Panic struck as I realized he knew about a secret I’d kept hidden for a decade.
“He rejected you. Yet he spoils your half-siblings?” added Danton.
Yes, Dad was a good father to them. I’d gotten the painful privilege of seeing how he treated them when they’d appeared in the news as an affluent family hailed as New York royalty. My pretty half-sisters, all three of them, often posed at those high-society parties in the latest glamour magazines, all of them out on the town and enjoying their privileged upbringing. They probably didn’t even know I existed. How precious they looked to Dad in photos where they all huddled as one big happy family to prove theirs was a dynasty like no other.
“I’m forbidden from contacting my dad,” I said, sobbing.
“Your mother was his mistress?”
Cameron had known this all along, though I’d never realized it until now. He’d told Danton my dirty little secret. I was more than the black sheep of the family - I was the daughter that never was.
“Daniel H. Rosenberger.” Danton said my father’s name so I wouldn’t have to.
He seemed to know everything; that I was the lovechild of a fast-rising presidential candidate, a man of wealth and status, who just happened to get his mistress pregnant. Her lovechild was quickly stashed away where no one could ever learn of the scandal that would bring down an empire. They buried me in the fostering system.
My birthright was my shame.
“I’m not allowed to talk about it,” I whispered. “Men from my dad’s work visited me when I tried to connect with him. They told me it wouldn’t end well if I contacted him again. He doesn’t want to see me.”
“You threaten his clean-cut image, his aspiration of becoming president of the United States.”
“Yes.”
“You’ve never known the love of a father?”
I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the memories of all those places I’d lived, where the desire to survive was more important than the need for affection.
I’d been thrown away like trash.
Tears stung my eyes and I felt myself being lowered to the ground.
“This is your worth,” he said. “I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.”
“We hardly know each other.”
“True. But I love you. And I want to spend every moment with you. I need you to feel what true adoration is. Will you let me show you?”
“You really believe I’m worth it?”
“God, yes.”
He planted kiss after kiss upon my lips, his tongue slipping inside my mouth to do battle, but I let him win this war because somehow, some way, he was proving I belonged. For the first time in my life I knew what it was to be immersed in the kind of serenity I’d only yearned for until now.
The blindfold was tugged from my eyes.
Blinking, my vision blurry at first, I took in the enormous glasshouse filled with lush foliage.
Butterflies fluttered around everywhere. As my gaze adjusted, I peered at the ceiling, wide open to the sky, which proved they chose to be in here. They could easily fly away.
I gasped at the mesmerizing vision.
A blue and yellow butterfly landed on my shoulder and I laughed.
“Promise me you won’t try to take your life again.” He brushed a strand of hair away from my face.
I stared into Danton’s eyes and smiled to reassure him that life meant more to me now, and I wanted so much for him to believe that. “I promise.”
A butterfly landed on his nose. He gave me a sweet smile, and laughed as it flew away. “I have a secret, too.”
“What is it?” I tipped my chin to meet his kiss and melted as his mouth brushed over mine.
He smiled against my lips. “I’m waiting for you to fall for me first.”
I leaned my head against his chest and sighed.
Chapter 13
France
IN THE PALM of my hand I carried the delicate twisted seashell back to Danton, my toes sinking into the warm sand. I’d just retrieved it from the ocean bed and it was the prettiest one yet.
After removing my snorkel I held it out for him. “Look at this one.” I placed the shell into his free hand and sat down on the blanket beside him, pulling a bottle of orange juice out of our picnic basket.
“Want one?” I asked.
“Just drank some.” He put his novel down. “Good find, Scarlet.” He swept a towel up and wrapped it around my shoulders to keep me warm.
“I’m going to find a jar and put them all in there. I’ll collect shells from every beach we visit in the world and keep them as memories.”
He carefully laid the shell next to me.
“Do you collect anything?” I asked softly.
“Swim with me?” He gazed toward the water. “Let’s have fun in the ocean.”
I leaped to my feet and he chased after me, both of us splashing and laughing as we dived in. We crashed into each other and I wrapped my legs around his waist and held on tight, the small waves edging us on.
We made love right there in the sea, his body warming mine, his caresses carrying me away into a bliss I’d grown accustomed to.
I had always loved him.
That’s how it felt to be around Danton because he was so incredibly kind and generous in every conceivable way. His enduring strength was always balanced by his boyish sweetness.
Whenever I took a shower, he’d lean on the doorjamb just staring at me with a smile that reached his eyes, before climbing in to join me. Or I’d raise my gaze from a book I was reading and see him staring as though he were trying to take a mental photograph of me.
Since that first BDSM session in the greenhouse three days ago, we’d never mentioned my ominous past again. We didn’t need to. I’d felt as though all those feelings of inadequacy had fallen away and now I was validated.
We were inseparable.
After our daily swim, we’d freshen up and cook dinner together. He’d teach me a new recipe and I was his eager student. He talked endlessly about his childhood and the loneliness he’d sometimes felt being the only son. His sister was estranged from the family, he told me. We really were meant for each other.
As the weeks passed, he seemed determined to educate me in all manner of subjects. We’d settle in the sitting room with a roaring fire and sip brandy and talk about everything from politics to art and even music, which he knew so much about.
During those long evenings he’d even try to teach me how to play chess - like tonight, with the air so still and the moon hanging low in the sky.
He moved his bishop and knocked off mine. “I wish we had more time.”
“We have all the time in the world.”
“You have university to attend.”
“Maybe I won’t go.”
“That’s not an option. Education is everything.”
“I don’t want to leave you.”
He waved that off. “Life is like a game of chess. One should be unpredictable, but keep things simple, all the while observing patterns. Always try to think wisely, and always be kind even when the world treats you unfairly.”
I rested my hands in my lap.
“Scarlet?”
I slipped out of my pleasant daydream, realizing he’d never once mentioned visiting me in the States.
Danton pointed, indicating I should move my chess piece across the board. “Where were you just now?”
“This game is too hard.” I threw my piece down. “I’m too stupid to learn it.”
“You got into Harvard.”
“That was a fluke.”
“You don’t really believe that? Now, tell me what’s really bothering you.”
“I’m not sure I want to go back. Can I stay with you?”
“No, you have so much to give this world. Have you not been listening to anything I’ve been telling you?”
I stared at him. “Why do you never talk about visiting me when I leave?”
“Go and stand in the corn
er,” he ordered. “Face the wall.”
I did as I was told. When he’d seen no remorse in me, he’d bent me over his knee and lavished an exquisite spanking, his left hand meeting my buttocks in painful strikes and his right hand fingering my clit at the same time. I’d pumped my hips furiously against his hand as I moaned through my release.
Afterward, trembling and sated, I knelt before him on the floor and waited for his next order, my head resting on his knee and feeling safe. He made me sit there obediently as he read the newspaper from cover to cover, his left hand trailing through my locks and making my scalp tingle.
The crackling of the fireplace was the only noise; the delicious scent of burning wood reminding me of the Christmases I’d never had.
I wished we could stay in this house forever.
My most favorite time was when we visited his library. It was a cozy room stacked with wall-to-wall books and decked out in leather armchairs and mismatched rugs, with the lingering scent of stale cigars reminding us of the past. I watched him bring down from the shelves several of his favorite philosophy books. Together we carried them down to the beach for our daily picnic by the sea.
In between munching on our sandwiches and sipping freshly squeezed orange juice, he read from his books and I’d swim and collect more shells.
Today, like every day, when he found a passage in his book he liked he would share it with me.
His obsession with history always made me smile.
I’d lay my head on Danton’s stomach as he relayed what he knew about Epicures’ writings, an ancient Greek philosopher who believed that one should treat others justly, and who had stressed the importance of pleasing oneself and taking proper care of one’s body. Danton would beam with happiness when he taught me about Aristotle, a man who encouraged doing good - not just being good.
It felt like I was being groomed for the world.
For the first time I knew I was loved entirely - and all the attention I’d craved as a child and had been denied was lavished upon me now.
We made sure the books were safe in our picnic basket, and then we walked the full length of the beach to discuss what he’d taught me.
I’d never known true happiness until now.
Chapter 14
France
MY HAND REACHED out for Danton but all I felt was a cold bedsheet.
Rain struck the windowpane and it made me feel so warm and snug in our large bed. I sat up and stretched, checking the bedside clock. It was just after midnight.
A flash of lightning scared the hell out of me and I leaped out and went to look for Danton.
Padding along the hardwood floors, hoping to quickly find him so I could persuade him to return to bed, I was thinking of all the luscious ways I was going to help him fall back to sleep.
A window was open somewhere, letting a draft in. I realized it was coming from Danton’s office.
When I nudged open the door, I saw him sitting in his corner armchair, bare-chested and dressed only in his pajama pants, which were pulled down off his hips. A needle was injected into his left thigh and his expression looked tense with concentration. A flicker of pain crossed his face.
My gaze caught an empty ampoule on his desk. I walked forward and reached for it. Danton’s eyes rose to meet mine and he watched me pick up the glass vial.
Morphine.
I dropped it onto the desk and flew out of there, running through the house, my heart pounding, my head full of confusion.
I couldn’t breathe.
“Scarlet,” he called after me.
I burst through the front door and bolted down the pathway, almost tripping on the rocks and grass and sticks that dug into my soles, not caring about the rain soaking my nightdress, having no thought of where I’d end up.
I sprinted onwards toward the crashing waves.
All this time Danton had feigned he was a man of the highest integrity, and he’d expected so very much from me - demanding the same, demanding honesty. I felt so damn stupid as I realized all the signs had been there: those moments when his drug intoxication had worn off and he’d gone pale and acted a little moody, only to disappear to be alone for a while again.
To give himself his fix.
On so many afternoons Danton had insisted we take a nap to recuperate, even on those lazy days we’d just spent basking in the sun.
Now it all made sense.
My feet carried me across the sand toward the water. Waves lapped at my feet as a stark chill soaked into my bones.
“Scarlet!” Danton’s voice rose above the crashing surf. “Scarlet, please.”
“Go away!”
“It’s not what you think,” he said, approaching me.
“Morphine?”
“Yes, but—”
“How long? How long have you been an addict?”
He leaned over and rested his hands on his knees. “I didn’t want you to find out like this.” He tried to smile. “Give me a second.”
“I hate you.” I spat out. “You act all high and mighty. Expecting so much of me—”
“Please let me explain.” Danton straightened to his full height. He faced the ocean and shook his head.
We were both soaked from the rain; him with his pants sticking to his legs and me with my nightdress clinging to my cold flesh.
“You can’t stay out here.” He could see I was shivering in the unrelenting downpour.
I backed away from him in protest.
My hair was plastered to my head. I brushed a clump of locks away from my face. “How could you?”
“Think, Scarlet. That’s what I’ve taught you to do. Put all the pieces together.”
“You’re using it for your headaches? That’s ridiculous.”
“Sweet butterfly, come here.” He looked worn down, his face even paler.
“Morphine for headaches?” I snapped.
“The cause of the headaches.”
My throat felt dry with grief.
He caressed his temple. “I was waiting for the right time to tell you. You were just so happy. So many times I started to say it and…”
“What?”
He stared at me, his expression strained with pain.
I froze with fear. “What’s wrong with you?”
“If only I could find a way to make it go away.”
Words refused to form in my mouth.
He gave a shrug. “I have a brain tumor.”
No. This wasn’t happening. I’d just found him.
“I don’t believe it. Tell me the truth.”
“Oh, Scarlet. I’m so sorry.”
“How long have you known?”
He swept back strands of his dripping wet hair. “A year.”
“You should have told me.”
“I meant to. I was terrified it would ruin what we had, taint our days and nights that have been so perfect, that have helped me forget.”
All the pieces came together like a puzzle solidifying in my mind. “Hillenbrand?”
“It was meant to be my final visit there. A little indulgence before I had to give the lifestyle up. Then I saw you, realized you had no idea about the other doms. I couldn’t leave you there. They would have devoured you. Cameron sent you to me knowing full well I’d get you the fuck out of there and probably take you home with me.”
“He didn’t want you to be alone here?”
He looked away, devastated. “It was selfish to make you mine.”
“Cameron and De Sade knew all along?”
“I’d told them both months ago that I was planning on coming home to die…alone. Told them I just wanted to go quietly with no fuss.” He let out a deep sigh. “They asked me for one final favor, to meet you at the airport. See their new submissive safely to the house. I could play a little with you for a few hours, they told me. Fuck a little…if you wanted that.”
I shook my head trying to comprehend their scheming.
“I was manipulated.” Danton sucked in a gulp of air. �
�When you turned up at the airport you were brave and strong and full of life. You were beautiful. They knew I’d crave you. Feel your vitality and not be able to live without it. Without you.”
“I love you,” I stuttered out. “I need you. There must be a cure?” I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.
“There’s nothing to be done.”
I looked up at him realizing he’d brought me here for two reasons: to save me and to keep from having to die alone.
“I want to give you every part of me, Scarlet. Show you that life is good. I saw your pain, saw what life had done to you and I knew I could help you, too. When Cameron told me you’d tried to kill yourself it broke my heart. And here I was fighting for my life. I thought if I could just make you see that life is a gift.”
Tears stung my eyes and my heart was flooded with pain at the thought that Danton couldn’t be mine forever.
“Forgive me for doing this to you.” He hugged me tighter.
“Cameron knew we needed each other.”
“He’s an interfering bastard.” He pulled me back toward the pathway. “You’ll catch a cold out here. Please, let’s go back to the house.”
“Danton? How long do you have before…?”
“A month, perhaps.”
No! This was a nightmare. It didn’t seem real.
But I saw the proof. Here he was, taking a moment to pause and catch his breath halfway up the hill, his expression strained, knowing he had the rest of the way to go before we reached the house.
He needed me.
Not a selfish, immature girl, but a woman who deserved him, my Danton. A lover who understood why he’d once planned on dying alone. The thought of him facing this ordeal in solitude was too terrible to bear.
All this time I’d believed it was him saving me, but now I knew I was meant to be here for him.
But I knew I’d never survive losing him.
Surely Cameron and De Sade had thought of that? Their scheming would lead to a kind of pain a woman would never recover from.
I remembered what Danton had once said to me.
“Cameron wants you to have my name in your mouth for the rest of your life. The question is, do you?”
Yes, I silently screamed. I want this more than anything.
Enthrall Secrets (ENTHRALL SESSIONS 7) Page 8
