by Kaylie Kay
‘Hi, Ray,’ she said cheerfully, knowingly, teasing him.
‘Oh hi, how are you?’ He, however, looked worried, and she knew he was wondering whether he was about to be outed, she could practically feel his nervousness.
‘Good, thanks.’ She was looking directly at him, but he was looking anywhere except at her. Sheena was on her break, and obviously in the crew bunks this time, not the pilots’! ‘So, did you have a nice trip?’
‘Yeah, yeah, just a quiet one.’ He was holding his cup under the coffee machine, poised ready to run out the minute it finished.
‘Yes, Sheena said you had a nice time.’ She knew she was being unkind but it was amusing her too much to stop.
‘Ah, yes.’ He turned to look at her quickly, probably trying to read her facial expression, his own face almost crimson now. The coffee machine gurgled to a halt. ‘Right, anyway, I’d better get back, nice to see you again.’
And he was gone. Susan shook her head, laughing at how scared he seemed. He was somewhat less attractive to her now, seeing his less confident side; if you were going to sleep around, at least hold your head up high, like Susan Harrison did!
Susan Kennedy emptied the mail box on her way through the gates, the usual collection of brown and white envelopes, interspersed with fast food flyers. It was nearly midday and she couldn’t decide whether it was worth even trying to have a nap before school pick up, or whether just to power through to an early night. She could always ask Lucy to pick the kids up, but she liked to do it herself when she had been away, and she felt surprisingly awake so she would probably do the latter.
It was cold, December was nearly upon them, and Susan’s thoughts turned to Christmas decorations as she walked quickly into the house. She left her bag in the hall, going into the kitchen and putting the mail on the side. A phone beeped, and she was surprised to see Jeff’s on the side, he had obviously forgotten it, which was very unlike him. She looked at the message that had flashed up on the screen;
Just to confirm your reservation on 16th December for 14 people at 7pm for Christmas menu. We look forward to seeing you. Kind regards The Vestry Team
Oh, that was something to look forward to, a Christmas party. She tried to remember if Jeff had mentioned anything before, he probably had but she had a terrible memory if anything was said on landing day, especially after champagne. With that many people there was bound to be a couple that she could have fun with, and besides she always enjoyed getting dressed up for a night in the city.
‘Lucy, can I book you in for babysitting on the 16th?’ Lucy had just walked into the room.
‘Of course, and welcome back.’
‘Thanks,’ she said, picking up her own phone to call Jeff’s office.
‘Hi, Janice, can you please let Jeff know that he’s left his phone at home, and that he has had a message to confirm the Christmas party.’
‘Certainly.’
The unbroken tone told her that Janice had hung up, and she couldn’t help looking at her phone, mouth agape. Even for Janice that was a bit rude, what had she ever done to upset her that much? Perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea to go to the Christmas party after all, she wondered, before feeling the indignation rise. Why the hell shouldn’t she go? Why should the sour-faced bitch make her feel uncomfortable? No, she was going. Oh yes, she was definitely going!
Chapter 48
‘Hello, darling, how was your flight?’ Jeff arrived home just after the kids had gone to bed, and Susan was half of the way down a bottle of champagne, trying to stay awake.
‘Good, thanks,’ she answered without thinking; she could hardly tell him all about it so a standard answer would do in this case, as usual.
‘Ah, my phone.’ Jeff looked pleased to be reunited with it as Susan handed it to him. ‘I was hoping I’d left it here and not on the train or something. Thanks for letting me know.’
‘There was a message on it about the Christmas party, I did ask Janice to tell you. I’m really looking forward to it,’ she said brightly.
‘Oh, oh yes,’ he stammered. ‘I meant to mention that to you!’ He seemed awkward, as if he needed to dig himself out of a hole. It made her wonder if perhaps he hadn’t forgotten at all, if he had chosen not to mention it. ‘I’ve only just booked it, it’s not a party really, just a bite to eat for the guys at the office. It might be a bit boring for you, if you’d rather not come I’d completely understand.’
‘No,’ she protested. ‘I’d love to come, you haven’t had a Christmas party for years.’
In the early days she had known everyone at Jeff’s work but since the children had come along she rarely got in to the office, and it would be nice to be able to put some faces to names.
‘Great, well let’s hope Lucy can babysit.’
‘Done,’ she said affirmatively.
‘Oh well, you have it all sorted then. Great,’ he said again. ‘I had better book an extra seat.’
It was probably just the tiredness but she thought that she felt a reluctance in his voice and wondered if he even wanted her to go, if he had never intended to invite her. She felt an unfamiliar feeling of insecurity, but she tried to brush it off, telling herself that she was jumping to the wrong conclusions.
‘Do you mind me coming?’ she asked childishly, unable to control her emotions.
‘Of course I don’t, I’d love you to come, I just didn’t think a lot of work talk would be your thing.’ He had obviously seen the hurt look on her face, and he put his arms around her.
‘I’m sure I can hold my own,’ she assured him. Had he forgotten that she was an international flight attendant who could make conversation with just about anyone, in any situation? Even the most boring of his friends?
‘Yes, I know you can.’ He kissed the top of her head and exhaled inexplicably as he released his hold of her. She was definitely being oversensitive, reading too much into things, this was Jeff, the man who loved her to the moon and back, and would want her with him everywhere he went, wouldn’t he?
She sat back down at the island and watched her husband as he caught up with his estranged phone, sipping her champagne. Susan Harrison was silent now that she had been satisfied, and Susan Kennedy was grateful for all that she had, all that he gave her, for the security, because that was a given.
‘I’m going up, don’t be long,’ she announced as she got down from her seat, winking theatrically at him. She thought how cute he looked when he smiled back at her, creases ever deeper around his eyes.
‘I’ve just got a couple of emails to send and I’ll be up,’ he said, clearly amused by her comedic innuendo.
The champagne helped her to float up the stairs and into her room. Despite always staying in nice hotels there was no bed more inviting than her own. Lucy would always put on fresh sheets on landing day, and it was made beautifully with all of its cushions and throws.
She practically skipped over to the dressing table, sitting down as she took out her hair, placing the pins back into the small drawer where they would stay until her next flight. She opened her drawer of makeup, a quick freshen up to look her best, and rummaged around for her old highlighter that always seemed to give her that natural glow in the bedroom lighting.
That’s strange, she thought, several minutes later when she was unable to find it. As she looked further into the drawer she was sure that it was emptier, that other things were perhaps missing too, not that she could put her finger on exactly what right now. Sophia was reaching that age, she guessed, ‘borrowing’ things. She would have to have it out with her in the morning, lay down some rules along the lines of asking before you take things!
She reached out for the perfume which she knew Jeff liked best, and sprayed herself liberally. As she put it back down she noticed that that too was looking emptier; surely it was a little heavy for a twelve-year-old, she thought, she couldn’t imagine her daughter choosing that particular fragrance? Oh well, she sighed, she was sure that she wasn’t the only mother of a preteen
to be missing some things, and none of it was important, she just really liked that highlighter!
‘Just tell me the truth, Sophia, it’s no big deal, I just want my highlighter back.’ Susan was frustrated, she hadn’t expected it to get this serious. She thought she would just mention it and Sophia would simply apologise and give her back the highlighter, it didn’t need to be an argument; but here they were, in the kitchen, and Sophia was visibly upset.
‘I promise, Mum, I haven’t taken anything from your room, I haven’t even been in there while you’ve been away.’
Her daughter’s big round eyes were glazed with tears and Susan believed her, she knew her well enough to know when she was lying.
‘Well then it must have been you, Lewis.’ She looked at her son, trying to lighten the situation. It was only an old highlighter after all, not worth tears.
‘Hey?’ He looked up from his iPad.
She tried to keep a straight face as her sweet boy looked at her in confused innocence.
‘Have you been using my makeup whilst I was away, huh?’
‘No!’ The poor thing looked shocked at the accusation, and Susan couldn’t hold her laughter back, pleased to see that it had the same effect on Sophia.
‘Oh, I’m sorry, darling, I was only teasing.’ She leant over and hugged him, before moving over to hug her daughter. ‘And I’m sorry if I upset you, I didn’t mean to. I must have misplaced it.’
‘Excuse me,’ Lucy interrupted, trying to get past her with the mop and bucket.
‘Oh, sorry, Lucy.’ Susan hadn’t even noticed that she was there, and she moved to let her by. ‘Oh, Lucy, I was thinking to get the Christmas decorations down this weekend, would you mind helping me to put them up next week?’
‘Of course,’ Lucy said, without looking back, obviously not in a very talkative mood.
‘Yay,’ cheered Sophia, eyes dry now, subject changed. Susan loved Christmas and this was going to be a great one.
Chapter 49
It was December 1st, and in Susan Kennedy’s house that meant one thing... Christmas had started! The same music that played every year was pulsating over the speakers that were connected wirelessly around the house, and the dozen or so boxes of decorations were sitting in the hall greeting her when she came back from dropping the kids at school.
‘I’m back, Lucy,’ she called, needing her help to tackle the job in hand. Lucy appeared within moments, knowing exactly how this all went, taking the box marked ‘Lounge’, and walking off in that direction without saying a word. Susan remembered previous years when she and Lucy had had lovely times putting up the decorations, but things seemed different this year, and she didn’t know why. To be honest, it was one of those problems that you hoped would just sort themselves out, that you were too busy to think about despite its constant niggling. Like it wasn’t important enough in your own life to dedicate your own energy to, and heaven forbid have to solve it. But Lucy hadn’t been right since her mum died. Sometimes she was better than others, but it had been months, and quite frankly her lack of enthusiasm and general misery was starting to get to Susan.
Susan caught herself, shocked at her own derision. Lucy had been a wonderful employee, and at times almost counted as a friend. Perhaps she should have been less self-centred and actually reached out to her, tried to help. It was clear she wasn’t herself, going through the motions and doing her job as effectively as always, but just in silence. Maybe she needed a friend? Susan needed to do something to help, she wasn’t sure what, but she would have a good think, right after she had finished with this.
Susan sang merrily along to The Pogues as she fixed the garlands to the spindles on the staircase. She was relieved at Jeff’s foresight one year to get invisible fixings that just remained up year-round, making this job much easier. Standing back and admiring her work a short time later she felt almost giddy with excitement, it was the highest she had felt without champagne for a long time. Christmases weren’t particularly great memories from her own childhood, and hence since she had her own family she had thrown everything into making sure that theirs were their happiest.
‘Lucy, come and see this.’ She needed to share with somebody her utter joy at the way the hall was looking, hoping to extract some happiness at the same time.
‘Very nice,’ said Lucy, poking her head around the door without an ounce of enthusiasm, before disappearing again. Susan tried not to let it ruin her own happiness, pushing back against the anger that was threatening; enough was enough now!
No, she chided herself. Now was not the time for anger, Lucy was obviously depressed.
But it was ruining her enjoyment of putting up the decorations, she was ruining it.
Susan recognised her inner sulking schoolgirl and took a deep breath, exhaling her from her body. Just because she was happy and looking forward to Christmas, maybe Lucy wasn’t, maybe Lucy hated the whole idea now that her mum wasn’t here. Oh hell, she had been so selfish and thoughtless! Of course! Of course Lucy was going to be miserable, the poor thing, her Christmas was going to be a time of sadness.
Susan stood motionless, the noise of the music fading out. When had she become so out of touch? When had she become so self-centred that she didn’t even see what was going on around her, with those that were always there for her?
‘Lucy?’ she said softly, walking into the lounge.
Lucy was at the far end putting some lights around the mirror.
‘Yes?’
‘I’m really sorry if I’ve been insensitive.’
Lucy hesitated for a moment, fixing the last strand of fairy lights before turning around. Her head was cocked, face confused, she obviously had no idea what Susan was referring to.
‘Look, I know you must be dreading Christmas, what with your mum passing, and I’m sorry that I’ve forced you into doing all of this.’ She gestured around at the decorations.
Lucy still looked confused, as if she hadn’t actually considered the connection herself.
‘Oh, it’s fine, honestly, whatever you need me to do.’
‘No, it’s not fine, Lucy, I hadn’t even given it a thought that you might not be looking forward to Christmas yourself.’
‘Honestly, I’m okay, you don’t need to worry about me.’ Lucy was managing a small smile. It was a kind, grateful smile that made Susan feel even worse.
‘What are your plans for Christmas?’ Susan asked.
‘Oh, I don’t know yet, it’s still weeks away.’
‘Well you’re always welcome to spend it with us.’
‘Oh, do you need help?’
‘No!’ Susan was shocked that she thought she was that shallow. ‘No, I mean as a friend, not an employee!’
‘Oh.’ She looked as if she really didn’t know how to receive the offer. ‘That’s very kind of you, but I will probably be with family.’
‘Well that’s okay then,’ Susan said, pleased that she had some sort of plan, ‘but the offer is always there, Lucy. You’re not just an employee, we count you as a friend, you know.’
Susan was aware that Lucy was looking a bit uneasy, obviously uncomfortable with the blurred lines of this relationship, and decided to end the pep talk.
‘Anyway, I just need you to know that I’m here if you want to talk, and if you can’t bear the thought of Christmas please just take the rest of today off. I’m sorry that in my own excitement I forgot that it might be a difficult time for you.’
Lucy was still standing motionless, staring back at her, saying nothing.
‘Right, anyway, I’m off to do my room,’ Susan muttered, sensing it was time to leave poor Lucy alone. She found the box marked ‘master bedroom,’ climbing the stairs two at a time to get there. She had done the right thing, been sympathetic, but now she needed to get her Christmas spirit back.
Sophia and Lewis squealed in delight when they saw the finished result after school. It had taken her all day but Susan was pleased with her work, no room left untouched by the festive spi
rit.
‘When’s the tree coming?’ Lewis asked.
Right on cue the doorbell rang, and Susan couldn’t hold back the smile as she opened it to reveal Luke, dragging a huge pine tree behind him.
‘Awwwesoome,’ declared Sophia. Even wrapped in its net they could see that it was even bigger than last year’s.
‘Right, come on then, let’s help him get it in,’ ordered Susan, the children rushing past Luke to ‘help’ carry it.
‘Hello, aunty,’ Luke called as Lucy was walking past them busily, but she ignored him, something that wasn’t lost on Susan. She looked at Luke, who just shrugged his shoulders, as if he too was at a loss with her.
They heaved the tree into position in the lounge, standing it in the bracket that Susan had placed there earlier. Luke stood back as his job was done, looking pleased with his work.
‘Can we start putting the decorations on, Mum?’ asked Sophia.
‘No, honey, you know we always wait for Daddy to do that,’ she said kindly. ‘But you can make a start on your rooms!’
Two boxes still sat in the hall, labelled ‘Sophia’ and ‘Lewis.’ They held the eclectic mix of decorations that they had acquired over their few years. The cuddly toys that danced, the glittery pine cones they had decorated at preschool, and a whole host of random things that she was happy for them to put up, in their own rooms, where it didn’t matter about coordination! Of course, there were a few special things that they had made that would be making it onto the tree again this year, like every other year, just not everything.
‘Come on, Lewis, let’s see who finishes their room first,’ challenged Sophia.
She watched them eagerly climb the stairs with their boxes, forgetting that there was anyone else in the world at the moment, until she turned to see Luke was smiling at her. She smiled back, in a contented motherly way, not in the way that Susan Harrison had once smiled at him.
