by Carrie Stone
‘Oh, behave.’ I toss a cushion at her, narrowly missing her glass. ‘You know I already said I’d come along and I don’t break my promises.
‘Good. It’s next Friday night, don’t forget. I need to buy a new dress too.’
‘Err, why? You have hundreds of beautiful dresses.’ I’m not exaggerating, she has more clothes than anyone I know. If only I was a little bit slimmer, I’d be raiding her glamorous wardrobe.
‘I just want to look my best, that’s all.’ She picks up her mobile and starts tapping at the screen as I watch, puzzled. I really don’t understand her sometimes. She hates her boss, doesn’t particularly like her workplace and yet wants to spend her spare time hanging out with them and looking her best.
‘Any news from Cullen?’ I venture, feeling brave now that she’s had a few drinks to soften her. The situation with him is very bizarre; one minute she’s off every night to meet him, the next she’s moaning he’s disappeared again. I also don’t understand why she constantly has to meet him for dinners and drinks out – surely the odd night at home on the sofa with the guy you’ve been screwing for months, is the ideal? Still, it suits me not having to share the house with a third person. I’ve got rather spoilt with my evenings off relaxing in Tilly’s apartment. The breath-taking waterfront view still never ceases to amaze me.
‘He’s back in port on his cruise ship in a few days’ time. No doubt I’ll see him then.’ She shrugs me off and I have to stop myself from pressing her further. She always seems so discontent when she comes home after their evenings together that it makes me wonder why she’s bothering with the whole scenario in the first place. He clearly doesn’t make her happy and isn’t a viable long-term option. Jools on the other hand…
‘What do you think of Jools? I think he’s actually a sweetheart deep down and he’s obviously keen on you…’ I say it casually, taking a sip of my wine as she snaps her head up, aghast.
‘God, no. Yuk. What are you thinking? No. Just No.’ She goes back to tapping at her phone and I can’t help but wonder why she’s so closed off to the nicer ones. I mean sure, we both liked the bad boys with their baggage and charming ways in our twenties. But by this age we’ve both ridden the rodeo enough times to know that Mr Nice Guy is always the better option. It’s not about the excitement anymore, let’s face it – that wears off with time. It’s about the man that’s going to be your best friend, stable and reliable, and would make a fantastic father to any future kids. An image of myself standing next to an unfamiliar man flashes into my mind and for a moment I’m confused. It certainly isn’t Spencer. A nervous feeling flutters in my stomach. Is my subconscious trying to tell me something?
My phone rings and I see Amy’s photo flashing at me. I get up and walk to the bedroom, gathering the remaining school papers under one arm as I do so.
‘Hey hun, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you tonight. I know it’s Lily’s ballet afternoon.’
‘Hi, I know but she’s sick with a stomach bug. I’ve been up to my ears all day in vomit and Dettol.’ She sounds tired and I can’t say I blame her.
‘Poor thing, hope she’s better soon. How’s things going otherwise?’ Despite our regular twice-weekly catch ups, it’s beginning to bug me that she still hasn’t mentioned her book to Jack.
‘All fine, just ticking over. I’ve had some news about the book. They’ve been emailing me about cover ideas and their team is supposed to be working on it this week, so that’s really exciting.’
‘Did you have the chat with Jack yet?’ I ask cautiously, gritting my teeth and waiting for the ear bashing that I know is coming.
‘Not yet. I did mention I was considering writing a book though and he was surprisingly encouraging. He even asked about the plot.’ She pauses and clears her throat. ‘In fact, he said he’d overheard a woman at work talking about a local writers’ group.’
Relief floods through me and I shake my head at the stupidity of the situation. See, there was absolutely no need for her to be lying to Jack all of this time, I knew he’d be supportive. ‘So, does that mean you’re going to tell him the full truth soon? You can’t go on too long otherwise it’s going to cause major issues.’
‘Well, that’s what Jonathon said too. He’s my new friend at writers’ group.’
‘Jonathon?’ Amy’s habit of talking in riddles has always infuriated me but this time I’m perplexed. ‘You’re going to the writers’ group already?’
‘Yes, it was my second time last night. Jonathon writes poetry. He’s a nice guy. He’s got a wife and two kids but is trying his hand at writing a crime novel.’
‘But Jack knows you’re going to this group?’ I ask, wondering how complex the lies are now becoming and also not liking the talk of Jonathon, whoever he is. Why is she sharing her secret with him and not Jack?
‘Yep he knows. He thinks it’s a good idea.’ She sighs. ‘I just don’t know how to tell him now about the book after leaving it so long. I honestly thought he’d react differently.’
I try to empathise but I can’t. She’s blatantly in the wrong. ‘You just need to tell him ASAP. If it comes to it, I guess you can always say you’ve only just received the news that you’ve won. It’s not good to lie but it’s better than telling him you kept it a secret because you thought he wouldn’t be happy.’
‘Hmm. I’ll have a think on it.’ She launches into other things and we spend the next twenty minutes chatting until I pluck up the courage to tell her about Spencer’s invitation to meet his parents, uncertain if she’ll read it the wrong way.
‘I’m sorry to burst your bubble but have you even thought about how this dating thing is going to work when your maternity cover ends?’ But she doesn’t sound sorry, she sounds her usual judgemental self.
‘I’ll worry about that aspect when I’ve heard what’s happening with the job.’ I push down the rising panic that once again rears up inside me at the thought of leaving Bermuda.
‘I just think you’re living with your head in the clouds. You went there on a whim and now you’re getting deep into a relationship with no real security of being able to maintain it, if you need to leave.’
Annoyed at her audacity, I feel a rush of irritation flame within me.
‘That’s a bit rich coming from you, the woman that won’t even tell her husband she’s won a book deal. How about you stop worrying about my life and instead concentrate on your own?’
‘I don’t need this negativity thrown at me. I’ve had enough of a day with Lily being sick. Go and take your anger out on someone else.’ She hangs up the phone on me and I’m left listening to a beeping tone with growing irritation.
‘Why is she such a bitch?’ I mutter to myself, wondering why Amy has to always be so difficult and tetchy.
My phone beeps at that moment and before I’ve even given myself a chance to cool down, I click open the message.
‘Watching Jimmy Fallon alone and missing you. Dinner tomorrow night? X’
My annoyance instantly melts away as I see Spence’s message. Thank goodness that there’s one person in my life that’s proving to be a source of calmness. And OK, I may not have deciphered my feelings for him and we haven’t yet properly discussed what will happen in the future but he’s falling in love with me. Doesn’t that mean he will fight for me to stay here too?
Exhaling loudly, I make a mental note to bring up my decision to stay in Bermuda at dinner tomorrow night. There’s only one way to find out what Spencer’s intentions are for us and that’s by asking him outright.
After all, I need to consider my options, beyond my job ending. I’ve already made up my mind that I’ll find a way to stay but if Spencer doesn’t want to feature into that, then so be it.
Chapter 11
‘The thing is, if they don’t have a position for me and Janelle comes back, that leaves both me and also us in a precarious situation…’ Heart racing, I hold my breath. Spencer’s right arm is wrapped around me, my head nuzzled into his chest, the TV on
low as we relax on his sofa. I feel him stiffen and he sits up straighter, forcing me to face him.
‘Hon, why are you worrying? I earn enough for the both of us. You don’t need to worry about work. I mean, it’s likely something will come up anyway but if it doesn’t, don’t stress.’ He kisses me on the forehead, his expression puzzled. ‘And you can stay here with me, there’s no point living at Tilly’s once your job is finished anyway.’
‘You mean move in?’ A wave of anxiety overcomes me all at once. ‘And as for work – I can’t not work.’ It’s true, I can’t. Besides the money aspect and my career aspirations now that I’ve found my passion again, I wouldn’t feel right losing my independence and relying on Spencer for everything, no matter how much he tries to reassure me it’s OK. Then there’s the volunteering – that would also fall by the wayside without a work visa. No, I can’t allow for any of that.
‘It won’t be forever – you’re bound to get another teaching position, but at least it’s an option. And yes, I mean move in as in live together.’ His bemused expression makes me feel self-conscious. ‘Unless you don’t want to?’ he adds, face clouding over.
‘No, I do want to,’ I reply quickly – after all, living here with Spencer would be far better for me than continuing to live at Tilly’s. ‘I couldn’t think of anything nicer. It’s just not ideal about the job situation, that’s all.’ I angle my body closer to him and wrap my arms around his neck.
‘Well, I don’t see we have much choice. You’re on a limited visa so we need to find solutions that suit us.’ He kisses the top of my head just as my emotions threaten to boil over.
Why did I just assume it’d be so easy to stay in Bermuda and get a new job after my maternity ended? Why didn’t I prepare for this situation? But then, who could’ve predicted how great things would go for me these past months? If I’m honest with myself, deep down I mostly expected it to be a six-month stint that I’d probably be ready to go home to the UK at the end of….
Thinking about my predicament, I feel my eyes well up.
‘Erm, are you crying?’ Spencer throws back his head, laughing. ‘Wow, I didn’t think it was that bad an offer.’ He brings me closer and hugs me tight as I wipe away a rogue tear.
I smile through blurry eyes, pushing a strand of curls.
‘I’m just emotional tonight. I’m happy here though, you know that. I didn’t expect to come to Bermuda and things to work out so well. It’s been a long time coming…’
And it has. Who would’ve thought that my future would lie in Bermuda? I think about my work again and my high spirits are suddenly blighted. ‘What will I do all day though if I don’t get a job soon?’ The prospect fills me with alarm but I try to push aside my misgivings.
‘Well, Brody wouldn’t mind the company. You can always fill up on dog walks. I suppose a bit of cleaning and some home-cooked dinners would be a bonus too.’ He grins cheekily and although I know he’s joking and try to smile along, there’s a part of me that wonders if he might mean it. Because let’s face it, how can I fill my days with nothing? Naturally I’d get drawn into housework and cooking until a job came up. Of course I would. Before coming here, there was a time that I would’ve embraced that kind of lifestyle – to be a wife or even a mother – but not so much anymore. Amy pops into my head and I bat the vision away, telling myself I’m not about to become my sister. I’ve worked so hard these last months to give myself a new sense of direction and I feel like I’m almost there – I’m loving my work and the volunteering. I’m in no way ready yet to settle down and play housewife. I’ve got so much more I want to do before then.
‘I’ll ask at school about the maternity situation and see what they say,’ I reply, resolving to have answers and a clearer picture of my career prospects going forward. There’s absolutely no way I can even contemplate the idea of not working.
‘Perfect. Try not to worry until you know for certain. You’ve at least got your volunteering tomorrow to look forward to.’
I know he’s trying to cheer me up and I’m grateful he’s used the one thing he knows will do the trick.
‘Yes, a sunny day of planting trees is sure to help me see things more clearly,’ I joke, teasing him and stroking his arm.
‘God, you’re sexy.’ He kisses me once again and this time it’s passionate and all consuming. My trepidation seems to melt away as his hands wander across my body and I’m once again lost in heady emotions of lust and longing.
*
‘Here, you can use mine.’ I hand my gardening gloves to Shanice and wipe my forehead; which is uncharacteristically sweaty. ‘Gosh, it’s humid today.’
‘That’s because you’ve just single-handedly planted nine trees in succession.’ She raises an eyebrow and nods impressed. ‘You’ve certainly got strength in those skinny arms of yours, I’ll give you that’.
We’re interrupted by Clarence, an elderly Bermudian with more knowledge of Cooper’s Island Nature Reserve than all twelve of us volunteers put together. ‘Get to it ladies, less chat, more trees.’
We giggle as he tips his baseball cap to us with a cheeky wink. When he saunters past with a smaller cedar tree under his arm, I take the chance to sip some bottled water.
‘Mind if I go sit over there for a bit?’ I ask, pointing to a shaded area with a view across to Castle Harbour and its small islands.
‘You’ve earned it, girl. You don’t need to ask,’ Shanice answers, heaving a tree into a freshly dug hole before dusting her hands on her trousers.
‘I won’t be long.’ I walk across to a secluded spot and sit down on a rock, feeling my body already beginning to ache with the effort of this afternoon’s cedar tree planting. Glancing back over my shoulder, I assess the progress we’ve been making over the past three months and proudly smile at the dozens of rows of trees planted to replace the hundreds killed by disease. A feeling of deep contentment washes over me at that moment and I know that being here, with this amazing group of volunteers, doing something that has true value and impact, is what is really fuelling me lately. I stare out ahead over the landscape, wondering why I didn’t ever think to partake in volunteering in the UK and muse on how different life might have been if I had.
I check my watch, suddenly reminded that I’m supposed to be meeting Tilly for her work BBQ and am relieved when I see that I still have plenty of time before needing to head back.
‘Thought I’d come join you for a bit,’ Shanice says, suddenly appearing beside me and sitting down with a tired sigh. ‘Woah. Would you look at that?’ I watch as she peeks back at our project with a delighted expression. ‘It’s really coming along, isn’t it?’
‘It is. I was thinking the same earlier.’
I look on as Shanice opens a can of Cola, sipping it in appreciation. ‘I know I’m on a diet, but I need the sugar,’ she says, grinning. ‘Oh, and before I forget, are you coming along to the Elbow beach reef clean-up next Sunday? I know you don’t scuba but there’s a few of us snorkelling instead to collect the trash?’
‘Yes, I already put my name down. I’m looking forward to it this time.’ I think of my snorkelling skills and how far I’ve progressed, especially as this’ll be my third sea debris clean up. Before coming here, I’d have never considered taking part in something like it. Yet it’s a truly wonderful experience to not only see the reef and its marine life but also to know I’m making a difference to their habitat.
‘Good. We need all the help we can get.’
A thought suddenly occurs to me.
‘Are you coming to the school’s fun day? The money raised will help to renovate a school in an underprivileged area of Indonesia.’
‘Oh, yes, I heard all about that from Jayda,’ Shanice says, nodding. ‘I would love to come but in honesty, money is tight and I’m having to take on more overtime at work at the minute. Things are a bit harder now that Jayda has started wanting to go on more overseas school trips.’ She smiles, rolling her eyes. ‘I can’t say no to her eithe
r, it’s tough enough that her father isn’t in the picture without denying her some fun too.’
‘Of course, I understand.’ And I do, for I can’t imagine how hard it must be for her to fund the hefty international school fees and all that goes with it, on one salary. Especially since I’m aware from conversations with Tilly and Spencer that not all posts in Bermuda are as high-income as ours are.
‘Well, she’s a very lucky lady to have a mother like you – this year’s trip schedule has some amazing locations.’
‘Tell me about it. And thanks, it is very hard sometimes juggling my job, family life and this volunteering.’ She looks downcast and pensive for a moment. ‘But the extra work is all worth the sacrifice to see Jayda happy.’ She picks at her shorts absent-mindedly for a moment. I’m relieved when her sparkly smile suddenly returns. ‘Speaking of Indonesia though, that reminds me about the photographer that the Tiger Shark Project has arranged to fly over. He’s from Bali and apparently amazing, his work is regularly featured in National Geographic and he’s also agreed to do a free shoot for our turtle conservation programme whilst he’s here. We’re hoping to raffle off his photos and raise some extra funds.’
‘A photographer from Bali?’ I coo, instantly wrapped up in visions of the one place I’ve always longed to visit. ‘That’s my dream place to explore. What a fantastic opportunity and very kind of him to help out with the programme. I’ll certainly buy some raffle tickets.’
‘Me too. And I’d love to go to Bali as well. Although at this rate, I’m sure Jayda will be beating me to it.’ Shanice grins, slurping the last of her Cola before standing up and looking at me pointedly. ‘OK, enough chat, we’d better get back to it. We don’t want Clarence on our case again.’
Smiling, I nod in agreement and feel my enthusiasm returning. ‘Yep, those trees won’t plant themselves and I have to leave in an hour. I think I’ve got another twelve trees in me.’ I glance at Shanice and catch her dubious grin. ‘Ok maybe eight…’
