by Brynne Asher
As I am buckling up, my phone rings. “Hey, Paige.”
“Hey yourself. Look, we never did junk food and a movie marathon, how about tonight? I’ll bring the junk food and Gabby’s got a million movies to choose from. I know she and Jude are in Colorado, we can hang out and you won’t have to be by yourself. How about it?”
Honestly. The Carpinos are the nicest people ever.
“That’s my little sister?” Tony asks.
I look to Tony. “Yeah.”
Paige’s voice turns annoyed through my phone. “Is that my brother? What are you doing with him?”
I answer Paige. “We’re leaving the mall.”
“Tony hates the mall,” she states.
“What does she want?” Tony interrupts.
“She wants to do junk food and movies.”
“Did you eat mall food?” Paige asks further.
I turn my attention back to Paige. “Well, yeah.”
“Tell her only if she makes more pumpkin cookies,” Tony demands.
“Tell him I don’t have time to make pumpkin cookies. The batter has to chill,” Paige answers Tony.
“Should I let you two speak to one another?” I ask both of them simultaneously.
“NO!” they chime at the same time.
I sigh. “Paige, movies sound good, but I’m not hungry. I’ve had enough junk food to last a year. Tony will drop me off at Gabby’s, we should be there soon.”
Tony puts hand out to me. “Give me the phone.”
I frown as I hear Paige groan at her brother’s request. “Here, Tony changed his mind. He wants to talk to you.”
Tony takes the phone as he navigates our way through the crazy after Thanksgiving traffic. “I’m not dropping her off. I’m staying for movies. Bring whatever junk food you had planned and I’ll pay you forty dollars for more pumpkin cookies, but you have to make them tomorrow.” He pauses and then adds frustratingly, “Fine. Fifty. But I want the whole batch.”
And then, just like that, he hangs up on his sister without saying goodbye.
“Tony, I can’t eat more junk food and I can’t believe you’re going to pay her for pumpkin cookies.”
“Paige’s idea of junk food isn’t really junk food. Trust me on this. You’ll thank me later.”
I try to let him off the hook. “All right, but you really can drop me off. You don’t need to stay. You’ve already spent a good chunk of your day off with me.”
He shrugs. “I could watch a movie.”
“But I feel bad. You all don’t need to babysit me. Gabby has an alarm—I’ll be fine.”
Tony reaches out to grab my hand and threads our fingers. “Gem, I said I could watch a movie.”
Fine. If he doesn’t have anything better to do than torture me, so be it. I pull on my hand, only to feel his grip harden, holding it to the console while throwing me a smile. I sigh, lean back in my seat and watch the traffic move as we make our way back to Gabby’s house for more junk food and a movie marathon.
All the while letting Tony hold my hand.
I can’t move.
For two reasons.
One—I’m stuffed. Tony was right. Paige’s junk food isn’t normal junk food. She made a layered hummus dip with pita chips, miniature baked ham and cheese biscuit sandwiches, and a jalapeno jelly she made herself and dumped it over cream cheese to spread on crackers. She told me she considers it junk food because it lacks fruits and vegetables. I guess she didn’t consider the chopped tomatoes, cucumbers, and onions on the layered hummus dip, but I wasn’t going to be the one to point out the nutritional value of her junk food.
And two—I started out at one end of Gabby’s big sectional snuggled in with a toss pillow at the beginning of our movie marathon. Paige stretched out on the other end. That left the middle for Tony. But instead of taking the middle like a normal person would have done, he decided to torture me further and came straight to me picking up my legs to plop himself down where he tucked his hip right into my bottom. Then he slouched into his seat to prop his long legs on the coffee table with my legs draped over his lap. I immediately tried to sit up and yank my legs away, but he held on tight not allowing me to move.
“Tony!” I yelled.
“Leigh,” he drawled back, sort of lazy-like.
I glared at him.
He smiled back.
I looked over at Paige who was watching the entire exchange while raising an eyebrow in question. I gave my head a tiny shake and sighed. Then I turned to the TV and tried to get as comfortable as I could—which really wasn’t hard since it was pretty comfortable. It was even more comfortable when Tony would randomly run his hands over my legs and feet, a touch so light yet significant, I felt it down to my bones.
Pure torture.
This was all after the big decision of what to watch. Watching Tony and Paige duke it out over our viewing selection was interesting to say the least. I’ve never had much of an adult relationship with my sister and we never got along as kids, degenerating into a miserable relationship as teenagers.
It all started with Paige going through Gabby’s collection of movies she collected during her eighties phase. Paige insisted we watch Breakfast Club. Tony said he was absolutely not watching a Brat Pack movie and suggested the Bourne Trilogy. Paige threw me under the bus and said there was no way I would want to watch anything violent. I mean, really. Everyone knows Jason Bourne is the bomb, but I didn’t get to express this because Paige suggested the entire Star Wars collection to which Tony said, “No fucking way. You recite every line out loud and it’s obnoxious. Just because you’re the size of Yoda doesn’t make you a Jedi and the master of all things Star Wars.”
Turning back to study the library of movies, Paige got excited. “Sex in the City! Gabby has the whole series. If we start tonight, I bet we can finish by Christmas. Gabby will be pissed we started without her, but she’ll just have to deal with it.”
“I’m not watching that shit, Paige,” Tony replied, as Paige starts putting in the first disc.
Paige turned around, put her hands on her hips, and threw me under the bus again. “But it’s Leigh’s favorite. Ask her. It’ll make her happy.”
Tony turned to me, only to raise a brow. I tipped my head to the side while shrugging because Sex in the City is my absolute favorite. Those four women are amazing—not to mention a lot naughty—and I wish I could have just a bit of their amazingness. Don’t even get me started on their clothes. But instead, I shrug. “I like Jason Bourne, too.”
Tony smirks and turns back to Paige. “Put it in.”
“Like I needed your permission,” Paige muttered loud enough for us all to hear.
I breathed a sigh of relief, because really, I didn’t want to see what Paige would have done if he ex-nayed Sex in the City.
After we finally settled in with Paige’s non-junk-food-junk-food with Tony torturing my legs and feet, I got lost in the dramas and humor of four amazing characters. In the middle of the fourth episode, comfort and food took over—I drifted off.
Now, I vaguely hear Paige whispering a goodbye and leaving. That’s when I feel Tony’s fingers on my neck and his lips at my ear. “Sweetheart. Get up and go to bed.”
I blink my eyes open to see Tony’s face close to mine. Somehow my bottom is tucked in even tighter to his side and I’m lying in an “S” with my legs still draped over him, but now he’s leaning over me. He somehow stands, pulling me with him and, before I know it in my semi-consciousness, Tony pulls me into his arms. With one around my lower back, the other hand goes into my hair, and his lips come to my forehead. My arms are squished between us, but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel how amazing his strong arms feel wrapped around me.
My fingers grip his shirt as he kisses my forehead. “Go to bed, Leigh. I’ll let the dog out and lock up the house.”
I lift my head and look at him. I need to let him know what today has meant to me. Smiling and laughing on a day that should have been long and depressing from
terrible memories is something I hadn’t expected. He gave me that, even though I can’t let myself think about why he gave me that. I don’t need another man in my life now—maybe never. I know I’m being selfish by letting Tony torture me in all his wonderful ways but I can’t make him stop. I’m too weak, just like I was too weak to leave Preston after years of abuse. I’m one hundred percent sure I would have gone back to Preston had Gabby not personally removed me from my living hell. I used to think of myself as a strong person, but not anymore. As much as I know I should push Tony away I can’t. It feels too good right now when there’s nothing good in my life to feel.
I look into his deep dark eyes with his lush hair falling to his forehead. “Thank you for today.” I might be weak but I’m not stupid. I know I need to get out of his arms, no matter how wonderful they feel. “Can you set the alarm when you leave?”
Tony looks down at me a beat. “I’ll set the alarm. Go to bed.” He kisses my forehead one more time and, letting me go, gives me a nudge toward my room. I get ready for bed, hear the beeps of the alarm as Mia finds me and jumps up to cuddle in for the night. I tuck in as tight as I can, thinking of nothing but the caress I feel in my soul when Tony touches me in any way. I’ve never felt a touch like it in my life. So, I hang on to the feel of his caress as I start to drift off, my body needing sleep but my mind dreading it knowing what it will likely bring.
Tony
I jerk awake on the sofa from a noise coming from somewhere in the house. Grabbing my phone off the coffee table, it’s a bit after three in the morning. I think it’s coming from Leigh’s room so I throw off my blanket to go to her. With the hall light on, I crack the door to see her curled up but jerking and whimpering.
I go to the side of her bed, lightly put my hand to her arm, and whisper, “Leigh?”
Her body wracks with shock at my touch and she pulls away. “Stop! No, stop!”
Chapter Four
Drink It In
Tony
Shit. I lean away from her with my palms out to show her I’m not going to touch her.
“It’s only me.” She’s pressed up against the headboard now, breathing hard trying to get her bearings with Mia jumping around the bed trying to get in her face. “Sweetheart, you were dreaming. You’re okay.”
“I’m sorry,” she whimpers through labored breaths. She gives her head a little shake. “What are you doing here?”
“I didn’t want you to be by yourself. I slept on the sofa.” I inch toward her. “Are you okay?”
She frowns. “You heard me?”
“Gem, you were almost crying in your sleep. Yeah, I heard you.”
“Shit,” she mutters.
“What?”
“Nothing. Why did you stay?”
Taking a chance since I can tell she’s getting a handle on it, I move even closer where our hips are touching and put my hands up to cup her face. I ignore her question. “What were you dreaming about?”
She jerks slightly then closes her eyes at my touch. Shaking her head a bit, she lies, “Nothing.”
“That was not nothing.”
“I don’t even remember.”
“You should talk about it.”
“I want to go back to sleep.”
I sigh, wanting to push her but don’t know what’s safe at this point. “Do you want me to stay with you? I’ll sit here until you go to sleep.”
“What? No,” she lets out quickly. “Sometimes I … well … it can take a while to go back to sleep. You should go back to the sofa. Really, you should go home. I’m fine.”
“Sweetheart, I’m not going home. Lay down, I’ll sit here until you go back to sleep.”
“No, Tony. I’m fine.”
Mia is still jumping around the bed. I decide to work with what I’ve got. “Leigh. You’re freaking the dog out. Lay down.”
Leigh frowns through the dim light from the hallway, but then, as if she realizes I’m here for the first time she drags her eyes over my bare chest and down to my jeans. Then slowly, her gaze comes back up to my face like she’s just taking me in.
Well, fuck me. That’s going to try my patience.
My voice comes out rougher this time. “Gem, lay down and go back to sleep.”
As if she’s snapping out of a daze, she gives her head a little shake again and scoots down in the bed turning her back to me. The dog finally settles and I take what I can, pressing my hip up to her back and lean down to kiss her soft hair. I feel her whole body tense as I breathe her in. “Sleep.”
I don’t move away, but start to pull my fingers through her hair, finding myself mesmerized by its weight. After a few minutes, she relaxes into me and I hear a very audible sigh. I smile as I keep at her hair. This takes a while, but finally, her body relaxes more and her breathing evens. I take myself back to the sofa because if I don’t, I know I’ll crawl in behind her. Throwing myself down on the sofa, I bring the palms of my hands up to rub my eyes.
She’s having nightmares. I don’t even know what to do with that. Pulling my hands through my hair, I look into the darkness toward the ceiling. “Fucking hell.”
I open the door for the second night in a row, allowing the hall light to invade her room. Again, she’s curled into herself. Again, she’s whimpering. And again, the dog is going crazy. I go straight to her and this time put my hands to her shoulders and give her a shake. “Gem. Wake up.”
She startles, although she doesn’t seem as surprised to see me tonight. After another four episodes of Sex in the City—which is about to drive me fucking mad—I kissed her forehead, told her I was staying, and pushed her off to bed after she tried to argue with me and I denied her argument. I even brought sleep pants so I didn’t have to sleep in jeans and I wasn’t naked if I needed to go to her. Then I had to make myself tamp down those thoughts and remember my need for patience.
She grabs onto my arms, like she’s holding on for dear life and wheezes, “I’m sorry. So sorry.”
I’m a lawyer, not a psychologist. I have no idea how to take away nightmares. I decide to be selfish and do what I wanted to do last night. I yank her up, pull her into my lap and wrap her up in my arms. She’s tense but I put my hand to the back of her head and stuff her face in my neck while rubbing her back. She finally relaxes, slumping in my arms.
I put my lips to her hair. “What are you dreaming about?”
She tenses and mumbles against my skin, “I’m sorry I woke you again. I want to go back to sleep.”
I pull back to look at her. “It’s not going to go away if you don’t talk about it.”
Her voice is pained. “I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t.”
“Gem, please.”
“No.” She crawls out of my lap to lay back down facing away from me.
I sigh, move close to her and do what I did last night. She settles quicker and finally goes back to sleep.
Tonight, it takes me longer to leave her. I sit here too long wondering what’s in her head. Making myself pull away, I finally go back to my spot on the sofa. Frustrated over what to do, I go back to sleep.
Leigh
The pain is so bad and I know. The minute I feel his foot, I know. Then the noise starts—the crying. It’s earsplitting from the echoes in this room. There’s so much blood, it’s everywhere. I have nowhere to go, nowhere to run. I’m trapped with the blood and the noise. As the pain sharpens and starts to leak out, I know it’s my fault. This shouldn’t have happened, but I did it and that’s on me. I’m the one who caused this and as that realization flows through me the noise becomes louder and louder…
“Gem. Sweetheart, open your eyes.”
I do as I’m told and realize I’m up, in Tony’s lap, moving in his arms this time.
Shit. It just won’t stop.
I can’t help it. I’ve tried to fight it, but I’m weak—especially the third night in a row. He’s wearing me down. I press into him to get as close as possible. He senses this and shifts me to pull me in tighter.
I sit here against his bare chest, so big and strong, with his beautiful olive skin wrapped around me. I let myself drink it in. And I do. I drink in everything I can because it’s in the middle of the night, I’m weak, and I can’t keep the nightmares away, that are my reality, which makes it all worse.
“Gem—” Tony starts.
I cut him off tonight. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Then I do what I shouldn’t do, what I didn’t know I could do, and that’s press even closer. If I could melt into his chest I would.
Tony sighs but takes me by surprise. He turns in the bed with me in his lap and falls back, landing on my pillows with me on top of him. Not stopping, he rolls us to our sides, sits up to flip the covers over us and flops back down. He proceeds to roll back to his side facing me and yanks me into his big, hard chest. Reaching down he pulls my leg at the back of my knee up and over his hip, stuffs my face in his neck again and holds me tight. “Sleep.”
“Tony…” I’m breathless from our new position.
“Relax.”
“But—”
“Go to sleep.”
“I don’t think I—”
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks firmly.
I clamp my mouth shut.
“Tell me about your dreams, Leigh.”
After quickly contemplating my options, I mumble, “I think I’ll go back to sleep.”
He pulls back enough to kiss my forehead. “That’s what I thought. Go to sleep.”
It takes me a while to relax as my mind wanders. Like, I’m glad I’m wearing my jammie pants and a tee instead of just my panties and a tee like I usually do. It’s impossible to not think about being pressed up next to Tony. His bare chest, big and warm, his long legs tangled with mine. He feels so good I think I could even let myself forget about my nightmares and the pain I caused over the last few months. Nothing has ever felt this good.
