“But what? Surely you do not have regrets.” Averil’s gaze softened with compassion. “Do you not want to kiss him again?”
Just imagining Ren’s lips on hers once more, the skilled glide of his mouth and tongue, made Liliana’s pulse quicken. “I should not want more of his kisses, but… I do.”
Averil’s arms went around Liliana in a fierce hug. “Oh, Lil, I am thrilled for you. I knew ’twas only a matter of time before a handsome young lord stole your heart. Who would have guessed ’twould be Ren?”
Liliana shook her head and drew back to arm’s length. “The way he makes me feel so intensely, as though I no longer have command of my own emotions… ’Tis frightening. ’Tis wonderful, kissing him, but still…quite unnerving.”
Averil smiled. “It sounds to me like you are falling in love.”
“Oh, mercy, but—”
“Are you afraid to open your heart to him, Lil? Do not be. He is a hero of the Crusades and a well-respected lord. A man who obviously cares for you.”
Liliana gnawed her lip. Did Ren truly care for her? He had shown her great kindness when he’d comforted her over the news of her brother being alive. Ren’s kisses, too, had been tender and compassionate.
Yet, she’d initiated the kiss because, well, she’d been overwhelmed by the news about Haddon. Moreover, she hadn’t been able to resist the pull of emotions she’d seen in Ren’s eyes.
Had he kissed her back because he hadn’t wanted to refuse her, and because he believed kissing was the best way to comfort her? Or had he truly wanted to kiss her?
Patting her arm, Averil said, “Do not worry so. All you did was kiss. Right?”
“Of course!”
Averil laughed. “Well, then, take a nice big breath.” She waited until Liliana did just that. “Now, think about what you will say to Ren when you see him next.”
“I cannot face him again so soon. Not after last night!”
“Why not?”
“Because…well…I threw myself upon him.” Embarrassment strained Liliana’s voice. “I was far too forward. I cannot believe I was so bold.”
Averil glanced at Rosy, who was poking a stick into a mound of dirt. “Rosabelle, my precious girl. Put down the stick and come back to me, please.” Looking back at Liliana, Averil said gently, “It seems to me that you are afraid to acknowledge your true feelings for Ren. Love is a precious and wondrous gift, Liliana. Try to put what happened in the past behind you. That will mean forgiving Ren. ’Twill mean accepting him for who he is now.”
“I-I do not know if I can.”
Averil winked. “Do not be silly. You can. Now, decide what you are going to do. Ren is walking across the bailey, and he is headed here.”
***
While standing in the bailey, giving Guy a list of tasks, Ren heard feminine laughter floating from the gardens. He’d stolen a glance, and his gaze had found Liliana. Her tresses were the exact same hue as Haddon’s and shone like molten gold in the morning light.
Once again, her hair was woven into a braid that trailed down the back of her mantle, and as she chatted with Averil, the braid shifted, swayed, as though tempting him to bury his fingers into that glorious mass of silk again.
“Milord?” Guy was now looking at the garden, his expression curious.
“What I have assigned to you is all for now.” Ren said. ’Twas the third time he’d become distracted today with thoughts of Liliana. “Check with me again at the midday meal.”
“Very well, milord.”
The clatter of horses’ hooves and hearty cheers drew Ren’s gaze to the gatehouse. The drawbridge was lowered, the portcullis raised, and riders were emerging from the gatehouse’s shadows. A grinning Myles and six jubilant men-at-arms rode ahead of a rattling wooden cart. Several peasants trailed behind, their donkeys laden with bulging sacks; chickens clucked from cages tied to the animals. The humble folk were bringing Lord Thornleigh the loaves of bread, eggs, plump hens, and home-brewed ale owed to him by all of his tenants at Christmas, which in turn would be used to give the peasants a hearty meal on Christmas Day.
Serfs were no doubt delivering similar rents to Ren’s castle. Before departing for Maddlestow, Ren had ensured that his steward would coordinate the collection and preparation of the goods for the festive meal.
As the cart rumbled closer, surrounded now by a growing crowd of excited servants, Ren saw the cart was filled with an enormous log—likely the Yule log that would be lit in the great hall’s hearth on Christmas Eve. The log certainly looked big enough to burn for a full twelve days.
Also visible in the back of the cart was a slain boar. Arrow shafts jutted from its neck, and streams of dried blood caked its hide.
“Looks like a successful hunt in the forest this morning,” Guy said.
“It does indeed. ’Tis a large beast. ’Twill take several men to carry the platter with that boar’s head on it on Christmas Day.”
Guy grinned. “If they need my help, I will gladly offer it.”
Ren chuckled. The squire was ever eager to be in the midst of any festivities. “They may need your help now, especially getting that log down from the wagon. Go on.”
“Thank you, milord.” After a quick bow, Guy loped away and became caught up in the throng. Ren smiled, for he’d given the squire fewer morning chores than usual—but after all, ’twas close to Christmas. The lad worked hard and deserved time to celebrate.
Ren, however, would not indulge in any revelry until Haddon had ridden through the castle gates. Ren had promised Liliana that her brother was coming home; in no way would Ren disappoint her. If all went as Haddon had expected, and he arrived by this evening, then the ever-present knot in Ren’s stomach would finally unravel. If, however, Haddon’s mission had gone horribly wrong and he didn’t turn up… Then, as Ren had agreed days ago, he would go looking for Haddon. He’d bring Haddon home alive or… Alive. He had to.
Ren’s attention shifted to the garden once again. As his gaze settled on Liliana, his heart warmed. He had only to look upon her and his day was brighter.
As she talked with Averil, gesturing now and again, all he could truly think about was the brush of her hair on his skin, the honeyed taste of her mouth, and her sighs while they’d kissed. His body still hummed with longing for her. Yet, ’twas a desire that ran far deeper than carnal need, and for that reason, he must speak with her this morning. He headed across the bailey, past the servants drawing water from the well and the chickens pecking at the hard ground.
Liliana and Averil were still talking when he reached the wrought iron gate opening into the garden. As he lifted the latch, Liliana glanced at him. Their gazes locked, and a pulse of desire ran through him.
She startled, as though she’d felt a similar sensation. Had she?
He stepped into the garden and shut the gate behind him, noting that suddenly, the two women had fallen silent.
They were facing him now. Averil grinned. Liliana looked unsettled.
He offered what he hoped was his most courteous smile. “Good day, ladies.”
“Good day, Ren.” Averil stretched out her hand to her daughter, who stood several yards away, gaping at Ren. “Come along, Rosy.”
The little girl pouted. “Mama.”
“Liliana told me there is a big orange and white cat that lives in the stable. Shall we see if we can find him?”
The child’s face broke into a wide grin. “Kitty!”
“Aye,” Averil said, laughing.
Rosy hurried to her mother’s side, slid her small gloved hand into Averil’s, then tugged her toward the gate.
“I will see you anon,” Averil called back to Liliana.
“All right.” Liliana chuckled. Sunshine limned her profile. She was so lovely, he yearned to trail his fingers along her cheek, to hear her sigh as her eyes closed and her face tilted to accept his caress—
The gate clanged shut.
Liliana clasped her gloved hands together, her thumbs nervously twi
tching. A blush crept into her face.
“’Tis a lovely morning,” Ren said, hoping to put her somewhat at ease. “Cold, but pleasant.”
“Aye.”
“I trust you slept well last night?” Argh. Not the wisest question he could have asked.
“Well enough, I suppose.” Her blush deepened. “If that is all, I probably should—”
“Please. Stay.”
“Ren, I—”
“We really need to talk.”
She looked longingly at the gate. Then, as though gathering her resolve, she nodded. “You are right. We do need to talk.”
Liliana motioned for him to follow her. Side by side, they walked across the frost-covered garden to where two stone benches faced an ornamental fish pond. Rock walled flower beds, some filled with barren rose bushes, indicated this would be a colorful spot in springtime.
Ice clung to the edges of the pool. Ren smiled wryly, for if he were a young lad, he’d have hunched down by the ice and poked at it until it all shattered and melted.
Hellfire, he still wanted to do that.
Liliana sat, her garments rustling softly against the bench. He eyed the second, empty bench, but instead, sat beside her.
She clasped her gloved hands again, resting them in her lap. Before he could utter one word, she said, “You want to discuss what happened last night.”
“Indeed, I do.”
“I honestly do not know what came over me. I was upset upon learning that my brother is alive. I was filled with overwhelming emotions.”
“I understand.”
Her startled gaze met his, then broke away. “How can you understand? Haddon is not your brother.”
“He is like a brother to me.”
“Mayhap.” She shook her head. “You…were most kind last night, and I am very grateful for the comfort you offered me. And yet…”
“Yet?” he murmured.
Shame etched into her features. Ren wanted to take her hands in his, to comfort her as he had done early on in the chamber last night, but he also didn’t want to give her a reason to bolt. He forced himself to be patient, to let her express all that weighed heavily upon her conscience. “In truth, I cannot explain why I suddenly felt compelled to kiss you, and why I… could not seem to stop. I behaved very badly.”
Oh, Liliana. “You have naught be ashamed of,” he said. “Trust me when I say—”
“Please. I…I owe you an apology.” Looking miserable, she stared again at her lap.
He couldn’t stand to see her in such torment. Shifting forward on the bench, Ren reached out, gently set his fingers under her chin, and tilted her face so she had no choice but to look at him. “You have no reason to apologize,” he said firmly. “You did naught wrong. I did not discourage your kisses. Indeed, why would I, when…” When I believe I have loved you from the moment we first met, all those years ago.
Curiosity lit her gaze. “When?”
He dragged his attention back from the captivating blue of her eyes. “When I am the one who should apologize.”
“What for?” She frowned. “Kissing me back?”
He laughed; he couldn’t help it. “Never for kissing you. Those were some of the best kisses I have ever had.”
“Truly?”
“Truly.”
“Oh.” The hint of a smile touched her mouth. “I…had no idea.”
“I am not just saying that to appease you. I mean it most sincerely.” He let go of her chin and caught hold of her hands.
“Ren.” She was blushing again.
“The apology I owe you also is most sincere. I have owed it to you for years. Now, you shall have it.”
Her eyebrows rose.
He drew in a deep breath. In his mind, he’d rehearsed what he’d say to her, but now that the moment was upon him, all those fine words had vanished. Drawing upon the emotions coiling up inside him, he said, “I am sorry for all of the tricks I played upon you when we were younger: the thistles inside your shoes; the frog I dropped into your lap…”
A strangled sound broke from Liliana. Her shoulders shook. Judging by the twitching of her mouth, she was trying hard to suppress laughter.
“I see you remember the frog.”
“How could I forget? I could not hear out of my left ear all afternoon because Lady Kendelson had screamed so loudly.”
At least Liliana was laughing, not trying to wallop him. Ren chuckled. “I was a rebellious youngster.”
“You were.”
“’Twas a difficult time in my life,” he admitted, his voice softening. “My father had remarried, and my step-mother despised me. She wanted me out of my sire’s castle.”
“My father told me. I am sorry that happened to you.”
“What your father wouldn’t have told you, because I haven’t spoken of it to another living soul until today…” He swallowed the bitter taste of anger. “She wanted me gone because I refused to lie with her.”
“What?”
Nodding, he stared down at their joined hands. “My father was away. She tried to seduce me. When I refused her, she turned against me. She turned my father against me, too.”
“How horrible!”
Ren shrugged. “My father and I get along well enough now. He is proud of all I have accomplished. He is still married to her, but she wisely keeps her distance from me.”
“Good.” Compassion gleamed in Liliana’s eyes.
Eager to change the subject, Ren squeezed her hands and grinned. “Then there was the day I stole your clothes.”
Liliana’s lips pressed together. She looked over at the pond, wounded pride now in the line of her jaw.
“I am sorry for embarrassing you, for hurting you, for making you feel foolish.” The words poured from him. “I regret every instance that I tormented you, Liliana. I should have realized trickery was not the way to… win your love.”
Her astonished gaze returned to him.
He laughed, the sound wry. “You never guessed how much I fancied you? If only I had been wise enough and brave enough to have told you.”
***
Liliana’s mind reeled. To think that all of the tricks, all of the taunting, all of the annoying incidents had happened because Ren had liked her…
Averil had suggested as much long ago, but Liliana had been too angry and upset to want to believe her.
And now…?
Ren’s expression had turned sheepish. He looked so much like the mischievous lad she’d known years ago that she giggled.
“I hope that laughter is a good sign,” he murmured.
“’Tis.” Liliana shook her head. “If only you had actually told me that you—”
“Thought you were the most beautiful young lady I had ever known?”
Her pulse became a sparrow beating inside her ribcage.
“Or that I would have given anything for your kiss?”
Her heart was going to fly right out of her breast. Her hands, still clasped in his, were damp inside her gloves. “I am not certain back then that I would have believed you if you’d said such things.”
“What about now?” he asked.
His low, rumbled voice was akin to a caress trailing over her skin. A heady warmth shimmered inside her, while his words seemed to hover in the air between them, powerful and poignant.
“Now,” she said softly, “I might believe such gilded words were meant to woo me.”
“Good.” His eyelid dropped in a lazy wink. “Then with all gallantry, let me say—”
She pulled her right hand free and pressed a gloved finger to his lips. “Wait.”
“Mmm?”
“Since we are exchanging apologies, I have another for you.”
“Why?” he said, his lips moving against her leather-encased finger.
“Years ago, I was not very kind to you. I made no effort to be pleasant.”
He smiled, a sensual curve of his lips against the leather. “My behavior was far worse.”
“Still. I
vowed not to like you, whatever you did, because…”
“Because?”
Heat burned her face. “I was jealous. Incredibly jealous of the way Haddon wanted to spend time with you, not with me.”
Ren exhaled a long breath. “Ah.”
“Haddon and I had always been close. We would spend as much time as we could together. That is, until you came to my sire’s keep. Then, Haddon’s loyalties switched to you, and I, well…I resented that.”
“I see.”
“Do you?” Realizing her finger was still on Ren’s mouth, she drew her hand away. She set it atop their joined hands.
“As I said before, Liliana, I care for Haddon as if he were my sibling. To see him so defeated years ago, to have him choose to fill his days with despair…”
“Despair?” Shock rippled through her. That didn’t sound like her brother at all.
“Haddon became very despondent after his injury. To try and compete with the darkness to which he had succumbed was nigh impossible. But, I refused to give up on him. I refused to let him waste his life that had been spared for some God-given reason.”
Liliana’s throat tightened. If what Ren said was true, then she was very grateful for all he’d done to help Haddon. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“If circumstances were different, he would have done the same for me.”
Oh, mercy, but Ren was more heroic than she’d ever imagined. She wanted to kiss him again. The desire was so strong, she struggled not to throw herself into his arms, to press her lips to his and drown in the thrilling sensations they’d shared last night.
Such behavior, though, was unseemly for a highborn maiden. Moreover, someone in the bailey might see. If she and Ren were caught kissing, ’twould be akin to a pledge of betrothal—and as a matter of honor, her sire would insist upon an engagement. ’Twould not be fair to force Ren into proposing to her; he might care for her, might enjoy wooing her, but that didn’t mean he wished to make her his wife.
Moreover, she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about Ren, although the longing burgeoning inside her… That was undeniably real.
“Liliana?” he said quietly. His gaze smoldered, as it had last evening when they’d kissed. The heat in his eyes stirred a sweet new turmoil inside her that grew hotter, more insistent, with every moment that their gazes held.
A Merry Medieval Christmas: Historical Romance Holiday Collection Page 52
