by Linda Ford
“Me!” He widened his eyes. She might have almost believed his protest except for the twinkle in his eyes.
“So far you’ve survived.” She studied him. “Are you one to take risks?”
He blinked as if the question surprised him. “Blaze says I’m on the wild side, but I don’t see it that way.” His words came slowly. “The way I see it is, some risks are worth taking, but others aren’t.”
“What things fall into the not-worth-taking category?”
He looked away. “I’d have to say letting myself care for Celia does, but I didn’t realize it until too late. It’s a lesson I don’t plan to repeat.”
She mulled over his words. “Do you mean you don’t plan to care for another woman like you did for Celia?” As soon as the words were out, she realized she was treading into territory beyond what their acquaintance allowed. “I’m sorry. Forget I asked.” She got to her feet and hurried to the ridge where she could enjoy the view.
He remained where he was for several minutes, then joined her. “It’s fair to ask, as the question arises from what I said. I had to think a moment about my answer. Before I let myself care for another woman, I would have to be completely and thoroughly convinced that doing so was a risk worth taking.”
“That makes sense.” She didn’t want to talk about it more. She had Megan to think of. Nothing else mattered.
She changed the direction of the conversation. “Tell me how your father came to find this place.”
They sat side by side on the hill, overlooking a view that went on and on. Megan slept behind them as Jake told how his pa had developed a hankering to move west after their ma died. “Maybe he always had it, but Ma didn’t agree. I don’t know. But when we moved to Broadstone, he made it clear that it was a stepping-stone to the new west. He read everything he could find and made a trip out here. Said he had fallen in love with the Rocky Mountains and the rich pastureland. He bought some land and leased more from the government.” His voice deepened. “It’s sad he never got to live his dream.”
“I guess we both know that things change without warning.”
* * *
Jake heard the sadness in Connie’s voice. “You’ve experienced it too, with Celia.”
She nodded. “But you have the ranch your pa wanted, and I have Megan.”
“The silver lining?”
She grinned. “I always try and find one.”
He studied her. “That’s nice. Are you always successful?”
“Not always. I confess I flounder at times. Celia’s death was sad. I still hurt from it, so it isn’t as if I’m ignoring reality, but I don’t want to waste my life in regrets.”
“Me either. Any more than I want to repeat lessons that have been handed me.”
“Like falling in love with Celia?”
“Love is a strong word.” He leaned back on his elbows. “She was like a butterfly flitting from one adventure to the next, and I was drawn to that zest for life. But I soon learned it had a dark side.” He heard Connie’s sharply indrawn breath and sat up. “I’m not speaking ill of her.”
“I know. What did you see as the dark side?”
“She could never be content.” He watched Connie; afraid she might take offense at his plain speaking.
She held his gaze a moment then slowly nodded. “That’s true. Even as a child she was never content. I couldn’t always keep up with her sudden changes.”
“You two are so different.”
Connie sat up. She drew her mouth into a hard line. “I don’t care to be compared to her.”
“Even if I say I like how different you are?”
Slowly her mouth softened. “You do?”
“You’re easy to be around. That’s good. You enjoy the little meaningful things of life.”
“Like what?”
“The flowers, the view, the wild animals, a baby that isn’t yours.”
She considered his words for a moment then shook her head. “You’re basing your opinion on a few minutes observation of one afternoon. That’s hardly a true assessment.”
“This isn’t the first time I’ve seen you, you know. I saw you with Celia. Saw how you calmed her and how, even when she left you behind, you didn’t seem resentful.”
“I could never resent her. I loved her.”
“I know. That’s exactly what I mean.”
He watched both doubt and hope fill her eyes. Strange how he could read her thoughts so clearly. Or was it simply that her eyes were so expressive?
Megan sat up and whimpered.
They returned to her. Connie held her as she came fully awake. He wondered if Megan would see people who were unfamiliar and start to cry again. But she looked at Jake and grinned.
“I suppose we should start back,” he said. Megan sat up and held out her arms for him to take her.
He took her while Connie got the picnic basket and caught up her shawl. They headed down the hill to the wagon.
On the way home, Megan entertained them with chatter he didn’t comprehend and her excitement over every bird and tree and rock she saw.
The buildings came into sight.
“Connie, I’m glad we did this. I enjoyed the afternoon.”
“I did too. Thank you.”
He let her off at the house and took the wagon to the barn.
It was almost suppertime, but the others hadn’t returned. He thought of going to look for them but went to the house instead where Audrey, Connie, and Megan were on the porch waiting to serve the meal.
Bowser had gone with the men, otherwise he would have joined them.
It was approaching dark when he saw his brothers riding homeward. Little Megan had already been fed and was asleep in the bedroom she shared with Connie.
One look at the muddy legs of the horses and boots of the men and Jake knew they had encountered a problem. They cleaned off their boots, lifted Bowser into the trough to wash him off, and then tended their horses before they came to the house.
Blaze saw Jake on the porch and gave him a surprised look. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in Fort Macleod.”
“Bridge is washed away.”
Blaze groaned. “What else can go wrong?”
“What happened?” Jake asked.
“We’re starved to mere shadows. Can’t talk until we eat,” Cash said.
Blaze nodded. Even Levi was subdued.
Jake followed his three brothers inside, wondering what had them all so down in the chops. Remembering what he’d said to Connie a few hours ago about how quickly things could change—and not usually for the better—his insides tightened.
The women served the meal and they gathered around the table.
Blaze’s prayer was short. Weariness filled his voice.
Jake waited until the meal was almost over. “Is anyone going to tell me what’s going on?”
Levi kept his head down, still eating like there was no bottom to his stomach.
Blaze took one more mouthful then rested his hand beside his plate. “You know that draw west toward Beaver Creek?”
Jake nodded.
“The side of the hill slid off and blocked it with a hundred head of cows trapped behind.”
Jake let out a low whistle. “Are the cattle all right?”
“So far, but the only water they have is a few puddles from the rain. We have to get them out as soon as possible.” Cash sounded weary.
“We’ll need every pair of hands we can find plus picks and shovels,” Blaze said. “What we really need is a slip scraper but not having one, we’ll do it by hand.”
Jake felt his brothers studying him and knew what they were thinking. Every able-bodied man would be needed to dig open the draw. “I told Connie I would get her to the fort as soon as possible. I don’t like to go back on my word.”
“You can’t rebuild the bridge by yourself,” Cash said, his voice quiet but insistent. They all knew the cows needed rescuing as soon as physically possible.
> “Connie,” Blaze said. “Do you mind waiting until we deal with this matter?”
“It’s not fair to ask her,” Jake protested.
“It’s all right. I don’t mind waiting, if you all don’t mind having me around a bit longer.”
Audrey chuckled. “I, for one, am glad of company that doesn’t stomp mud across my floor.”
Connie laughed and held up her hand as if making a solemn promise. “I’ll make sure I don’t do that.”
Levi slapped his palm to his thigh. “Sure don’t mind keeping Megan longer.” Realizing how it sounded, he added. “You too, of course.”
Cash and Blaze both said they didn’t mind in the least.
Connie turned to Jake. Did she need his approval to stay? He fought a battle within himself. He wanted her to stay. But he didn’t want to grow fond of her. Could one happen without the other?
“I’d enjoy having you stay.”
When Levi laughed, Jake knew he had said more than he meant to.
But there was no pulling the words back.
She smiled, but her eyes remained wary, as if she guessed at his feelings.
“We’ll leave first thing in the morning.” Blaze’s plate was clean, and he leaned his chair back. “We’ll use the wagon and take as many tools as we can find.”
“Do you want me to prepare food for you?” Audrey asked.
“It won’t be necessary. I had the men move camp so they could help. Sal is there with the chuckwagon. He'll feed us.” Blaze turned to Connie. “Thank you for being understanding.”
She chuckled softly. “I guess it’s my nature to ease things when I can.”
“An admirable quality,” Blaze said.
Jake was not about to let Blaze be the only one to offer Connie approval. “She’s not one to dwell on difficulties. She finds the good things in a situation and enjoys them.”
He turned to smile at her and found himself lost in her dark, yearning gaze.
Yearning?
He must be imagining it. Reflecting his own feelings.
No. That wasn’t right. He had everything he needed and wanted.
Didn’t he?
7
Connie jerked her attention to her empty plate. What was she thinking, to stare at Jake so long? To let her heart speak its silent words through her eyes?
Thankfully, Audrey rose and began clearing the table.
Connie pushed her chair back and hurried to help.
The men lingered, discussing the landslide they had to deal with.
The dishes done, the kitchen clean, Audrey emptied the dishwater. “I’m going for bed.”
At that, everyone made their way down the hall.
Jake paused at his doorway. “I’m sorry about the delay. Thank you for being so understanding.”
Aware the others had stopped to listen, Connie chuckled. “It’s not as if I have a pressing deadline.” She stepped into her room and closed the door. It was true. She had nowhere she needed to be. No one who watched for her to return.
The admission sucked the air from her lungs, and she sank to the edge of the bed. She allowed the enormity of her situation to hit her. She wasn’t welcome back home if she had Megan, and she had no intention of giving up the baby. “I can do this,” she whispered. God, help me find the right place for both of us.
Later, as she lay in bed, she smiled, letting herself remember the enjoyment of the picnic she and Megan had shared with Jake. It wasn’t only the thought of the wild animals she’d seen, or the vast vistas that brought a smile of pleasure. No. She recalled the moments she’d shared with Jake. His nearness as he directed her gaze. The feel of his arm as she rubbed it.
She pushed away such thoughts and reminded herself that he had loved Celia.
But he said he liked how she was different from her cousin.
Stop it. None of it made a difference. He’d been clear that he considered caring for another woman too risky for his liking. Besides, she was leaving here as soon as the men had time to build a new bridge.
Her future would take her away from this place and these people.
She turned on her side and waited for sleep.
Everyone was up before dawn. Connie helped Audrey prepare a huge breakfast. The men ate hurriedly then loaded the wagon with tools, buckets, and various other things, and departed, saying they would be back after dark and would eat supper then.
She and Audrey cleaned the kitchen. Audrey put a pot of soup to simmer for their noon meal.
The day loomed ahead, long and empty. “What can I do?” Connie asked.
Audrey looked around. “There’s really nothing that needs doing at the moment. I intend to take advantage of the quiet to work on a piece of cross-stitch. Why don’t you and Megan go explore? Or rest. Whatever you’d like.”
It seemed Audrey hoped for some time alone, so Connie took Megan and they went to the barn. A cat came toward them, meowing. Connie squatted down to pet the cat. Seeing it was friendly, she put Megan on the floor. The cat rubbed around her, purring loudly, putting Megan off balance. She plunked to her padded bottom and the cat claimed her tiny lap.
Megan giggled and pressed her face to the cat’s fur.
Connie leaned on the nearby post, content to watch the pair. She glanced around. The barn was large, the alleyway clean. She wondered which of the brothers made sure it was kept so neat. Or were they all responsible? The four of them and their sister were a close-knit group. Would any of them ever marry and break up the family circle? Or would a marriage partner simply be invited into the circle? How would a woman, or a man, feel if that was the expectation?
How would she feel?
This wasn’t about her. She jerked upright. The cat had wandered off, so she took Megan and headed outdoors where she wasn’t assailed by thoughts of the Hooper family. All of them, she insisted. Not just one.
Only outdoors wasn’t any better. Her gaze retraced the trails they had followed the day before. One toward the coulee, the other up the hill toward the viewpoint.
For a moment, she stared at the parallel tracks up the hill. Why did her heart ache with longing? The truth hit her. She blinked.
It was the first time Jake, or anyone had devoted a whole afternoon to her. In the past, her escorts had been more interested in what Celia was doing. Several of them made it plain they’d hoped Celia would have accompanied Connie.
She snorted. Jake knew it wasn’t possible. Knew Connie was the best he could hope for.
Fine. She knew what she was. A shadow of her cousin. But now also mother to little Megan. Nothing else mattered.
She turned and chose another direction, skirting around the barn and following the cow path leading away from the buildings. They reached a rock almost as big as a wagon. It tipped down on one side providing a place she could sit. She put Megan on the ground, letting her explore.
“Not in your mouth,” she said as Megan tried to eat the leaves of the scrubby bushes. Megan pulled herself to her feet and patted the lichen-covered boulder.
Connie stared into the distance. She realized she looked west, the direction the men had gone, but there was no sign of them.
She shook herself and pushed off the rock. “Come on, Megan. We’ll amuse ourselves. After all, it will soon be just the two of us.” She swung the baby in the air. “And we’ll do just fine by ourselves, won’t we?” Megan’s hearty chuckle provided the encouragement Connie needed. She followed the cow path around the hill, past a sharp hill to another wide vista. “It’s a beautiful country, isn’t it, little one?”
Megan chattered happily if unintelligibly.
Realizing how easily she could get turned around and lost, Connie climbed the nearby hill. From there she could see the ranch buildings and made her way back.
“Just in time for dinner,” Audrey said, folding away the project she worked on.
As they ate the savory soup, Connie told about their little walk.
Megan’s head tipped forward.
“I ne
ed to put her down for a nap. I’ll be right back to help with dishes.”
Audrey laughed. “I think I can manage three bowls and three spoons without help. Feel free to have a nap. Or pick a book to read.” She pointed to the bookcase in the living area.
“I might do that.” She chose a book and carried Megan to the bedroom. The baby fell asleep as soon as she reached her little spot. Connie chuckled. The truth was, the baby was asleep before she lay down.
Connie sat in the nearby rocker and opened the book. She was unfamiliar with the title and the author. After wading through a few pages of dry text, she closed it. It held no interest for her. She pulled the curtains aside and stared out at the backyard of the house. A fenced area was no doubt the garden. She saw the corner of the chicken coop and yard and a dozen or so chickens scratching for food.
A loose thread from the curtain tickled the back of her hand. She broke it off and wrapped it around her finger. Then unwrapped it and wrapped it again. Was this how her future would be? Alone. Except for the company of a baby. So bored a thread amused her. She opened the book again and tried to read it.
The words swam before her eyes.
She pushed to her feet. “Things will be different once I’m settled in Fort Macleod.” She spoke the words softly yet firmly. It was this waiting that was hard. The feeling that her life was in suspension.
Unable to resist, she returned to the window and leaned her elbows on the ledge. Half a dozen sparrows erupted from the trees at the end of the garden. Connie chuckled when she saw the cat at the bottom of the tree, looking up to where the birds had been. The cat walked away; his steps measured as if to say he wasn’t interested in the first place.
Something about those words wound through her thoughts like a brightly colored strand of yarn. She sat in the chair again and leaned her head back. She acknowledged the truth of that statement as it applied to her feelings for Jake. She might have harbored a tiny bit of interest in him before Celia caught his eye. But she’d firmly, completely, irrevocably dismissed any notion of him noticing her. And despite what he’d said on the picnic about liking that she was different from Celia, she had no desire to be second-best. Not even if Celia was now gone.
