by Mj Fields
I nod. “Okay, thank you, Ben.”
Mom takes my hand and, together, we walk through the automatic doors. The first thing I see is a stretcher around the corner.
“Lucas,” I whisper when I see him, his head wrapped in a bloody bandage.
Mom squeezes my hand and pulls me toward the wall, allowing them room to pass and giving them the room that I could not give them because I feel … frozen.
“Tessa,” he groans. His eyes roll back as he reaches out his hand. I take it and walk beside him.
“Lucas, this is Maggie. I’m a nurse here on occasion.”
His eyes flutter as he looks toward her and whispers, “Maggie.” His eyes close.
She continues, “You have a concussion, a few bruised ribs, and a pretty large wound on the left side of your head, honey. We’re going to stitch you up. You’re going to be fine. Your parents have been notified and are on their way.”
His eyes flutter open as he says my name again, “Tessa.”
“I’m here.” I squeeze his hand gently.
“Your dream, baby. I’m sorry. So—”
“It’s okay.” I lift his hand up and kiss the back of it while walking then see the dried blood.
“Your dream, Tessa … Who is it?”
Ignoring the metallic taste on my lips—real or imagined—I whisper, “I just got here. You need to rest. I’m going with my mom to check on everyone, okay?” He nods then winces at the pain caused by his sudden movement.
“I’d like you to do a scan of his neck, as well,” Mom whispers to the orderly. “I’ll get the doctor’s okay.”
I stop at the elevator that they’re loading him into. “I’m not leaving.”
“Don’t you ever,” he mumbles.
The muscles in my stomach tighten to the point it hurts. “I’ll be back, okay?”
“Thank you, baby.” He closes his eyes, and they wheel him in.
Walking away, Mom tells me. “You did great, Tessa. You’re going to make an amazing nurse.”
We stop at a closed door, and Mom whispers, “Ryan’s room,” as she opens the door.
Ryan is sitting up, straight as a board, looking directly at the wall while getting stitches in his left arm. His right arm is covered in scratches and dried blood.
“Hello, Ryan, how are you feeling?” Mom asks.
“With all due respect, Mrs. Ross, unless you’re here to answer questions this time, I’d rather not speak to you.” His tone mimics his posture—hard and unfeeling.
“Ryan,” I whisper, and he looks at me.
“It’s okay, Tessa,” Mom says as she sets a chart down next to the doctor. “I understand that he’s angry.”
“This isn’t angry; this is pissed. I’d be less inclined to be so if I knew how everyone was,” he says, looking at me sternly then swallowing hard. “They were using that heart machine on Tommy, and I think …” He snaps his eyes shut then groans as the doctor pulls the last stitch through and snips it with the surgical scissors.
“We’re finished here, Mr. Davies.”
“It’s Brooks!” he snaps at the young doctor. “It’s been fucking Brooks for years.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Brooks. My mistake.”
I walk over, stand beside him, and take his hand.
“Can we give you something for the pain?”
“Again, no. You want to write that down so you don’t keep asking me that question, too?”
He looks from the wall to me. His angry eyes search mine, and then tears pool. “I need to know.”
“Your parents are on their way, Ryan.” I look down. More pain.
“Is Jade okay?”
“I’m going to see her next.” I swallow back the lump in my throat and try to give him some … hope. “I did see Lucas.”
“And …?” he asks.
“He has to have stitches, like you, but on the side of his head.”
“Hope it’s not his good side,” he says flatly, and I shake my head. He squeezes my hand, and I look up. “She’s going to be a mess. She’s going to—”
“She has us,” I whisper.
One tear falls, and he pushes it away. “Go be with her.”
I nod. “Then I’ll be back for you.”
He nods once again before he turns his eyes back to the wall and, Ryan, he stares.
“Your parents are on their way, and I’ll report back to you, okay?”
He says nothing.
As soon as the doctor leaves, Mom walks over. “Ryan, I’d really like you to rest.”
He looks at her, jaw tight, angry at her, and I assume it’s because she is unable to answer the questions he desperately needs.
“There are policies.” She pushes his hair from his eyes. “I know you don’t want medication, but—”
“Not yet. Maybe later,” he cuts her off.
“Can you please lie back and rest?” Mom asks.
“Jade needs you.”
Holding Mom’s hand tightly, we pass by several curtained-off rooms before heading to Jade’s room.
We stop at the door, and Mom turns to me. “She’s going to be okay. She is going to need everyone’s support.”
“She’s got it.” I nod.
In a pale blue hospital gown, Jade is hugging her knees, rocking back and forth, eyes wide with fear and worry when we walk in.
She unwraps her arms from her legs, and I immediately see her left hand, covered in cuts and scratches. I close the space between us and gently lift it then look back at Mom as Jade asks, “Tessa, how did you know we were here?”
I look down at her hand—her hurt hand—knowing that, if Jade gets a sliver, it’s immediate tears, but she doesn’t even balk at this.
I look back at her and answer, “We came upon the accident. I saw your red bag.”
“Purse,” she corrects me.
I nod, not even considering having the bag verses purse debate that we’ve had a million times.
I continue, “Seeing your purse scared me, Jade. The police told us you were here.” Trying to quell the quiver in my voice, I look up, and our eyes meet. Hers are terrified; mine are tortured with knowing.
She swallows hard then asks, “Did Tommy wake up yet?”
I force myself to inhale slowly when I see it in her eyes—the knowing—and search her face.
Again, she swallows hard. “He …” She shakes her head. “I saw the lights and screamed. He wrapped me up in his arms and covered me right when the metal …” She covers her ears and rocks. “So loud.” She pulls her knees up and hugs them. “I had to fight to get out from under him. He, uh … he”—she swallows hard—“passed out.” She looks at me. “I tried to get him out. He’s heavy, you know. And when I did get him up …” She stops and clears her throat. “He had cuts in his mouth because blood came out of it. And he hurt his ear, too, Tessa.” Each time she mentions an injury, her voice breaks a bit more.
I take her hands.
“There was blood in it, too. Then they came—the firemen. They helped him out. I held his hand the whole time, Tessa.” She squeezes mine tightly. “And I told him I love him. I asked him to wake up.” She slams her eyes shut and whispers a prayer, “Wake up, Tommy.”
A tear falls, one from her. Then, as if it didn’t want her, Jade, my best friend, to be alone, one of my own falls.
“Then they used the machine that shocks people’s hearts on Tommy.” Tears in uncountable amount roll down her beautiful face as she cocks her head to the side and asks in broken breaths, “Did you … see him … yet?”
I shake my head.
The door behind me opens, and I look over my shoulder as a nurse hands Mom a chart. Mom’s face changes, and she closes her eyes. Knowing Mom like I do, she’s saying a silent prayer.
When she opens her eyes, she says, “Tessa, could you please give Jade and I a minute?”
“No, Aunt Maggie, I think I need Tessa here.” She lets go of my hand and lies back, and I watch more tears fall as she softly sobs out, “Tessa, p
lease get under these covers and hold me. I’m so cold, and I think I’m going to fall apart.”
I climb in beside her and pull her tightly to me, holding her trembling body together, because I can’t bear a broken Jade.
“Tessa, he’s gone, isn’t he?”
I pull her tighter and look at Mom.
“Jade, are you sure you want Tessa here?”
She sobs out, “Yes!”
“The bloodwork they ran revealed that …” She stops. “I have to ask you again, are you sure you want Tessa here?”
She nods her head.
“Jade, honey”—she sits at her back and rubs it—“this test says you’re pregnant.”
“Tommy and I are going to have a baby?” Jade looks up, smiling as tears continue to fall. “Tessa, did you hear that?” She sits up. “I want to see him so I can tell him. I know he will wake up then.”
I sit and wrap my arms around her.
She looks at me as she covers her stomach and sobs out, “Tommy’s going to miss this.”
“Oh God,” I whisper, feeling my body begin to shake.
Mom steps in. “Jade, we need to take you down and do an ultrasound. Tessa’s going to need to leave for this, okay?”
“You’ll be back, right? You can’t leave me, Tessa.”
“I’ll be here, Jade, I promise. I’m never ever going to leave you.”
After rinsing my face, I find the quickest way to the waiting room.
As soon as Ben sees me, he jumps up and rushes to me, arms open. Wrapped in his arms, I focus hard on fighting back tears.
I look up and whisper, “Ben.”
He kisses my head and leads me to the chair that he just vacated, pulling me onto his lap, where I curl into myself and cry as he holds me tight.
“I’m sorry, Ben.”
“Not your fault,” he whispers.
We sit for a couple minutes, and the tears eventually stop.
“I have to be with Jade.”
“Of course you do.”
When I turn, I see Tommy’s parents rushing in.
“Oh God.”
They’re followed by Ryan’s parents, then Uncle Jack, Lucas’s mom right behind him.
When Uncle Jack sees me, he looks distraught.
“Go, Tess. I’ll be right here.”
Tommy’s parents are met immediately by a doctor, Mom, and what I assume is a counselor.
I walk up and hug Uncle Jack.
He pulls me in tight and asks, “Jade okay?”
I nod.
He hugs me tighter. “Thank God.”
Lucas’s mom steps to my side, and I take her hand. “He’s—”
Tommy’s mom’s heartbreaking cry echoes through the halls, the world.
I can’t hold back my tears.
Katie’s grip tightens and tears stream down her face. “Tessa, is Lucas—”
“Lucas is going to be fine”—I take her hand—“physically.”
I look up at Uncle Jack. “Uncle Jack, Jade is, too, and Ryan is good. None of them have been told yet. Jade is having some testing.”
“What the fuck is going on? Where’s Tommy? I want to see him now!” I hear Lucas yell.
Without thought, I pull them behind me, run toward the doors, and head toward him.
He looks small in the wheelchair, broken.
I call to him, “Lucas, your mom is here.”
He looks at me as his mom hurries to him and hugs him tightly. Then he looks down at her, confused, and as she looks up, he looks panic-stricken. Tears fill his eyes as he looks back to me, fear in his eyes.
“Tessa? Where’s Tommy?” He slaps away his tears, and I stand frozen. “Dammit, Tessa, where is he?”
On an inhale of breath, I move to him and take his hand. He shakes his head and winces in pain. I pull him into a hug.
He wraps his arms around me, buries his head into my shirt, and yells, “Just fucking say it!” He looks up. “Tell me!”
“Lucas, he’s gone,” I whisper.
He lets go of me, pushes his wheelchair back, and tries to stand. Mom and another nurse hurry toward him as he falls back.
I cover my sob with both hands as I watch the boy, who I know already had broken pieces inside of him, shatter.
“Lucas, you’re going to need to sit down, honey,” Mom says, guiding him to his chair.
His eyes are glued to mine, tears streaming down his face.
“We’re going to give you something to help you relax.”
The other nurse sticks a syringe into his IV, one I’m surprised hadn’t pulled free, and he still doesn’t look away from me.
“Please, baby,” he begs, immediately effected by the drugs, “don’t leave me.”
I move to him, squat down, and take his hand, nodding firmly. “I’m here.”
“Jade,” he says, voice like broken glass.
I stand and walk beside them as they wheel him toward his room.
“Baby, Jade?” he repeats groggily.
“She’s having tests done,” I say as they lock the wheels beside the bed then help him into his bed.
I sit beside him, praying that he falls asleep so he’ll close his desolate, green eyes.
There is no reprieve from the pain. As soon as he’s asleep, Mom touches my shoulder from behind.
“Tessa, they’re bringing Jade up now.”
“Okay, Mom.” I loosen my hand from Lucas’s tight grip and hand it to his mom. “I’ll be back later.” I hug her before exiting the room.
As I walk down the hall, I inhale strength as we head into Ryan’s room. Mr. and Mrs. Brooks are in with him
“You okay, Ryan?”
His first question is, “How is Jade?”
“She’s coming back up now. She had to have a test done.”
“So, he’s gone, right? Tommy’s gone?”
I walk in, close the door behind me, and head straight to him until I am hugging him.
“Tessa,” he exhales as he hugs me back.
“I’m so sorry.”
“How is Lucas?”
“He’s asleep. They gave him something to help him sleep.”
Ryan thumbs away my tears. “You need to go be with Jade now, Tessa. She’s going to need you.”
“They’re both going to need us, Ryan.” I hug him again.
“Well, lucky for them, we’re here.” Ryan nods and a tear falls. “Now go.”
When I walk toward Jade’s room, I see Uncle Jack leaning against the wall outside her door. He hates hospitals, and for good reason.
When I get close to him, he pushes off the wall, and I reach for his hand.
He takes it as he asks, “Does she know yet?”
“I think she knows, but no one has officially told her. They were waiting for you.”
“This is not going to be good, Tessa. Can you be strong for her?”
“Of course I can. We are Ross’s; we’ll be okay.” I force a smile on my face.
I open the door, and we walk in.
When Jade sees Uncle Jack, she smiles, tears still spilling. “Daddy.”
He walks to her and sits down beside her.
“Tommy and I are going to have a baby. Please don’t be mad. We love each other.”
Jack looks at her in confusion.
“Uncle Jack.” I sit on the other side of her and nod when he looks at me.
“How long have you known?”
“I just found out, Daddy. I need to tell Tommy so he’ll wake up.” Her fresh tears melt her smile away. “He isn’t waking up, is he, Daddy?”
Jack shakes his head, his own tears now falling.
“I love him, Daddy. Please, he has to wake up. I love him.”
He pulls her into a hug. “Oh, Jade, we’ll get through this one, too.”
Her cry is strangled until she allows herself to feel the truth in what she already knew, and then they continue.
Mom hurries into the room, and I beg, “Please give her something. She needs to sleep. Please, Mom.”
Jade yells, “No!” into Uncle Jack’s neck, and then sniffs back her pain, her tears, the broken pieces of her heart and, quieter now, she repeats, “No. I have a beautiful baby growing in my belly. I don’t need anything.”
“Jade, we’re going to give you a little something. It’s perfectly safe for the baby, okay?” Mom asks.
“No, I want to see him before I sleep. I need to see him, please! I need to tell him he’s going to be a daddy,” Jade sobs out.
“Jade.” I softly rub her back “Tommy already knows. He’s holding his little soul in heaven until it’s time for him to join us here on earth. He already knows him.”
Jade turns to me, and a sliver of peace shows in her eyes. “He does, doesn’t he, Tessa?”
Hugging each other, we cry.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tommy’s parents standing at the door. “Jade, Tommy’s mom and dad are here.”
“I need to tell them I love him. I need them to know he—”
“We’re here. We know,” his father says, voice torn.
“I’m so sorry!” Jade cries.
His mom hurries to Jade, and I step away as she hugs Jade and they cry together.
“Jade, are you pregnant?” she sobs out.
“I am.” She touches her belly.
“How far along are you?” She holds her hand against Jade’s.
Jade reaches under her leg then pulls out a picture and hands it to her. “This says ten weeks.”
Tommy’s mother holds the picture up, studying it. “You didn’t know?”
“Not until an hour ago. I need to see him. I need to tell him.” Jade’s tears begin falling again.
Tommy’s mom looks at Mom and whispers, “Can she see him?”
Mom looks at Uncle Jack, and he nods his approval.
“If that’s what she wants. I’ll go get a wheelchair. But Jade, are you sure?” Mom asks.
“Yes. Can Tessa come with me?”
Mom looks at me, and I nod. She looks back at Jade. “Of course, honey.”
As I wheel Jade down the hall, my gut is telling me that this is a bad idea, and my heart … it tells me it’s the only way.
It’s hard, you know, trying to figure out what you need to follow when one is breaking and needs the most attention.
I wheel Jade down the hall with Tommy’s parents. They stop outside the door next to Lucas’s room.
