“That reminds me.” He reached behind himself and pulled out my sheathed dagger. “I kept it safe for you. Here.”
“Thank you.”
“I have heard of the Order of the Crystal Daggers,” Ferdy said. “I’ll admit, I do not know how I feel about you being part of that assassination group.”
“It’s not an assassination group,” I insisted.
He ignored me. “I feel better knowing you’re a beginner.”
My eyes narrowed at him. “What makes you think I’m a beginner?”
“You’ve had the younger prince of Bohemia in front of you for weeks now, and you only learned the truth two nights ago,” Ferdy said pointedly, clearly trying to hide a smirk.
My fists clenched angrily at his remark, as true as it might have been.
Before I could defend myself, he shook his head. “I will not fight you on this now. You saved me when the ballroom walls fell, so I know, for the moment, you are on my side. I know that might change, but I do not feel like that should preclude you from my attentions.”
There was nothing I could say. There was just too much between us, and that moment, the moment back in the castle, right before everything was destroyed, only proved our fate. We were too far away, and even if we were to work to bridge the chasm between us, one of us—or both of us—would end up hurt.
And I did not want to hurt him. I was not willing to risk his life or safety, even if it meant we would be together.
I glanced back at the door, eager to escape.
“If you are determined to leave me, I’ve already said I would let you go,” Ferdy said in a resigned voice.
He knew I was not going to choose him. His voice was too much like before when I first met him, and he asked if we could see each other again.
Too much had separated us back then. Even more kept us apart now.
“Thank you,” I said. That was the only thing I could think to say. I put my hand over his before I added, “Your Highness.”
He frowned, before leaning close to me. I thought for sure he was going to kiss me again, and I could not stop myself from wanting him to do so.
But he only touched his forehead to mine, lightly and softly, staying there for the most bittersweet moment of my life. “Goodbye, Ella.”
The way he said it, I wondered if he would ever call me that again.
Before I could find the courage to ask, he turned around and left the room, leaving me alone with my many scrambled thoughts.
The door was left open for me.
I did not move as I listened to the sound of Ferdy’s footsteps fade across the castle hallways. I was finally free to leave; I did not know if I had ever been free to stay.
*3*
◊
The journey home felt painfully interminable.
Philip arranged for me to travel by coach, so I did not have to sneak through the city. Even in my state of sadness, I could see why Ferdy trusted him; Philip took care of everything, down to the smallest details. He even brushed my hair, pinning it back with new combs. When I commended him on his work, he lightheartedly confessed that men could be even more difficult than women when it came to styling hair.
It was only when I promised to send the combs back to the palace after I arrived home that he refused to accommodate me.
“His Highness gave them to you as a gift.” A slight flush peeked out from under Philip’s freckles, and I had the feeling he was telling me the truth against his better judgment. “The prince would like you to keep them.”
It broke my heart, but I allowed it. If it was Ferdy’s gift to me, and I turned it away, he would be even more hurt.
As Philip drove me home, I looked out from the coach windows and saw the small portion of Prague Castle that had caved in and fallen over.
I felt as though my heart had done the same.
What could I do in the face of such evil?
The rest of the city seemed just as wounded. The people, usually so jubilant and colorful, wore heavy-hearted, careworn expressions as they wandered through the wintery streets. The church bells chimed, but this time there was a bleak, tinny quality to their music.
The sun was shining through the last layer of morning fog as we pulled up to my family’s manor. I looked back at the city skyline long enough to see that nothing had changed from this far away. The dullness of the buildings struck me as strange; the heart of the kingdom seemed wearier than ever as it stood against the passage of time.
What could I do against such sadness?
“Thank you for the escort, Philip,” I said, as he helped me out of the coach.
“It was an honor, my lady. The prince and I are glad you are safe.”
I sighed, looking around my family’s home. It was a smaller manor, made of stone and wood. It had been built and refurbished over the many years, starting as a small keep itself and then, as peaceful times came, it blossomed out into a home instead of a fortress. Hallways were added even as the battlements were maintained. It was surrounded by plenty of farmland, and even a few tenant cottages dotted the edge of our property.
Thankfully, there was no one outside; no one was there to witness my shameful entrance. “I don’t know if I will get to see you again, but please tell Ferdy—I mean, His Highness—that I am grateful.”
“Thank you. I know he will be very pleased.”
Recalling Ferdy’s earlier sadness, I doubted that. Ferdy would be happy to hear I kept his gift, but he would have preferred that I let him keep me.
I did not even know what he meant by that, exactly.
“My lady.”
The sudden look of worry on Philip’s face surprised me. “What is it?”
“You won’t tell anyone else about His Highness, will you?”
It was the first time I had even thought about that. Lady Penelope would have known about Ferdy, wouldn’t she? I thought of the night of the Advent Ball when Empress Maria Anna sent me off to find Ferdy. It was possible, I realized, Lady POW would not have known about him. She had gone off to help others escape the castle before the empress said anything about her younger son.
I have to find out, and I have to be careful.
I did not want to think about what Ben or Lady POW would say about Ferdy, especially since I had fallen in love with him without knowing his real identity. It would only make my failure even worse in their eyes.
I shook my head. “No.”
“Thank you.” Philip smiled. “Empress Maria Anna has spent a good deal of her life hiding her younger son from others, including those in the Order of the Crystal Daggers and the League of Ungentlemanly Warfare. Now that you know the truth, she will be glad when I tell her you have given your oath of silence.”
“Why would it be a problem if they knew?” My hands curled around the dagger I kept at my side. Surely the Order would have protected Ferdy if they had known the truth.
“Years ago, the Spring Revolutions brought change, but there is much corruption and self-service among the aristocracy. This is not something unique to Bohemia, but if another upset comes, it may lead to bloodshed, as it nearly did last time. Both King Ferdinand and Empress Maria Anna know it could just as easily come from within our own borders as it could the outside.”
My mind wandered back to the Cabal, where Ferdy had taken me. It was a small tavern beside the Jewish Quarter that housed a small group, one that met to discuss everything from local news to culture, religion, and politics.
Maybe that was the real reason Ferdy became friends with them—to make sure he was safe.
But as I thought of his carefree smile, of the friendliness shared between Ferdy and Clavan, Jarl, and Faye, I quickly discarded the idea. It might have been a benefit, but Ferdy did not stay with them to protect himself; he clearly enjoyed them as much as they enjoyed him.
“Currently, there are certain parties—more than most would prefer to believe—that are very glad for His Highness’ brother speaking up against Emperor Franz Joseph,” Philip co
ntinued. “The princes have taken on their mother’s family name to ensure they are hidden.”
“Is Ferdy in danger?” I asked, suddenly afraid for him.
“He easily could be,” Philip said. “Fewer know of Prince Ferdinand than his brother, but with Prince Karl’s political ambitions, Empress Maria Anna is worried he will cause the wrong attention. Especially since, as Bohemia’s history will tell, we have only survived so long because of the benevolence of God and the friendships we have with our foreign neighbors, as precarious as they are at times.”
It was at that moment I realized how little I actually knew about Ferdy. Why would he be running around Prague disguised as a homeless person? Was he hiding? Did he have a plan of his own?
There were suddenly a million questions I had never allowed myself to ask, and even more, I did not know if I would ever have the chance to ask him.
The former empress had been willing for me to go and protect Ferdy. She could have sent someone else. Why send me? Why admit to me at all that she had a second child?
When I asked Philip, he smiled at me. “From what I understand, your mother made quite an impression on her. Lady Eleanor and the other gentlemen who came to her aid during the Revolution of 1848 vowed to keep their silence.”
Other gentlemen?
Was Philip talking about my father? The League? Or someone else?
It seemed I would have to figure that out, too. It would not be an easy task, especially where Lady POW was concerned.
“Her Imperial Highness no doubt trusts you will live up to your mother’s legacy,” Philip said.
“I will,” I promised. “I’ll protect him.”
Even if I cannot trust him.
“Thank you. Prince Ferdinand is a good man, and Bohemia would certainly suffer at his loss.”
I agreed with Philip. Bohemia would never be the same without Ferdy. Neither would I.
Philip said his goodbyes again, bowing before he climbed up to the carriage perch once more. He flicked the reins and then sped off, leaving me all alone, standing before my childhood home.
My family’s manor seemed different. The same farmland still surrounded it, the same morning sky watched over it. But the world had changed, and so had I.
I looked toward the city again. The world would have to move on, and so would I.
The entrance opened, and I heard a familiar voice cry out to me.
“Nora!”
Ben’s greeting welcomed me like nothing else could have, and I hurried toward him at once. “Ben!”
He ran up to me, his crooked leg perfectly balanced in its brace, and we collided into each other as he gripped me in a tight hug. He was as strong and solid as he had ever been, smelling of home and mischief and a familiarity that absolutely blindsided me in all of its mysterious wonder.
It was such a contrast to the lavender and mint of Ferdy’s room, and such a departure from the careless mix of fun and longing I found in Ferdy’s embrace.
Tears started to swell behind my eyes.
“We were so worried for you,” Ben said.
“I’m so glad to be back.” I whimpered out solemn worries for our small group, and my apologies as Ben wrapped his arms around me, whispering back assurances that everyone else was fine. But I ignored him, and soon he realized I was crying for other reasons.
“What is it, ségra?”
At his old endearment for me, I felt so young and helpless; I would have wished for my mother if she was still alive. I swallowed the rest of my tears, taking a deep breath, desperately forcing myself to regain control.
“It’s nothing,” I managed to choke out.
Ben knew me well enough to know I was lying. “Nora.”
For the first time, hearing Ben call me “Nora,” shocked me. It was so strangely different from Ferdy calling me “Ella,” and it was unnerving to realize how odd I felt at the distinction.
“What is it?” Ben pressed.
“It’s Ferdy,” I mumbled. I breathed deeply and swallowed the rest of my sobs. I had hoped to distract Ben away from my weakness, but saying Ferdy’s name proved to reveal it even more.
It was bad enough I had failed in so many ways to prevent disaster, but it was even more embarrassing to admit I had made a complete fool of myself in the process.
“Did something happen to him?” Ben asked. I shook my head, and then he pulled himself back from me, allowing me to see the sudden spark of fury in his blue-green eyes. “Did he hurt you?”
By his tone, I knew Ben was ready to defend my honor. “Not exactly,” I admitted. “But I shouldn’t see him anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Just because,” I muttered. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. “There are plenty of other things demanding our attention now. We can worry about him later.”
“Tell me.”
I sniffed again. “Later.”
“Does he know about the Order?”
All of my bravado left me as Ben guessed a significant part of the truth. I nodded and looked away, hoping that would end the conversation.
“Well, if he thinks that you’re beneath him for that, he was never worth your time to begin with.”
At his anger, I wanted to cry all over again. I could not tell Ben that it was not because Ferdy did not want me that I was upset; it was more upsetting that Ferdy wanted me anyway.
Thankfully, Ben only patted down my curls and kept me close. “I’m sorry.”
Ben was the one person who knew me, the one person I could trust without hesitation. I leaned into him, briefly glad he did not have to carry his crutch any longer; since Amir had come, Ben had designed a new brace using our new companion’s medical expertise, and he was able to go for longer periods of time without using it.
As I stepped back from him, I knew I was not willing to trust him with the full truth. I did not want to admit I had fallen in love with Ferdy, thinking him to be a pauper, only to find out he was a prince, and I did not want my brother to know how damaged my pride was despite all the desire Ferdy, and I felt for each other. Ferdy was mine, and that meant my heartbreak was mine, too.
Sniffing loudly, I wiped my eyes again, determined to show strength. “I’m glad to be home.”
“You might not say that after you see Lady POW.” Ben’s voice was soft and playful, and I knew he was trying to make me feel better. I was glad for his support, especially since his joking meant he was not asking for more answers.
Together we made our way toward the library. While we walked, Ben told me how, back at the castle, he had hurried to meet up with Amir before the ballroom, and the adjoining wings caved in. Several hallways, the kitchen, and two more sections of the castle had imploded, including the hallway beside the east library. They both helped guide people to safety and even rescued a few people caught under some of the debris afterward.
“Not that they were that grateful for our efforts,” Ben said. “They were more upset at their fancy clothes being ruined than they were happy to be alive.”
My laugh was dry, too bogged down with despair.
“Some of the king’s guards have told us that the fires are still burning underneath all the rubble in the wine cellar,” Ben said. “They have been working to account for as many people as possible while they try to extinguish them. Harshad is waiting to hear the final count of casualties. The latest estimate was six.”
I hung my head. “This is entirely my fault.”
“Please.” A new voice broke through our conversation. “There’s no need to be so narcissistic and melodramatic about the whole situation, Eleanora.”
Glancing up, I saw Lady Penelope standing in front of the library. The look in her eyes, the same deep blue as my own, suggested she was relieved to see me, but her arms were crossed, and her face was pinched into a disapproving frown.
A small bubble of pride swelled up inside of me; I had been right about her reaction. She was glad to see me, but she was rightfully suspicious of my sins. She was lik
ely just as eager to expose them to the rest of the world, too.
I swallowed hard. “Lady PO—I mean, Lady Penelope.”
“We have been waiting for you, Eleanora. You’re late.”
“Apologies, Madame,” I murmured humbly, knowing it was the best way to irritate as well as appease her.
Her frowned deepened, before she whirled around, her dark skirts snapping in the air as she walked into the library.
My grandmother is definitely unique, I thought. In all my life, I had never met anyone so inclined to win, yet so irritated when she won without a fight.
Ben nudged me in his brotherly manner as we entered the room behind her. “She hasn’t rested much since we heard you were missing.”
“I knew she would be difficult about seeing me again.”
“She is difficult with nearly everything.”
Amir, Lady POW’s medical consultant and an honorary member of the League of Ungentlemanly Warfare, looked up at me first. In his chestnut eyes, I could see his visible relief, and I welcomed it.
Harshad, my grandmother’s other colleague, also glanced over at me. I was not sure what to expect from him, but when he only turned away, unaffected, I felt that was a logical response.
Briefly, I had to wonder if the two of them were thinking of Máma instead of me. Both Amir and Harshad had known my mother, Lady Eleanor Svobodová, for many years. She had been a member of the Order of the Crystal Daggers before she resigned her post and married my father. She never contacted them again after her last mission in Prague.
Amir admitted to me before that he had been in love with Máma, but Harshad’s exact feelings were harder to deduce.
I only knew for sure he objected to Lady Penelope’s orders to train me; of course, he objected to plenty of her other decisions, too, but this was the only order he had successfully managed to avoid. Seeing how he turned away from me now, I wondered if the nature of his objection was rooted in my mother’s memory.
“So.” Harshad’s attention remained on the papers strewn across my father’s desk. “You are back.”
Amir inclined his head. “It is good to see you, Eleanora.”
Prince of Secrets and Shadows Page 3
