by Carrie Stone
‘That’s people down there, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, we are almost halfway up, and they are at bottom.’
I hear a rustle from the dense bush to the right me and look to Kadek uneasily. ‘What’s that noise?’
I jump out of my skin, almost losing my footing as a small white dog slowly appears, its ears pinned back and its tail between its legs. Kadek claps his hands to shoo it away and it nervously backs into the bush but I quickly interject, bending forward and offering my hand for the nervous dog to sniff.
‘She’s so thin,’ I remark, taking in the bony appearance. I slowly reach into my rucksack, pulling out my sandwich. ‘She must live up here?’
‘Yes, live on mountain. You feed it, it follow us,’ Kadek says, clearly oblivious to the plight of the stray dog, which doesn’t look healthy in the slightest.
‘It’s OK, I’ll look after her.’ Holding out a piece of my ham sandwich to the dog, I watch as she inches forward and surprisingly gently takes it from my outstretched fingers. ‘There you go sweetie.’
We continue the climb for what must be another hour and Santi, as I’ve now named her, follows behind me, slowly building her trust in me and daring to get closer. As we inch nearer to the summit, the climb becomes steeper. My legs begin to once again burn, sweat drips from every part of me and I wonder if I have the stamina to keep going. Kadek urges me on and finally we reach the viewpoint he has been speaking of – the false summit. I see other climbers gathered around, most looking as tired as I feel; amongst them various dogs and monkeys eagerly await droppings of food. Santi stays close by me as I retrieve my own food and water from my rucksack, happy to have made it this far. I find a seat amongst the rocks.
‘We rest and then we go, to make sunrise,’ Kadek says, offering me a snake fruit and putting on his hoodie.
It’s noticeably cooler up here, but my body temperature takes time to adjust until I find myself shivering, my sweat becoming a barrier against the cold. I wrap a cardigan around me, offering Santi another half of my sandwich which she relishes with delight, her tail wagging. Now that I’m seated, I feel a heavy tiredness wash over me, part lethargy and part lack of sleep. Yet I know the best is still to come and that I must push myself that little bit further.
‘We go now?’ Kadek prompts, seeming to notice my weariness. ‘Is much harder last part. But you be okay.’ He fist-pumps the air and smiles widely, his enthusiasm genuine and motivating. I look at him in that moment with such respect, knowing that he’s taught himself his broken English, does this climb day in and day out and is still finding the gusto to help instil positivity in me. Therefore, the least that I can do, is approach it with the same fervour.
Taking my cue from him, I smile broadly and stroke Santi.
‘Yes, let’s go.’
It’s clear within minutes that he wasn’t kidding when he said the last part would be hard. The ground beneath is formed of perilous scree, the loose stones and rocky debris making it practically impossible to safely navigate the vertical climb and I feel my muscles seizing up. Even Kadek and Santi slow as we are forced to join the uphill swarm of other hikers, all single filing our way to the top. The sky becomes lighter around us, as with leaden steps, we move in silence – preserving the last of our energy. After what feels like forever, we reach the top and I can’t stop the smile of happiness that instantly plasters itself across my face as I climb over the threshold onto the summit. Looking around, I see many other people in varying states from exhilaration to debility, but all sharing the same expression of marvel and wonderment at the breath-taking views.
I walk across to the nearest edge, noticing that there are no safety barriers or boundaries and feel my stomach lurch at the sheer drop.
‘You want hot drink?’ Kadek asks, pointing to what looks like a makeshift tent in the distance, crowded with people. ‘I go buy noodle and hot drink if you want?’
‘Yes please, Kadek,’ I reply gratefully, shivering beneath my cardigan and warmed at the thought of something comforting and heated to enjoy in the final moments of my journey. Santi snuggles up next to me as I lay my rain poncho on the damp ashy ground, choosing a prime spot for the impending sunrise. I sit down, a deep sense of contentment and accomplishment washing over me.
By the time Kadek returns, the dark grey sky has begun to turn a dusty blue and as quickly as it arrives, the blue gives way to the first pink and orange rays of sunrise. My breath catches in my throat as the sky is illuminated and a magnificent view beholds us. We’re so high up, the clouds float like marshmallows below us, a contrast against the picturesque green valley far down, where speckled village rooftops are just visible.
Catching Kadek’s eye, he nods and smiles at me, appearing to appreciate the impact the panoramic view has upon me.
‘That is Gunung Agung,’ he says, pointing to an even more spectacularly large volcano in the distance and I’m reminded of Luuk and feel myself smile.
We sit in silence for the next thirty minutes and I enjoy every moment of the resplendent sunrise, taking as many beautiful photos as I can for my memory book. The sense of achievement and happiness surging through me feels immeasurable and I know that this climb has fuelled a passion for pushing myself out of my comfort zone.
I glance from Kadek to Santi – both of whom look so peaceful and content despite their difficult life circumstances – and in that moment, I’m fully aware just how incredibly blessed I am with my lot.
I realise that I’ve never really paid much attention to the fact that I was born into a part of the world where I had access to an education, to sufficient finances, healthcare, nutrition and water. Not only do I have those things, but also the backing of friends and family. Realistically, I’ve always been more fortunate in my material circumstances than a considerable amount of people on this earth. But have I been making it count? Have I been using that start to do something meaningful?
Eight months ago, I never would’ve given thought to those blessings. In a flash of clarity, sat atop this volcano, I’m all the more aware of how much I appreciate what I have at my disposal and how I want to use that in a way that not only benefits me, but others too.
‘We go back down now?’ Kadek suddenly asks, breaking into my thoughts.
‘Yes. I’m ready to go,’ I reply, standing up and watching Santi follow suit.
I’m more than ready to go, because everything is so much clearer to me now. This experience hasn’t only given me beautiful memories and money for charity. It’s highlighted that my efforts to date are just the beginning of a new on-going, lifelong commitment to giving back in some way.
And I’ve got two new friends to boot.
*
Re-reading the confirmation email for the third time, I can’t help but squeal again in delight just as Wiwik appears across the lawn, duster under one arm and a bucket in the other hand.
‘Hi Wiwik, doing some cleaning?’ I call out, laughing as Tessi chases the feathers of the duster, batting at them with her paws.
‘Yes, always cleaning,’ she says, smiling. ‘You look happy – something good happened?’
‘I got new work, more tutoring.’
‘Oh, very good!’ She tries to give me a thumbs up just as Tessi finally manages to catch the end of duster, pulling it backwards to the floor and causing Wiwik to drop her bucket. ‘No, bad cat!
‘Oh dear. I’ll leave you to it! Catch you later, Wiwik!’ I shout, waving and walking back into my apartment, welcoming the cool air that greets me.
I really hadn’t imagined I’d receive any type of offer from the organisation that Jerome had recommended to me. After one quick telephone call with them over a week ago, I’d begun to lose hope as I hadn’t heard anything since. So the email I’ve received, with a highly favourable invitation to join the tutoring team isn’t what I’d bargained on at all. Yet, it’s more than I dared to hope for. I can’t wipe the smile from my face. To be part of such a philanthropic tutoring programme is going to be wond
erful. I can’t wait.
Not wanting to keep my news to myself, I pick up the phone and call Amy knowing that even she will be excited for me. And I’m right, she is.
We chat for a while about the kids and other gossip before I turn the conversation to her and Jack.
‘We’ve decided to stay living together,’ she announces, sounding much more upbeat than I’d expect. ‘It’s just a trial run at the moment and it may not work…’ She sighs. ‘Although I hope it does. It’ll make life easier, at least in the beginning. And who knows, there’s always the chance it’ll do us a bit of good and we’ll find a way back to one another in the end.’ She pauses for a moment. ‘I must say, Jack’s been so much more attentive lately, since we had the discussion. I would’ve suggested separating years ago if I’d known it’d get him to pay me more compliments.’ She laughs but it’s tinged with wistfulness.
‘That’s a start though, maybe he’s also having a wake-up call. Gosh, I really hope you two can work it out and make a go of things again,’ I reply, feeling sad. ‘But it sounds like it’s the best scenario for the kids, as they won’t need to be uprooted until you’re a hundred per cent sure a separation is correct.’
‘Exactly. So, tell me more about what’s happening with you? I still can’t believe you did that mountain hike. Those photos were incredible. I’ve shown everybody. Oh, and how’s things with Luuk? You mentioned you were with him again this weekend?’ Her tone suddenly changes. ‘You’ve been spending an awful lot of time together, for just friends I mean, are you sure there’s not more to it?’
‘Not you as well,’ I say, rolling my eyes and thinking of Carly. ‘He’s a lovely guy, we get on great but yes, we are just friends.’ I find myself stressing the last two words, trying to convince her. Or is it myself I’m trying to convince?
‘OK, I was only asking.’ She changes the subject and we briefly discuss her book, which I’ve finished reading. I can understand why it’s deserving of being published.
We chat for a while longer, until the children appear in the background and after a catch up with them, I say my goodbye to Amy, wondering when I’ll next get to see them all in person. I realise that it’s already been over eight months and that Lily has become so much more grown up within that time.
My mind begins to drift to thoughts of a trip back to London. I need to soon begin making more permanent plans for my future. If I’m not staying here in Bali, then where am I going? Besides, now I have this new tutoring opportunity the world is pretty much my oyster, given that I can work remotely.
I’m interrupted by my mobile ringing and seeing it’s Luuk, answer it without hesitation.
‘Hey, I’m just at Bo & Bun – about to grab food, if you fancy it?’
The thought of the Vietnamese delights on offer leave no room for consideration.
‘Yes, count me in. I’ll meet you there in ten?’
‘OK. I’ll be ordering your frozen Gingerade. See you in a bit.’
He hangs up and I smile, thinking how sweet he is for remembering my favourite drink and ordering it in advance.
*
‘Hey, you.’ I arrive at the very moment the waiter appears with the drinks order and fanning my cotton dress, pull at a chair at the table where Luuk is sat, a tiny Panda by his feet.
‘Yo. You were fast.’ He stands up as I approach and leans in to hug me.
‘He’s had his jabs already?’ I say, reaching down to stroke Panda. ‘Hello, munchkin. Look at you.’ The puppy wastes no time in jumping on my lap and kissing me and I hold onto him as I sit down.
‘Got them done the other day. He’s doing well on the scooter. Already learnt to sit by my feet as I ride.’
‘Good boy,’ I say, popping another kiss on his little pink nose before gently placing him back on the floor.
‘How’s things?’ I ask, distractedly scanning the menu but knowing full well that I’ll order what I always order.
‘Are you going to go for the banh mi?’ Luuk asks, grinning.
‘Am I that predictable?’ I answer, laughing. ‘Oh, did you hear about Santi?’ I say, suddenly remembering the good news I’d had from Belinda yesterday.
‘I did hear – great news. Proves you did the right thing bringing her back to the centre because now she’s got a new home and family to show for it.’
I nod in agreement. ‘Yeah, I’m so happy. I’d sort of thought about taking her myself if no one else had stepped forward…’
‘I had a suspicion you were thinking that. It’s exactly like my situation with Panda here. Except you got a lucky escape and I got lumbered.’ He laughs before reaching down to pat the dog’s head. ‘Only joking, buddy.’
We order our food and I excitedly fill him in on my tutoring offer.
‘Fantastic. I knew you’d get it. They can’t let a super tutor like you slip through their fingers.’ He picks up his glass and clinks mine. ‘Cheers to you and your new job. And now it’s time for my news.’
I listen as he tells me of his plans to visit Lombok, a nearby island, to finalise a purchase of a large piece of land.
‘That sounds amazing. What are you going to do with it?’ I take a sip of my drink, realising that I’m always intrigued by Luuk’s stories. Having travelled and lived world over, his knowledge of places is astounding.
‘I’m not sure yet. Possibly set up a surf school that my friend will run,’ he replies, looking thoughtful. ‘It’s beautiful there. Near enough untouched compared to here in Bali, which sadly has been westernised far too much. Hang on, I’ll dig out some photos.’ He reaches into his bag and pulls out his laptop and I wait patiently whilst he locates what he’s looking for.
He’s not wrong. The photos show beautiful beaches, one with pink sand and another where a farmer herds his cows along the sand. In others there’s water buffalo roaming freely amongst what he tells me are the Sasak indigenous people, as well as breath-taking waterfalls, a large crater lake and a stunning Mount Rinjani.
‘It all looks absolutely idyllic. I’d love to go there. How many times have you been?’ I ask, intrigued.
‘Many. A dozen maybe, or more. I could show you around sometime.’ It’s more of a statement than an offer but I feel myself excited all the same. And then I remember that I soon need to decide on a more permanent plan for my future. Is it really a viable option to stay and create a future here in Bali or am I just caught up in the thrill of the moment? My excitement wavers as I consider the gravity of my situation; to stay and continue building a new, different life away from traditional teaching or to try to find somewhere new?
We fall into a brief silence, which is thankfully broken by a very high-pitched yelp from Panda that makes both of us burst out laughing.
‘What on earth was that sound?’ I coo, staring down at his adorable little face.
Our food arrives at the same moment and we tuck in, Luuk filling me in on the morning’s antics at BDR as I savour my sandwich.
‘I love volunteering at BDR,’ I say, suddenly wistful. ‘If I was to ever leave Bali, I’d have to make sure there was anything similar in the next place.’
Luuk looks at me, surprised. ‘I know you were never planning on being here long-term, but I didn’t realise you were thinking of leaving so soon. You just got that good news about your tutoring too.’ I notice he has an uneasy stance about him. ‘But I’m sure there will be stuff to get involved with in whichever country you end up, there’s always animals in need wherever you go in the world.’
‘So when are you off to Lombok?’ I ask, changing the subject in a desperate attempt not to dwell on making any life decision just yet. I’ve no idea where these irrational urgent thoughts are coming from anyway. ‘Did you say tomorrow?’
‘Yes, I think so. Indah is taking care of the flights so I’ll ring her after and find out what she’s managed to book,’ he replies, taking a mouthful of his Thai curry.
‘Indah?’ My tone sounds slightly judgemental, even to my own ears and I quickly fake a sm
irk to cover my tracks, despite feeling utterly put out. ‘Ooh is it a romantic trip too then?’
My false smile feels so tense that my jaw aches but Luuk doesn’t seem to notice and instead glances at me coolly, before shrugging.
‘Could be, I don’t know yet. We’ll see what happens.’
I feel the piece of baguette I’m eating lodge in my throat as I swallow back my surprise and picking up my drink, I casually take a sip, wondering what to say.
‘Cool.’ I avoid his slightly bemused expression as his gaze sweeps over me for my reaction. ‘So, what you doing this afternoon?’
‘I’ve got a meeting about an upcoming project; it’s a wealthy American couple who are going to be doing a week’s trek through the Borneo rainforest in a few months’ time. They want me on hand to capture the highlights.’ He takes a swig of his drink and carries on enthusiastically. ‘Should be fun, I’ve shot in Borneo many times and it’s a great way to explore and get paid too.’ He smiles his infectious smile and I can’t help but join in.
Envisioning the adventure that awaits him, I feel myself getting excited for him.
‘Gosh, that’ll be so amazing. You’re bound to see a few orangutans, I’m guessing.’ I watch as Luuk nods. ‘Will you be gone long?’
‘Only ten days. Panda can stay with Carly.’ Finishing his food, he bends down and places a piece of his leftover chicken in front of the puppy before turning back to me. ‘If I knew you were planning on staying in Bali long-term, I’d ask for him to stay with you on future trips.’
‘Ahh, I’d happily have him,’ I reply without hesitation. ‘If I was staying that is…’ I add, conflicted.
‘Or more likely, I’d probably ask you to come along on future trips. Like Borneo for instance, we could’ve had a great time together there, making memories. You and me.’
Lost for words, I stare at him open-mouthed. His gaze is fixed firmly on mine as my heart bangs against the wall of my chest. I don’t know what to say because I’m astounded by his admission. I couldn’t think of anything more phenomenal than going to Borneo and sharing the experience with him. Making memories? Like a couple? In that split second, I feel my heart flutter with both nerves and confirmation. It’s so clear to me now that my feelings for Luuk are more than friendship, how could I not see it before? He makes me feel alive and I’m always so happy around him. We’d be the perfect match; he’s my equal, the one that I’ve been telling myself to hold out for. A man that shares my passion and makes me feel secure and safe in his presence. My stomach flips and dances with butterflies as I glance into his emerald eyes once again, daring to hope that he feels the same way.
