The memories from that night still haunt me. I sometimes wonder if things would be easier for me now had I gotten the punishment I deserved, But then I realize that I never would have met Celeste. I sit in her room, waiting for her. She always comes to her room for her evening prayers. I know I shouldn’t be in here, but the chances of someone else walking in here with her are slim. That fucker Thomas only comes into her bedroom at night, after their sessions. Eventually, Celeste opens the door, her face actually lighting up when she sees me. I stand and she launches herself into my arms. “God, I missed you.’ I whisper, holding her close.
“You okay? You haven’t changed your mind have you?”
“Not on your life.” I tell her. “But we do need to talk.” I rub a knuckle over her cheekbone.
I sit and pull her down on my lap. “This is odd, you know, letting myself get close to a man like this.”
I press my lips to hers, and she adjusts herself so she’s straddling me. As tempting as she is, I kiss her softly and redirect her. “Talk first.”
I tell her about the accident and about my discussion with Ben. “If you change your mind, I’ll understand.”
She tilts her head to the side. “You know my darkness, Priest, you’ve witnessed it first-hand. You can blame it on my upbringing, on Sister Concessa, and Father Thomas, but you know that there is a part of me that enjoyed it, that still does. Yet you still want me. How can I judge your sins when mine run scarlet?”
I place my hands on either side of her face, drawing her closer to me, my lips claiming hers in a kiss I hope conveys how much I desire her. I knew I wanted her from that first night I saw her. Her darkness is what captivated me. I wouldn’t have her any other way.
Chapter Nine
Celeste
Father Thomas sits across from me, behind his desk. He seems so much more intimidating when I don’t want to be here. I have no idea what I was initially drawn to. He abused my trust, dragged me into a sinister world that held me in its clutches.
“I trust you are ready for our confession tonight?” He doesn’t look at me when he says this, continuing to mull over the papers in front of him instead.
“Father Thomas, I don’t think I can join you anymore.”
He stops flipping through the pages and lifts his head, his eyes glowering. “I don’t believe you have a choice.”
“I don’t want to do this anymore.” My voice shakes.
“You don’t wish to fulfil your godly purpose? You want to turn your back on all we’ve achieved together.”
“Father Thomas-”
“Silence!” He shoves everything off his desk in one fluid motion, walking around the desk to stand in front of my face. “Kneel.” he demands, but I stay seated. He straightens, forcing me to rise as he grips my throat. “I believe I told you to kneel.”
Once I'm out of my chair, he forces me downward. . I struggle against him, trying to catch my breath, my hands closing over his, my eyes bulging painfully. I fall to my knees, and he lets go of my neck. “It’s seems you’ve grown a conscious. It wouldn’t have something to do with the fact that you’re Mr. Michael’s whore, would it?
He walks across the room, and I hear a key turning in the lock. I should have known better than to defy him. I turn toward him. “Father, forgive me -”
“You know the price of sin.” He opens a cupboard and pulls out a studded whip. He’s used it on me before. I shudder at the memory.
“Undress.” he commands. When I don’t make a move to do as he asks, he pulls my headpiece off, flinging it across the room. He then tugs at my tunic, tearing it to get it off me. He tears my bra off of me then tips my head up to look at him, tears streaming down my face.
“I am sorry, Father, I will do better.”
“Yes, you will.” he sneers, unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants. They drop, his cock springing free. Gripping my face painfully, he shoves himself into my mouth. I gag, pulling away, clawing at his thighs which earns me a slap across my face. I fall to the ground and curl up.
“Disobedience will not be tolerated.” Father Thomas barks as I cover my ears with my hands. I know better than anyone how true that is.
The first hit has me screaming in agony, the skin on my arms burning. I hear a knock at the door, and I shout for help. This only angers my tormenter further, resulting in him bringing the whip down again, harder this time.
“Celeste!” I hear Priest who starts pounding at the door.
“Priest!” I manage to call out, earning me a kick to the ribs. “Please, Father Thomas.” He pulls me up by my hair, shoving me over his desk.
“You only had to obey, to do as you’re told. Now look what you’ve done.”
I try to struggle free, but he’s too strong. I feel the material of my underwear being ripped from me, stinging my skin. He pries open my thighs, and I feel the tears slip from my eyes into my hair.
There is a loud thud behind me, and suddenly, the weight of Father Thomas is lifted off me. “Get off her, you dirty fucker!” Priest yells.
I stand and back into a corner, shivering as Priest slams a fist to Father Thomas’s temple over and over again. Punches rain down on Father Thomas's face until there is so much blood, he’s difficult to recognize. Nuns start filing in, Sister Concessa amongst them, who yells, and tries to pull Priest off Father Thomas.
Everything feels like it's moving in slow motion as someone hands me a coat to drape over my body. Priest stops hitting Father Thomas long enough to focus his attention on me, then he looks around the room, noticing the nuns who have gathered to watch the scene. They stare at him like he is the bad guy despite the fact that Father Thomas is half naked. It should be obvious to them what happened here, and yet they throw daggers at me with their eyes. I wrap the coat around me and hurry out of the room, pushing through the small crowd, my ears ringing as my feet slap against the tiles. I make it to my room and shut the door behind me, my chest heaving. I drag myself across the room to sit on my bed letting the tears I’d held at bay, fall as I realize that everything is a mess, and it is all my fault. I never imagined that I could be anything other than the vile human Father Thomas created, not until I met a man that didn’t desired me for sadistic reasons. I thirsted for blood, and I took it, over and over again. I deserve what Father Thomas did to me. I was wrong to deny him my body. I don’t deserve someone like Priest. That is not in the cards for someone like me. I have taken lives, willingly, and this is my penance.
Priest slams through my door, jarring me from my thoughts. “Are you all right?” His long hair is loosened from the ponytail he usually wears, his lip is cut, and the front of his shirt has blood on it.
I nod as he takes a step closer, running my hands through my hair. This entire day has been exhausting. My head pounds and all I want to do is lay my head down and drift off into oblivion.
There is no rest for the wicked.
“You have to leave, Priest. You don’t belong here.” I hear myself speak, but there is no conviction in my voice. I hang my head in my hands. I can hear commotion outside my door.
“We are going to leave. It’s all arranged. We never have to come back here. ” He kneels down in front of me.
I can’t bear to look him in the eye. What I’m about to say will change things, but I know it is something I must do. “I’m not leaving with you.” I say the words knowing it is not what he wants to hear.
“What the hell are you talking about? We spoke about this. You can’t stay here. Not after that. After what he did. Look at me,” he grips my chin, turning my head toward him, “look at me.”
I let myself look into his eyes, they’re warm and pleading, as welcoming as the thought of freedom. I let myself get lost in them one last time. “This is who I am, Priest. I’m not going to change. I can’t be what you need me to be.”
“I don’t need you to be anything other than you, Celeste.” He leans closer to me.
“This is my home. It’s where I belong.” I push his hand
away, looking out of the window, needing to focus on anything but him.
“Are you even listening to yourself? You’ve been abused, tormented. Did you forget what just happened?” he stares at me, brows furrowed.
I let out a breath. “I disobeyed him. I went against my vows, to the church, to God. He was only trying to show me that.”
“Don’t let them lie to you. You’ll break if you remain here. They’ll destroy you.”
“Nobody is lying to me. Everything was fine until you came along. I want you to leave.” I rise from my bed, heading to the door. “I don’t want you here.”
“You’re afraid, I get that.” He walks toward me, his hands wrapping around my shoulders. “But, you can’t keep lying to yourself that any of this is okay. The scars on your body, they’re proof of how utterly wrong this whole situation is.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He gently shakes me by my shoulders, his eyes searching my face. “You’re killing innocent people, I saw what happened to that man.”
“Let it go, Priest. Don’t get yourself involved in things you can’t possibly understand.” His hands drop to his sides, his fists clenching so tightly I can see the white of his knuckles. I open my bedroom door and wait for him to leave.
He shakes his head then steps out into the hallway. “This isn’t over.”
I slam the door in his face. I hear his grunt of displeasure and his fists that slam against the wall. It is over, at least for me.
That’s a good girl, Celeste.
Changing quickly, I make my way to the infirmary. The smell of antiseptic assaults my nostrils. Sister Concessa cleans Father Thomas’s wounds while he lays groaning on the hospital bed.
“How are we going to explain this to Mother Superior?” she asks him. “You should have known better, Father Thomas. That girl has been nothing but trouble from the day I carried her in here.”
He doesn’t respond.
“I will talk to Mother Superior, explain.” I say, and they both turn to look at me. Father Thomas's eyes are swollen, the skin on his face already turning purple and blue. “It was my fault after all.”
“How dare you defy us, after everything we’ve done for you?” Sister Concessa says through gritted teeth. “You got involved with a worldly man, and his jealousy did this,” she looks at Father Thomas.
“Forgive me, please. I’ve asked him to leave.”
“There is no redemption for you, Celeste. I should have known you would bring trouble to our parish.”
I walk over to the bed. Father Thomas has said nothing since I walked into the room, and now he stares at me accusatorily. I bow my head, ashamed at what I’ve done. I let myself be led astray, I sinned against my church. I drop to my knees in front of them both. “Tell me what to do. I’ll do anything.”
They look at each other, and I already know what they expect from me.
Chapter Ten
Priest
I stuff everything I brought with me into my duffle bag. Ben called me a few hours ago to tell me that everything is set. I throw my bag over my shoulder and look around the cottage one more time. Once I step over the threshold, I will be leaving the last few months behind. My family, and most of all Celeste. I wanted to save her from this place, but it’s true that you can only save those who want to be saved. I tried to talk to her earlier today, one last attempt at getting her to see reason, but she is adamant that she’s staying. I haven’t Father Thomas since I pummelled him. The man deserved it. Celeste may be entrapped by his sick game, but I’m not. I look at my watch, seeing that it's almost twelve a.m., another half an hour and I’ll be catching a ride out of this place.
I close the door behind me surprised by how chilly it is outside. As I cross the church grounds, I spot a light on in the main church building. I pick up the pace, making my way to the front gate. I’ll have to scale the wall to get out of this nuthouse. The last thing I need is for Sister Concessa to call the cops on me. Again. I’m nearing the wall when I hear the unmistakable sound of footsteps.
“You’re leaving?” Celeste asks. I don’t turn around. Seeing her face again is going to make me beg her to come with me. She made her choice, and I am not going to put a halt on mine.
“Yeah.”
“You weren’t going to say goodbye?” I let out a breath, my head bowing as I reluctantly turn to face her.
“I figured you didn’t want to see me again.” She steps out of the shadows. Her hair is loose and blows around her, dark waves that beckon me.
“Take care of yourself, Priest.” I want to laugh at the irony. I am leaving behind this hellhole and she tells me to take care of myself? She turns and walks back toward the church without another word. There is something off with her, but I don’t know what it is. I check my phone, grateful that I have a few minutes to spare. After I watch her round the corner and disappear into the building, I drop my duffle bag and follow her. When I enter the church, it’s dimly lit with candles and Celeste is sitting in the front pew. I feel a chill run through my body when I notice that someone is laying motionless on the altar.
“Celeste,” I say softly.
She doesn’t answer me, just continues to stare ahead. I make my way to the altar, and my eyes widen at what I see. I have to look away, almost gagging. Sister Mary Concessa’s naked body is on display. Her skin is almost translucent it is so white. There is no doubt in my mind that she’s dead.
“Did you do this?” I point to the altar. Celeste doesn’t answer. “Celeste?”
She finally looks at me. “I thought you’d be gone.”
I rake my hands through my hair. “This is crazy, why, why’d you do this?” I look around the church. “Where is everyone else?”
I’m crippled by the fear of what else she may have done. “They’re fine. They were none the wiser when Father Thomas and I used the church for this very thing.”
“Where is he? Father Thomas?” She stands and walks to the baptismal. I follow close behind her, coming to a halt when I look into the water and there he is, floating face down.
I grab her arm and turn her to me. “You’ve got to snap out of it, Celeste.”
“I told you to leave.” Her vacant eyes scare me.
I let her arm go. I should walk away from here. Pretend I never met her, that I didn’t see any of this. Instead, I wrap my arms around her. She tries to fight me off, but I hold her tighter. “Let me help you.” I whisper in her ear. Her shoulders shake, and I don’t release my hold on her. As wrong as this is, I know she thought she had no other way.
“I can’t run, Priest. They’ll always be here, hurting others, damaging them the way they damaged me. This is a dark place, and I can’t outrun it. It will follow me.” She sniffs.
“Come with me.” I plead.
“They’ll find me. They’ll find us.” She looks so small and fragile, I want to hurt every person who made her feel this helpless. I know the car is waiting for me outside by now, but he has instructions not to leave until I’m in the car.
“They? What do you mean, Celeste? Father Thomas, Sister Concessa, they’re gone.”
She shudders. “Who are you talking about?”
She blocks her ears, but there is absolutely no sound.
“Tell me how he got rid of the others.” I ask her.
“The well.”
I nod. “I need you to get whatever you need from your room. I’ll take care of this.”
I watch her walk away, dreading the task ahead of me.
Epilogue
The sun streams in through the floor to ceiling windows in our bedroom. I sit up in bed, yawning. I slept through the night, and that means the nightmares are slowly fading. There was a time I thought they’d never end, I’d wake up covered in sweat from running away from the monsters in my mind. I turn around and Priest smiles up at me.
“Good morning, beautiful.” His smile is warm and inviting. I could curl up in bed with him for the rest of the day, but someone
else needs my undivided attention. And on cue, the baby monitor lights up, and the melody of Brighton’s cries fill the room. I lean down and kiss Priest’s cheek before climbing out of bed. I walk down the hallway into our son’s room. He’s just over a year. I look down at his smiling face, picking him up from his cradle. Priest and I have new names, new identities, and live in a new country. My life in the convent seems like a lifetime ago. I don’t know how I got so lucky.
I hold Brighton close to me, inhaling his baby scent as I return to our bedroom. Priest immediately starts to tickle him when I place our son on our bed, their laughter following me into the bathroom. I’ve been thinking about my biological parents lately, wondering who they are and why they abandoned me all those years ago. Apparently, becoming a parent does bring up those kinds of questions. I wouldn’t be able to walk away from Brighton, not after birthing him and falling in love with him the way I have.
I look in the mirror and Charity Holmes stares back at me. She has shoulder length blonde hair, wears glasses and has freckles on her nose.
You can’t hide from me. I shake off those thoughts and open the medicine cabinet. I grab the glass holding the toothpaste and toothbrushes and grab the small bottle of pills I can’t seem to operate without. Empty. I shake it again to be sure. How did I forget to order a refill? My hands start to shake, and the glass slips from my grip, glass shattering into the basin. I shut the cupboard and jump back when I see the image in front of me.
“Where the hell is Charity?” I yell at the raven haired woman in the mirror.
“She isn’t here, is she, Celeste?” she sneers. I take a few steps back, hearing a knock at the door. “Babe, you all right in there?”
The woman in the mirror grins back at me, she raises a piece of broken glass, pressing it to her wrist.
Bad Habits: A Dark Anthology Page 15
