She snorted disdainfully. “We will see about that, won’t we? Come. Join me and the others in the library.”
Regretfully, I gathered my skirts, keeping Ferdy’s letter wrapped in my hand. In some ways, I gripped it in hopes of comfort; I did not like the foreboding feeling suddenly unraveling in my stomach.
The thought of Amir working against Lady POW, of him betraying the Order in favor of the League—all of it seemed too impossible at first. But I thought through his disagreements with both Harshad and Lady Penelope, how he protected me against Ben, and how he found a way to befriend me despite our difficult beginning.
Was it possible?
I hated asking myself that question. I walked into the house, heading toward the library. It was here, I thought, that Amir had told me himself that he was Lady Penelope’s most loyal ally. Had he been lying to me?
It was only when Harshad spoke to me that I awoke from my troubling thoughts.
“Eleanora, what is it? What is wrong?”
His voice seemed to call to me from far beyond me. When I looked up at him, he frowned. Before either of us could say anything—before I could answer his question or before he could ask it again—Lady POW interrupted us.
“Harshad, where is Amir?” Her voice was brittle and sharp, and even Harshad knew it was best not to keep her waiting.
He looked at me, somewhat apologetically, before he said, “He has already left for his rounds tonight. He will be back in the morning.”
Lady Penelope narrowed her eyes at me before the two of them began to speak in another language. I listened closely, hoping I would discover some clues. I caught “Valoris” and “Amir,” and even “Ben,” but I was not able to deduce the meaning behind their words.
Quietly, I sighed and took a seat. It was going to be a long night.
*14*
◊
The next morning my fingers were cold, even as I gripped the cup of tea in my hands. Mindlessly, I blew on the contents, watching as the force of my breath rippled across the hot drink and the steam wafted away from me. I did not know what else to do but sit there and stare off into space. It was too tempting and too easy to get lost in my own thoughts, jumbled as they were. Only one seemed insistent on repeating itself, and it was the one I hated the most.
Amir had not returned to the manor.
Harshad and Lady Penelope had discussed things long into the night, leaving me to sit on the couch, silent and watchful. I had fallen asleep, still in my evening gown, and it was only hours later when I woke up, alone and cold.
After trading my gown out for a housedress, I went to the kitchens for some breakfast, even though I could hardly eat. The events of the past evening were too mysterious. Between Karl’s anger, Ferdy’s determination, and Amir’s disappearance, I was tired of trying to figure everything out.
All of a sudden, nothing in my life seemed to be the same.
“Nora.”
I blew on my tea again as Ben came into the small kitchen behind me. He was wearing a loose-fitting pair of pants and a tunic, one of the many training outfits Harshad had ordered for him. He even wore similar shoes, I noticed, seeing the soft woven coverings on his feet.
“What is it?” I turned to him and tried to keep down a yawn. It was past the usual time I woke up when I was working with Harshad, but no one had come to get me that morning. At the sight of Ben, I wondered if that was the reason he sought me out. “Have you come to get me for a lesson?”
With everything that was going on, I was hoping that the chilliness between me and Ben would disperse some. When I saw him shake his head, I felt the last of my hope shrivel and die.
“No.” He moved around me, reaching for his own cup. I heard him sigh softly. “I heard what happened last night.”
I said nothing, only taking a small sip of my tea.
“Lady Penelope and Harshad have been awake for hours. They’ve headed out of the manor, both of them, so they can go and see if they can find Amir,” Ben said. He hesitated before adding, “I am not sure they ever sleep, to be honest.”
I liked that he was trying to be nice, bringing me tea and speaking kindly to me, even though I was upset about Amir. “Have you heard anything?”
“He’s not here.”
“I know that much. Do you think he is in trouble?” I asked. “I know he usually comes home by the time we’re working with Harshad.”
“By the time you’re working with Harshad,” Ben corrected.
I decided to let his barb slide this time, especially when I noticed Ben’s expression was grim. “What is it?”
“Lady POW and Harshad are upset,” Ben said. “And I think they have good reason to be.”
I frowned but said nothing.
“I have been thinking it over,” he said slowly, “and after talking with both of them earlier, I think they are right to be worried about him.”
“Why would you say that?” I asked. “I mean, I am worried for Amir, too. He could be in trouble, or there could be some information that is causing his delay. There is no real reason to question his loyalty to Lady Penelope over a delay.”
“It’s not a delay.”
My skin chilled over at the edge in his voice as much as the condemnation in his words.
“I saw him last night,” Ben said. “I saw him as I was watching Karl’s movements last night.”
“You were watching Karl?”
“Yes. Lady POW wanted me to find out as much as I could about him, and she thought sending me would be a good idea.” Ben shrugged. “She said if he caught me spying on him, all I had to do was tell him that I was worried for you, as your older brother.”
“Makes sense,” I murmured. I thought about Ferdy last night. Did Ben see him while we were at the concert?
“I nearly missed Karl as he stormed out of the Stavovské divadlo,” Ben said. “He was angry and upset. I followed him to a new address, and then I saw Lord Maximillian come with a stranger.”
“The man from the Cabal. Lumiere Valoris.”
“Yes, that’s who it was,” Ben said. “How did you know?”
“I met him last night. He was the one who interrupted the concert and made Karl so angry. He arranged for the last piece of the evening to be a tribute to Bohemia, and Lumiere ruined it for him.”
Ben did not ask for details on Lumiere, so I knew he had discussed him with Lady Penelope before. I wondered if she had told him the same things that she told me, or if this was another way to see if she could get me to reveal my secrets.
“Lumiere is connected to Lord Maximillian and Karl,” Ben continued. “I know from Lady Penelope that he is a member of the League, but she doesn’t trust him. When he was done with his meeting, Lumiere went back to the castle with Karl. I decided to follow Lumiere after that. I didn’t know who he was at the time, but I felt like it would be good to have some information on him since he talked with both Karl and Lord Maximillian.”
“That was a good idea,” I said, making Ben smile.
“I thought so, too,” he admitted. “He didn’t get far before I saw Amir.”
“So Amir was near the castle last night?”
“Not exactly,” Ben said. “I followed the carriage as well as I could. It wasn’t too hard, since the winter weather has kept a lot of people from heading out. Eventually, Lumiere stopped at the church where Father Novak was murdered.”
“Our Lady of the Snows.”
He nodded. “He went inside for just a few moments, and then Amir stepped out of the shadows and greeted him.”
I thought about what Lady POW had said before. “I know they were friends when Máma was alive.”
Ben wrinkled his nose. “It seems they are still quite good friends,” he said. “Lumiere was ecstatic to see him. Amir got into the carriage, and then they rode together for a few blocks before Amir slipped out.”
“What happened then?” I asked. “Did you follow Amir?”
Ben took a long sip of his tea before he shook his hea
d. “No.”
“Did you keep following Lumiere then?” I asked.
Ben was suddenly much more reluctant to talk. I saw him glance back at the kitchen door, nervous and bitter.
He wants to leave now.
Which meant he had done something.
I stood up and put my teacup down on the small table. “Tell me,” I said. “I might be able to help.”
“I doubt that,” Ben muttered. “You’re Amir’s favorite, remember. You don’t think he’s a traitor.”
“Of course not,” I said. “He told me before he was Lady Penelope’s most loyal follower. Even Lady POW told us that she would trust him with her life.”
“That’s exactly what a traitor would want you to think,” Ben said. “Come on, Nora. Think about it. Something’s happened to us in the last few weeks. Amir has been causing problems between us.”
“Amir?” I slammed my teacup against the table. “Amir is not the one who has been using you to try to find out my secrets.”
“Are you really that blind? He’s the one who made you suspicious of me in the first place,” Ben insisted.
“You didn’t help by going out and beating Ferdy up.”
“I told you why I did that.” Ben stood up now, too, only to look down at me.
“Please, Ben,” I said, grabbing his sleeve. “Even if you think Amir is the one behind the trouble between us, you have to at least face the truth that it only remains there because you keep it there.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is,” I insisted. “This is the first time in weeks we’ve spoken plainly to each other.”
“Because you won’t tell me the truth!”
I was taken aback. My hand dropped from his arm. “Is that really what you think? That I won’t tell you all my secrets? That you can’t trust me?”
“It’s true.” Ben shook his head. “You know it’s the truth.”
I felt my heart clench. Once more, I was tempted to tell him. But the thought of Ferdy’s safety, of how wrong Ben was about Amir, and even Empress Maria Anna’s concern stopped me, and that was when I realized something important. I did not want my brother’s ire, but I did want his trust. I would not always be able to tell him things. I knew he had secrets of his own from me, starting with his own feelings about our father playing favorites between us.
The same thing was true of Ferdy, of Lady Penelope, of Harshad and Amir and even Tulia. I did not need to know all their secrets. I just needed to know I could trust them.
Lady POW had been adamant before that it was necessary to know that people would fail me. She warned me that I had to be on my guard at all times, and that it was important to pay attention to everything so I would not be surprised at betrayals, and that I would be able to know how to manipulate people to do what I wanted and get the results I wanted.
I had balked at the idea then. I realized now that she might have had a point, but there was a price too great for me to pay.
I wanted to be able to trust people, so that even if we failed in the end, we would be together.
I did not know if that was more important or not, but it was important enough to me right now that I knew I had to say something to Ben.
“Some secrets are not just mine, Ben,” I said. “I can’t tell you everything. Other people are counting on me to keep silent.”
“I knew you were lying before.” He did not sound smug; he sounded relieved, which made me soften, even if I did not want him to worry about it at all.
“I’m sorry. I don’t do it to hurt you. I’m trying to protect others. Maybe I’m even trying to protect myself,” I said quietly. “But there are bigger things happening here, things that are bigger than you and me.”
“I know that,” Ben insisted. “I’m worried you don’t.”
“I do know it. I’m still trying to figure it out some, but I do know there’s a lot at stake. But you do know I love you. And I would never want to hurt you.” I looked up at him. His blue-green eyes were just a little lighter than mine, and for some reason, it was so hard to explain to Ben how much I did love him. He was my family, my only family, and someone who had suffered so much at my hand, yet someone who still fought to protect me. I sighed. “I guess it’s unavoidable that I will hurt you, but I don’t want to lose your love. Or your trust.”
I looked down at the floor, unsure of what else to do. Ben and I had always had a common enemy with Alex and Cecilia, and we had always had a common dream in Liberté. This was the first time in recent years we had different loyalties and different pursuits.
Finally, Ben sighed. He shifted his feet and put his hands in his pockets.
“I suppose you’re right.” Ben’s voice was more gentle this time. “We are going to have to trust each other if we’re going to succeed. And that includes trusting each other with our silence as much as our secrets.”
Hope renewed inside of me. I almost cheered at his reply, but I stopped myself. Ferdy’s earlier restraint had clearly been against his wishes, but he knew he could only have my trust if he could earn it. I would do the same with Ben; I would have to wait to see that I had earned Ben’s trust back.
At the thought of Ferdy, my smile brightened even more. I loved him, and I knew I could trust him. He wanted me to trust him, and he had earned it.
I nearly squealed with delight, thinking of the next time I would see him. There would still be trouble between us, but if we trusted each other, we could find a way.
Ben sighed. “I still think it is fair to question Amir’s loyalty,” he said. “I talked with Lady POW this morning after I met with him, and she’s certain that he is working to betray her. And possibly us, too.”
“You met with Amir?” I frowned and waited for Ben to provide further information. I could already guess what happened.
Ben had confronted Amir, wanting information on Lumiere, and Amir told him something that made Ben and Lady POW suspicious.
When Ben finished his story, I was disappointed with how much of it I had guessed.
“He said he had to go and take care of something,” Ben said. “He said that Lumiere was his friend and he wanted Amir to help him with something. He said it had to do with Lord Maximillian and Karl, and that was all he could tell me.”
“Did he say when he was coming back?” I asked.
Ben shook his head. “But it’s not a coincidence, is it, that Lady Penelope thinks he’s betrayed her? The timing is suspicious.”
What could Amir be doing to help Lumiere?
I could not think of anything, but I also did not know why Amir would be helping Lumiere in the first place. I had seen him myself, chatting with Lord Maximillian. He had talked of meeting him the night of the Advent Ball, of mending the issues between them. It did seem like Karl and Lord Maximillian had been fighting with each other, too, as I recalled what Karl had told me, and the other information Ferdy had given me.
“We can question Amir’s loyalty,” I said slowly, “but I think we need to question Lady POW’s, too. She has reasons for her own feelings on this matter. And there is no denying her own secrets.”
Ben sat down at the table again. His expression was remorseful. He picked up his cup and poured more tea. “That is fair, I suppose.”
I grinned and sat down across from Ben. “If that’s fair, we’ve found a good starting place to start asking questions.”
Reaching into my pocket, I curled my hand around the letter Ferdy had given me. “I have a few more questions I’d also like to run by you, brácha.”
“I’ll see to the tea. Looks like we’re going to need more.”
Before I could show Ben the letter, Xiana appeared in the doorway. She appeared like a ghost, silently and gracefully, and in her dark robes, I almost felt it was too apt of a description.
“There you are,” she said. “I have been looking all over for you.”
“You have?” I asked, sad to see my time with Ben interrupted. It was nice to feel like his friend again.
“Yes. You’ve received a message,” Xiana said. “It’s from someone named Clavan. He says Zipporah will be able to meet with you this weekend, on Saturday night after the Shabbat.”
She handed Ben the small scroll of paper. I watched as Ben read through the note, before turning to Xiana. “Have you heard anything from Lady Penelope or Harshad about Amir?”
Xiana shook her head. “No. But if I know Amir, I know if he does not want to be found, he will not be found.”
“You don’t think he will betray Lady POW, too, do you?” I asked, surprised.
Xiana’s stoic face hardened, ever so slightly. “He is more than capable of betrayal. Remember, that is what he did to your mother.” She shook her head, her long braid of hair swinging behind her. “And others as well.”
Before I could ask another question, she excused herself.
Ben looked up from the note. “Eliezer’s wife will have our herbs for Tulia this Saturday. That’s a few days away yet. We’ll have to question her carefully. I don’t like the thought of getting Clavan and Jarl and their friends mixed up in our trouble.”
I nodded. “I agree.”
“Now we just have to get to Saturday,” Ben said. He leaned back, stretching out some. “And then we’ll have our answers.”
“Don’t forget, we’ll be able to make an antidote to the Order’s poison, and we’ll find out if anyone else is making it, too.” I took another sip of tea, then got up from the table.
Hopefully Amir will be back before then, and we can forget this betrayal nonsense.
“Are you looking for something to eat?” Ben asked.
“Yes.”
“Get some for me, too.”
I laughed. “I was planning on it,” I assured him. As I searched the kitchen, I glanced back at the doorway where Xiana had disappeared. Amir had told before that he had made a mistake when he allowed my mother to leave. I would not have said he betrayed her, the way Xiana had.
I did not think he would betray Lady Penelope, either. Ben and I did not agree with our conclusions, but there was no point in fighting about it until we found him.
Prince of Secrets and Shadows Page 19
