by HELEN HARDT
Every fucking payment.
The dinner I’d shared with Daphne at Tante Louise in Denver? There it was.
Every time I’d picked up the tab for Murph or anyone else? There it was.
Something as mundane as a monthly insurance payment? All there in black and white.
What the hell else had my father kept tabs on?
I pushed my file aside and grabbed another one out of the drawer. If only he’d marked them, but no, I had to pull them out and open them to see what they were.
Dr. Devin Pelletier.
Oddly, the file wasn’t thick. Dr. Pelletier was well-educated and considered a pioneer in psychiatry. He’d authored several textbooks and even a bestseller. He’d given therapy to a handful of celebrities at his former office in Aspen. No wonder my father had chosen him. According to this file, his integrity was unquestioned.
Except when you show him the green, apparently. Or when you point a gun at him.
I closed the file and grabbed another.
Harrison Faulkner? No idea who that was, but all of these merited a look.
Frederick Jolley? Never heard of him.
Gloria Mathias. That was Theo’s mother. Why would my father have a file on her?
Jonathan Wade… Shit. Daphne’s father. Also Larry’s father. What did he have to hide?
Lucy Wade. Lisa Wade.
Daphne Wade.
He had a dossier on Daphne.
All of this, and I hadn’t even found the individual Future Lawmakers yet.
This was going to be a long night. I spread the files out on my desk and—
A knock on the door.
“Yeah, come in.”
Daphne opened the door and entered.
“Hey, baby.”
“Ennis just called again. Patty’s still not home. He’s getting worried.”
I looked at my watch. An hour had passed since we were supposed to have dinner. I hadn’t noticed because I’d been involved with my father’s files.
“Where did she go?”
“She was just shopping in town. He’s going to go look for her.”
“She probably found a shoe sale at Mariah’s or something,” I said.
“Brad… I’m worried too. I know Patty’s a shopper, but she’s not rude on purpose. This isn’t like her.”
“I’m sure she’ll turn up.”
“Brad…”
I looked up. Daphne’s eyes were glazed over. She truly was concerned.
“After everything that’s gone on since yesterday, I’m really worried. We already lost Sean.”
My heart thudded. Murphy. Daphne actually thought…?
Reality slammed into me like a freight train. “I’ll call the police.”
I made the call quickly.
Then, to Daphne, “Call Ennis. Tell him to stay at the hotel. Not to go out looking for Patty.”
“I can’t.”
“Fine. I’ll do it.”
“No, Brad. That’s not what I mean. Ennis already left.”
“Shit. All right.” I stood. “I’m going into town.”
“Brad, no. Please.”
“Something stinks about this, Daphne. You stay here. Cliff will keep you and the baby safe.”
She stumbled a little but caught herself by grabbing the edge of my desk. I raced to her, taking her into my arms.
“Come on,” I said. “Be strong for me.”
“You don’t really think…”
“I don’t know, baby. But like you said, this isn’t like Patty.”
She nuzzled into my shoulder. “Why? Why is this happening?”
“I don’t know,” I said again, “but I promise you I’ll find out what’s going on, and I will stop it. Trust me.”
She nodded against me. “I trust you.”
I kissed the top of her head. “Tell Belinda to go ahead and serve dinner for you, Mom, and Lucy. Don’t wait up for me.”
She nodded again.
I pulled away slightly and met her gaze. “Daphne, trust me.”
She didn’t smile. Simply said, “I trust you, Brad.”
I found Ennis wandering around Snow Creek.
“I’ve checked everywhere,” he said. “It’s like she disappeared into thin air.”
“Have you called her parents? Maybe she…”
“Took off?” He shook his head. “I already thought of that. But after the morning we had, I doubt it.”
“Good sex?”
“Better than good. And we said I love you for the first time.”
“You think she got cold feet?”
“No. Plus, Patty isn’t one to mince words. If she wanted to leave me, she would have told me.”
I nodded. I didn’t know Patty well, but Ennis’s impression sounded on the mark to me. “I don’t like this.”
“Neither do I, mate. I’m worried. Really worried.”
“The cops are on it. I called them. Have you seen them wandering around?”
“Honestly, I haven’t noticed. I’ve only been looking for red hair.”
“I get it. They’re going to want to talk to you.”
“Hey, wait.” He lowered his eyelids. “You don’t think…”
“I don’t know. But like you say, Patty wouldn’t just leave.”
“Steel, I’m beginning to regret the day I ever laid eyes on you.”
A spark of anger lit inside me, but I tamped it down. What could I say? He’d watched a man—one of my most treasured friends—die at my wedding. He also knew about both of the threats against my newborn son. To him, if Brad Steel cared about you, you were toast.
I said nothing.
“Look,” Ennis began. “I didn’t mean—”
“Yeah. You did.”
“Okay, I did. What the hell is going on?”
“I’d tell you if I knew.”
“You’ve got to know someone who has it out for you.”
I knew one, but she was a nonissue. And even Wendy had her limits. She loved me. She wouldn’t intentionally cause me grief.
Would she?
Again, a nonissue. She was locked up and medicated.
Tom was in Boulder with his wife and newborn. He now knew what fatherhood felt like, which meant he wouldn’t be threatening someone else’s child.
Larry was Daphne’s brother. Plus, he was the most innocuous of the three. This wasn’t him.
And Theo? Yeah, Theo was always the wild card, but he also wasn’t stupid. He knew I had the resources to protect those I loved.
“I’m working on it,” I finally said.
“Steel, you’ve got to do better than that. The woman I love is—”
“I know. I’ll do what I can.” I shook my head. “This will kill Daphne.”
“Not as much as it will kill me. We were talking about going to London to meet my folks. Then touring the continent.”
“I know, man. I’m sorry. You’re right. It will affect you worse. I’m walking over to the police station to file the report. You want to come along? They’ll need to talk to you anyway.”
He didn’t respond, simply nodded.
We walked in silence the few blocks to the station.
Chapter Forty-Six
Daphne
Brad returned before midnight with Ennis in tow.
I was awake, as Joe had just woken up for a feeding.
“Ennis is staying with us now,” Brad said.
“Patty?” I asked, wide-eyed.
“She’s missing,” Ennis said.
My heart dropped to my stomach. “No…”
“Not officially until twenty-four hours have passed,” Brad said.
“Not officially?” I asked. “You think that makes a difference?”
“No, baby, I don’t. Ennis and I have been talking to the cops for the last couple of hours. They’ve checked every shop in Snow Creek and even went around the residences in town and knocked on doors. Patty’s gone.”
“And no one saw her?”
“Not that we’ve
found yet. I’m so sorry, baby.”
“No, just no.” I laid Joe in his bassinet, my heart pounding. “This can’t be happening.”
Ennis’s eyes glazed over. “It is, love. I wish it weren’t, but it is.”
“But how…?”
“We’ll find her,” Brad said. “I asked you to trust me.”
“I do trust you, but so did Patty.” I swallowed. “So did Sean.”
Brad’s facial muscles went rigid. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought up Sean, but I couldn’t help it. Brad hadn’t protected him.
“You should get to bed,” Brad said to Ennis.
“Why? I won’t be able to sleep. Besides…I’m going to have to call her parents.”
“That can wait until morning,” Brad said.
“If your child were missing, would you want to wait until morning to find out?” Ennis turned to leave the room.
“Wait!” My eyebrows shot up. “Maybe they know where she is. Maybe she went home.”
“She’s not,” Brad said. “I already called them earlier this evening and posed as a friend from school. They haven’t heard from her. If she’d flown home, she’d have called them with the information.”
No. I wouldn’t give up hope. “Maybe not. Maybe she wanted to surprise them.”
“There’s one way to find out,” Ennis said. “I’m calling them now.”
“Use my office,” Brad said. “You want me to come along?”
“No, I’ll do it alone. I just wish I knew what the hell to say.”
“Wait, Ennis,” I said. “Don’t call them.”
“I have to, Daphne.”
“But she’s… She’s not…”
“She’s missing, love. They’re her parents. They have a right to know.”
“No, Brad. Please.”
“He’s right, baby. He has to make this phone call.”
“No. No. No.” My voice sounded oddly robotic, as if it were coming from somewhere other than my body.
“I’m sorry.” Brad’s voice.
At least I thought it was Brad’s voice.
Then I didn’t think at all.
“Daphne! Daphne!”
Voices buzzed around me, but I could only make out one word.
Daphne.
Daphne.
Daphne.
My world became a bubble. Something needed me. Something was forcing me back to this life that was too difficult to bear.
White walls. Always white, because color might prove too distracting to some.
The deli owner’s daughter. She was lucid but quiet. Everyone thought she was completely bonkers, but she wasn’t. She was actually really logical, always keeping order. She’d talked to me once. She’d said, “You’re really pretty. I’d like us to be friends.” But I’d waved her away. I didn’t want to be the girl who befriended the crazy person.
The crazy person.
Weren’t we all crazy?
After all, we were all here.
The candy striper. She followed the orderlies around, insisting she was helping them. She painted stripes on her gray sweats during art class once. She’d been banned from art class after that.
The scary guy. He was only sixteen—we were all minors at this facility—but his arms were covered in tattoos. He looked dangerous, and I stayed far away from him. He stared at me constantly, though, his stark blue eyes seeming to melt the clothes off my back. But he never spoke to me.
The paperboy. Had he been a paperboy on the outside? No one knew, but he spent all his time folding newspapers and then delivering them to each door. The orderlies collected them at the end of the day and gave them back to him the next day, when he began again.
Who were these people?
How had I forgotten them?
I’d spent a year of my life with them, and somehow, they’d all vanished from my mind.
Now they seemed so real. I could see them like a motion picture playing inside my head. They were more real than the buzzing and squeaking around me.
I hated being here.
Hated being around these people.
Though I didn’t hate them.
I just hated being colorless.
That was how we all were here. Colorless. All the same. Treated the same by the orderlies and nurses. Even by the doctors.
Same. All the same.
Black and white.
No color.
I didn’t know their names. They were the paperboy, the deli owner’s daughter, the rebel. No names, only labels.
How did they label me?
I never knew.
So clearly they appeared inside my head. So much clearer than the blurred images rushing around me.
It was easier to stay here.
These people were colorless. Not distracting.
They didn’t bother me, and I didn’t bother them.
Daphne.
Daphne.
Daphne.
The sound seemed to come from the TV. That big color TV in the rec room where we had social time. Except none of us talked to each other. Only the TV, and occasionally the candy striper asking someone if they needed a bedpan or the deli owner’s daughter saying, “What else can I get for you today?”
Daphne.
Daphne.
Daphne.
“Leave me alone!” I yelled at the candy striper.
Daphne.
Daphne.
Daphne.
Then a cry.
A baby’s cry.
Who would bring a baby here?
But it wasn’t any baby.
The images came into focus.
“Daphne, baby. Please.”
The voice. I knew the voice.
“Jonah needs you.”
I snapped into reality.
My baby. He was crying. Jonah was hungry.
I grabbed him out of Brad’s arms and snuggled him. Within a few minutes, without me opening my blouse, he settled back down to sleep.
Because of me.
I was my child’s comfort.
Me.
Daphne.
I held my precious child, kissed his tiny forehead.
And I remembered.
I remembered the deli owner’s daughter.
I remembered the candy striper.
I remembered the scary guy.
I remembered the paperboy.
I remembered.
They hadn’t been my friends, but I’d spent a year of my life with them. Why was I remembering now, when an actual friend was missing?
Dr. Payne said that memories could resurface, and if they did, there’d be a reason.
Why now?
I kissed Joe’s head once more and then inhaled his sweet baby scent.
It was time.
Time to face my past.
If I truly wanted to never be a colorless flower, I had to face it all.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Brad
“I’m fine. I just freaked out over Patty for a bit.” Daphne cuddled baby Joe in her arms.
I wasn’t convinced, but at least she was back.
“Go ahead,” I said to Ennis. “Use my office, like I said. I’ll stay with Daphne.”
He nodded and left the room.
“Baby,” I said. “I’m so sorry about Patty.”
“We’ll find her.”
“I truly hope so, but you need to face the possibility that we won’t.”
“I can’t lose another friend, Brad. I already lost one. My best friend in high school moved away and I never saw her again.”
“I know,” I said. “You’ve told me.”
Her eyebrows shot up then. “Brad!”
“What, baby?”
“You can find Sage for me!”
My mouth dropped open.
Sage. Daphne didn’t know the truth.
And I couldn’t tell her.
All I could say was, “I’ll try, baby. I’ll try.”
She smiled. God, she was radiant. And her eyes—that look in her e
yes that said, Thank you, Brad. I believe in you. I know you’ll find her.
I felt like a piece of shit.
“Thank you, Brad. You’ll find Patty, and you’ll find Sage. I know you wouldn’t let anything happen to my friends.”
“I’ll do my best.”
The lie lodged in my throat.
I couldn’t find Sage.
But I’d do my damnedest to find Patty.
I just hoped she was alive when I found her.
Once Daphne and baby Joe had fallen asleep, I returned to my study. The files were still splayed out on my desk. Ennis had come in here to call Patty’s parents. Had he looked at any of these documents? If he had, he didn’t say anything to me.
He’d probably been too focused on telling his girlfriend’s parents that she was missing.
He’d gone straight to his room after that.
I doubted he was sleeping. I considered knocking and asking him if he wanted a drink but then decided against it.
He needed to be alone with his worry.
As did I.
I was worried not simply about Patty but also about Daphne. Could I lie to her? Tell her I’d exhausted every resource at my disposal and still hadn’t found Sage?
Would she believe it?
She didn’t know the kind of power my money wielded. Indeed, I hadn’t known myself until I saw my father in action with Dr. Pelletier. A normal person who pulled a gun would be arrested.
George Steel hadn’t been a normal person. His money had protected him.
His money—which was now my money.
I could tell Daphne, after a few months, that Sage had disappeared. After all, eight months had passed since Murphy’s death, and I was no closer to an explanation.
I eyed the open files on the desk. Was the answer in here somewhere?
And if so…where? Where to begin?
I sighed. The answer to Murph’s death wasn’t in these files. My father had only been gone a month. If the answer lay here, he’d have uncovered it.
Unless…
Unless he hadn’t wanted to uncover it. Unless my father had known all along…
No.
He was an asshole, but he was loyal to me. He wouldn’t have had a friend of mine killed, and he certainly wouldn’t have helped someone else do it.
Would he?
This was a man who’d pounded on his wife because she couldn’t give him more children.
