Tiana pulled the car around to the front door of the hospital while I said, “See you later,” to my son. The doctors assured both me and King he’d be in the hospital only for an extra week, if that, but I was released to go home. It was a deflated feeling to know I’d be walking out the doors empty-handed. Since I didn’t have nearly close to what I needed to bring him home, I was planning to use the extra time as my opportunity to set my bedroom up the right way.
“Okay, Mommy’s baby, I’ll be back in a few hours to check on you. I’ve gotta go out into this world to get you some presents.”
I gave him a kiss before the nurse placed K.J. back into the crib. All the tears of me being worried about him being healthy were already cried out. Now it was time for me to be strong enough to handle everything he’d need to grow up without any further complications.
“We’ll take good care of him, Ms. Robinson. Go home and get some rest.” The nursing staff had been more than helpful during the birth and my short recuperation time. Although they were just doing their jobs, I still felt special.
“Thank you, ladies, so much. And despite me leaving here without him, I’ll try.” I was honest as I walked out of the hospital’s nursery.
“Have you talked to King?” Tiana asked, sliding into the passenger seat of her car.
“Yeah, we’ve been texting back and forth. He hasn’t responded to me getting out of the hospital yet, though.”
“And so it starts.” Tiana rolled her neck then turned the radio up. “If I gotta go upside K.J.’s daddy’s head for going against his promise to me, I will.”
“I be wishing upon a star I could be as gangsta as you,” I laughed, then took a hit of the joint she was puffing on. That’s the main reason I wasn’t planning to breast feed. It was time to jump back on the drug like Puff the Smoking Dragon.
“Congratulations, bitch, you’re a mom.” Tiana smiled as I choked from my first hit.
“I know, right! It still feels bizarre.” I gazed out the window all the way to the hood.
I didn’t feel elated, because my son wasn’t in the back seat. But since I still needed a car seat, I guessed everything happened for a reason. I pulled out my phone, saw King hadn’t responded yet, and then sent him another text letting him know I needed to hold a few bucks for the baby.
Once we made it back to the projects, there was a get-together going down at the house of one of my other homegirls, Cameron. She and Tiana put it together as a surprise celebration for me giving birth. I couldn’t have been happier. I didn’t know if I was going through postpartum depression or still experiencing pregnancy hormones, but tears gathered in my eyes as soon as I saw the blue and yellow balloons tied up everywhere. Living in the hood had its harsh days, but it for sure had its perks, too. Everyone around here acted more like family than low-budget neighbors.
There was liquor flowing, blunts in rotation, and people celebrating in and out of Cameron’s small duplex. They even put together a donation box so I’d be able to get K.J. a few things before he came home. I was more than grateful ’cause I didn’t have nothing more than a few Walmart bags of clothes. This was just what I needed to help get my mind off of everything surrounding K.J., King, and unfortunately Samira too.
“Let me see some pictures of the baby boy.” Cameron pulled me in for a hug. “Can you drink or smoke? You know I’m ready to get you all the way fucked up,” she laughed.
“Yeah, I’m not going to breastfeed so pass the blunt. You already know I need my weed.” I eagerly reached for her Swisher Sweet.
“That’s my girl! Them doctors always wanna talk about our babies being deficient ’cause they ain’t been breastfed, but I’ma call bullshit! All three of them little nappy fucks running around out there can’t get me a check and ain’t haven’t one of ’em drank one bit of the titty milk.”
“Girl, you crazy.” I almost choked on the smoke, laughing at Cameron being ghetto and funny.
“Naw, I’m just keeping it real. I gotta go check on the food, so let me know if you need something. Party up today, because once li’l man gets home, it’s lights out for yo’ ass for a while.”
Cameron walked away while I kept showing off pictures of K.J. when he didn’t have tubes running from his nose, arm, and mouth. The more photos I swiped through, the more tears gathered within my eyes. My heart, mind, and soul missed my baby. I wanted to know his vitals, how he was progressing, and more than anything I wanted to touch his little toes.
The nurses all collaboratively said it was best for me to go home, get some rest, and get prepared for motherhood. It seemed like an unscrupulous thing to do with feeling the emotional connection that I did. Seeing that King was K.J.’s parent too, I wondered if he felt the same way. Digging my phone out my purse, I went to send him an emotional text then lit up when seeing he’d responded from earlier. I instantly felt butterflies in my stomach reading he’d be coming through.
“Excuse me, y’all.” I pardoned myself from the smoke rotation then went outside. It was time to freshen up for my baby daddy.
“Damn, you’re smiling wild as hell.” Tiana looked up from kicking it with her dude Deon. Their relationship together began like mine with King’s: off and on. For some reason though, he’d been coming around more often nowadays than ever before.
“King is coming through later with some stuff for his son.” I did a little dance, not embarrassed to show how happy I was. “So I’m going home to get myself together.”
“Girl, bye! Me and Cameron went through a lot to make sure yo’ ass came home to some shit to make you smile, and you gonna diss us for that nigga?” This was the second time I instantly felt shaded by Tiana.
“Dang, T, I thought you were all for him playing daddy. What’s with the shade? It ain’t like I don’t appreciate y’all.”
“Nothing. G’on and do you.” She shooed me away then picked up her conversation with Deon. “When that nigga play you on some more dumb shit, don’t expect me to coddle you.”
I took each gut blow Tiana hit me with like a champ without wavering. My curiosity was far past piqued, to the point of aggravation. She was crossing too many lines with me. It was one thing to kick it with me “real” one-on-one, yet putting me on blast in front of a lame-duck-ass nigga was doing a little bit too much.
“Damn, that’s fucked up. I thought if one cried, we both cried together.” I nodded with my bottom lip turned down. “Well like you said, let me get to doing me.” Flipping my hair over my shoulder, I turned around with much attitude, leaving in my dust her and the flunky bum she considered something worth belittling me over.
King
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Deep in a sleep, I heard my phone’s text notification going off, making me sit straight up. I looked around the room, remembering where I was, then finally got up to find my phone. After checking into the hotel, I’d blown through an eighth of Kush and drunk myself into a stupor. I knew I was in a bad spot emotionally because I couldn’t even write songs to clear my head. Though the ringing stopped, I managed to find my phone and saw it was Rayna texting.
I need to hold a few dollars to get K.J. right. He ain’t even got a car seat to come home in.
Junior gonna be straight. I’ll get you right in a few, I responded, then sprung up to take a shower. Never once did I plan on leaving her out to dry.
Just in case a quick nut presented itself, I had to be fresh, clean, and prepared. Until now, the thought of banging Rayna never crossed my mind. It must’ve been a male/dog thing ’cause with money involved my dick took over thinking for my brain. Hell, when I thought long enough, a quick nut was probably just what I needed to clear my mind.
Fresh to death in a pair of True Religion denim jeans, a pumpkin orange “Detroit versus Everybody” T-shirt, and the matching orange Nike LeBron 11s, I walked flat-footed so my sneakers wouldn’t bend. Flossing in the mirror, I knew my style was fly, yet it had to be since I stayed in the public eye.
After spraying on some c
ologne, brushing my waves until they rolled perfectly to make a nigga sick, and then sliding my wedding ring off into my pocket, it was time to hit the streets. Being a married man, this was a more dangerous game I was playing. Two steps from walking out of the hotel to meet up with Rayna, my phone rang. I knew it was Samira.
Samira
“Hey, Mira,” King answered the phone dryly.
“Hi,” I responded in the same tone. How dare he throw me shade with his cheating ass? And he better not be with her either. “What’s up for today, K.P.?”
“Music and making some moves to get K.J. straight.” Once again he thought I cared about his son.
“Oh, okay.” I shrugged my shoulders, brushing his comment off. I didn’t want to be rude and tell him fuck his kid, so I changed the subject abruptly to what I was really concerned about. “So, about you not coming home, are you serious?” I was frozen still in the center of our bedroom, and my heart was pounding as I waited on King to say some more shit I didn’t want to hear.
“I ain’t really trying to get started with you, Mira. That’s part of the reason I need to stay away for a few days, to clear my mind.”
“Hell naw, you don’t take a vacation from your wife to go clear your mind and sort things out. We handle everything from the inside out ’cause we’re family. I can’t believe this shit, King!” Storming through the house, I couldn’t get downstairs to his personal bar in the basement fast enough. King’s undercuts were knocking the life from me.
“Where was all that ‘we’re a family’ talk earlier, Mira? You backed me into the corner with all that slick shit you’ve been spitting, so don’t play the innocent card now. It’s a little too late for that,” King said, throwing my words back at me.
“What? Are you fuckin’ serious with me right now?”
“Unfortunately so, Samira. I’m dead serious.”
There was awkward silence on the phone as I tried absorbing the fact that my husband was temporarily leaving me. No matter what I’d done with Johnie, King kept leaving me alone to ice my broken heart. “I feel like you’re pushing me away.” I lowered my tone, showing I was weak. This wasn’t the time to play rough. Acting out of character, being hardcore, had made matters worse.
“I ain’t trying to hurt or push you away, girl. I ain’t never trying to hurt you. Damn.” His voice drifted off. “You don’t think it was hard not sleeping next to you? You don’t think I want my lucky charm back around my neck, preferably by my side? You’re the most important lady in my life. It don’t seem like it, but I hate hurting you.” He broke down.
“Then why do you keep doing it? Just come home. It’ll hurt me more if you don’t.” I knew I couldn’t live without King. I needed to know he felt the same about me.
“I’m sorry, boo. I can’t.” His words surprised me. I thought we were making a breakthrough. “Look, the more I say, the more I’m gonna hurt you. I’m just gonna take a few days to get shit straight on my mind, and on my money, then we’ll work on our marriage. That’s my word, Samira. I promise.”
“Your promises don’t mean shit to me, King. How can I respect a promise if you can’t respect a vow?”
“See, that’s some more corner-backing shit. All I need is a few days to get right, yet you’re too selfish to understand that. I never said I wasn’t coming home. Why can’t that be enough? Why do you always have to have things your way?”
Before I could respond, King continued with his rant then hung up before I could find out where he was temporarily staying.
Chapter Fifteen
Rayna
It didn’t matter what type of hating Tiana wanted to do. King answered my text without much delay and was here within a matter of hours to cash me out for our son. My smile couldn’t have spread wider when he swerved up and leaped out. The whole community of project heads turned in disbelief that even after me giving birth, King was still around. In my neck of the woods, keeping a man after sneaking them with a kid was unheard of. With that engraved into my mental, of course, I felt like I was winning.
“Will this be enough to get li’l man straight to come home?” Peeling off five hundred-dollar bills, K.P. handed them over but kept his knot out just in case I wanted more. He’s always been on the generous side when it came to giving me money, but never so freely.
“Hell yeah.” I snatched the bills from his hand then put them in my dresser drawer. “Why don’t we ride out to the mall together? It’ll be nice to have your opinion on what he should wear, sleep in, and get strolled around in.” I crossed my fingers behind my back. If K.P. wanted to make my day, he’d agree to playing daddy.
“That’ll be cool. We can take care of that after we leave the hospital from checking on him.”
My feet couldn’t move fast enough. I was sliding off my clothes, preparing to get dressed in something more appropriate to floss in the streets with my baby daddy.
“Whoa, slow down, Ray.” He noticed my enthusiasm. “I’ve gotta take care of some business down at the studio first and foremost. I just needed to make sure you had some cash on hand.”
“Oh, okay.” I was deflated. “How long will you be at the studio? Should I just drive myself back down to the hospital?” King and I both knew what went down at the studio. Real talk, that’s probably where K.J. was created. He could disappear behind those closed doors for hours, making it time-out for the rest of the world. I wasn’t trying to miss visiting hours waiting like a sitting duck on him to show back up.
“Naw, you good. I’ll be back within the next couple of hours for sure.” He stood up over me. “Quit doubting me, Ray. Until I give you a reason to think I’m going to abandon you and K.J., chill out and trust ya manz. I’m trying to hold you down. Let a nigga do it without all the worries.”
When I looked in K.P.’s eyes, I could tell his heart was heavy. For the first time since our relationship and this pregnancy unraveled, I put my feelings on the back burner to think about how it all was affecting him. I had to give King props. He was doing better than most men in his predicament would. He wasn’t hiding me from his wife, shading his son, or making plans to disappear that I knew of.
Being a woman, I knew his decisions weren’t being taken lightly by Samira. There wasn’t a female on this green earth who wanted to share her man, let alone with another woman who had his child. I felt her pain as being valid and real. Yet and still, I couldn’t fight the desire to come up from it.
Something deep inside of me was telling me to leave this man alone. I just couldn’t. The way he smelled, the way he tongued me down, and the way he carried himself had me stuck like glue. Even if K.J. weren’t a factor, I would’ve been nursing this nigga’s nut sac, refusing to find me a new life. King had become my world. And as pathetic as it sounds, I wasn’t sure I’d have the strength to move on.
Dropping to my knees, I knew the best way to make his problems seem like dust. Once my mouth swallowed his limp dick whole, I got on my grind trying to work him over. I knew my slobber job couldn’t be denied. That’s what got me here in the first place. Grinding slowly into my mouth, he grunted loudly then sighed in relief each time his mushroom tip hit my tonsils.
My and King’s sexual attraction to one another was wild and raunchy. Matter of fact, every time we got down was like a porno waiting to go viral. His moans and my slurping could be heard over the loud festivities going on outside my window. I was sucking the meat off King’s dick, and when he nutted down my throat, I sucked him back hard and bobbed for another thirst-quencher. In my eyes, King deserved a master head job for showing up and, so far, showing out.
King
I dropped another hundred into Rayna’s hand after pulling up my denim jeans. The two nuts I’d just let loose down her throat relaxed every tense nerve in my body. My marriage, my music, and not even my son crossed my mind as she slurped down to my nut sac. Rayna wasn’t slobbering for fun. She was bobbing to get kept.
Too bad my intentions weren’t to offer her more than an upgrade in st
atus. She and I could never be a family no matter how hard it would be for her to accept. If I ever fell off in the music world, she’d trick with the next chart-topper in a heartbeat. At least that would be an unnerving worry.
As I looked around the boxed room that was already too cramped with her queen-sized bed, dresser short one drawer, and broken-up blinds, I couldn’t imagine how K.J. would fit in here let along his belongings. And truth be told, I didn’t want my son living like I did in the slums. Rayna didn’t have a choice. She was gonna have to do better. Her being bold meant my son would be bold, and it was my word to God I couldn’t have that.
I was already plotting on how to make things better. If the next mixtape Johnie and I released skyrocketed, I was gonna move her up out of the projects into a nice, suburban apartment K.J. would be safer in. I owed my son a fair shot similar to the one Samira afforded me. I knew my parents weren’t shit, which meant I was gonna try ten times harder not to mimic their ways.
Rayna snapped her fingers in front of my face to get me out of deep thought. Mira was instantly on my mind heavy because she deserved a little more love for getting me off rocks in the first place. It didn’t matter how many years back she saved me from off craps, I was indebted to her and owed her respect. She’s never treated me less than worthy.
“You got time to smoke one or want me to fix you a plate? Cam and Tiana threw me a surprise party for the baby,” she proudly announced.
“Naw, I’m good. And since you brought it up, I don’t want you or your ghetto-ass friends getting blazed in front of Junior.” It didn’t matter how much of a weed habit Rayna kept similar to mine. She was gonna have to curb that shit immediately in order to keep problems down with me. Before, she was just my side piece, so I didn’t have any rules, regulations, or aspirations for her to reach for. Now that she was the mother of my child, my expectations were raised.
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