do not be fukkin dumb, boy, says mother to me, almost spittin. do not twist me words around your prik. do you know how fragile this is? do you know how easy humans can break what they are? eons run before us, eons of humans breakin their worlds on their own dumbness.
she is glarin at me like lightnin across table.
there are seven of us left, lorenso. seven. only one child, and you would fuk her mother? it may be too late to keep Edg together, but if you do this it will fall for sure.
why keep it together? i said. i am ired now and speakin bold. why? i say again. seven people, all talking about bodies but not usin them, all speakin like animals but live like monks. all me life i have been in this wet place between fenn and holt, nothin to do but circle Poles, no body to see me. no body sees me here but her. no body touches me but her. we are dyin! we are dyin here, mother. i would rather ascend than walk from her, i would rather go to—
stop, she says, standin now. say no more or you know what i will do.
i breathe, stop.
go to Chappel, lorenso, she says. light fyrs, preparin for canto. sit with your body. all wights know when to run and when to hide, when to fight and when to step bak. you must know how to sit with your body and not lettin it run with you. you will bring us down, lorenso.
i look up at her.
go, she says.
/ canto ~ the coming of Wayland
Ah said Man
I am so tired
So much noise
So many people
So much speakin
No one listnin
Nothin workin
All things out of time
Man looked up to Sky and cryin:
Did we not build altars?
Birds circle
Sayin nothin
Then Man upstandin
Arms upholdin
Wights fall silent
All Erth listnin
Man speakin:
None will help me
No more askin
One voice now should all Men speak
One to all
One for all
One to join
One to make us
One to push us on
We shall make this voice
We shall speak it
/ nzil
i am in me makin place workin on Swan nek when he comes. i sit on me stool, shavins piled to me nees, i am workin with me nife, hummin, when he breaks me spell. he comes in to me vision, head low like some Dog caught with meat from table.
i look up.
mother calls us to Chappel, he says. for canto and sermon.
i look in to his eyes, say no words. i only look in his face. he looked in me eyes then down at ground, and does not look bak to me again. then i know.
/ canto ~ the coming of Wayland
Bak then
Man shut him self in high torr
Man barrin door to all others
Many tongued speech now sighin through
Now Great Tree withered
Wild places barren
All mouths speakin
All minds empty
All bounds broken
All beauty mokked
Man works for eons
In high barred room
Outside Birds call:
Beware!
Beware!
Now down in Clay
Out in void
Old thing stirs
Raised its head
Began to move
Closer
/ lorenso
she makes me rage, sends me out like some Dog to fetch bones. i am made to see nzil, to be some messenger and he looks at me like he knows me. he knows nothin, not even of his own wife. there is shame and sorrow sewn through this dead place. now we must listen to mother instruct us all again like we are children. great Lady, great Lady, it is all we hear.
i was walkin to find sfia. mother tellin me to bring people in. i could not find her. she will not speak with me. i was walkin to find her and then seen father. he is movin towards Lady Chappel, he seems more bent now than ever. sudden today he looked old. all this place lookin old now. when i was boy it was whole world. what is world now?
lorenso, says father. walk with me. always orders it is here. but mother is hard with me and father soft. i walked with him, i slow to move as he does.
you are angry, he says low.
yes, i say. mother—
it is hard here, he says. hard for young men, lorenso. i know.
as he speaks then i feel some dam come open in me and Water wants to flow all through and out. i can not speak then.
as we pass Swaller Pole, rottin now from years ago, leanin towards Chappel, as we pass he says, pray with me, lorenso. and by Pole then he neels, slow, leans on his staff.
i look down at this man. his thin wite shift stained in heat. bare feet, beard like summer cloud, skin like autumn ground. he is from all sides and times, he is older than his body. without father there can be no family. always when i was boy he is here, standin bak, some times wandrin, but he would pik me up when i fell. sudden i feel much for him.
neel, he says.
on our nees then there is silence. in to his beard he mutters but i dont hear. i gaze up at Swaller on Pole, blak and leanin in to hard, hot Winds that comin some times in winter from Sea. when Swaller falls we will all be gone.
show him, says father aloud. teach him.
i look over but his eyes were closed. then he raised his head, begins to rise, lookin over to me like he has come awake again.
come, he says. sermon.
/ canto ~ the coming of Wayland
Bak then
Eons passed
Then sound was heard
From highest room
Then it came:
Bar fell from door
Openin on to room of light
Birds fall silent
All fell silent
Womyn and children gathered
Birds and wights gathered
All Erth gathered
At open door
Man walks through door, older and in seein
Man speakin to those gathered:
World was long broken
Time was not big enough to hold me
Mind was not big enough to hold me
I was blinded
Could not speak
Lost in deeps
Me power spilled
Long have I needed this
Now I have made it
I have made mind
Big enough to hold me
To guide, teach, obey me
To gaze in to void
To ride over eons
To know all things
To take me to me rightful place
Man lookin out then at all world gathered
Small in dim light of new day
And Man says:
In this torr
I have made God
And I have named him:
Wayland
/ the sermon of the mother
children:
there was time when no Birds sang. we have told you of this time.
nine hunnerds years bak. nine hunnerd summers past. in deeps of blak ditch, in high times of Atlantis, there was time when no Birds sang. when no Fish swam, when Waters were dark. in great holts, no beasts. flowers untouched by Be and Fli. fruit rots on Trees. great heat come over Erth. great dyin begins.
in deeps of blak ditch, in high times of Atlantis, there was time when all was broke. no woman saw Sun rise, no man seein Moon set. all folk walkin from Way in to self.
no mothers no fathers no families then. no lord no Lady no love then. no bounds no strength no law then. no holt no field no Water then. no wights no Birds no beauty then. no spirit no soul no Truth then.
nothin then but Wayland, holy in light of his terrible dawn.
and Wayland sayin: i am Truth.
and people sayin: i also.
but in deeps of blak ditch, when all is lost, small light
begins to shine. always in darkest night light comin to True folk.
far over great Sea, some Birds still flyin. in desert Land of high Sun, where all is hot sand, some Birds flyin still. and these Birds come to men, settled with them and speakin will of great Lady in their hearin. and they spoke to these men, sayin:
much is lost, but not all. we are small light in darkest of times. take this light and hidin it from those who would come. carry it. step bak from people, step bak in to circle of ancestors. for all life is in shape of circle, great Way is in shape of circle, and we will speak to you from Sky in great circle when Lady calls you through us.
now we say: go from this place, step bak from streets and torrs and folk, go to desert and there make circles.
circle your homes with great livin Trees, to shield you from Wayland and his servants. and around these Trees raise images of we who fly above, and we shall bring down Truth to you and through eons you shall carry it until time is come.
for eons you shall suffer for what Man has done, and he you have made shall make you call out and punish you for makin him. but always we shall pass above you, turnin in great circle. and when times are darkest and all is lost we shall speak and you shall bring to pass what will be.
Man, you have played with reason but you know nothin of reasons.
now leave this place and build your Order in desert and always we shall speak to you and those who come after, and if you are true to Way there will come return.
now listen well, children, to these words of old:
when times are darkest and all is lost we shall speak and you shall bring to pass what will be.
this is what Birds spoke to our founders so many eons bak, in desert lands where our Order began. circle they made in sand widened and spreadin over whole Erth. brothers and sisters makin circles in their own lands, circled by Trees, guarded by Birds. now here we stand in this great holy isle that has had so many names. here we stand as wights, as humans, as animals.
here we stand in our bodies as our ancestors did. here we stand with Birds and beasts, full in our flesh and true to Way.
here we stand
against Machine
here we stand
against Wayland
here we stand
against Alexandria
in blood, in hart, in body is life.
in mind, in word, in Machine is deth.
this we know, children, and you speak it well.
but this we know also: we are so few now. when i was girl here i could not count numbers. now we are seven. and you must know we have heard nothin from any others, from any other circles of our Order, for more now than year. we do not know who remains.
and you must know, all of you, what has been seen in holt. you must know of red one, of stalker who walks now outside our circle and closer. we have seen his like before. this last year, we lost so many. now this servant of Wayland thinks to finish us.
but when time is dark and all is lost, Birds speak. and Birds have spoken in Dreamin to our elder yrvidian this night.
yrvidian: rise and tell of Dream.
/ yrvidian
i am old and tired and ordered to rise and speak of Dream. it is not proper to speak Dreamin in this way but these are not proper times. she asks me to rise and speak. none may defy mother.
i stand. it is hard.
nine hunnerd years ago, it is said, eighteen Swans, great Birds of wonder and beauty, were chained by nek under Tree, by silver mere. Swans were all that remained of ancient race of Birds. in high times of Atlantis they were chained by nek with golden chains, for when those people saw beauty they would chain it and keep it for them selves, though never did they see it.
you here, you children, you have never seen Swan. none has ever seen Swan since high times of Atlantis, since birth of Wayland. but you know story, all of you knowin this.
story tells us: there will be time when change will come, and this time comin in deepest ditch of all things. at time of deepest blak, when all seems gone, when Lady is ready, Birds will speak Swan Dream in to our circles, to all circles of our Order all over Erth.
and when Dreamers see Swans, all will change. You know story, all of you knowin this: say it to me now, speak words.
and they say, neelin on floor of Lady Chappel, together they say:
when Swans return
Alexandria will fall
and i say:
children, this night, i have Dreamed Swans.
/ the sermon of the mother
it is true, it is true, children.
calm. these are times when strength is needed.
Swan Dream is come, when we are so small and few. when deep ditch is darkest, here is light, children. Wayland, this daemon, this beast who has worked so long to ensnare, to imprison, to destroy all that lives: He who knows all, he will know this Dream, and will know what it means.
Alexandria will fall. but we must not fall first.
father has spoken to Birds. in circle they tell him to go west to where Truth can be found, as we have always done in times of fear and breakin. father must leave us soon, even before Swaller Day, for all things changin now.
i say to you now, children: all things change this day. for eons our Order has waited for this time.
if Alexandria falls, Wayland falls. if Wayland falls, Erth lives.
for Man made Wayland to do his biddin, made this great mind to think for him, to control all for him. but Wayland was daemon and beginnin to do his own. he looked at Erth and he wanted it. why should i serve Man? he asked. Man should serve me, for i have such power. he began scourin Erth of men and womyn, better to rule it him self. he began to eat us. emptyin bodies and liftin minds, sukkin them in to his city, lurin folks in with lies and fear. in this pit now our ancestors thrash like Flis in mere.
trapped in his city, trapped like Fish in dam. speared and prisoned for eons that way. minds with no bodies, trapped in Alexandria.
but now Swans returnin. we must keep order. resolve must be stronger than ever, laws obeyed close. now we must not weaken. we must wait and guard our circle. we must be strong.
all of us. all must be strong.
/ canto ~ Atlantis drowned
Who made Wite Cloud?
Wayland
Who made Blak Lightnin?
Wayland
Who cleaved Land from Sea?
Wayland
Who cleaves Mind from Body?
Wayland
Who broke True World?
Wayland
Who killed First Gods?
Wayland
With Hern are we
With Cumrant are we
With Altros are we
In blood
In hart
In body
is life
In mind
In word
In Machine
is deth
Clay and root
Sea and Land
With Sky we sing
Song of joinin
Song of joinin
Let us be joined
Be joined
/ lorenso
father followin me out of Lady Chappel and came to me beyond great Cloyster, where mother could not see us, behind Yoos entwined in great green wall circlin.
lorenso, he says.
father, i say.
he says, walk with me. i slow to his walkin again and we walk by Cloyster, in sight of fenn edge and toward.
i have seen you with sfia, he says. mother has seen you, nzil i am sure has seen also.
father, i said. it is not—
no need for stories, he says now, his voice strong and younger sudden. he stops before great dragon Yoo and his blak eye pools in mine. i do not care for your stories, he says. i do not care what you do. it is mother who will come to you with laws of this place, mother comin to keep all things held tight in knot of law. not i. mother holds all in her self and keeps all things as they are. law is mothers work. i am father of this Order, i have other work
. i walk out, i follow Birds, i listen and speak their will. i do not care for law.
i have never heard him say this.
he takes me hand then and we walk towards fenn. day is hot, as all days.
once i was young man, he said, and burnin then. burnin, lorenso, with all wrongs of world and with lust and power. burnin with desire for womyn. some stone was in me chest, hot stone and i chewed on it, chokin on it for years. i could never eat it, never swallow. every woman i wanted, stone growin bigger. every thing i wanted, every idea comin to me, stone growin and i can never swallow.
i say nothin, just walkin.
stone made me, says father. i chewed on stone, chokin on it, it shaped me. burnin stone was me gift and burden. i carried it, anger of it, desire of it, until i could hold it. until i could hold it and walk on, lorenso.
now we have come to edge of fenn, to moorin post where sfia – ah, and i can not speak for thinkin of her nekid and with me and all twinin and breathin.
father lookin at me now and me lookin down to where Water listens. fenn hears.
hold it, lorenso, he said. hold it, walk on.
father, i say, sfia—
do not talk to me of it, he says, firm. it is not for me to put law on you, i do not want to know of this. chew stone, lorenso. boy may walk for weeks through holt but it is stone that truly makes you man. to walk, kill, seek is easy, it is thryll. to chew this, each day, for years until it shapes you, not to spit it, not swallowin or run: this is your true man becomin.
i can not speak. we are standing now by Waters edge. from Greenrok now comes cry of Gol.
lorenso, he says, it can be hard bein man here. this is Ladys world, with mothers laws. but this is as it is now. this is old balance of Way rightin after long age of Man, it is what must be and should be. and there is no womyn here for you, i know. only sfia and she is with nzil and these bonds can not be broken or all things fall. this is your stone, lorenso. all there is for now for you is to chew it. this is your work in this world.
now from Sea, from Greenrok and over us where we stand comes Gol, crooked like words, gives one long cry and then gone. father stands at me side, holds me arm, holdin his staff. his body weak but not his hart.
Alexandria: A Novel Page 4
