by Kitty Neale
‘Lovely, now I want you to loosen your blouse, undo a few buttons and show me those ample womanly charms of yours.’
Mo giggled, then undid her top three buttons before pushing her chest forward for maximum effect.
‘You are so good at this … my goodness, where have you been all my life? Wait … hang on … it’s no good, we’ll have to stop,’ Barry said, and descended the ladder looking disappointed.
‘Have I done something wrong?’ Mo asked worriedly.
‘No, darling, it’s not you, but your skirt is taking all the limelight. You’ll have to remove it.’
‘But … but …’ Mo said, unsure if she should reveal her underwear for the camera.
‘Now come on, don’t be coy. If you’re going to be a top model you will have to become accustomed to wearing very little. Models pose and show bathing suits on the catwalk, and that’s hardly any different to underwear.’
Mo felt a bit silly and wished she hadn’t shown Barry how inexperienced she was. She slipped her skirt off before resuming her position on the bed.
‘That’s so much better, my dear. Your legs are much prettier than that skirt.’
She soon regained her confidence, and watched with fascination as Barry adjusted the lighting and snapped away.
‘Right, undo your blouse and slip it off one shoulder.’
‘What, all the way down?’
‘Yes, of course,’ Barry replied.
As Barry sounded so matter-of-fact about it, Mo assumed this was what models normally did. She didn’t want to appear uncooperative or naïve again, so did as she was told, though she wasn’t totally happy about it.
‘That’s fantastic,’ Barry said. ‘I’ve got some fabulous pictures and you’ll be a star in no time, but now for the money shot. Remove your bra, but keep your back to me and peek over your shoulder. I want you to look deep into the lens and imagine that you’re looking at your lover. Be seductive, show him that you want him.’
‘I’m not sure about this, Barry. I don’t think I should show you my breasts,’ Mo protested, thinking how horrified Sam would be if he found out.
‘My dear, I’m a photographer, I’ve seen a thousand pairs of titties in my life, and I can assure you, yours will be no different from any other woman’s.’
‘But that’s not the point. I don’t think my boyfriend will like it.’
‘Your boyfriend will like it when you become rich and famous. Imagine it, the lovely houses, the cars and the holidays abroad. I doubt he’ll complain then, so put him out of your mind and let me see that smiling face again.’
‘I’m still not sure I feel comfortable about taking my bra off,’ Mo said sullenly.
‘If that’s your attitude, you’re wasting my time. You may as well leave now before I use any more camera film on you. You’re a silly girl though, Mo. This is how all the top models and film stars began.’
Mo heaved a breath. ‘Really? They’ve all done this?’
‘Yes, how else do you think they got noticed?’
She bit on her bottom lip as she thought about it. Barry was far more knowledgeable than she was on such matters, and she wanted to be a film star more than anything else. Perhaps he was right, and this was the start of something big for her. ‘All right, you’re the expert,’ she said, and slipped off her bra. It wasn’t so bad at first with her back to Barry, but then with his continued reassurance, she found herself able to pose full frontal. Then, before Mo knew it, she’d removed her knickers too.
‘Right, that’s it for today,’ Barry said, turning off the spotlights. ‘You can get dressed now.’
Mo pulled on her clothes, but then her eyes widened with surprise when Barry held out two pound notes. ‘Here, take this,’ he said.
‘What’s that for?’ Mo asked as she took it.
‘Let’s just say you’re going to be a hit with my gentlemen clientele. I’ll be in touch,’ Barry said and opened the front door.
Mo walked down the stairs, her mind racing. His gentlemen clientele. What did that mean? Something wasn’t right, she was sure of it. As Mo passed under the railway bridge, the penny dropped and she felt sick. The pictures Barry had taken, the nude poses, were going to be shown to those gentlemen clientele.
She turned and rushed back to bang on Barry’s door. Out of breath when he opened it, she panted, ‘The photographs you took of me. I want them destroyed.’
‘My dear, have you forgotten the contract you signed? It gives me full rights over the prints.’
‘But … but I don’t want men ogling nude pictures of me. If my boyfriend finds out, he’ll go mad.’
‘Then I suggest you don’t tell him,’ Barry said offhandedly. ‘Now if you don’t mind, I’m busy.’
The door closed and Mo slumped. She’d been duped, made a fool of, but worst of all was the fear of Samuel finding out.
Chapter 39
Between them, George and his mother did their best to offer Sarah comfort. George didn’t set up his stall that week, and while his mother was at work he held Sarah when she cried, and listened to her when she wanted to talk. He wished he could do more to alleviate her agony.
‘Thanks for letting Mo and Roger know about Tommy. I don’t think I could have faced telling them. Just saying the words out loud is almost too much to bear.’
‘It’s not a problem. You know I’d do anything for you, especially during this difficult time. I’m surprised Roger hasn’t called round to see you.’
‘It doesn’t matter. I don’t want him to see me like this.’
Sarah was sitting next to him on the sofa, and though it had passed midday she was still wearing a nightdress his mum had given her. Her hair hadn’t been brushed, and it worried him to see her so listless. He’d watched his mother sink into a dark depression when his dad had been killed, and he dreaded seeing Sarah go the same way. He felt Sarah rest her head on his shoulder, and said gently, ‘I realise you don’t want to do it, love, but perhaps now would be a good time to go through the order of service for Tommy’s funeral?’
‘I can’t, George. I haven’t got the energy.’
‘You can’t keep putting it off. I know all of this is harrowing for you, but it’s got to be done.’
Sarah sighed. ‘I suppose so and I know I’ve got to face going home soon. I just can’t imagine living in that room without Tommy. All his stuff will be there, his clothes, his toys and I – I don’t think I can bear it.’
‘I could go there before you to sort it all out,’ George offered.
‘No,’ Sarah answered quickly. ‘Thanks, but it’s something I need to do alone. It’s weird … I’m dreading it, yet at the same time I feel I want to be near his things. In fact, I think I should go home today, but would you mind taking me to the church first?’
George was relieved to see Sarah responding more positively, but he didn’t like to think of her being upset in that room with no one to comfort her. ‘Whatever you want, but I don’t think you should be by yourself. I could help you to sort things out and then you can come back here.’
‘Thanks, but, as I said, I think this is something I need to do alone.’
George nodded, but decided to ask Mo to keep an eye on Sarah. If she couldn’t cope he wanted to know about it, and then he’d bring her back here.
Only a couple of hours later, Sarah was sitting beside George as he drove her home. They had been to the church to see the vicar, something she had been dreading, but he’d been so kind that she had managed to make the arrangements without too many tears.
‘The vicar was a good bloke,’ George said.
‘Yes, and I liked his suggestions for the hymns. Tommy used to love “All Things Bright and Beautiful”. He learned to sing it in school assemblies. He was right, you know, the vicar, what he said. Tommy was such a bright boy and full of life, so his service should reflect that and not be filled with sombre hymns. I’m not sure I can stand up and do a reading though. I was wondering if you would, or your mum.’
&
nbsp; ‘I could do it, but I reckon my mum would be honoured.’
They pulled up outside Sarah’s house and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, searching for the courage to step inside.
‘We can always come back another day?’ George offered softly.
‘No … I ’m ready,’ Sarah said, and climbed out of the van, but when she got to the front door, her hand was shaking. ‘George, would you open the door for me, please?’
As soon as they stepped inside, Sarah noticed the familiar musty smell, and cursed herself for not moving Tommy out of the house sooner. Maybe he’d still be alive if she had, though the doctors had told her it wouldn’t have made any difference. Tommy had contracted whooping cough, which had led to complications. They’d said whooping cough wasn’t caused by the damp or the smog. It was from an infection, but Sarah still believed the mould in their room hadn’t helped.
As George was about to open the door to her room, Mo appeared at the top of the stairs.
‘Sarah, you’re home,’ she called and came running down. She threw her arms around her friend. ‘I’m so sorry … you must be devastated.’
Sarah stiffened at Mo’s embrace, fighting to hold back her tears. She appreciated that her friends wanted to show their sympathy, but felt more in control if left alone. ‘Thanks, Mo,’ she croaked.
‘Would you like me to make a pot of tea and bring it down?’
Tea, the answer to everything, but in reality, the answer to nothing, Sarah thought. Still, it was kind of Mo to offer and she didn’t want to hurt her feelings. ‘Thanks, that would be great,’ she said as George slowly pushed the door open.
Sarah stepped in. Everything was just as she’d left it, but it felt empty. Tommy’s bed was made, and his school bag was hanging on the end. His short trousers and several shirts were neatly folded on a wooden chair next to his bed, with his tin of toy soldiers on top. The Muffin the Mule game Roger had bought him was poking out from under his bed, as were his sketchpad and paints.
George pushed the door to, and Sarah turned to see Tommy’s oversized army jacket hung on the back. It was too much and she gasped, holding her hand to her mouth as silent tears began to flow. She walked up to it and held the material to her face, trying to breathe in the scent of her brother.
‘I knew this would be too much for you,’ George said, and urged her towards one of the armchairs.
‘No … I had to come. I want to be here … I want to be near his things. I know it sounds daft, but it makes me feel closer to him. I wasn’t sure I could do this, but I’m glad I have.’
She sat down, crying quietly, grateful that for once George didn’t try to comfort her. Her thoughts were full of Tommy, the room evoking so many memories.
Mo came in carrying a pot of tea and jug of milk. ‘Oh, Sarah, I don’t know what to say.’
‘There isn’t anything you can say, Mo,’ she said, managing to dry her tears. ‘It’s so hard. I’m all right for a little while, but then, like waves, it hits me again. Lena says it’s normal and this is all part of grieving, but honestly, it hurts so much that at times it’s almost more than I can bear.’
‘I can’t imagine how hard it is for you, but if you need me, I’m just upstairs.’
‘Thanks, Mo.’
‘When is the funeral?’
‘On Monday.’
‘Maybe once that’s over, you’ll begin to feel better.’
Sarah had heard all the platitudes, and though she knew people were trying to be kind, they didn’t help. She doubted she’d ever get over losing Tommy, and there were many times that she wished she’d died with him. Nevertheless, she accepted Mo’s words of condolence and said, ‘Thanks, Mo. I wasn’t sure what it would be like coming back here, but actually I think it helps. George and his mum will probably be glad to get rid of me. They must be sick of hearing me crying all the time.’
‘Don’t be daft,’ George protested. ‘I’d prefer it if you come home again with me, and I know Mum would too.’
‘Don’t worry, George, I’ll keep an eye on her,’ Mo said.
Sarah drank her tea, but as George and Mo chatted she didn’t listen to their conversation. Instead she was imagining Tommy sitting on his bed, quietly painting, and she felt her eyes well up again.
George immediately noticed and said, ‘Sarah, I’m really not sure about leaving you here.’
‘Honestly, George, I’m fine. Anyhow, it’s about time you got back to work. You’ve lost enough business ’cos of me, and I bet everyone is missing you down the market. I know things aren’t right with you and Roger, but do you think you two can bury the hatchet and make it up? Life’s too short to bear grudges, and I know Roger will be appreciative that you and your mum have looked after me so well.’
Sarah didn’t think George looked very happy at the mention of Roger’s name, but any animosity between them seemed petty and irrelevant now.
‘As long as he treats you right, I haven’t got a problem with Roger,’ George said tersely.
‘Good. Can you let him know I’m home now, please?’
‘Yeah, I suppose so,’ George answered, with obvious reluctance.
‘If you’re staying here, Sarah, you’ll need some shopping in. Would you like me to pop out and pick you up a few bits?’ Mo asked.
‘Oh, I hadn’t thought of that. Thanks, Mo, but I think I could do with the fresh air. Would you come with me, though, and tell me all about what you’ve been up to? It might give me something else to think about for a while.’
‘Yes, of course, but we’d better get a move on before the shops shut. What are you doing, George? Are you going to wait here ’til we get back?’
‘No, I’ll leave you to it, if you’re sure, Sarah?’
‘Yes, and thanks for everything, George,’ she said, standing up to hug him. He really had been her rock and good friend, and she didn’t know how she would have coped without him.
‘All right, ladies, I’ll get off now, but I’ll be back on Sunday to pick you up, Sarah. You’re coming to ours for dinner, no arguments.’
‘I don’t know if I’ll feel much like eating, but thanks. I’ll see you then and it will give me a chance to thank your mum for all she’s done,’ Sarah said.
Mo listened to the exchange, and couldn’t wait to get out of Sarah’s room. It felt oppressive, and though she was extremely sorry for Sarah, she hoped she wouldn’t keep harping on about Tommy. She had enough to be worrying about without Sarah’s troubles too.
‘It’s a lovely day,’ Mo said, appreciating the September sunshine as they walked along the street. Battersea was a stinking dirty area, with the factories billowing out smoke, but she always thought the place looked much cheerier when the sun was shining.
‘Yes, it is. Tommy would have loved to be playing out with Larry now. Oh, no, Mo. I haven’t told Larry’s mum, or the school …’
‘Don’t worry, I’ve already spoken to Larry’s mum and she told the headmaster at Tommy’s school. I would have gone and seen your friend Jenny too but I wasn’t sure where she lives,’ Mo said.
‘Thanks, Mo, I don’t know what to say.’
‘You don’t have to say nothing, it was the least I could do.’
‘If I talk about Tommy, I’ll start crying again, so tell me how the new modelling job is coming along.’
Mo’s stomach knotted and her heart raced. She wondered if she should tell Sarah what a big mistake she’d made, but as she felt so embarrassed and ashamed, she decided to keep it to herself. ‘Yes, it’s great,’ she lied. ‘Barry’s put together my portfolio and is busy getting my pictures in front of the right people. It shouldn’t be long before I get my first assignment.’
‘Wow, that’s fantastic. Have you told Samuel about it yet?’
‘No, so don’t mention it in front of him. I’m working back at the cinema for now, just until a modelling job comes up. I’ll tell him when I’ve got some work, or my picture in a fashion magazine,’ Mo said and her stomach lurched again. The thoug
ht of her nude photographs being seen in print had caused her so many sleepless nights and she knew she was looking haggard.
‘Well, I’m sure once he sees you looking gorgeous and splashed over all the fashion mags, he’ll be ever so proud of you. I’ve never met any celebrities, but now I’m going to have a famous friend!’
‘I wouldn’t go that far,’ Mo said, trying to play it down.
She swallowed, hoping her lies would never come to light. She knew her photographs were never going to appear in a magazine, at least not the sort Samuel would approve of.
Chapter 40
Sarah had a restless night’s sleep, haunted by dreams of Tommy, and awoke in the morning already exhausted. She contemplated staying in bed; after all, she couldn’t think of any reason to get up, and her energy was drained. She turned over and pulled the covers around her to try to block out the light. She could hear the voices of excited children on their way to school, another reminder that Tommy was gone.
‘Oh, Mr Sayers … I hope you’re looking after my boy for me up there,’ she said out loud, and snuffled into her pillow. She had two brothers in heaven now, both forever young.
Mo popped her head around the door. ‘Are you awake?’
Sarah wished she had locked the door now. She wanted to ignore her friend and pretend to be asleep. She wanted to be left alone, to cry when she felt like it, but Mo was already walking over to the bed. Sarah sat up and quickly dashed her tears away with the flannelette sheet. ‘Yes, I’m awake,’ she said.
‘I’ve brought you down a cuppa,’ Mo said.
‘Thanks.’
‘Oh, look at you. You’ve been bawling your eyes out again and you look knackered. Tell you what, I’ll go and run you a nice bath with some fancy bubble bath Sam bought me. You have a soak, then get yourself dressed and we’ll get you out of the house again. It did you good yesterday … Maybe we could go up the Junction and have a look around Arding and Hobbs. You loved it in there the last time we went.’
Sarah knew that Mo meant well, but the last thing she felt like doing was browsing through posh frocks and make-up. ‘No, thanks, Mo. I really don’t feel up to it.’
