never Been to the Office
Communication
A Week Went By
I Followed Carmen and Derek
What I Did Was…
It Was Just a Hairline Fracture
For Once
She Screamed
If I’d Have Known Then
Later, Bishop Crandall Dropped By
Journal Entry, May 18
Dad Dropped the Bomb
I Didn’t Want to Go
East from Carson City
So I Ventured
So I Argued
Halfway
That Was the Closest to Human
We Hit Caliente Around Four
Aunt Jeanette Lived
I’m Not Sure Why
I’m Not Sure Why
Aunt Jeanette’s Ranch
We Followed Her Inside
At Dinner
Journal Entry, May 27
Dad Motored Off
The First Week or So
I Did—and I Didn’t
Next Day, I Found Out
Aunt J Figured
Journal Entry, June 6
The Next Morning
What Had Happened to Me
After Breakfast
The Look on Her Face
We Started Down
We Drove Off in Opposite Directions
Journal Entry, June 7
On Saturday
At the Feed S
tore
He Trailed Aunt J
See Me Soon?
Aunt J Knew, Too
It Seemed Like Forever
I Was Stunned
We Went Inside
Journal Entry, June 10
I Thought About Ethan a Lot
Tuesday Evening
After He Left
I Didn’t Know
The Morning After
By Friday Afternoon
No Way Off That Horse
Ethan Helped Me
If He Thought I Was Nuts
Half of Me Said Yes
Journal Entry, June 16
I Tend to Overanalyze
Another Ugly Story
I Didn’t Even Know
One Question Wouldn’t Go Away
Sleep Came Hard
The Next Morning Before Dawn
We Saddled Up
Personally, I Took Notice of Ethan
But Aunt J Had Other Plans
We Stoked the Campfire
Ethan Propped Himself
It Was the Kiss You Dream About
But He Didn’t Try to Escalate
I Awoke
Shorter Because Aunt J
Without Cattle to Keep Track Of
Closing In on Home
Back at the Ranch
As If Reading My Mind
Journal Entry, June 19
Ethan Started Stopping By
Thursday, June 29
Back to My Birthday
We Spent More Than a Little
They Say the World Sees You
Aunt J Surprised Me Again
Perfect Hands, Actually
We Went to a Movie
I Also Remember the Drive Home
Even If There Were
Three Magic Words
We Agreed Not to Worry
Aunt J Had Come Out
The Idea of a Trail Ride
We Stopped for Lunch
His Body Settled
All Hell Broke Loose
Then He Laughed
Either Way, We Had No Choice
We Started for Home Again
Never Say Never
Journal Entry, July 1
After Paprika
Ethan Agreed
I Had to Admit
It Wasn’t Hard
We Took the 4x4s
I Didn’t Want to Shout
Ethan Sprinted Toward Me
Ethan Didn’t Stay
The Questions Ran Deeper
I Lay on the Bed
Journal Entry, July 2
Having Decided That
Ethan Was Right
So When Ethan Suggested Swimming
No, We Didn’t Make Love
People Walked By
I Cried
In the Aftermath
A Couple More Beers
Journal Entry, July 3
The Fourth of July
Eventually
It Was a Stunning Admission
Once the Chicken Was Fried
Independence Day
I Finally Spotted Ethan
Ethan’s Dad Gave Me a Hug
I Wasn’t Sure
After Stuffing Ourselves
I Was Dying to Know
Fireworks
Ethan Drove Me Home
Vibrant Singing
I Wasn’t Quite Ready to Quit
July Took on a Rhythm
On Weekends
So with Ethan’s Blessing
Toward the End of the Month
It Was My First Real Tinge
Of Course, When Ethan Stopped By
August Rumbled In
Both Ethan and His Dad
The Old Pattyn
The Rest of the Story
Anger Sweated
The Letter Ate at Me for Days
Between That
Ethan Opened His Arms
I Thought He’d
I Made Ethan Promise
I Didn’t Smile
Journal Entry, August 14
Part of That Feeling of Dread
Time Became the Enemy
One of Those Times
One More Thing
Aunt J Summoned Me Inside
That Same Day
Dad Wanted to Come Get Me
Our Last Night Together
The Old Pattyn Resurfaced
I Thought I Knew “Sad”
We Made the Long Drive
About Fifteen Minutes
He Dropped Me Off
I Got Dad His Ice Cream
We Both Held Back a Little
She Respected That Secret
For Everyone Else
And Then School Started
For One Thing
I Tried to Talk to Ethan
The First Couple of Weeks
At Home
But Then Things Got Tough at Work
Dumb Idea, Oh Yeah
Journal Entry, Sep 15
Dad Took Off Hunting
Easy Enough
My Earthly Father
By the Time I Got Up
Dad Fired the Next Volley
The Cougar Pounced
When He Was Finished
Jackie Tried to Comfort Me
I Couldn’t Go to School
Driving Home
Now Dad Believed
Pounding on the Door
Journal Entry, Oct 7
On Monday
By Lunch My Fingernails Were History
Carmen and Tiffany
He Wanted Me to Tell
That Night I Prayed
I Knew He Was Hurt
Somehow I Made It
It Was the Last Thing
But He Was
I Was in the Hospital
When I Finally
See, as Far as I’m concerned
Plans Made
Author’s Note
PUBLISHER'S NOTE
This ebook is best read at the smallest font setting on your device.
Did You Ever
When you were little, endure
your parents’ warnings, then wait
for them to leave the room,
pry loose protective covers
and consider inserting some metal
object into an electrical outlet?
Did you wonder if for once
you might light up the room?
When you were big enough
to cross the street on your own,
did you ever wait for a signal,
hear the frenzied approach
of a fire truck and feel like
stepping out in front of it?
Did you wonder just how far
that rocket ride might take you?
Burned Page 1
