The expression in his eyes when he opened them again was almost tortured. “It just needs to be that way, okay?”
“Okay,” I agreed without any hesitation. I had an idea of what was at stake, and I wouldn’t push him for more than he was ready to give. If it was up to me, I’d have sung it to the world that this beautiful, tough, yet somehow soft man was all mine, but he wasn’t, and it wasn’t up to only me. “It’ll be our secret.”
For now, I added in my head, vowing that I’d go public with our relationship as soon as he gave me the go-ahead.
Something intangible passed between us when our eyes locked. Then he cradled my face in both his hands and kissed me. Everything inside me pulled tight and relaxed at the same time. Kissing him turned me on like nothing else, but it was also like coming home.
His tongue pushed into my mouth in a way that was brazenly sexual, but he held me gently. Almost lovingly.
Yeah, you wish. But that was just the thing. I really did wish that one day it would be a loving caress instead of just lust. I was still confused about why I wanted that so much after knowing him for such a short period of time, but I felt it deep in my soul.
He was always supposed to have been mine. Just as surely I was already his.
Chapter 17
CARTER
Rylee shifted on my lap when I kissed her, pressing herself as close to me as she could get. Her fingers played with the hair at the nape of my neck, her breasts and body soft where they molded to mine.
Everything in my world seemed so hard sometimes. The work, the bodies, the possible consequences if we fucked up. It’d been years since I’d touched anything soft, and yet that was exactly what she was.
We broke apart eventually, but her hands stayed in my hair, and her lips brushed against mine when they moved. “I want you, Carter. I don’t know what it is about you, but you’re different. The way you make me feel is different.”
My heart hammered hard and fast, like it was trying to escape the cage it was in between my ribs and get to hers. It already belonged to her. Hell, I’d given it to her years ago without even realizing it. Even when I really shouldn’t have.
“Yeah, I know what you mean.” I punctuated the words with kisses. “It feels so right for something so wrong.”
She smiled. “It’s going to keep feeling right long after it’s not wrong anymore. You’re just going to have to get used to kissing me.”
“I think I can manage that,” I whispered, feeling like if I spoke too loudly I would break the intimate bubble we seemed to have descended into.
I ran my fingers along her spine, pushing them into her loose hair and holding the back of her head while looking straight into her eyes. “I want you too. More than I should. Fuck, I shouldn’t want you at all.”
She brought her finger to her lips, pretending to think about it. “Now that I think about it, if it’s more than you should want me, maybe we shouldn’t do this.”
“You don’t really want that,” I said. “You want to get used to kissing me.”
“Maybe. I might need a reminder. Just to be sure.” Still smiling, she brought her mouth to mine and kissed me again. Her soft lips parted, a low moan escaping when I slid my tongue into her mouth.
The few times I’d heard them, the sounds of her pleasure had rocked me to my core, but that had never been more true than it was right now. The desperate need they made me feel for her was more intense than ever.
It took only a few seconds of kissing her and hearing those sounds before I was so hard it was painful. My cock strained against my jeans, my chest rising and falling on ragged breaths.
Rylee affected me like no one else had. I’d known it, but I hadn’t expected the force of the need that slammed into me when she told me how much she wanted me. I didn’t know what would happen after this, but just for tonight, it felt like she was mine. It set off every alarm in my head, but there was no turning back now.
If she was mine, even if just for tonight, I was going to claim her. To show her how good we could be together before it was all over. Maybe it would give me an advantage later if I could make her feel how entirely I was giving myself to her by letting this happen between us.
My fingers curled into her hair, and I groaned and deepened the kiss. She trailed her fingers down on each side of my throat, tilting her head to give me better access.
I kissed her with everything I had, my tongue plunging into her mouth and exploring every part of it as I lost myself in her sweet taste. She stirred up so many unfamiliar feelings in me, but I embraced them all like long-lost friends. In a way, they were. I’d always known they were there when it came to her. I’d just forgotten about them.
My hips thrust up against her as she ground herself down on me. It felt so fucking good that I knew I was at risk of losing it faster than I had even my first time.
Rylee shivered when I rocked against her again, her next moan cut off by a gasp. “You have to stop doing that.”
“Why?” I kept my hips still while I waited for her answer, but it wasn’t easy. I wanted to be inside her so damn badly. The thought that she might not want to anymore… I’d stop, obviously, but I’d hate it.
She chuckled against my lips. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s just been a really long time and—”
It dawned on me what she was saying, and something that sounded suspiciously like a growl rumbled in my chest. “You told me to stop because you were close?”
“Yes?” Her voice was small, an adorable, sexy flush spreading across the tops of her cheeks.
Groaning as I let my head drop forward, my forehead landing against the base of her throat, I tightened my grip on her legs. “You scared the crap out of me. I thought you meant stop, stop. Just tell me next time, okay? It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“Are you kidding me?” Her brows swept up, a giggle coming out of her as she hid her face in my hair. “We literally just started making out, and I’m already…”
I lifted my head to look into her eyes. “It’s not just you. Trust me.”
Her pink tongue darted out to wet her swollen lips. My gaze was riveted to it before I took her mouth for another kiss, speaking against her in between. “Let’s get up to your bedroom and then you don’t stop me again. Agreed?”
“I can get onboard with that plan.” She wiggled on my lap, and I scooted to the edge of the couch before standing up with her still in my arms.
She squealed, her hands gripping the back of my shirt as she hooked her ankles around my hips. “Are you crazy? You can’t carry me all the way there.”
“Watch me.” Navigating the stairs was a challenge, but there was no way I was letting her go. Not even for a minute.
When I walked us into her bedroom, I realized I’d never been in here before. The massive four-poster bed against the wall was the only thing I could focus on, though.
I set her down on her feet when we reached it, kneeling in front of her to take off her shoes. Her breath hitched, but she watched me closely instead of taking over. I undid the short zippers at her ankles, trailing the backs of my fingers over her skin.
She stepped out of the shoes when I was done, kicking them away and peering down at me. “Plan on taking your time like that with everything?”
I nodded, swallowing heavily. “Yep.”
Although I was burning to see her naked, I wanted to savor every moment. I’d waited long e-fucking-nough for this. Another minute wouldn’t kill me. I never broke skin contact with her, peeling off her clothes slowly while touching her in every way I could.
Her breathing was shallow by the time she was bare in front of me, her dusky pink nipples hard and inviting. I sucked one into my mouth, relishing the moan that followed. I committed the reaction to memory, planning on cataloging every part of her that made her make that noise.
That was exactly what I did for the rest of the night. She felt like liquid velvet on my fingers, squirming underneath me before screaming my name. Even
though she nearly crushed my skull when she came on my tongue, it was an experience I’d remember forever.
When I finally sank into her, I was more than ready. Rylee looked into my eyes when I positioned myself, her hands in mine on the pillow beside her head. I groaned, feeling her heat everywhere.
“God, Carter,” she breathed, her hips meeting mine on every thrust. “You feel so good.”
“I think you stole my line.” I held her hands tighter, moving faster inside her until she squeezed me so tight that I had no choice. I let go when she did, whispering her name just before claiming her mouth for another soul-destroying kiss.
Rylee fell asleep in my arms in her bed. I held on to her tightly, fighting the natural urge to close my eyes and drift off myself. Once the sun rose, I didn’t know if I’d ever have her naked body against mine again and I didn’t want to miss a single second of it.
Tonight was probably going to be all I got, and it ripped me apart to know it as well as I did. Sex had never made me emotional, but that was because it’d never meant anything. It was a means to an end, providing a physical release if I needed it.
Any woman who had gotten into bed with me had known the score. I wasn’t interested in a relationship, and not just because my job didn’t make it easy to have one. The few relationships I’d attempted had always felt like there had been something missing. And now I knew why.
It was like I’d been waiting to be reunited with Rylee my entire life, even if I hadn’t known it was about her. My heart was untouched. Unblemished, for the most part.
As I lay there in the dark with the girl of my dreams in my arms, I realized that pressure was still there on my heart. It swelled and swelled, and no matter how much I rubbed at it, it didn’t ease.
Fuck. I actually need a moment. I also needed to check the alarms and all the locks before I could go to sleep anyway.
Moving carefully, I untangled my limbs from hers and slipped out of bed. Before I left her bedroom, I turned at the door and looked back at her.
Her hair looked black in the pale moonlight filtering in through the bay window next to her bed. It gave her skin a silvery sheen, making her look even more like an angel that’d been handmade just for me.
Wait a second. Since when do I get poetic after fucking someone? I shook my head at myself. That’s the answer, isn’t it? I didn’t just fuck her. She asked me to make love to her and I did.
Screwing my eyes shut, I padded out of her bedroom and dragged in deep but quiet breaths. That had been a mistake. I never should’ve given in.
I opened my eyes just in time to be faced with the display cabinet at the end of the hall. It’d never intrigued me the way it did tonight.
The cabinet was chock full of all kinds of awards, and for once, I stopped to study them. She had three Tony awards, one for Best Newcomer and two for Best Leading Actress, and a host of other, smaller acknowledgments of her talent.
A jolt traveled through me when I realized that a woman like her would never end up with an almost-thug like me. I’d been delusional to believe there could be anything more between us. I also still needed to tell her who the fuck I was.
She might flip her shit at this point, and I was still pretty sure I’d lose her if I did. Maybe it was better to just keep it on the down-low. What difference will it really make anyway?
None. That’s what.
Neither of us was that kid we used to be anymore. She was a star now, a shooting one that I wouldn’t want to hold back anyway.
It hurt like hell, but that didn’t make any of it any less true. The storm inside wreaked havoc on my soul, but by the time I’d checked everything, fed Max, and had climbed back in bed with her, I was somewhat calmer again.
“I wish I could tell you the truth, Ry,” I whispered, gently trailing my fingers along her cheek as I tucked some of her hair behind her ear. “I wish things were different and we could be more than we are.”
When she didn’t stir, I continued to spill my guts into the silent bedroom. “I’ve known you my whole life and I’ve had feelings for you for most of it. I just lost track, and look at you now, baby. You became everything you wanted to be and now you’re so far away from who I could have that it’s not funny.”
Even though I was still whispering so softly that I could hardly hear myself, my voice still managed to catch. “You’ve outgrown me, and that’s okay. For now, sex and your attention are more than enough. I’ll always belong to you, but it’s okay if you never belong to me.”
I clenched my fingers into a fist and shoved it into my mouth, stifling a silent scream. God, if it hurts this bad now, what the hell is it going to feel like when it’s really over?
Chapter 18
RYLEE
“Max won’t bite him, right?” Tani asked, watching as Cash scratched Max’s stomach on the living room floor.
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. From what I’ve seen, he’s really sweet. I got the impression from Carter that we’d know right off the bat if he doesn’t like someone.”
She kept her eyes on them but picked up her glass of orange juice and sat down on a stool in the kitchen. “Speaking of your delicious bodyguard, where is he anyway? He disappeared just after we got here.”
“He ran out to the store. I realized this morning that we were out of cream, so he waited for you, put on the alarm once you were here, and went to get some.”
“He had to go out to get some?” She lifted her brows before flashing me a knowing smile. “Funny. I thought he could get some right here.”
“Ha. You’re hilarious.” I turned, getting plates out of the cabinet behind me to hide the heat I felt spreading on my cheeks.
If Tani saw me blushing, she’d know right away that he had gotten some here. Usually, I wouldn’t have minded telling her about it but I’d promised him just days ago that what happened between us would stay between us. I wouldn’t break that promise, even if I was a little confused in the aftermath.
Even though I’d tried to stop her from seeing it, she still studied me curiously when I stacked the plates on the counter after turning back to her. “So, he ran out to the store for you, huh? Isn’t that more of a boyfriend thing to do than the duty of a bodyguard?”
I shrugged but averted my gaze to rummage around for cutlery in the drawer in front of me. “He offered, and since I only realized it a few minutes before you were going to arrive, I took him up on it.”
“I don’t think that’s all there is to it.” She put her elbows on the counter and rested her cheek in her palm. “Out with it, Rylee Naples. What’s really going on between you two?”
“I’ve been sworn to silence,” I said. “I don’t want to lie to you, but I also can’t tell you everything.”
She blinked a few times in rapid succession, obviously surprised before she nodded slowly. “I guess I can understand why that might be. Want to tell me whatever it is you can without breaking your vow of silence?”
Smiling a little at the last words, she shook her head before adding, “If there’s anything you can tell me. You know I won’t tell anyone anyway.”
I glanced at the door before turning my wrist to check the time on my watch. Bart would be here any minute for his usual Sunday shift, but he knew we were all having brunch together today. If I talked fast, I might be able to get some insight from my best friend without saying anything that would break my promise to Carter.
“It’s starting to feel like we’re a real couple,” I said, “but I’m worried, and honestly, I’m confused too.”
“Let’s start with the worry. What are you worried about?”
I sucked my lips into my mouth while I tried to put my thoughts in some kind of logical order. “I’m not sure he knows what he’s getting into if we eventually become a real couple. No one in their right mind wants to date someone famous. It’s a pain in the ass.”
Tani’s gaze held no judgment when I brought my eyes up to meet hers. “I think he probably has a much better idea of wha
t he’d be getting himself into than you might think. His line of work is directly responsible for the safety of famous people. He knows what celebrities go through and what the risks are.”
“It’s not just the risks I’m talking about, though. He’s a pretty private person, and nothing about my life is private once the vultures descend. What if he doesn’t like it?”
“What if he can live with it if that’s what it takes to be with you?” she countered.
I sighed. “What if I don’t want to ask him to make that kind of sacrifice?”
“What if you don’t ask him? What if he just does it, exactly like he already is?” She twisted a strand of her loose hair around her finger, her gaze darting at the door. “He’s out getting you cream for Sunday brunch. He’s already pretending to be your boyfriend in public. If you think about it, not much will change in that respect if you guys really got together.”
She winked. “In fact, you’d be free to hump then, which means he’d even get the actual benefits of a relationship with a gorgeous celebrity and not just the sucky parts like he is now.”
I held her gaze but ignored her comment about sex. I wanted to tell her how awesome it’d been with him, but I couldn’t betray his trust. Those details were just ours, like I promised him they would be.
“He’s only pretending to be my boyfriend for now.” I added emphasis to the last two words. “It’s one thing knowing you might be in the limelight for a couple of months. It’s a completely different thing to have to accept that it’s going to be that way for the foreseeable future.”
“I get that, but it’s not our choice to make, babe. It’s his. You’re worried about it, fine, but have you talked to him about your worries?”
“No, not yet, but I will. There are a lot of things we need to talk about.” At this stage, all I knew for sure was my feelings for him were growing on a daily basis. I didn’t know what we were to each other, why being together felt inevitable, or even really what was keeping us from it.
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