“Always so curious,” Lady Penelope murmured crossly. “You will find out when you need to know. For now, go and rest. I’d hate to think I’ve spent a good deal of time harassing Harshad to instruct you only to find he was correct about what a poor student you would make.”
My fingernails scraped into my palms as my fists clenched, and I watched her disappear down the hall. I fought the urge to scream.
Instead, my hand went to the dagger at my side. I had earned the right to carry it, even if I did not know how to wield it. I was a member of the Order, and I was only loyal to the truth.
And the truth was, I had little to no idea of what that could be. I only knew for sure that the illusions I had grown up with were gone, and I had to monitor their remaining influence.
Visions of those lies passed before me as I made my way to my bedroom. I saw my mother’s life and my father’s death; I saw my grandmother and her colleagues; I saw Prague in all of its glory, stained by the sadness I was now intimately acquainted with. I even saw Tulia for who she was, as my grandfather’s half-sister; and there was Ferdy, too, with his roguish grin and his princely stature.
What do I have left?
I clasped my hands together, no longer able to carry my anger and frustration. “I still have you, Lord,” I whispered, leaning my head down in prayer. I begged for his help, for his patience, for his comfort. “Please help me.”
After several long moments, my heart steadied. I still had my faith, and I still had Ben. I could trust Ben.
I bit my lip, looking at the door to my father’s study one last time.
I can trust Ben ... can’t I?
*7*
◊
As much as I worried about Lady Penelope, I did listen to her advice and focus on my work. As the days passed, I worked on becoming a more skilled warrior, learning how to be invisible, to move in silence and stealth. The effort was demanding but engrossing, and I was largely able to hide my worry from myself.
That was part of the real trick—finding a way to put fear aside for the moment, before forgetting it altogether.
Of course, just because fear is silenced, that does not mean it truly goes away. It bides its time, waiting for a moment of weakness, before it pounces again, twisting itself into sudden sickness.
I discovered this the hard way when Lady Penelope called for me the following week.
“Eleanora!”
Ben and I had just finished up another session with Harshad. When I heard her voice, I jumped, whirling around to face the door to the west parlor as my sweat-soaked towel whipped through the air after me.
“Careful.” Ben ducked around the sudden movement.
I glanced over at him apologetically, but he only gave me a spiteful look in return. He was absent the last few days of Harshad’s lessons, but I had not missed him much.
Perhaps it was because of his festering irritation I only noticed at the end of our session that his one eye was shadowed by darkened puffiness.
Immediately, I forgot all about Lady POW.
“Ben!” Examining his injury, I could tell he had been hit very hard, and very recently. “What happened to you? Your eye—”
“I don’t want to answer any questions, Nora,” he hissed. “Amir already told me I would be fine. He even assured me that I was deserving of it, thanks to you.”
“What?” I tried to reach for him, but he slipped away from me. “What are you talking about?”
“Eleanora!”
Lady Penelope’s voice cut through the air between us, this time much more sharply. Ben wrinkled his nose at me. “Lady POW is calling. You should see what she wants.”
“Ben—”
He shook his head and left the room, leaving me with my mouth open in hurt shock.
Why was he being so harsh? I knew Lady Penelope was trying to get him to tell her my secrets, but for the first time, I was more angry than hurt by Ben’s attitude.
Ben should be on my side, not hers.
Ben did not tell me about Lady Penelope’s inquiries regarding my secrets, but he should have, just as she should have talked about the League or about the past. I had my own secrets, but I had good reasons for keeping them. I could see no reason Ben would hide something from me.
Something has to be done.
My fists clenched angrily. Over the past weeks, I had focused solely on my work with Harshad with very limited interruptions and manageable relapses. In many ways, it was necessary. What else could I do to stop myself from thinking of my failures? Between Ferdy’s loss, Ben’s antagonism, and the Order’s demands, I was overwhelmed with pain, sorrow, and shame.
I knew in coming home from Prague Castle, I would need to redeem myself. That meant becoming a better fighter. My fighting, while still rudimentary, was now more nuanced and fluid; my muscles were strengthened, my endurance increased, and, no doubt much to Lady Penelope’s glee, my midsection was even flatter. I could do several rounds of pushups, lunges, and sit-ups; I ran and jumped, moving until my breathing came in erratic patterns as I panted, feeling sticky in my stealth habit.
There was no hint of Lord Maximillian’s next move, or Karl’s, or anything else suspicious. There were no more murders for us to solve or activities to investigate. We were still stuck at the same unanswered questions, and I was tired of waiting for an absolution that might never come.
As I stood there, watching my brother willingly ignore me after an uneventful Christmas, after weeks of no word of Cecilia’s whereabouts or Tulia’s fate, my resolve only strengthened. Being a better fighter was obviously important, but it was only part of what was required of me. I had worked through my pain only to find more pain waiting for me when I was finished.
It was time to change my focus. It was time to go look for answers myself.
“Eleanora!” Lady Penelope’s voice was much louder as she burst into the room. “There you are. Thank the Lord I’ve found you.”
“What is it?” My voice was edged with bitterness, but I was genuinely curious at her overwhelming pleasure.
“Something has happened, at last,” Lady Penelope cheered. “You have a visitor.”
“I do?”
“Yes, and we need to hurry!” Lady Penelope grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me out of the room, nearly running into Amir. She brightened at the sight of him. “You should come, too, Amir.”
“Yes, Madame,” he replied, careful to keep his tone respectful. But as we headed out, I caught the glimmer of defiance in his eyes and knew he was still frustrated with her, despite his façade.
It seemed that Amir was growing tired of playing along with Lady POW’s lead.
“I heard you did well enough in your sessions this week. I am glad to hear the mostly positive results.” Lady Penelope seemed near-breathless, in addition to the effort she was exerting as she pulled me along. Her energy belied the seventy-some years old she had to be, or maybe I was just too tired by comparison.
“Should I say thank you?” I almost pulled myself free before noticing Lady POW forcing me to move was actually a reprieve from my own efforts.
“Training with Harshad has been very good for you, Eleanora.” I saw her glance down at my midsection for a quick second. “It has helped significantly with your figure.”
Normally, I would have said something at her condescending remark, but I was too tired, and I did not want my rudeness to give her a reason to further reprimand me. Beside me, Amir gave me a silent look of teasing approval.
“Who is here to visit me?” I asked, deciding it was time to change the topic.
“A certain gentleman has come to call,” Lady Penelope replied with a cheery grin. “He gave me his card.”
“Let me have it,” I said, snatching it out of her grasp. It can’t be ...
My heart sank as I read the card. Karl’s name stood out in bold lettering. I crumpled up the paper in my hand, angry at myself more than anything.
Of course Ferdy is not going to come and see me.
&
nbsp; Ferdy could play the gentleman, as I now knew thanks to the Advent Ball. But that did not mean he would. He had let me go, and it was not like he was going to show up at my home and demand I change my mind about us.
Even if I might want him to.
“Eleanora?” As we stopped in front of my bedroom door, Lady Penelope cleared her throat. “What is it?”
“It’s Karl,” I said. “Karl Marcelin. He’s here.”
“I know that. Why do you think I went to go and find you? What is wrong? After these last few weeks, I thought you would be happy to see him.”
“It’s nothing,” I murmured. “I am just too tired to be surprised, pleasantly or otherwise.”
Another thought hit me hard. What if the empress or King Ferdinand had said something to Karl about my role as a member of the Order? Was he here to confront me?
The earlier, unpleasant feeling in my stomach morphed into pure dread.
“I was hoping he would visit sooner, but now I am just glad he is here at all.” Excitement laced Lady Penelope’s words as she burst into my room, opened my wardrobe, and began tossing me towels. “Amir, you stay outside. Eleanora, come. He is expecting you.”
“What?” I gestured down my body, where my sweat-soaked dress hung limply, and my body odor eagerly announced itself. “I can’t see him.”
I did not want to mention that I did not have any strength left to fight Karl in the event he attacked me for my deception.
“I’ll send Amelia and the others to you while I distract him,” Lady Penelope promised. “I heard some interesting rumors a few days ago, and I would love to hear them confirmed.”
“What rumors?”
“Just hurry. Mr. Marcelin is our remaining link to Lord Maximillian, and we cannot alienate him. Not yet, anyway. We must use charm to get information, and that means you need to be ready.”
“If Karl and Lord Maximillian are working together, why don’t we just confront Karl?” I asked.
“Karl is the king’s son, and Lord Maximillian has significant status as a duke as well as a cousin to Emperor Franz Joseph. Not to mention he is working with foreign financers,” Lady Penelope reminded me. “In our position, we need proof, and that means we need to find out who is financing their nefarious deeds if we are going to protect Bohemia and the surrounding nations from further danger.”
“Oh.”
“They are never going to admit to murder, let alone attempting to take over the kingdom, without damning evidence,” Lady Penelope said. “We are fortunate that the empress trusts us, or we could easily be imprisoned ourselves.”
Lady Penelope gathered her skirts as she bustled out the door. “So that is why you cannot fail us now. Change your clothes, fix your hair, and wash up. In ten minutes, Amir will carry you into the front room and you will sit there, like the invalid I’ve reported you as being. No objections.”
“Ten minutes?” My mouth dropped open in disbelief.
“Did I not just say you were to have no objections?” She sighed heavily as she left the room, brushing past Amir. “I am pleased with your progress this week, Eleanora, but you must realize this does not make up for your mistakes at the castle.”
I nearly stopped breathing at her words, chilled at the edge of disappointment in her voice.
“Go and do what she says.” Amir broke through my momentary despair as he reached over to close my door. “The rest of us are here to help you.”
Even if Karl knows about me and the Order.
I relaxed, but only by the slightest degree. “I’m going.”
“Not eagerly,” Amir replied, attempting to coax a smile out of me; I obliged, if only a little. It was hard to resist Amir’s kindness. Before I could say anything else, Amelia, Jaqueline, and Marguerite appeared to take charge of the situation.
Lady POW’s seamstresses were a team of frightening efficiency. Their movements blurred together, perfectly synchronized as they pushed me into a new outfit and cleaned up all evidence of my training session.
“Your hair needs work,” Marguerite said. “Here. Let me put it up in turban so we can hide it.”
“No, leave it down,” Jaqueline said. “It is much more intimate, non? The gentleman will appreciate it.”
“If we leave it down, we will need to comb it with oils. That will help cover up the smell of the sweat.” Amelia said it with a kind smile, but I forced down a grimace before letting the three of them take over.
“Here you are, miss,” Marguerite said, as she handed me a large swath of bandages.
“What is this for?”
“Your leg. Madame instructed us to wrap your leg in extra bandages. The rumor is that you’ve injured it.”
“Oh. Well, it’s not broken.” Before I could say anything else, new bandages were drawn tight and warm against my skin, firm against where the bruise on my leg had once been. I tried not to compare the sense of cold detachment to how I felt before, when my leg was wrapped in Ferdy’s kindness.
When everything was done—when I was dressed in a modest house gown, my hair was clean and brushed back, and my body was covered in multiple layers of soap and perfumes—Amelia, Jaqueline, and Marguerite handed me over to Amir.
I saw Amelia grab a thick blanket. “Hurry, sir,” she said. “Madame will be waiting for us.”
“What are you doing?” I asked as Amir picked me up, surprising me. His strong, gentle embrace, combined with his careworn expression, reminded me of my father.
“No need to worry, Eleanora,” Amir said. “I have you.”
“This seems unnecessary.”
“It is all part of the plan. There is no telling what Karl will see while he is here. It is better we give him a show.”
I sighed as I hooked my arm over his shoulder, embarrassed more than anything else. I felt like a little girl again—and in some ways, I reveled in it. The world had seemed like such a different place when Táta was alive, and it had been so long since I relied on someone to take care of me. The death of my mother had ripped the world out from underneath me, but the loss of my father had left me without any sunshine in my skies.
I shrugged off my yearning as we entered the front room from the back way. I could hear Lady POW talking with Karl in the adjacent room. Amir set me down on the couch, while Amelia and Jaqueline hurried to tuck the blanket around my skirt. Marguerite appeared with a wet rag to lay on my forehead a moment later.
“For added effect,” she explained quickly.
The instant she turned away, I let it fall to the side. I already felt silly, like a bedridden child or an overly-dressed grandmother. “I’m glad it’s winter. This is getting hot.”
“You should be fine while Mr. Marcelin is here.” Amir tucked the cover in around me. “Lady POW will likely only bring him here for a few moments to talk to you. She’ll need you to get as much information from him as possible.”
“I’ll try. I don’t think he will confess to anything.” I thought of my brother, too. He did not want to tell me about his injury, and he had managed to keep that hidden from me. What were the chances that Karl would confess anything important?
I glanced up at Amir. “Do you know why Ben has a black eye?”
Amir must have been expecting that question, because he waved it aside. “He has other orders from Lady Penelope. That is all he told me.”
The answer was vague enough to make me suspicious. “He is still angry with me. If he didn’t tell you what he was doing, he might be upset with you, too.”
“I am certain he is,” Amir admitted. “He was not happy with me the other day, after your fight.”
I remembered that day Ben fought with me, after Harshad’s first lesson with me. “What was it that you said to Ben on his way out of the parlor?”
“Nothing of importance.”
“If it’s nothing of importance, you should have no issue telling me.”
“There is no stopping you, is there?” Amir sighed. “That day, I told him that he deserved it when you knoc
ked him down.”
“What? Why?” I slapped his arm. “That’s awful.”
“He was proud of his victory when you gave up,” Amir said. “That’s not right, Eleanora. Ben has his own struggles to overcome. You are a weakness of his, but you are not the only one. He needs to watch for his own flaws, and winning can show them as much as losing.”
“That’s still cruel.”
“The truth is often upsetting. If Ben is to improve, he must understand the difference between not only failures and victory, but victory and false victory.” His eyes met mine as he added, “It is the same for you. There is a difference between freedom and false freedom.”
It was hard to push my sudden discomfort away, almost as hard as it was to hide my fear. “I suppose you are right.”
“Well, if you say so,” Amir replied, and I saw the smirk under his mustache appear briefly.
“Thank you for telling me.” I folded my hands, unsure of what else I could say. I was not happy with the truth, but there was nothing I could do to change it.
“You are welcome, Eleanora. I’ll look forward to seeing what you can find out from Mr. Marcelin.”
“I hope it’s something. I know we have been unable to discover much since the castle incident.”
“I hope so, too.” He gave my hand an affectionate squeeze, allowing me another look at the scar on his fist before he left the room.
I bit my lip. Obviously, Amir had known his share of suffering. I did not want to add more anguish to his life. But as I heard Lady Penelope’s formal remarks and eager footsteps coming closer, I had a feeling that neither of us would be able to avoid it.
“Ben told me that we have to find a physical connection to Lord Maximillian and the castle’s attack,” Marguerite said as she pulled one of my curls out of its pin. “So please, Nora, see if you can find a connection.”
“Why were you talking to my brother?” I asked, frowning.
“We are all concerned about the mission, Miss.” Marguerite blushed, no doubt sensing she had overstepped herself.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I was just curious, that’s all.”
Prince of Secrets and Shadows Page 9
