“What in the fuck?”
Looking around the room where I’d made hits and spent countless hours relaxing, I was no longer infuriated only by the fire but by the wreck underneath it all. My video games, television, and worst of all of my music equipment were destroyed, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out this wasn’t a consequence of the fire alone.
Picking up my MPC, I saw all the buttons were popped out. Taking note of a few of my speakers, I saw holes were kicked in them. A few of the CDs I’d mixed with songs that were unreleased were split in half. Even the HDTV screen I’d just gotten Samira to get out of layaway was shattered. Naw, there was no way in hell a fire did all of this. This tragedy looked like the snapback of a scorned woman who’d been on the warpath.
Either Rayna and her posse tore it up before setting my house on fire, or Samira had gone completely crazy wanting me to feel some pain behind how I’d made her feel. Whatever the case, the person behind this wanted me to suffer and build from scratch. The fucked-up thing was that they succeeded, and everything I owned needed to be replaced. It was time to find my wife so I could start piecing together what in the hell really happened to our home.
Samira
“Samira, where are you at? Yo, Samira,” King yelled through the house.
My heart fluttered. I was anxiously nervous to see him. I hadn’t laid eyes on my husband since our wedding day when he walked out our front door to become a father to Rayna’s son. What worried me the most about this moment was that this was the first time he’d look at me knowing I’d fucked the artist he was producing. Both of us were wrong, so which one of us could judge? That was at least my hope for how he’d view it. My time for thinking was up. He was standing right in front of me.
“You didn’t hear me calling your name or something? Please don’t tell me I have to change my name to Johnie in order to get a response up out of you,” he crudely commented, disgustingly eying me from head to toe. With everything we shared around us ruined, his repugnance for only me was beyond evident.
Although I felt dirty for the deed I’d done, I wasn’t getting ready to let him size me up when he was the one who stepped out first. Fuck that old saying “two wrongs don’t make a right,” especially when in mathematics two negatives make a positive. The firefighter was witnessing our dysfunctional conversation. I was flushed red with embarrassment. Since I knew there was no calming down King’s reaction even though I wanted to, I gave him just what he wanted: a response.
“Only if I get to change my name to Rayna. Speaking of ya baby momma, what’s her last name anyway? I’ll need it for the report to list her as a person of interest of who threw the Molotov cocktail into our front window.” Now that K.P. had me started, I was surely on a roll.
The firefighter cleared his throat, unsure of what to say or how to react. I’d said something pertinent to what he and I discussed in private earlier, and now he was reminding the both of us of his presence. King instantly picked up on what the firefighter did then responded to me.
“Don’t dig yourself deeper into some bullshit by throwing her name around, Mira. That girl wouldn’t dare do no dumb shit like this, for one. For two, bringing her up doesn’t help your case. You fucked my boy, Samira. That shit was dirty, foul, low-down, disgusting, trifling—” He was bold, running down a list of degrading adjectives.
I cut him off when I couldn’t take hearing any more. I didn’t deserve the tongue-lashing, he did.
“Wow, I’m always everything but the only woman you’re loyal to. I’m supposed to be your wife, your backbone, and your motherfucking soul mate. Even when I ride with you to the moon, my nigga, you find a way to make me feel like shit. Even when you say I’m winning, I’m the runner-up. So tell me, K.P., how does it feel to get played at your own game? It ain’t so fun when the rabbit got the gun huh?”
“I’ll fucking kill your ass, Samira.”
He rushed toward me. His hands were around my throat before my eyes blinked and my mind could catch up with the moment. All the hate, animosity, and resentment he’d built up for me was felt through the grips of his fingertips. Not even the firefighter could stop him from attacking me.
“This shit is not a game. You’re fucking the help, and you’re supposed to be my queen. I swear I’ll choke the life out of you for playing me like that,” King spat through his clenched teeth. “Do you feel so brazen now? Why aren’t you still spitting out cocky bullshit?”
“Get off of me. Let me go!” I tried pulling his hands from around my throat. “You’re hurting me.”
K.P. was cutting off my oxygen. I could barely speak or mutter a word, and I had to get him off me. It was obvious he’d been drinking because his breath reeked of the spicy smell of liquor. Because he was slightly drunk and out of his rabbit, I was fearful of what he’d do to me. I didn’t mean to get this reaction from him.
“Hey, man, that’s enough. You’ve gotta stop,” the firefighter finally intervened. I got the weird feeling he didn’t want to.
“Get your motherfucking hands off me, dude,” King roared, finally releasing my neck. In the same motion, he threw the firefighter off of him and squared up to take him down. I’d never seen him act like a raging bull, but he was in full form. “You don’t know shit about what’s going on, so don’t step in between a man and his wife.”
The firefighter threw his hands up, not wanting to feel King’s wrath. “My job here is done. If either of you would like to file reports or statements on who might’ve done this to your home, follow up with the police. I’m out of here. This seems way too messy for even a book. Plus, I have enough drama of my own.” With that, he exited the room. King and I were alone.
My throat was stinging, my face was covered in tears, but my heart ached more than anything. We’d been each other’s worlds. Hell, I’d made King into the man his groupie-ass baby momma couldn’t let go. It was unbelievable that we were at the point of total ruin. I was attempting to beat him down with my words while he was trying to kill me with his hands. If this was what the preacher meant by for better or for worse, I needed an addendum to our vows.
“I can’t believe you put your hands on me, King,” I sobbed. “Not like that.” I figured he’d be pissed and irate, but I never expected him to manhandle me or cause me physical pain.
“Yeah, well, you reap what you sow, and I can’t believe you fucked who used to be my boy. Come on, Mira! Real talk, how’d you expect me to react off some news like that? Did you think I’d coddle and forgive you? That was some low-down shit you pulled, Samira.”
Since there weren’t any ears around to hear our emotional conversation, we both let our guards down. He didn’t have to be a man in front of the firefighter, and I didn’t need to play the victim simply because I was a woman. It was time to have the conversation we’d both been dreading.
“I’m sorry, King. I know I was foul for what I did with Johnie, but what you did with Rayna hurt me to the core too. Truth be told, I’m still torn off that shit.” Only having the truth, I chose to put my heart on the line. “You had a baby by another woman, King. I wanted to be the only woman in the world to give you babies. Me. Me. Me. You’re making me share that privilege.”
“What in the fuck makes you think you’ll still have the privilege to have my kids?”
His words were meant to hurt me, and they did.
King
“Yeah, you weren’t expecting that cut-throat shit right there huh? You thought I’d get all mushy and soft ’cause you’re stringing a violin and humming a harmonica? I swear on everything I love, Samira, I wanna choke your ass again.” The liquor I’d guzzled at the hotel room with Jamila was still flowing through my system. I was thankful for the boost it was giving me to go hard without limits.
“Then you better choke the life all the way out of me. I don’t care what you don’t want to hear, King. You ruined us.” She completely broke down. “I gave you all of me, worked my ass off to flesh out your dreams, and was even wil
ling to help you raise the baby you had on me. I ain’t humming no harmonica. I’m breaking the truth down to your ungrateful ass.”
I didn’t know seeing Samira was going to be so emotional and tough. There hadn’t been enough time to process her dirty deed between me screwing Jamila and getting the call our home was burning down. Not to mention seeing the tragedy in my man cave, which I still hadn’t brought up.
What I did know was that I couldn’t keep playing the good guy when I’d still been creeping. ’Cause real talk, if Samira ever found out about me fucking her friend, I’d be every name but the child of God. But surely I’d be a hypocrite. Part of me had to accept I’d created this wild wave of bad events.
“Look, let’s table this discussion until after we take care of whatever needs to be taken care of with this house. Nothing is about to be worked out right now, that’s for sure.”
“Fine,” Samira huffed. “Let me see your phone so I can call my parents. The first thing that needs to be done is an insurance claim. We’ve lost everything in this fire. All I’ve got to wear is the clothes on my back but not even a pair of shoes. My purse, cell, and even the car keys to my ruined car were burned too.”
Knowing my phone had all types of naked pictures, inappropriate text messages, and numbers of girls I hadn’t had the chance to hit yet, I hesitated to hand it over. Me and Samira had enough drama to sort out. Her snooping through my phone would only make matters worse.
Samira snatched the phone from my hand before I could hand it all the way over. She wasn’t a fool. She knew exactly what my hesitation was for.
“Oh, and ya better believe I’m giving them Rayna’s name as a person of interest. In my opinion, she took being a home-wrecker way too far.”
“You better not mention that girl’s name, Samira. You don’t have any evidence to back up what you’re saying. Besides, even if you did, you can’t press charges, because that will leave my son without his mother. We can handle whatever needs to be handled between us. Let me take care of it.”
“What? After all this?” She waved her hand around our wrecked room. “You want me to fall back? You want me to care about her motherly duties to y’all son? Let me ask you this, King, if she cared so much about being a mom, why wasn’t her ass at the hospital nursing him instead of firebombing where we live? Jesus Himself couldn’t stop me from dropping her name to the cops. Fuck her, everybody from her ratchet clique who were probably involved, and those who want to protect them.” She looked me square in the eye.
Samira was on ten. I was sure all of our nosy neighbors could hear our argument, and if they didn’t know there was a person of interest before, they did now. Nine times out of ten, Mira was right, but I couldn’t let an already-messy situation get messier. Instead of letting her continue to rant, I cupped her mouth closed and fought against her trying to get free.
“I’m not letting you go until you calm down. You know good and damn well you can’t give that girl’s name even if she did it. Let your husband finally put her in her place.” I lowered my voice, kissed her forehead, and then rubbed my nose against hers.
I wasn’t ready to forgive Samira, but I didn’t have a choice. I was between a rock and a hard place with no other option but to manipulate the situation. Right about now, I’d give Samira the world to keep her from snitching Rayna out.
Releasing all of her weight as I held her in my arms, she was emotionally and physically drained from fighting me. I continued to hold and rock her tightly until her limp body completely collapsed and gave in.
“Please get me out of here, King. I can’t take being here anymore.”
Chapter Twenty-three
Jamila
“Thanks for towing my car and helping me out. I really appreciate it.” I sincerely expressed my gratitude to the tow-truck driver who’d stopped to help me.
If it weren’t for him having sympathy toward me, I still would’ve been trying to get the engine of my broken-down car to turn over. Johnie shaded me, King rode past without even looking back, and even my ex laughed and hung up the phone before I fully got my plea out. Karma was the baddest bitch I’d ever encountered for sure.
“Not a problem, beautiful. The side of the road is no place for a woman.”
“I’m sure glad there’s a man out here who still feels like that,” I responded genuinely. “You’re one in a million.”
He chuckled, knowing I was right. “I’d like to take up for my brothers, but I already know it’s a lot of ’em coming up slacking. Hopefully, you won’t keep running into the wrong ones.”
With my legs tightly squeezed together to help conceal the after-smell of sex, I sat back in the passenger seat while my car swayed on the back of his tow truck. It felt good to breathe, but I only felt a little relief. The many problems in my life that needed fixing were beyond my control. Wasn’t shit I could do but wait and see how things would ultimately play out. My car was still not starting, which meant I’d have to come out of money I didn’t have for a repair. That was only an added stressor to the fact that I’d been played by both King and Johnie.
It was beyond time for me to do some self-analyzing. Not because I was foul as hell for sleeping with the man who was married to my alleged best friend, but because I was getting too old to still be lonely making dumb decisions. Women my age could scream that “team single” bullshit all they wanted to. Good for them. I wanted a man on my team and a ring on my finger. Despite me not wanting to be miserable, I couldn’t help myself. Snagging a man of my own seemed impossible. No matter what I did or how available I made myself, I was never good enough for a long-term title. Who wants to be the jump off, side chick, mistress, and other woman forever? Damn sure not me!
Once we dropped my car off at the auto repair shop for a diagnostic, the tow-truck driver was nice enough to bring me home, too. I rushed into the house, stripped down to my bare skin, and leapt in the shower to wash away the sex smell of King and of course all my sin. Almost using the whole bottle of body wash, lathering up, I couldn’t wash away that I’d been used again.
Grabbing my Summer’s Eve douche, I rammed it up my coochie, not pulling it out until the bottle was empty. As the suds and semen ran out of me into the drain, I wished the last week of my life would’ve gone with it. I finally dragged myself out after the water turned ice cold, and I headed straight to the kitchen for a stiff drink. I’d put myself in a fucked-up position. I’d gone from being a cool girl of the crew to a pitiful outcast.
Johnie
A nigga was feeling good about himself. Not only had I bagged two bad bitches, one of whom was my producer’s chick, but my name was ringing in the ears of those who loved music. My time of living in the shadows was coming to an end. I hadn’t planned for things to play out the way they were, but I was making moves based on how the opportunities came.
Yawning while rubbing the crust boogers from my eyes, I’d been sleeping good, but it was time for me to rise and grind. I was sure my timelines, friend requests, and downloads were on slap since I’d done the interview. That meant I couldn’t waste another moment not capitalizing on the opportunity.
Once I turned my phone on, I went in search of my computer so I could retrieve the stolen tracks I’d ripped off from King before banging Samira. Since he and I weren’t supposed to meet up at the studio until eight, I still had time to remix a few songs to make them mine. I wasn’t claiming that I wasn’t talented or creative enough to come up with my own original music, but I could double my worth with having extra songs on deck. Plus, I didn’t have enough funds to pay for the studio time or a bad bitch like Samira to sponsor me.
As my emails loaded, I checked my voicemails. That’s when I heard King sounding like he had a problem. He said, “What up, nigga? Holla at me ’cause it’s a few words I need to spit at you. Don’t delay.”
“Naw, homeboy. You’re gonna have to wait it out for a few until I handle some business,” I spoke out loud to myself, powering my phone back off.
I
nstead of responding to notifications and blowing my name up more, I had to get the songs remixed before King and I parted ways. Judging by the tone in his voice, we were gonna have problems with one another before we had peace. There was no question in my mind if he was pissed about me doing an interview behind his back. I’d gone against the code ’cause we were supposed to be making money together.
Opening the first track from a Detroit artist, I was feeling the beat and the verses so much so that it was easy for me to put my own spin to it. Bobbing my head and writing down flows in my notepad, my heart was pounding with the anticipation of blowing up big. At this point, I couldn’t see failure in my future. I was too busy feeling myself.
Chapter Twenty-four
Rayna
“I’m so glad you’re here, Mom. It’s truly important for you to bond with your son as much as possible, especially since he doesn’t get to go home with you and Dad yet,” the nurse said, welcoming me into the nursery.
“I’m trying, although I don’t know the first thing about being a mom.” I couldn’t help but be honest. “All I know is I want to bond with him and make sure he knows I love him more than I love myself.”
“Oh, honey, there’s no manual to being a mom. We all will bump our head over and over again raising our babies into kids then our kids into adults. If you’re lucky enough, you’ll help raise your grandkids, too. It’ll never stop, but neither will your joy at the end of the day. You’ve got the first part down so far, and that’s simply showing up to bond. You’ll be fine.” Her words were comforting and enlightening.
The nurse was very compassionate and loving. You could tell she loved her job being around people and was a nurturer by nature. Being in her presence put me at ease but also made me sad. Her being a representation of a motherly figure made me wish upon a star there was a mother, grandmother, aunt, or even a fairy godmother to be a role model in my life. It never crossed my mind before, but I didn’t have a strong woman in my life to help me with motherhood or train me how to properly raise my son. If King left, I would truly be a single mom.
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