by Kaylie Kay
Go to sleep, she told herself as she sank exhausted into her pillow, you’ll feel better in the morning.
Chapter 38
It was 8pm in California as the plane, a Boeing 787 Dreamliner, rumbled down the runway. Susan looked down over the city as they gained height, doubtful that she would be back for some time. She hoped that Mark would be able to sort out his wife, and deep down she knew that he would, that he would know what to say, or do, to stop her madness. Maybe they would get back together, and that thought made her smile, because actually, perhaps his family was as great as hers, he had just broken it because it wasn’t enough, just like she had risked doing.
The seatbelt signs turning off signalled that it was time to get up, and Susan sighed at the thought of the long night ahead, grateful to be flying on the plane with the best crew rest area in the airline’s fleet. The lights stayed dim in the cabin, the manager deciding not to wake the tired ones up too much, hoping that most would go to sleep.
‘Did you have a nice trip, babe?’ Liam asked as they prepped the drinks carts in the galley. She was working in the back tonight, and as much as she enjoyed working in first class she welcomed the ease of the service down here, the robotic nature of it, as opposed to the bowing and scraping that was required at the front.
‘Yes thanks, just a quiet one,’ she lied, cringing at the thought of the pee again. ‘How about you?’
‘Wish I’d had a quiet one, we ended up in Castro.’ He rolled his eyes, he didn’t need to explain to someone who had been there as long as Susan that Castro was never a quiet night.
‘I’m skint and knackered.’
Susan laughed sympathetically.
‘Oh dear, any regrets?’ she asked, raising her eyebrows.
‘I can’t remember,’ he said, pulling a puzzled face, and they both giggled.
Susan couldn’t say if it was the passengers or the sub-par crew but the drinks service alone was like an uphill challenge. She had forgotten until they were boarding that this flight connected on to Bombay and Delhi, so perhaps it was just that she wasn’t mentally prepared for an India flight and its unique challenges.
As she ran back to the galley for the twentieth cup of tea, with six sugars, she couldn’t help but smile at the look of happiness it put on the lady’s face, knowing that she was so far removed from walking in her shoes that she had no idea making a cup of tea was so much bother.
‘Thank you,’ she smiled sweetly.
‘You’re welcome,’ Susan smiled back, resigning herself to ten minutes less in crew rest as a result of the extra-long service.
She was relieved as she pushed her cart into the galley, but the feeling of acceptance she had just given herself was quickly lost when she saw the sides completely covered with special dietary meals piled five high.
Liam wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead as he turned and looked at her, marker pen in hand from writing the seat numbers on. His pained expression needed no words, and Susan just pulled the same face back. Make that twenty minutes less, she sighed inwardly.
Well, mistakes were bound to happen when you had sixty people eating special meals out of one hundred and fifty passengers. Perhaps someone had misread the seat number and given a vegetarian meal to the wrong passenger, who had accepted it anyway, but the man in the galley was adamant he had ordered one for his wife too, Liam confirming it on his list, but there were none left. Susan could see he was struggling, probably regretting his night out right now.
‘This one’s asleep.’ Anna, the pretty young girl on her third flight, floated into the galley with a tray and everyone’s eyes lit up. Liam snatched it off her quickly and handed it to the man, who shook his head from side to side and left seemingly satisfied, problem solved.
The upside to having given out so many special meals was that she was breezing down the cabin with very few people left to serve.
‘How is your meal, madam?’ she asked as she reached the man who had been in the galley, his wife tucking into her meal.
‘Very good,’ she smiled, ‘this is paneer, no?’
Susan looked at the curry she was eating and felt her stomach flip, confirming her fear when she saw the label on the lid that lay on the side. The meal was a Muslim meal, not a vegetarian, and Muslims ate chicken....
‘Yes, madam, enjoy.’ She couldn’t look at her and pushed her cart quickly on. Should she take it away now and admit that the poor lady was eating meat for the first time in her life, or just let her believe it was paneer and save her the upset? She decided on the latter and hoped that she would one day forgive herself. Anyway, wasn’t that how she lived her two lives, on the assumption that what people didn’t know didn’t hurt them? No point getting all righteous now!
She finished up quickly, needing to get back to the galley and share what had happened with someone.
‘You aren’t going to believe this, hon,’ she said to Liam, proceeding to tell him the whole ugly truth.
‘Noooooo.’ Liam’s eyes were wide and he covered his mouth with his hand. She had to laugh, see the funny side now, especially looking at her colleague’s horrified face.
‘No one died, hon, and the engines are still turning,’ she said, trying to get him to see that it wasn’t the end of the world, the same things she had told herself these past few minutes, but he was still in the stomach flip stage that she had been in.
‘I feel so awful, I didn’t even look at the label, I just presumed...’
‘We all did,’ she said, trying to make him feel better, but relieved that he had pointed out it was actually his fault, so she had nothing to feel guilty about. Not this time, not here.
Chapter 39
Susan didn’t think that she had ever been so desperate to get home and see her husband, driving her Range Rover into her driveway. Winter was almost here and the house was starting to lose the colour that the flowers brought in the summer, but the warm yellow lights that shone out through the windows made it look all the more inviting, calling her to come in and be a part of it.
The events in San Francisco had really unsettled her, and she hadn’t realised how much until she had woken up on the plane from the most vivid of dreams, scared. It had hit her once again that somebody had actually been able to follow her, and although what Mark’s wife had done had been bad enough, it could have been much, much worse. She had to be grateful that it was all thousands of miles away now, and she had resolved in that moment of darkness in her crew bunk that all contact with Luke had to stop, that it was all too close to home. What if his girlfriend was as crazy as Mike’s wife, what if she found out too? No, it must end now, she should never have let it start in the first place.
She hadn’t expected it to be so easy, not that she had given too much thought to it, but as she drew up and parked her car he was walking across the garden with a leaf blower, fighting a losing battle with autumn.
No time like the present, she thought, determinedly, grateful that the colder weather had led him to cover up his toned body these past weeks.
‘Luke,’ she called, walking over towards him. He turned and smiled when he saw her.
‘Welcome home,’ he said, in recognition that she was still in her uniform.
‘Thanks.’ Susan was sure she wasn’t looking her best but she didn’t really care, knowing that he would quite happily meet her in the summerhouse if she suggested it right now. ‘Luke, I need to talk to you, I need to say something and I need you to listen.’
‘Listening,’ he said slowly, looked confused and mildly amused at the same time.
Susan took a deep breath.
‘We have to stop, you know,’ she couldn’t find the words, ‘meeting up like we do.’
‘Oh.’ She thought he looked embarrassed. They had never really talked about their meetings, they just happened, and nothing had ever needed to be said. He looked at her earnestly. ‘No worries, it was fun while it lasted.’
‘Thank you, Luke.’ She was relieved that he had taken it so well,
not tried to persuade her otherwise, been grown up about it.
‘It’s just that I think we both have too much to lose,’ she continued, feeling like she had to explain herself further, ‘and it’s too close to home.’
‘It’s okay,’ he said kindly, ‘you don’t have to explain. I have to get on, I’ve got another job this afternoon.’
‘Thanks,’ she said, and turned to get her case out of her car.
‘Let me know if you change your mind any time though.’
She turned quickly, seeing the cheeky grin on his face and couldn’t help but smile back, shaking her head in amusement. That was the second time in as many days that she had ended things with someone and she felt her circle shrinking, but it was okay, she had enough right here. Susan Kennedy had enough.
She poured herself a glass of champagne, the children settled in their rooms, and looked at the kitchen clock. 8.30, he was sure to be home soon.
She felt smaller somehow, more vulnerable, like she needed a pair of big strong arms around her, and the only ones she wanted were her husband’s, the one man who she could truly rely on. The flowers that she had carried all the way home on the plane were a testament to how he never forgot about her, even when she was so far away, like she did about him.
The sound of his car pulling up outside made her happy, and she jumped up to greet him, standing at the door beaming as he walked towards it.
‘Now there’s a sight for sore eyes.’ She stretched out her arms and he enveloped her in his. ‘What’s all this for?’
‘Nothing, I just missed you.’
‘Well I’m glad to hear it but you don’t normally miss me this much.’
It was true, she wouldn’t normally stand at the door when he got back.
‘Maybe after Dubai I just got used to being with you all the time,’ she said innocently, leading the way into the lounge where she had set out some nibbles and the rest of the bottle of champagne she had opened.
‘Dinner’s in the oven,’ she said, taking his jacket, stating the obvious. She was sure that he couldn’t have missed the aromas coming from the kitchen, the meal she had spent hours preparing for him.
‘Smells delicious, you look wonderful by the way.’ Jeff had noticed the blue lace dress that she had picked out especially for his appreciation. It was one of the things she had taken on board in Dubai, how the ladies in their burkas wore beautiful dresses underneath, but only for their husband’s eyes, not for other men to ogle.
‘Thank you.’ It hadn’t been the dress she had planned on wearing, but that one was nowhere to be found, despite looking high and low. She was sure she had seen it before they went away, almost taking it with her, but now it couldn’t be found anywhere, strangely. Anyway, it wasn’t as if she hadn’t had plenty of other choices but it was odd nonetheless. ‘You put your feet up and I’ll get dinner ready.’ She blew him a kiss over her shoulder as she left the room, an unspoken promise for the night ahead.
Chapter 40
Lucy stood in front of her mirror admiring how the dress that she had borrowed from Mrs Kennedy made her look, especially teamed with the expensive shoes that she had paid for on her new credit card. She would put the dress back after the party, but she needed it this weekend, more than her boss did. She knew Mrs Kennedy wouldn’t notice it was missing, it was just one of a hundred in her closet, after all.
Tonight, she had been invited to a dinner party at Kate James’s house. She had been so shocked by the invitation that she hadn’t thought it through before saying yes, that she’d love to come, and meet all of her lovely friends! Now she was getting nervous, but the dress made her feel better, and she reasoned that if she looked good then she would feel good.
She was starting to feel better in herself lately, the medication that the doctor had given her was definitely helping, and with the return of sleep the dark thoughts were going now. She was glad for that, happy to not have the voices that made her jealous and think bad things, especially those about her boss. It helped that she suspected whatever had been going on between her and her nephew was over, she had been watching them closely, but there had been no meetings in the summerhouse, or anywhere else, that she was aware of lately.
As for her needing her life, those thoughts were weaker now too, she was quite happy back home as her old self, most of the time. She actually wished that she had never met Kate that day, that she had never reinvented herself in her madness to this rich person. Now she had to keep it up or she would be ridiculed by the same people that had made fun of her at school, the Natashas that for the moment thought she was as good as them, better even.
She caught the frown on her face in the mirror and shook herself, looking at her reflection and finding the pleasure in her façade. No harm was being done, and it felt good that they believed that she was rich and glamorous. She laughed to herself at the ridiculousness of it, their gullibility and shallowness, and felt justified. Despite her sanity she was going to be an actress tonight and enjoy their admiration, only she would know her truths.
‘Thank you,’ Lucy said as Natasha filled her glass, again. This was the third time she had caught her doing it, and she had no idea how many other times there had been, the champagne never seeming to go down in the crystal flute. She could feel the effects of the bubbles, her confidence growing as she really began to get into character.
She was sitting at one end of the sofa in a room that could have come straight from the pages of a Laura Ashley home magazine. Everything in it just seemed to go perfectly with everything else, and she wondered if Kate had paid someone to put it all together. Back home in her flat things had just been added to over the years, a mixture of old and new, sentimental and just quirky. She knew that the Kennedys had had interior designers, and so had never compared her style to theirs, but she suspected that Kate was naturally able to create spaces like this, that just made you in awe of them. The house, while not huge like where she worked, was still substantial, and now that she was sitting here with these people, who probably all lived in similar properties, she was conscious not to let her mask slip.
‘It was absolutely my favourite ever holiday, The Atlantis is just out of this world.’
‘Oh, it sounds wonderful, I’ll definitely have to look into it.’ Kate had been listening intently to Lucy’s description of her holiday in Dubai. The truth was, she only knew what she had read in the brochure that Mrs Kennedy had left behind, but right now even she believed that she had been there.
‘Oh, you must, everybody should stay there at least once.’ She took a sip of her champagne.
‘So, Lucy, when are we coming around to yours, I’ve been telling everyone about your lovely house.’ It felt like everyone was looking at her, all these people who she didn’t know, who believed she was rich and confident, as Natasha asked the question.
‘I will organise something soon, that would be lovely. Yes, what a fabulous idea, Natasha.’ Lucy wondered if the Kennedys would be asking her to housesit again any time soon, but she doubted it. Oh well, she didn’t have to actually organise anything, just say that she would and forget about it.
‘When?’
Lucy took a big sip of her drink, wishing that Natasha would just change the subject now. Still everyone was looking at her, all with fixed smiles, seeming to lean in towards her, waiting for her answer.
‘Um, well,’ think, quick, ‘Well it can’t be the next couple of weeks as we are having some work done, I’ll let you know.’
Phew, that was close, she hoped she had done enough, said enough to stop her now.
‘Well don’t forget, or I’ll be calling in on you without the invite.’ Natasha laughed and Lucy saw the old Natasha, the bully who always pushed people into doing what she wanted. Oh heavens, what was she going to do? Another glug of champagne and she managed to laugh at the loaded joke.
‘Don’t worry, I won’t forget.’ How could she possibly forget, with the threat of them turning up uninvited and uncovering her lies? She c
ouldn’t let that happen, it would be unbearable.
As the taxi drove her home Lucy finally let the smile drop, and felt the panic that she had managed to suppress begin to rise. What on earth was she going to do? She hoped that Natasha would just forget, but she suspected that she wouldn’t, and it wasn’t a risk that she was willing to take. She pictured the worst-case scenarios of them arriving unannounced to find out that she was just the cleaner, and it made her feel quite nauseous. No, she would have to think of something, a way to get the house to herself, just for an evening, once the champagne fog had lifted.
Chapter 41
Over two weeks had passed since Susan had got back from San Francisco, and she had made a conscious effort to put the memories of the whole thing to the back of her mind. The comfort of being back with her family had settled her immensely, and for a few days that had been enough for her, but now she could feel herself getting uneasy, the mundane becoming almost suffocating.
‘See you tonight.’ Jeff kissed her quickly, grabbing his jacket from the back of the dining chair and heading for the door, off to work.
‘See you tonight,’ she echoed, hiding the disdain in her voice as he took another pastry from the glass cake stand on his way out. Ever since they had gotten back from holiday he had completely given up on the diet, and the exercise, and she could see the extra pounds starting to stack back on him. She wished he was enough for her, that she didn’t have these urges for excitement that he just wasn’t able to satisfy. It wasn’t that she hadn’t tried to spice things up, to find what she needed with her husband, but it was just boring, and he never seemed that interested anyway these days, not as often as she wanted him to be now that she was limiting her other sources. Maybe when she reached his age she too would be happy just to cuddle up at night, and perhaps he misread her mirroring of his actions as her being content to be like this. But she wasn’t, not yet.
