by J. L. Wilder
“What’s wrong with that?”
For the first time, he saw sympathy in Grace’s expression. “Nothing’s wrong with that,” she said. “I respect that about you. It’s a good way to be. But...I don’t know. It just must be hard for you, not being able to force a situation to be the way you want it to be. I never really thought about what it would be like to have to deal with that for the very first time.”
“You think I’m going about it the wrong way,” he said. “You think I should be doing something other than what I’m doing.”
“I don’t know what I think,” she said. “I don’t know Aubrey that well. I don’t know what’s going to work on her.”
“You know her better than I do,” he pointed out.
“I know her from being bullied by her,” Grace said. “That’s not going to help you.”
“It might. I don’t know what’s going to help me.”
“Aren’t you here to help me work on my shifting?”
“Yeah,” he said. “And we will. But I’m listening to what you’re saying. You’re making sense. I just want to know what you think I should be doing differently. That’s not so much to ask, right?”
She sighed. “I guess not.”
“So?”
“I would tell you if I knew,” she said. “But I don’t. The plan you have...I think it might be effective. I think it’ll get her to stop toying with you. If there’s any chance of her genuinely liking you, this will get her to realize that she needs to stop playing with your feelings and start taking you seriously. And if there’s not any chance of her liking you, I think you’ll be able to tell from her reaction, and maybe you can move on.”
“What if I don’t want to move on?” he asked.
She shrugged. “That’s really not something I can help you with. Either this will work or it won’t.”
“And you definitely won’t try to agitate her in the weeks ahead?”
“I won’t try to,” Grace said. “It’ll probably happen no matter what I do, so you have that going for you. My being alive seems to agitate Aubrey. I’ve never really figured out why that is. She just really hates me for some reason.”
“Maybe she’s threatened by you,” Jonah suggested.
Then he frowned. What was he talking about? There was no reason for Aubrey to be threatened by Grace. She was the most sought-after omega in their year, and Grace had been overlooked by every single alpha.
Grace scoffed. “Thanks,” she said drily. “But you don’t have to flatter me. I already agreed to go to the social with you.”
Jonah nodded, unsure of exactly why he’d said what he had.
Grace came over and sat beside him on the log. “You’re worried about it, aren’t you?” she asked. “What’ll happen when she sees us together. How she’ll react.”
“I’m not worried about it,” Jonah lied.
Grace ignored that. “You have to show her how much you care about her,” she said.
“What do you mean?” he asked. “How am I supposed to show her that? I’ve tried talking to her.”
“You can’t just tell her,” Grace said. “You have to show her.”
“Show her how?”
“You talk about being an alpha,” Grace said. “You talk about demonstrating your dominance. And that’s all well and good, but you don’t think about what other people want from you.”
Didn’t he? He had always thought he did. But now that she’d raised the subject, it occurred to him that he didn’t really know what Aubrey wanted. She couldn’t just be out to make him feel foolish. That didn’t do anything for her. She must have some other goal.
“It’s not really your fault,” Grace said. “Alphas all think that what they want is what’s most important. I suppose that’s what you’re told all your lives.”
“How do you know all this?” he asked. “You were raised by a human.”
“Well, exactly,” she said. “I came to this world late in life. I wasn’t raised around it. So none of it seems natural to me. I’m able to look at it analytically, in a way other people can’t. I see the way alphas are around omegas. I see the way you talk about dominating Aubrey, making her submit to you. Making her into the person you want her to be.”
“Shouldn’t I?” he asked. “Don’t you think that’s my right, as an alpha?”
He told himself that her answer didn’t matter, that he was just posing the question as a matter of curiosity. But in truth, he was interested to hear what she would say.
“Maybe it’s your right,” she allowed. “But if you want someone like Aubrey, someone who could have any guy—if you want her to want you, you need to show her what you have to offer.”
“Meaning what?”
“Aubrey and I are totally different people,” she said. “But we do have one thing in common: neither one of us needs you as much as you need us. So if you want Aubrey’s attention, you’re going to have to do the same thing you did to get mine.”
“What, help her pass her resource gathering exam?”
“Ha. No. You’ll have to figure out what it is she wants from a guy like you and give it to her.”
“Well, how am I supposed to do that?” he asked, feeling exasperated. “She won’t tell me what she wants. She just treats me like an annoyance.”
Grace got a faraway look on her face. “She wants the same thing every omega wants,” she said. “An alpha who’s going to use his power to protect her. To make her feel safe. She wants an alpha who’s going to do more than just dominate her and order her around. She wants someone who’s strong enough and competent enough to lead a healthy pack and help it thrive. She wants you to show her that you’re that kind of person.”
Jonah was at a loss for words. “I thought you said you didn’t know her well,” he said at last. “How could you know something like that?”
“Because it’s what I’d want if I were Aubrey,” Grace said. “If there was an alpha looking to claim me, I would hope that he would want to create a stable family for me. I would hope that he would want to make the world a safe place for me, in a way it never has been before.”
Jonah was impressed. “You’re a lot smarter than I expected you to be,” he said.
“You thought that I’d be an idiot because I’m ranked at the bottom of the class.”
“Maybe. Yes, I guess so.”
She shrugged. “Maybe I am an idiot. I’m pretty stupid when it comes to everything that has to do with shifter life. I’ll probably never be valued by our community the way Aubrey is. I’ll be lucky if I’m not thrown out altogether. And I’ll never really fit in in the human world either.”
“But you’re not a stupid person,” Jonah said.
“No,” she agreed. “I’m not.”
He had totally misjudged her. Now, for the first time since they had met, he felt as if he was seeing her for what she truly was.
And for the first time, he realized what a shame it was that other people couldn’t see it too.
“Listen,” he said. “When we go to the social—just keep in mind that I know a lot of other alphas, okay?”
“Meaning what?” she asked.
“Meaning...if you want to, I might be able to help you meet somebody,” he said. “I’d be more than willing to put in a good word on your behalf, now that I know you a little better.”
“You would do that?” She sounded stunned.
“Sure I would,” he said. “You’re worth a lot more than your class rank would have anyone believe, Grace Foster. It would be a shame if you were passed over because nobody took the time to get to know you.”
“Thank you,” she said softly. “I’d like that. I do really want to be chosen by someone at the claiming ceremony.”
He grinned at her. “We’ve got a plan, then,” he said. “You help me get Aubrey’s attention, and I’ll help you find someone who’s worthy of you. And if everything goes well, we’ll both leave the social with mates lined up.”
“Here’s hoping,” Gr
ace agreed. She closed her eyes, and Jonah watched as the wind dusted her hair back from her face.
Chapter Nine
GRACE
“All right,” Skye said. “You have to tell me what’s going on.”
Grace glanced across the room. Her friend was sitting upright in bed. “I thought you were asleep,” she said.
“I can’t sleep,” Skye said. “I’m too worried about you.”
“You don’t have anything to worry about,” Grace said. “Is this just because I’ve been going for walks in the afternoon?”
“I know that isn’t what you’ve been doing,” Skye said.
Grace felt a thrill of fear. “What do you mean?” she asked “Of course it is. I wouldn’t lie.”
“Yeah?” Skye reached over and turned on the light beside her bed. Grace blinked as her pupils contracted. “Then how come I saw you meeting Jonah Jackson by the river?”
Grace’s stomach dropped. “You followed me?”
“Of course I followed you,” Skye said. “I was worried about you. You’ve been acting weird all semester. I can tell that something’s getting to you, you know. I don’t know if it’s just the fact that we’re going to be graduating soon, or if you’re upset about the way Aubrey’s been treating you—”
“You would be upset too, if you were the one she was bullying,” Grace said.
“I’m not saying I wouldn’t,” Skye said.
“And it’s not just her,” Grace added. “It’s all her friends too. Not to mention all the alphas from across the road. They treat me like garbage. You wanted me to go to the bonfire and try to get in their good graces? Well, I tried it. It was a total failure.”
“Okay, so it didn’t work,” Skye said. “But then we come up with a new plan. You don’t start fucking around with Jonah Jackson in the woods.”
“I’m not fucking around with him,” Grace said. “You spied on me, but you didn’t figure that out?”
“I didn’t want to hang around and watch you.”
“Well, maybe you should have,” Grace said. “If you had, you’d have seen that there was nothing to watch. There’s nothing going on between Jonah and me.”
“Then why have you been meeting him?” Skye asked. “You don’t...” She hesitated, and Grace knew what her friend was going to say. “You don’t think he’s going to claim you at the ceremony, do you?”
“You mean, have I deluded myself into believing that a guy of his pedigree would actually want someone like me?”
“No, that isn’t what I said,” Skye said.
“Well, you might as well have said it,” Grace said. “I get what you’re saying, all right? You think the only thing that could possibly be going on between us is him using me because there’s nothing else that someone like him could want with someone like me.”
“Grace, that’s not what I’m saying,” Skye said. “I’m just worried about you. You’re not acting like yourself. I see you sneaking out into the woods all the time. I know you’re meeting up with a guy, which is definitely against school rules. What are you doing with him?”
“It’s none of your business,” Grace said. She rolled over and faced the wall, turning her back to Skye.
After a moment, she felt a dip in her mattress and knew that her roommate had crossed to sit on the bed beside her. “Hey,” she said. “You did well on the resource gathering exam. I noticed that.”
“I didn’t do well,” Grace said. “I got a C minus.”
“That’s better than you usually do, though, right?” Skye said.
“Is that what this is about?” Grace said.
“What do you mean?” Skye asked.
Grace shook her head. “I knew that Aubrey was pissed off about my doing well in class. I didn’t expect the same from you. I thought you’d be happy for me.”
“Are you joking?” Skye asked. “You think I’m mad that you’re doing well?”
“Something’s bothering you,” Grace said. “I know it can’t be jealousy, because you don’t believe any alpha could want me.”
The weight on the bed shifted again. Skye had gotten up. “I don’t know when you turned into this angry person,” she said quietly.
Grace closed her eyes. She didn’t know when that had happened either. Maybe it was when she had realized that she was truly nothing more than a joke to anyone on either campus. Nobody took her seriously.
She had been thinking for the past several days about Jonah’s offer to help her find an alpha, someone who would be willing to claim her. She had watched as her scores in each of her classes had started to creep upward, as Jonah’s teachings had taken effect.
But even now, with all the work she was putting in, she felt as though it would be a miracle if someone actually wanted her. She would be stunned if she was chosen.
It was terrible to know that she could work this hard and that her fate would still be out of her hands.
She lay quietly, willing Skye to return to bed and leave her alone. Apparently, Skye was willing to cooperate because after a moment, Grace heard her footsteps cross to the other side of the room and the squeak of her mattress as she lay down.
She felt horrible for taking her anger and insecurity out on her friend.
But she couldn’t talk about what she had been doing with Jonah. Not even to Skye.
She would just have to hope that Skye wouldn’t decide to tell someone what she had discovered.
“YOU’RE NOT TRYING,” Jonah said.
“I am trying,” Grace bit back angrily. How could he say she wasn’t trying? She was trying so hard that sweat was pouring down her face.
“Well, you’re not making any progress.”
“I can see that,” she snapped. “Look, you’re asking me to turn into an animal. It’s like being asked to flex a muscle I’ve never used before.”
“But you have used it,” he said. “You’ve used it dozens of times. Probably hundreds. You shift in your sleep, right?”
“I told you I do.”
He got up from the log that had become his usual seat. “What do you dream about?” he asked.
“What?”
“Do you have any recurring dreams? I’m looking for something that might be triggering the shifts.”
“I don’t know,” she said. “It’s kind of hard to know where the dreams stop and the real experience of being a wolf begins. I’m never sure what’s happened until I return to human form.”
He nodded. “You must be dreaming of running,” he said. “If you wake up and find yourself running. If the actual experience of running blends in with your dreams.”
“Makes sense,” she admitted.
“And what are you thinking about today?” he asked her.
She shrugged. “Nothing much. A fight I had with my roommate.”
“Well, that’s the problem,” he said.
“What’s the problem?”
“Wolves don’t fight with their roommates. You’re dwelling on your human problems, and that’s why you can’t access your animal side. You need to put those things out of your mind.”
“So what am I supposed to think about?” she asked.
“Think about your dreams,” Jonah said. “Think about the way you feel when you’re running through the forest.”
Grace swallowed hard. She usually did all she could to avoid thinking about those dreams. They were too upsetting, and they were associated with too many times in her life when she had felt afraid.
But maybe Jonah was right. Maybe that was what she needed to do if she wanted to finally reunite with her shifter side.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, sinking into memories of the forest near her father’s house. The way the trees had smelled. The way the ground had felt under her feet. The way the scenery had seemed to speed past her when she ran as fast as she could—
It felt as if her body was relaxing into the most refreshing stretch imaginable. As if she had found her way into a deep, intense yoga pose and she just kept si
nking further and further into it, stretching her muscles more and more.
“Oh my God,” Jonah said.
She opened her eyes.
He stood above her, taller than he should have been, staring down at her with an expression of pleasure. She looked down at her body and saw the broad, furry paws of a wolf. She lifted one paw, examining it carefully.
It was really hers.
She was proud of having made the transition, but it was also disorienting. She was afraid, suddenly. What if she got herself stuck like this? She wanted her human body back.
And a moment later, she had it. Shifting from wolf to human was a million times easier, like the difference between going up a flight of stairs and coming down. She collapsed to the ground in a heap, her body trembling as if she had just run a marathon.
“Hey,” Jonah said. He knelt at her side and rested a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”
She opened her mouth to ask for her dress, but he was already handing it to her. She clutched it tightly.
“You’re not hurt, are you?” Jonah asked.
“No, I’m not hurt,” she said. “Just...I don’t know.”
“Shaken up?”
“I guess,” she agreed. “I’ve never done that before.”
“Well, yeah,” he said. “You did well that time. I didn’t expect you to get it that quickly.”
“Quickly?” She looked up at him. “We’ve been working on this for weeks.”
“I know,” he said. “But I thought you’d be lucky to get it by the end of the year. You know, it usually takes a lot longer for young shifters to master this skill.”
“I wouldn’t say I’ve mastered it,” she said.
“But you’re working with a disadvantage most people don’t have,” he countered. “You’re trying to overcome years of repressing your true nature.”
That was true. It had felt strange to be in wolf form, for more reasons than one. It had felt as if she was doing something wrong, something forbidden.
