by Amanda Renee
“I’m glad to see you, too.” He scanned the length of her body. “Especially when you’re not wearing those narrow little suits of yours.”
Chelsea straightened the sweater she had changed into after work. Ever since Ryder had told her she needed to cut loose, she made a point to run home and throw on something more comfortable before picking up Peyton from Tori’s. That gave them a chance to go out afterward and do kid-friendly activities without Chelsea constantly saying she wasn’t dressed for it.
“Hey, I have to wear those narrow little suits in court. I’m not a fan, but I’m definitely glad to get out of them at the end of the day. I heard what you said about cutting loose. I even took Peyton to one of those trampoline parks last week.”
“I would’ve paid to see that.” He waggled his brows.
“I bet.” Chelsea smacked him playfully. His mood had definitely improved from last night. “Those places need to come with a big-busted-bounce warning.”
“Yes, but I’m sure you bounced beautifully.” Ryder lowered his voice. “Listen, I want to apologize for barging in on you last night.”
“You didn’t barge in, I invited you.” Chelsea reached for his hands and held them between hers. “I’m available whenever you want to talk.”
“Thank you, but there’s nothing more to talk about as far as the night my dad died is concerned. I’m just trying to adjust to living back here and last night it got to me.”
“And you’re better now?” Chelsea doubted he’d worked out everything in a day.
“I’m getting there.” He eased out of her grasp and she instantly missed his touch. “I’m not so sure I should be here. I’m worried about Peyton telling her friends, or Lydia and Calvin’s kids saying something in school.”
“What are they going to say? It’s a group setting. There are six adults. The kids won’t fixate on any one of us and I’m sure Eli and Joshua have no idea about your past. But just for the record...if Calvin and Lydia will sit down and have dinner with you, you were wrong about not having friends in Saddle Ridge.”
Chelsea didn’t wait for an answer. She grabbed his hand and led him back to the kitchen where Tori was telling Lydia and Calvin about the new not-so-nice words Missy had learned in school. “We all dread that day when our kids come home having learned one or two swear words from a friend, but Missy somehow learned all of them at once.”
“Oh no!” Lydia gasped. “We haven’t run into that yet, but I’m waiting for it.”
“Do you mind me asking if Peyton was born deaf?” Calvin asked. “She speaks perfectly.”
“She lost her hearing three years ago after contracting osteomyelitis due to an infection caused by the surgery she had for a broken leg.” The sentence had become second nature to her after having to repeat it to almost everyone they met.
“That had to have been incredibly difficult for both of you.” Lydia’s sympathetic tone was a welcome change from the pitying ones she’d received from many parents of hearing children.
“It almost killed me to watch her go through it all. So many changes in her life. She went from the top of her class to the bottom in a matter of months. There’s no correcting her hearing. She will always be deaf.” Chelsea sipped the wine Lydia handed her, swallowing down the words that pained her every time she spoke them. “I enrolled her in the deaf school near where we lived in Helena, but she couldn’t grasp the lessons because she didn’t understand the language. She had to learn to communicate first to continue her education. The school almost left her back a year, but they set us up with a wonderful tutor that worked with her every single day after school. She still has a long road ahead of her. Missy is much more advanced in her sign language skills than Peyton.”
“It’s hard watching your kid struggle.” Tori set a plate of hot nachos on the center of the island. “Dig in everyone,” she said, taking a seat again. “Missy doesn’t want to learn how to speak or read lips. As a parent that really frustrates me. I want to see her succeed in talking to both deaf and hearing people, and grow as a person, but the decision about how she chooses to communicate is hers and hers alone. I can’t tell you how many times she’s told me I don’t understand. And she’s right.”
“Let me tell you, reading lips comes with its own set of problems.” Chelsea laughed. “Peyton has slowly been learning how to do it and practicing by eavesdropping on conversations across the room. We’ve had more than one discussion about that. Especially when they’re my conversations she’s eavesdropping on.” She lifted a gooey nacho onto her napkin, allowing it to cool. “But reading lips will come in handy if she travels internationally, which she wants to do. She’ll be able to read lips to a certain extent in English-speaking countries, but she’ll be hindered by foreign pronunciations and accents. That being said, almost every country has its own version of sign language. It’s quite different from spoken languages. When you learn Spanish, it’s Spanish regardless of where you go in the world, aside from the regional dialects. But sign language is much more complex. It’s limiting for an adult, and I imagine it’s intimidating for a child.”
“So, if Peyton traveled abroad, she couldn’t use sign language unless she learned that country’s version of it?” Calvin asked.
Chelsea nodded as she chewed her nacho. “They only use American Sign Language in the United States and most of Canada. Australia uses Auslan Signbank. England and Scotland, where Peyton wants to study equine medicine, uses British Sign Language, which is completely different. Not only that, if she goes to Ireland, they have their own sign language, as well.”
“Peyton wants to be an equine veterinarian?” Lydia asked. “I’m a large animal vet. I’d be happy to talk to her about it.”
Chelsea smiled at her. “That would be wonderful. I’m sure my daughter would love that.”
“I’ve met a few deaf veterinarians over the years. There’s one equine vet out of North Carolina who I consult with on a regular basis. I can give you her name and contact information, if Peyton would be interested in talking to her, too.”
“That’d be great. Thank you.” Chelsea had wanted to reach out to one of the veterinarians in town but hadn’t gotten around to it yet. It was one more thing that had fallen by the wayside because she brought her work home with her. That had to stop.
“No problem.” Lydia reached for her bag and pulled out a business card. “Here’s my info. How much experience does Peyton have with horses?”
She honestly didn’t know. Her daughter spent every weekday on the ranch and Chelsea hadn’t taken the time to explore that world with her. Peyton talked about the horses and donkeys every day, but as to actual hands-on experience with them, she didn’t have an answer. Another thing that had to change.
Tori met her eyes across the island. “I’ve taught her some basic horse care...grooming, hoof cleaning, feeding schedules.” Things Chelsea should have known and didn’t. “And she’s gone riding with Nate, Missy and me a few times. We haven’t managed to get Chelsea up on a horse yet, though.”
“You don’t like to ride?” Ryder asked, sounding like a crestfallen kid who just found out Santa didn’t exist.
Chelsea handed Lydia her card after taking the other woman’s. “I didn’t say that. I can’t tell you if I do or if I don’t. I haven’t been on a horse since I was a kid and even then, it was on a pony at a campground where someone led me through a trail.”
“Ryder, you need to take her riding this weekend,” Tori said matter-of-factly, as if Chelsea had no say whatsoever. “We have some nice trails behind the sanctuary.”
“Thanks for the help, Tori.” Ryder rolled his eyes. “If you had given me a chance, I would have asked her myself. Like maybe someplace a little more private.” He turned to Chelsea and smiled, exposing those swoon-worthy dimples she couldn’t get enough of. “Chelsea, would you like to go riding with me this weekend?”
There was nothin
g like putting her on the spot in front of everyone. “Sure, I would love to.”
Nate entered the kitchen with a large stainless-steel tray of grilled steaks, salmon and vegetables. He set it on the counter for Tori and she began arranging the platters.
“Congratulations, you two.” Calvin raised his wine glass. “You have officially fallen under Tori’s matchmaking prowess. Before long, you’ll be married with two kids. Trust me, I speak from experience.”
“Tori got you and Lydia together?” Chelsea asked, desperate to shift the focus from her and Ryder. As of yesterday, they were exploring—whatever that was supposed to mean—and now she wondered if horseback riding was a continuation of that exploration or an actual date.
Nate grabbed two beers from the fridge and handed one to Ryder.
“I never knew that.” Ryder twisted off his bottle cap.
“It was Tori’s and my senior year in high school. I was a cheerleader and Calvin played football for a rival team. Tori saw us flirting across the field and not only got his number, she set up the entire date and surprised us both with it. But it’s not like we got married right away. It took Calvin seven years to propose.”
“That’s because you always had your nose buried in a book.” Calvin wrapped an arm around his wife and gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek. “Speaking of books and school... Does the public school here offer sign language? I wonder if Josh and Eli would be interested in taking a class after their lesson tonight.” He smiled.
“No, the school doesn’t but it should,” Nate said as he took one of the platters and walked toward the dining room. “Especially since we have a deaf school in the same town. Who’s hungry?”
Ryder rounded up the children from the great room and ushered them to the table. Chelsea sat across from him, loving how he picked up on the girls’ tension and plunked himself down between them, conversing not only with Missy and Peyton but with Eli and Joshua too. He managed to make all four children equally comfortable while still talking to the adults at the table. He even made Missy smile.
Nate always seemed to have one eye on him, and Chelsea still couldn’t understand why he had agreed to let Ryder move onto the ranch if he wasn’t comfortable with him being around. On the outside, he was friendly to Ryder, then there were the side glances and an undercurrent of jealousy that made her uneasy. Tori may need Ryder to stay on the ranch, but she hoped Drew or anyone else offered him a permanent place elsewhere. The distance would do the James family some good.
When the Presleys left a few hours later, Chelsea began gathering Peyton’s things from last night’s sleepover so they could head home too. She hated leaving...leaving Ryder...but it was getting late and Peyton had school in the morning.
Ryder came into the great room and began helping her straighten up. The casualness in which he automatically fell into step with having children around both warmed and broke her heart. It couldn’t be easy watching the child he raised live with another man. She saw Missy use name signs for Nate and Ryder and wondered if she had ever referred to Ryder as Daddy. But she didn’t dare ask. It was none of her business and Ryder had enough memories to deal with without her adding one more.
“I had fun tonight. I’m glad Tori set it up.”
“So am I.” Ryder took Peyton’s knapsack from Chelsea and set it on the couch. “I just wish we could all meet in town for dinner sometime or go to Oktoberfest without repercussions.”
“It won’t always be like this.” Chelsea felt sorry for Ryder, although she wouldn’t dare utter the words. Here he was a free man and he still couldn’t walk down the streets of his own hometown. “In time people’s perceptions will change.”
“What if they never do? Don’t get me wrong, I like the Bloodworth Ranch so far. It’s an incredible program for both the parolees and the kids, but I can’t see it changing anyone’s mind about me.”
“Then maybe you shouldn’t live in Saddle Ridge. I get that your family is here, and you want to make things right with them. And your obligation to Tori is admirable, but you’re not only doing yourself a disservice, you’re doing Tori and Nate a disservice, too. Despite what she’s said about their marriage, I get the feeling he’s not thrilled you’re here.”
“I realize this isn’t a permanent solution. My eyes are wide open for other jobs and I even asked Harlan to put feelers out for me. If another one comes up, I’ll leave here. And you’re right...it may not be in Saddle Ridge, but—”
“Are you talking about quitting?” Tori walked into the room with Nate close behind. “Ryder, you can’t do that.”
“Tori, you can’t force the man to stay here,” Nate said. “We’ll figure out how to afford someone else. Even if we have to hire two part-timers.”
Tori’s eyes darted between her and Ryder. “Whose idea was it for you to quit?”
“I just think—”
Ryder stepped slightly in front of Chelsea, cutting her off. “Mine. And I’m not saying I’m quitting tomorrow, but staying here...living and working this close to my parents’ old ranch is too much. When I accepted this job, I didn’t realize it was on the same road as theirs. When I go in and out of town, I drive way in the opposite direction to avoid passing the place. Last night I couldn’t avoid it anymore.”
Tori slowly sat down on the couch. “Ryder, you didn’t.”
“I did. And I got caught. The new owner had no clue it was me, but Harlan figured it out when he looked over the incoming calls from last night. Judging by the way the guy yelled at me, I’m not the only one who has trespassed on his property to get a look at the infamous Slade death site.”
“Honestly, I don’t know how you do it.” Nate sat next to his wife. “I wouldn’t be able to live anywhere near the place. And I’m not just saying that because I want you to go.”
“You want him to go?” Tori twisted and glared at him.
“Yeah, I do. But not for the reason you think.” Nate leaned forward resting his arms on his knees. “I think Ryder and I both knew his living here would be awkward. That aside, I want him to go because—believe it or not—I actually do like you. I don’t see how you can have a normal productive life with your father’s death hanging over you. Get away from it...get away from here because the constant reminder of what happened is slowly killing you.”
Chelsea wanted to believe Nate’s sincerity, but there was something about the way he said the last sentence that made her wonder if he was hiding something, too. Whenever she was in the room with Nate lately, she felt like the three of them were in on a secret and she was the only one left out. She still didn’t believe Ryder had been the driver the night his dad died. Could it have been Tori?
“When Harlan stopped by earlier today, he dropped off a letter for me from my mom.”
“She wrote you?” Tori jumped off the couch. “What did she say?” Her eyes immediately shot to Chelsea. “Never mind, it’s none of my business. I should go get the kids. They’re up in Missy’s room.”
“I haven’t read it yet. I wanted to do that tonight. Here with you.”
Ryder’s words froze Tori midstep. “Y-you do?” She asked as she slowly turned around.
“With all of you.” Ryder corrected and pulled the folded envelope from his back pocket. “I just can’t do it on my own. Will you read it out loud for me?” He handed it to Chelsea.
“Oh, Ryder.” She took the envelope and ran her fingers over the worn creases. He must have folded and refolded it a hundred times. “Are you sure you want me to read something so personal...in front of everyone?”
“I—I don’t think this is a good idea.” Tori tried to reach for the letter, only to have Nate grab her hands and lead her back to the couch.
“This is Ryder’s decision.”
“I don’t know what’s in that letter, but I know I don’t want to read it alone.” He sat down on the other couch and patted the cushion next to
him. “It’s okay. I want you to do this. I’m ready.”
Chelsea joined him and slid her finger under the envelope’s flap, breaking the seal. “Okay, I’ll read it for you.” She unfolded three neat, handwritten pages and turned to Ryder. She wiped a tear from her cheek as she began. She’d read hundreds of letters like these for clients, but she’d never been personally involved with the intended recipient.
“My Dearest Ryder,
“Please forgive me for not writing sooner. The only excuse I can offer is the guilt I felt for living my life while you were locked away in that dreadful place. A place you should never have been. You wouldn’t have gotten behind the wheel of that truck if I hadn’t created the pain you were so desperately trying to escape. I wish you had never pled guilty. I wish you hadn’t waived your right to an attorney and had stood trial. I would have supported you. I would have told the court and the world what I had kept secret for so long...that your father and I were alcoholics and you’d walked in on another one of our fights.”
“Dad was an alcoholic?” Ryder asked. “He couldn’t have been. I would have known. I would have seen it.”
Chelsea gave his hand a squeeze as she skimmed over the letter. “I think this next part will make things clearer.”
“I’m sorry. Please continue.” Ryder perched on the edge of the couch and stared down at the floor.
“I know this is a shock for you to read. It will be for your brothers, too. I’m sending them separate letters two days after mailing yours. You deserved to learn the truth first since you’ve paid the biggest price.
“My alcoholism was no secret to you because I was sloppy and leaned on you for support. Your father despised that. He saw it as a sign of my weakness, but in truth, he feared it would expose him for the alcoholic he was as well.
“Frank hid his disease better only in the fact that no one else knew he had a problem. But every fight, every affair, every time he yelled at you kids was because he’d either had too much to drink or was battling withdrawal. The man he became was not the man I married or even the man he was during the first ten or so years of your lives. He had been a loving father and husband, willing to do anything for his family. Until the day he caught me having an affair. Yes, son, I had an affair first.”
