He came inside and I shut the door behind him with a little more authority than normal.
“Your dad didn’t go to college? I didn’t know that.”
“He was self-made,” I nodded.
We lingered in the kitchen, in the same spot we had shared our moment yesterday. His face twitched, and I wondered if maybe the man who was hell bent on fucking with me had some kind of a conscience under all that.
Suddenly, a bolt of inspiration hit me. I straightened my posture and toughed up.
This was the man who had revealed yesterday he wanted to hook up with me. Even if he held a tough veneer, I could still play a little with him.
“So what’s your deal?”
He squinted. “I don’t follow.”
“You’re so weird. You do whatever my mom asks of you. You buy me jugs of water. You say you like me...” I shrugged. “And every chance you get you say some bullshit about my father.”
“If I were you, I’d like to know more about my father. I’m telling you these things because if I don’t, who will?”
“I mean I have his journals upstairs. I can get to know him pretty well from that.”
“Do you now?” He took a sip of water from a water bottle he had, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, all the while keeping his eyes on me. “We should go read them some time.”
“You’re not allowed to read it. It’s private.”
He smiled. “I bet your dad has a lot of secrets he never told you. He probably didn’t write the good ones in his journals anyway. Because he knew you might read it some day.”
“What secrets do you keep alluding to?”
“Maybe he liked to dress up as a clown or something.”
I crossed my arms.
“What is the matter with you? Are you ever serious?”
“Oh yes.”
“When?”
“Right now. I’m having some very serious thoughts.”
“Like what?”
He flashed me a cocky smirk, playfully rolling his eyes.
“I don’t think I should tell you.”
“Please?”
“Say ‘pretty please.’ And what are you going to do for me if I tell you?”
I bit my lower lip. Somehow he had the ability to make even that innocuous sentence sound dirty.
I thought about what I could do for him. I didn’t have much leverage, and he seemed intent on messing with me. As I leaned against the kitchen counter, my eyes landed on the peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a few bites out of it.
I wanted to mess with him, so I said the most ridiculous thing I could think of.
“I’ll make you a sandwich,” I teased.
His eyebrows raised when he heard me say that.
“Excuse me? I’m offended. That’s sexist.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m from the new generation of men. We can make our own sandwiches, thank you very much.”
I rolled my eyes. My intent had been more to mess with him than make a serious proposal, and I hadn’t even been thinking about any isms until he brought it up. Just about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and how my father used to make them for me when I was a little girl.
“But,” he held a hand up. “Just this once, I’ll accept.”
Just then, I couldn’t believe I was actually offering something just to hear this man’s serious thoughts. Since he’d rolled through the door, he hadn’t said much I could take seriously.
And the truth was, it made me wonder if there was depth behind those sexy eyes and the cocky attitude, or just filler.
“Deal.” He shook my hand, and we made steady eye contact. Noticing his hand was big and rough, I wondered what line of work he was in.
This was definitely not the manicured hand of a college student.
“Tell me, pretty please,” I said, releasing him.
“My serious thoughts. Okay.” He looked around the dining room, as if making sure there was no one who could hear him, then put his hands to my ears to whisper:
“I’m going to tell you the honest truth, because I’m not a fan of bullshitting. You ready?”
I nodded. “Ready.”
“I came over here because your mother asked me to check up on you when she called over to express her condolences for Louisa.”
“You said that already,” I emphasized. “That’s not a sandwich-worthy reveal.
“I didn’t say that the moment I laid eyes on you, I started having serious thoughts about you. And I mean seriously inappropriate thoughts.”
My body tingled all over the way he emphasized inappropriate. I wondered what he meant by it.
The way I could feel his breath on my neck as his hand hung on my shoulder, I thought I had an inkling of what he was thinking.
“You did? About what?”
“You want to know more?”
I nodded again.
He spoke slowly, his voice low and gravelly. “Alright. It’s the damnedest thing, really, Florida. I can barely carry on a conversation with you. I know we should be sharing our losses and I should be consoling you for the death of your father and everything but all I want to do is tear your clothes off. But—none of that matters. Because, like you said, you have a boyfriend. Which is a shame, because if you didn’t, then I might…”
The word ‘boyfriend’ dripped with smirky disdain. My heart began to race. I was pretty sure he knew I had made Jameson up on the spot. I opened my mouth and then closed it, speechless.
My breathing felt heavy. I was practically hypnotized by his voice and his feel. I lifted my hand and touched the skin of his arm.
I’d only met him what—two days ago? Well, aside from seeing him when I was back in grade school. Nevertheless I had felt an instant attraction to the man. His piney scent. His playful demeanor. But still knew next to nothing about him, other than the fact that he’d experienced two horrible tragedies in his life.
“Might what?” I asked.
“Might do this.”
Knotting my hair with his fist, he pulled it back, then dove with his mouth and kissed me on my exposed neck like he was my boyfriend.
Warmth swarmed my body the way he attacked me. I’d been dying for human touch during the past few days. But I never thought this was how I’d break my drought.
“Oh God. Shane. You can’t…”
I pulled my arm away from him, not wanting to admit even to myself how good that had just felt.
This wasn’t supposed to happen so quickly, especially with a virtual stranger. At the same time, I felt powerless to totally pull myself away from him. “Did you like that kiss?”
“Yes,” I admitted.
Shit. With all the adrenaline pumping through me, I had completely forgotten about my ‘boyfriend.’
“So, you and your boyfriend more of an open thing?”
“I mean…we’re on a break…remember?”
And Florida guys don’t kiss like that.
His light eyes were this icy combination of light blue and gray, and they bore into me. Breathing hard, I felt like he was about to devour me.
“Do you want more?” He upturned an eyebrow, grinning suggestively.
I wasn’t sure where this side of me was coming from. I’m not the girl who moves this fast, especially without even so much as a date.
But as I sized him up, biting my lower lip, I took him in.
He was almost tragically gorgeous, so lean and muscular with a hardened, handsome face. The kind of guy who if he lived in Florida I bet would be sucked up by the club culture, because he’d be able to have his pick whenever he went out.
I was under his spell, and the next words out of my mouth surprised even me. “Yes, please.”
Please? What the hell, Natalie! Since when did you turn into a docile little girl?
Switching his position so that his legs were in front of me, he pressed the front of his body against mine, then lifted me up onto the kitchen counter by my legs.
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Once he had me sitting on the counter, his lips landed hot and heavy on mine, and he ate up a moan that would have escaped me.
A bout of madness overcame me, and I found myself furiously running my hands under his shirt. His hands, for their part, were running similarly up the sides of my shirt.
As we hungrily devoured each other, I felt my hands—seemingly with a mind of their own now—tug his shirt up.
Shane aided me in ripping it off, and then we both paused for a moment. I leaned back, propping myself up by my hands, and he stood with his hands resting on my legs. His shirt coming off had tousled his shaggy hair, and now he looked almost unfairly delectable.
We stared at each other with hunger in our eyes.
“How far do you want to go?” he asked, stroking my wrist.
“I don’t know,” I said, though as I stared at his perfectly lickable V-cut abs leading to the Promised Land, I knew what my body wanted.
It was my pesky mind that was getting in the way.
But right now, my body was betraying my mind and winning out. The loneliness and trauma of the past week was launching my mind and body to what felt like a new physical and spiritual plane. I had taken my father for granted while he was alive, and I’d never get another moment with him.
I craved human connection, and male connection all the more. Almost like magic, here was this beautiful yet rugged man, staring back at me with eyes full of life. He was my only link to this town, now.
In another instant his lips were on mine again, devouring me. My arms shot straight up and he knew what to do. He ripped my tank top off and tossed it aside.
While we continued making out his hands floated up my stomach. I felt their warmth as they landed on my breasts, fingers reaching under my bra and gently touching my hardened nipples. “Further?” he whispered between heavy breaths.
“Yes,” I said, and he responded by reaching a hand around my back and unhooking my bra.
My eyelids fell shut and I ran my hand through his thick, blond hair as he flicked his tongue on my nipples, lightly running voraciously over the tender skin of my breasts and sending chills to roam throughout my body.
“Fuck, I was not expecting this,” he muttered, burying his face in my neck. I ran a hand along his back, lightly running my fingernails over his skin.
“Me neither,” I answered.
“You’re so goddamn sexy, Dyno. It actually boggles my mind. Fuck me.”
He ran his hand down my jeans and over my clit, which made heat pool between my legs like crazy.
“You want me to…fuck you?” I asked. I couldn’t tell if he had said it as just a phrase you say when you’re hooking up, or if he really wanted to do it right now.
“I meant…fuck me, you’re ridiculously gorgeous.” He gripped the back of my head as we made out. “Open your eyes.”
I had been kissing him eyes closed, like normal. When I opened them he was staring at me from inches away.
“Yes?”
He smirked. “And yes I want to fuck you. Feel how hard I am.”
I slid my hand down his stomach, and staying on top of his jeans I ran my hand over what felt like an iron rod, causing my pulse to race.
In spite of the suddenness, I needed whatever Shane had to give to me. Badly.
I’d gotten this feeling the moment he walked in the door like he was a long lost kindred spirit, and this wasn’t just any old encounter.
He brought his hand lightly to my neck, and ran his fingers gingerly over my skin.
“Fuck!” he said again, this time sounding almost angry. He turned his head away from me.
Bringing his gaze back to me, he ate me up with his eyes one more time.
“What?” I asked, my mind rushing with the possibilities of what he might be thinking.
“I need to go.”
“Why?” I quipped.
He ignored me, grabbing his clothes and putting them on quickly as he walked, he didn’t even have his coat on as he walked out the door.
Lingering in the door as the cold air rushed in, he turned his head over his shoulder to look at me. I hadn’t moved from the counter, but he could still make eye contact with me from where he was.
“See you around, Florida.”
The door shut loudly behind him and I heard his car start, then pull out.
I scooped up my clothes from the floor, dumbfounded and trying to process what the hell had just happened.
Not only the fact that he’d left so quickly, but that I’d been willing to go so far with him.
If he hadn’t left, how far would I have gone?
An emptiness rose up inside me. For a fleeting moment, I’d felt like I’d been a part of something. Like I’d made an impression on him.
Now I felt like a lost soul again, all alone, without connection. Fooled by the feeling of having found a kindred spirit.
And all alone in a piping hot house.
6
Natalie
IF the past couple of days my father’s house was the equivalent of the Mojave desert, today it was the frozen tundra.
I woke up shivering, rubbing my arms as I walked toward the thermostat.
The current temperature in the house was fifty-two degrees Fahrenheit, although the thermostat was at sixty like I had set it the day before.
I squinted in disbelief.
I threw on a hoodie and yoga pants, then went out for a walk to catch some morning sunlight.
Church bells rang not too far from where I was walking, and I remembered that it was Sunday.
When I walked past the church—the same one where we’d had my father’s funeral—I noticed some of the people were giving me long stares as I passed them on the sidewalk across the way.
I shrugged it off, figuring maybe they knew all of the faces in town, and were suspicious of mine since they didn’t recognize me.
I supposed there was a slim chance they might have remembered me from when I was younger and attended church there.
People certainly could change a ton in ten or so years.
Shane had certainly changed. In my mind he was the lanky, boyish, teasing older brother of Louisa.
The look he’d given me before he left had been imprinted in my brain. I’d spent the whole night thinking about it, along with the general ludicrousness of our whole encounter. I’d never made out—or done anything like that with a man I’d just met. Our attraction had been so feral and animalistic. I knew it was so wrong, yet I craved more with him.
Between all of the events of the past wee—canceling my Christmas plans at home and getting on a plane, shaking many hands at the wake, the funeral, and the burial—I hadn’t had much time for a personal release. It was all go, go, go, and when I was in motion, I didn’t think as much about the gravity of the situation, and never getting to speak with my father again. My emotions had become bottled up, and when Shane appeared, I yearned for the release I knew he could give me, even though sex might be a questionable form for that release to take.
I cursed the double standard as I walked. Many men back in Florida had tried their hardest to sleep with me after just one night, and I’d gotten good at turning them down. I wondered if I had come off as too eager with him? I hated that I was even having the thought.
Why the heck had he just left suddenly? Had he decided I wasn’t his type since I rode an expensive bike when I was a kid? He did seem to be carrying some sort of vendetta against me. And he still hadn’t filled me in on the full story of how his dad and sister had passed away. I wondered if it was a car accident.
What kind of man made a move like that, so quickly?
A cocky asshole who can get sex anywhere, the answer came to me.
I bit my lower lip, stifling a little smile that came over me.
But further, what kind of man just left a woman half naked and turned on like that?
Was there a female equivalent for blue balls? Because that’s how I felt.
I’d been so numb at points du
ring the past week though, that I just wanted to feel something.
Suddenly, my body flushed, and I felt slightly humiliated at the whole thing. Had he just wanted to play with me, see how far I’d go with him? What if he had a girlfriend?
As I walked, I realized I was unconsciously heading toward his street. Well as long as he still lived in the house he used to when we were kids.
A memory returned to me from when I would go by their house to play with Louisa, and he would be in their backyard skating on a homemade ice rink, playing hockey shirtless, in spite of the below freezing temperatures. He earned the nickname at middle school ‘wild man’ for that. Once I asked him why he did that, if he felt cold, and he said the cold was good for you. Toughened you up.
Another little smile tugged at my face as I passed their house thinking of that. Some things didn’t change.
I sped my walk, suddenly having the urge to be far away from there. Walking past his house had been an unconscious accident, and I didn’t want to give him the idea that I was stalking him...or something.
As my mind raced, I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, and I pulled it out. It was my mother.
“Hi, Mom,” I said as I kept walking.
“Hello,” she chirped, trying to sound cheerful. “I just wanted to call and say good morning.”
“Good Morning,” I echoed.
“Did you go to church today?”
I was a little taken aback by the question. Since we moved to Florida, we hadn’t gone to church once, and she seemed okay with it. We never even really talked much about that kind of thing.
“No, why would I go to church?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I just thought…”
“Thought what? We haven’t been to church in years. Why would I go all of the sudden?”
I didn’t mean to say it as an insult by any means, but I could feel her taking it as one.
“I just worry about you being all alone there, that’s all. I feel bad for not staying back with you.”
“I told you Mom, I’m fine. By the way, thanks for sending Shane over again. But there’s no need for that.”
Black Ice: A Standalone Enemies to Lovers Romance Page 5
