by S J Batsford
“How do you want to do it, on the phone or face to face?”
I have no idea. I’m not sure I could see him. But I need to… To show myself that I can be strong. So, face to face it is.
“I’ll text him to come here,” I say, picking up my phone and tapping a quick text.
Me: We need to talk. Meet me at my house in an hour.
“Do you want me to stay?”
“Yeah, I think I’m going to need reinforcements,” I joke, taking his hand. “You know, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I choke, as the love I feel for him as my best friend courses through me.
“Okay, hormones. Calm down, we don’t need a crying fest,” he laughs, patting me on the head.
I jump when my phone ping's.
Ethan: I’ll be there.
“Well, there it is. He’ll be here in an hour,” I say nerves shaking my voice. “I better get ready to see my baby daddy,” I say sarcastically.
Mace chuckles heading out the room. “I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready.”
While Mace is downstairs I call Millie needed a girl to vent to.
“Hello,” Millie answers, and I almost don’t recognise her voice it sounds so cold.
“Hey, you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
I frown, confused at her clipped answers and icy tone.
“I just called because I have some news,” I try to sound happy but I feel like I’m missing something.
“Let me guess you’re pregnant?”
“Yeah… how?”
“Cora told my mom it may be a possibility. So what are you going to do?”
“What do you mean, what am I going to do?” I ask baffled, this doesn’t sound at all like the sweet girl I call my friend.
“Are you keeping it?”
“Of course I am! And it’s a baby not an It.”
“I have to go…” That’s all I get before the line goes dead. What the hell just happened?
I decide not to tell Mace about it for the sake of his relationship with her, but inside I’m shocked and devastated that she would be that way with me.
~*~
By the time I get out the shower and picked my clothes carefully. Black skinny jeans, white top under a long pink knitted jumper. Pink and white high tops, and I leave my hair down in soft waves. Not bothering with makeup. On the outside I'm ready, but inside I’m a jittering mess.
I take a series of deep breaths before heading downstairs, trying to stay calm, as I know stress isn’t good for the baby. I chant repeatedly in my head. Mace is relaxing on the sofa watching TV, but jumps up when I walk in.
“Wow. You look amazing,” he blurts, and blushes.
I giggle “Wow, did you just blush?” I tease. Smirking, he shakes his head.
“You’re going to make my brother wish he hadn’t chosen the Witch,” my smile falls.
“Sorry,” he winces.
“It’s fine. Just a little raw right now. I have to learn to deal. I’m having his kid,” I say. Trying hard to sound like I’m not dying inside. The thought of seeing Ethan on a regular basis and knowing he’ll be married.
~*~
Mace leads Ethan into the living room. I’m sitting trying not to jump out of my own skin.
He looks good in a charcoal suit. White shirt slightly undone, his tie long gone. He must have come straight from work.
Mace sits beside me, grasping my hand.
Ethan looks tired and anxious. “Lily,” he sighs.
My heart lurches, I blink holding back tears. Summoning all the strength I can, I straighten my spine.
“Have a seat Ethan,” I manage in a bland voice, startling him. Who gives a shit.
Sitting on the edge of the sofa, he looks at me expectantly.
I take a deep breath and stand because I can no longer sit. Wrapping my arms around my middle. I look into the eyes of the father of my child and open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Heat sweeps through me, I feel weak and faint. Sweat breaks out on my forehead.
Please don’t panic, please.... Oh god, my vision blurs. I grab for the sofa, swaying.
“Shit, Lils,” a garbled version of Mason voice reaches my ears.
“Lily?” Everything is fuzzy, and sounds muffled.
“Ethan,” I whisper my voice slurred.
“I’m here, right here. What’s the matter with her?” he sounds anxious.
She’s not been well, E,” Mace relays hesitantly.
“What do you mean she’s not been well?”
Ethan sounds choked. “Mason?”
“I can’t tell you. That's for her to do,” he grates.
“Why?” Ethan demands, frustrated. “Because it’s her business. Don’t start with me, E. I’m still fucking pissed at you.”
He sighs, “I know, I don’t have the right to demand anything, but I love her, Mayo,” his voice cracks.
“Damn right you don’t. You made your choice. If you loved her, you wouldn’t have made a shit load of promises, taken her virginity, then went back to your fiancée,” Mason growls, lifting and placing me onto the sofa.
It’s weird listening to them talk about me.
“I know. I fucked up. It’s just that, Ashley needs me right now, with the baby coming and all.”
“Really? She does, does she? Well, so does Lily. But hey, that means shit right?” Mace yells.
I groan. Feeling like shit, but finally able to open my eyes and move. The room’s silent, compared to a few seconds ago. I look over and see Mace looking guiltily at me.
Ethan as white as a ghost. “You… You’re?” Ethan stutters.
I shoot an annoyed look at Mason. “I’m sorry,” he mutters.
Ethan lick's his lips, running a hand through his hair before grasping the back of his neck and kneading it.
Clearing his throat, he blinks. “You’re... pregnant?” he whispers, stumbling to the sofa, placing his head in his hands and cries.
Well, that’s a bit unexpected, I look at Mason, who looks shocked too.
“I’m pregnant, Ethan,” I say needing to say the words out loud. He nods, looking up at me. His face wet with tears, his eyes stricken.
“I… I’m so sorry. What are we going to do now?” he asks gripping his hair.
“You knew it could be a possibility. And I’m keeping our child,” I state, pissed at his stupid question.
“No, I meant how are we going to work a baby into all this? Ashley’s going to be pissed.” The last bit sets my anger ablaze.
“My baby is not being ‘worked’ into anything. You can see him or her after the birth and be a dad, but that’s it. And frankly, I don’t give a rat’s ass, whether Ashley is pissed or not. I have more things to worry about right now.
Like, how I’m going to cope with a baby, college, and find a house. I’m eighteen and pregnant. Everything in my life has been turned upside down, but don’t worry, I’ll cope, you keep worrying about how Ashley will react.”
“Don’t worry, it’ll be okay. You have me, we’ll get through this,” Mace whispers into my hair, holding me tightly as I try to pull myself together.
“I love you,” I sob.
“Aww, are you going all girly on me? I love you too, sweetie. You know that. I’ll be there every step of the way. You don’t need to be scared.”
A growl erupts behind us. We turn to see a very pissed off Ethan. I scowl at him. What the hell’s crawled up his arse?
“What the hell’s going on between you two?” he asks furiously.
My eyebrows shoot up, seeing where he’s going with this. “Well?” he snaps.
“Sorry, I’m just trying to work out what business that is of yours?” I say harshly.
Mace moves to stand behind me, sliding his hands around me, before coming to rest on my belly, where Ethan’s baby lies. I jump looking back at him confused. He bends down, mouth by my ear.
“Play along, he’s seething,” he whispers. I press my face more into his, giving a slight nod. We must loo
k very intimate, because Ethan’s vibrating with anger.
“Are you... and Mason?” he sputters angrily.
“That’s none of your business, E. You made your choice,” Mason reminds him, resting his chin on my head. I place my hands over his, where they rest. He laces our fingers squeezing.
“What about Millie?” Lily, you’re carrying my baby it is my business now.”
“Millie understands. Lily needs me with the baby coming,” he says rubbing my tummy.
“She’ll have me! That’s my baby, Mason, not yours. You will not play daddy. He has a daddy. ME,” he roars, red faced and gorgeous.
“You’ll be busy the next couple of weeks anyway with your nuptials. Then in eight or nine months, or however long Ashley’s got left, with your other baby,” I say goading him.
Mason’s chest shakes silently behind me. I know he’s laughing at his brother, but I have to hold mine in. It’s funny seeing him pissed and kicking himself, over his own choices.
“No... Shit. I know I’ll be busy, but he’s mine.” He points at my belly.
“I won’t let you take what’s mine Mason.... They... He’s my baby. He’s half me and half... Lily.” My name comes out anguished.
“None of this is relevant right now anyway. I’ll let you know when he or she is here. When we’re settled, you can come and visit your child,” I say.
The finality in my tone telling him we’re done.
He looks frantic running his hands through his hair. Looking between me and Mason. “Lily. Please, can we talk alone?” He pleads, close to tears again.
I look at Mace. “Go ahead, I’ll wait upstairs,” he says, pecking me on the cheek before heads upstairs.
I look back at Ethan, his eye shine with tears and pain.
“Lily, I’m sorry about what happened a few weeks ago. I’m so ashamed…. How I’ve treated you,” he struggles, grasping for the right words.
“Yeah. Well, at least I learnt a valuable lesson from it all,” I shrug like I don’t care. But it’s killing me not to rush to him and hold him. Kiss him, tell him I love him.
“I promised you... So much. I’m not proud of myself for it, and now you’re pregnant and alone. I…” he’s fumbling trying to explain.
“Well, it’s my own fault really. I fell for it all, knowing you were engaged and becoming a father. I fell foolishly for the I love you' and the sweet nothings,” I sigh disgusted at myself.
“No. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. You’re not foolish, I wasn’t lying, Lily, I do love you.”
I scoff, “yep. You love me so much, that when it came time to tell your fiancée, you love me and wanted to be with me. You ended up making out with her in my living room. Humiliating me in front of my Nan, best friend and your dad. Who I bet is so happy you two made up so quickly. I wonder what he’s going to say, when you tell him you knocked up your bit on the side?” I yell, swiping angrily at the tears cascading down my cheeks.
“Lily, I’m sorry, I’ve caused you all this pain. I didn’t mean to, or to humiliate you. She caught me off guard, I was shocked. I do love you and I do want to be with you. It’s so complicated right now. You wouldn’t understand. You’re too young to.”
“You love me?” I ask acidly, without giving him a chance to reply, I go on.
“You want to be with me? She caught you off guard?” I scoff, “If that was the case you wouldn’t have still been sucking face when I left. I can’t believe I ever fell for your lies. You’re pathetic, you know that? Oh, I’m too ‘young’? I wasn’t too ‘young’ when you were fucking me was I?” I yell.
He blanches paling.
I’m breathing so heavily I get dizzy again. Closing my eyes, I try to slow my heart rate and breathing.
I bend in half, as nausea hits me so hard I throw up all over the floor.
“Shit, Lily are you okay?” Ethan rushes to me. “Ugh,” I grunt dropping to the floor.
“MACE!” Ethan yells, making me wince.
“Shush, my ears.” I mumble, as Mason comes skidding into the living room.
“Lily, you okay sweetie?” He’s kneeling beside me, as I turn into him.
“Maybe it’s time to take you to the emergency room?”
“I’m okay. I just got too worked up that’s all,” I say, sucking in deep breaths. “I’d love some water though,” I say, weak from throwing up so violently.
Running to get it, he’s back in seconds and lifting me off the floor.
“I think you should go,” he says to Ethan, still holding me on his lap, as I slowly sip water.
“I can’t, Mason. She’s sick and it’s my fault. You don’t get it do you?” he growls pulling his hair.
“What is it we don’t get?” I sigh drained; he swallows hard licking his lips.
“I do love you, Lily. I meant every word I said when we… I meant every promise. I wish more than anything that I could keep all of them. I want this baby… Our baby,” I slide off Mason’s lap, still staying seated.
“If you wanted all that, you wouldn’t have kissed her right in front of my face. You would have chosen me, no matter what. You would have chosen us.” The last word a sob as I place a protective hand on my belly. A warm feeling spreads through me. At that moment I finally accept that I’m going to be a Mom.
“It’s been killing me staying away from you. Wondering if you were carrying my child. It killed me to walk away. I’m not sure I can do it again. Not now, no matter the consequences, and believe me, the stakes are high for me. You are both all I want. The only one I love and will ever love.”
I’m so stunned that I feel for the tripe spewing from his mouth, that I just sit there. He must have taken it as a good sign, as he trudges on.
“I have to sort a few things out, but I will come back for you and him. You’re mine. I was crazy to think I could go through with this. Please believe me. I love you both so much.” His voice breaks.
“I’m sorry. I’ve heard it all before, and I’m not falling for this again. I’m not waiting around for you to do something I know you won’t do.” Laying my head back on the sofa, I close my eyes.
“Okay, So I’ve said it before. Come with me, please?”
“I’m sorry, Ethan, but no. This is it for us. You chose her… over me. You only want to come back because of the baby. You can still be a part of his or her life, after I give birth, but until then we’re done.” I say looking him dead in the eye.
“Please? Lily, don’t do this. I’m sorry, I should never have chosen Ashley over you. I love you.” His voice cracks as tears fall from his eyes. It kills me to do this, but I can’t have uncertainty anymore, not with a baby on the way. He made his choice. Now I’m making mine.
“Please, don’t make this harder than it has to be. Just go, I’ll call when the baby arrives,” I’m trying so hard not to cry. I can feel my throat burning, my eyes stinging.
I sit looking at him memorizing his face waiting for him to leave, but not wanting him to.
“Ahh. What the fuck have I done?” He roars before leaving. Slamming the door. Taking my heart with him.
I bury my head in the sofa, as heart wrenching sobs break free. Fucking hurts.
“Come here,” Mason whispers, gathering me into his chest. I sob so much, my throat, chest and eyes are hurting.
“That was brutal,” Mace says, a little choked up himself.
“Did I do the right thing Mace?” I hiccup looking up at him.
“I think you did, you need to think of you and this little one. Not all the shit that’s following Ethan around. He got himself into this mess, but shit, the look on his face before he left, pure agony. I can’t help feeling for him, he’s my brother. He made his choice though, and he has to live with that choice now.” He sighs squeezing me tighter.
“It’s such a mess and it hurts.”
“I know, sweetie. We’ll get through it. I’ll even be your birthing partner. You can squeeze the shit out of my hand, whatever you want. I’ll even do that fu
nny breathing thing with you,” he adds smirking, I laugh at the image.
“I love you, and thank you.” I kiss his cheek, settling back on his chest and falling asleep.
~*~
Chapter Twelve
“Okay, you need to get out of this house.” Mace barges into my room, placing water and some healthy snacks on the bedside table. He opens the curtains and the window, causing me to wince at the light.
“Mace, I’m tired,” I protest.
I’m anything but tired, all I do is sleep, eat and pee. I just don’t want to face the world. I’m pregnant, alone, and the father of my baby is getting married in the next couple of days.
“No, you’re not, come on, let’s go to the movies or bowling or shopping its nearly Christmas,” he says enthusiastically, bouncing on my bed.
I smile seeing his boyish smile and behaviour. It’s been nearly two months since my life changed forever and I haven’t seen or spoken to Ethan since, he hasn’t called me once, thankfully.
I wish I could get over it already. It’s time to pull my head out my arse and start preparing for my little chunk.
Everyone’s been great, but I see their pitying looks and sad faces. That’s what I’m avoiding. So I take online classes because I quit college. No way am I walking around with a bump, with judgemental dickheads shooting me scathing looks. No, thank you.
The worst of it is Millie has been cold to me since I told her I was pregnant. We had a massive argument a few days after my blowout with Ethan, and we haven’t spoken since.
I was doing fine, until his wedding crept closer, I heard Mace having an argument with his dad over the phone. He refuses to attend the wedding. Since the day I told Ethan about the baby, Mace has pretty much lived here. He refuses to go home, and it’s caused a massive rift in his family, by all accounts. He won’t budge though.
“Come on, please?” he begs breaking me out of my thoughts. I smile at his puppy dog eyes, but his pout makes me giggle.
