by Hayleigh Sol
Holly was currently writing a story somewhere I couldn’t recall but I did remember as being in a time zone that should mean she was asleep right now. Lisette and Bailey were both around, and Lisette asked how my vacation fling was going.
Me: So great! But it’s looking like more than a fling; I found out he lives not too far from me now. We’re gonna keep seeing each other back home. =)
Lisette: Hey, that’s excellent news, babe. Sexy times on demand.
Me: Ha, yeah, I suppose him calling me his “girlfriend” does entitle me to some perqs.
Lisette: Ohhh, it’s all official already, huh?
Me: It’s new, but yeah. I have a good feeling about us.
Lisette: That’s great, babe. Can’t wait to meet him! Gotta run, but prepare to spill all the details at the next group call. XO
The conversation with Bailey wasn’t quite as enthusiastic, but I’d expected that to be the case with Bay. I wasn’t prepared, though, for her to be outright opposed to the idea of Luka and me.
Bailey: Oh, sweetie. They’re called vacation flings because that’s all they’re supposed to be. You’re not supposed to keep seeing him back home.
Me: Yeah but, with our history, he’s not really just a vacation fling.
Bailey: What history? Changing each other’s virginity status isn’t exactly “history”.
Me: What would you call it then?
Bailey: Just one of those rites of passage we all hope to get through as quickly and painlessly as possible. Before moving on to bigger and better things.
Me: Bay, he’s a really great guy. Now that I’ve been out there and seen what the dating world has to offer, he might even be one of the best.
Bailey: Uggh, you hardly even know him. Even when you think you do, he’ll either change or you’ll find out he was hiding shady behavior all along. It’s in a dude’s DNA.
Poor Bailey, we all knew what her loser ex had put her through. And dear old Dad. I don’t think any of us had realized she was painting all men with the same broad strokes, though. It might be time for an intervention.
Once I got my own life together. I certainly wasn’t in a position to be counseling anyone right now. With Luka, I felt like I was at least heading the right direction with my love life.
Me: I know enough to want to keep spending time learning more about him. He’s sweet and fun and so kind. He offered to give the business a loan so I wouldn’t have to work with Brad anymore. I turned him down, of course.
Bailey: Aha! Why would he do that unless he was trying to stick his nose in where it doesn’t belong? Just like your ex, who I’m still convinced isn’t the altruistic savior he’s pretending to be.
Me: I just told you why Luka made the offer: he’s a nice guy. Also, he said he’s “crazy” about me. Swoon.
Bailey: Jesus, Maya, you sound like a lovesick adolescent. You’ve almost gotten rid of Brad and now you’re lining up another guy who wants to tell you you’re not good enough to run your own business. I thought you were smarter than this.
Ouch. Holy shit, ouch. I stared at my phone, feeling as if I’d been slapped. By one of my oldest and closest friends. I vacillated between hurt and defensive.
Bailey: Sorry for giving you tough love, but I think someone needs to do it. You were always too good for Brad, but he somehow convinced you the opposite was true. Then, he convinced you that you needed him to run the business you built. You don’t and you never did.
Me: You haven’t been there, haven’t seen the books, you don’t know what you’re talking about.
Defensiveness it was.
Bailey: But I do know you. And I believe in you.
Me: Sure sounds like it. Is you telling me not to keep seeing Luka any different than Brad telling me how to run my company? Or my mom telling me I should let him because, clearly, I can’t do anything right on my own? The only person who actually does seem to believe in me is Luka.
Bailey: I’m not trying to tell you what to do. Okay, maybe I am. But only because you don’t always see the bad in people. Especially when it comes to a guy’s hidden agenda. And they all have one, even if it’s only aimed at getting laid. Just…be careful, please.
I told her I would, then told her I had to go. It wasn’t true; Luka was just getting to the front of the line and would have to pay and wait for our drinks. But the conversation with Bay was too much. I’d been feeling on top of the world this morning. Maybe not quite that high; I still had my fears and stress over the business. But being with Luka was making me more confident, and so much happier than I’d been two weeks ago.
After talking to my best friend, it felt like that was crumbling out from under me. It wasn’t that I worried he wanted to take over my business like Bailey suspected; he’d never said anything about getting involved in the operations. I also didn’t think it was a bad idea to continue seeing him after this vacation.
But what was it about me that looked so damn weak to people? With Evan as the exception, all of my employees took advantage of me, knowing I would clean up their mistakes and allow them to get away with doing the bare minimum. Brad was certain he could do a better job than me with my own company, our discussions usually leaving me with the sensation that he was telling me to run along so the adults could work. My own mother had always fretted about my ability to survive in the world and now Bailey, who I’d always expected to have my back, was telling me I wasn’t smart enough to make my own choices about who I dated.
Were they right? Was the strong, gutsy, awesome version of me I so desperately wanted to reclaim gone forever?
Chapter 25
When Luka handed me an iced tea and sat on his beach towel, I tried to return his sunny smile. I fell short of the mark.
Like everything I did, apparently.
“Was that not what you wanted? I can go get something else.”
See, Bailey. Told you he was sweet.
“This is great, thank you.” To prove it, I took a healthy swig and turned up the volume on my pathetic smile.
He scrutinized me, squinting one eye before taking a sip from his own plastic cup. “Okay, the face is almost convincing me you’re good but it didn’t look like that when I was walking over here.”
“Something wrong with my face, buddy?” I gave him a beady–eyed glare, attempting to joke my way out of revealing anything about what my best friend had said to me.
“Never.” He set his cup down, as I’d done with mine, and took my hands in his.
I leaned over to kiss him, something we hadn’t been able to do the last time we’d come to this barbeque with both our families in attendance. He pulled back far too soon for my liking.
“Much as I appreciate the methods you employ to distract me, I’m still aware they are a distraction.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I thought you were a big fan of my methods. In the tent, on the beach, in the shower…” I was flirting hard, not ready to let anyone or anything from the outside world invade our happy vacation bubble. When my lips chased his again, he gave me a peck, then lifted and kissed the back of each of my hands.
“Talk to me. This isn’t only about the physical, you know; I want to be here for you. In all the ways I can.” My false smile slipped. “Something happened while I was gone. Was it your mom? Brad? I noticed you were on your phone.”
With a sigh, I told him a friend had said something that hurt my feelings. He didn’t need to know specifics about Bailey’s lack of confidence in him. Or us. Me.
“I’m sorry, I know how close you all are. Did she apologize?”
“Sort of. And we are close, closer than family in a lot of ways. We rarely fight or say hurtful things to each other.” That was part of why I was so bothered by her comments. Bailey was one of the toughest people I knew. If she thought I was weak, or inept, maybe it was true.
I didn’t share those details with Luka. He’d only tell me again that I was courageous and strong and all the things I wanted t
o be. Which was wonderful to hear from him. But, it was like being that chick who asked her guy incessantly if she looked fat; I didn’t want to be the kind of person who always needed reassuring. If I was going to be stronger, I needed to find that strength within myself.
Luka let me change the subject and we were able to enjoy the afternoon, including some of the field games. We skipped the tug–of–war but laughed hilariously as we hobbled our way through a three–legged race and an absolute drenching in the water balloon toss. We helped clean up after that one for fear the balloons weren’t wildlife friendly.
There was a sort of melancholy hanging over us as the evening came on and I didn’t know how to shake it. Returning home the next day meant returning to real life and all the stresses and problems I had before this vacation. Try as I might, I couldn’t ignore that reality any longer.
“I keep telling myself not to be bummed, but I can’t seem to help it. I’m really going to miss you.” Luka’s arm was wrapped around me as we sat atop the picnic table back at camp, waiting for the fireworks to start.
“I’m going to miss you, too. But, hey, this time we’re not really saying goodbye.” My head rested on his chest and I ran a hand up and down his leg to comfort both of us.
He kissed the top of my head and shifted to pull me closer, even though I was practically sitting on top of him. It wasn’t a position I could maintain much longer with my neck kinked awkwardly, but neither of us was ready to move yet. The first telltale whistle split the air, followed by a burst of color and light over the lake. We stayed in place, pointing to our favorites like dazzled children.
There was no need to rush off, to sneak away from families for too little time alone. Tonight, we planned to watch the show all the way to the finale.
That was the thing about plans, though. Once I’d started kissing the sexy, sweet, irresistible man who lit me up like a sparkler, I was all too ready to ditch those plans and haul him to the tent. Where I went off like a bottle rocket.
In a liplock neither of us was in a hurry to end—kinda like those nauseating new couples who insist, “no, you hang up first”—Luka and I kissed our farewells the morning after my new favorite holiday. I’d never been a terribly patriotic gal, not with the many despicable circumstances littering America’s history, but I was feeling all kinds of warm and fuzzy—damn near patriotic, you might say—after the way Luka and I had celebrated the night before. I was a pretty big fan of his flag, too.
On the long drive home, my mind played through the past couple of weeks like a highlights reel. Eventually, even I got tired of thinking about Lukasz naked, particularly when he wasn’t here for me to do anything about it. I started mentally going over the financials of Green for Green instead. Having looked at them enough to have memorized the rough figures, I ran various scenarios in my head.
If either Meg or Cory left, what would the payroll savings allow us to do? If they both did? Certainly, if they stayed, I’d implement some changes that turned them into more productive and reliable members of the team, maybe have them work with Evan in the hopes that his work ethic would rub off on them. Tiffany still needed to go, in my opinion. But I was a fair boss who believed in second—more like fourth and fifth—chances. Like Cory and Meg, Tiffany would be given specific goals she’d be expected to achieve. Nothing unreasonable, not even the kinds of numbers Evan and I consistently brought in. Just, something to aim for that justified their continued employment.
If attitudes and revenue didn’t improve in a defined time period, I’d let them go and wish them all the best. I wasn’t going to turn into a hardass but I also wasn’t going to lose my business because I’d held onto the wrong team too long.
Overdue invoices were another problem I needed to resolve. I’d put off using a collections agency, not wanting to jeopardize the good relationship we’d built with clients by turning them over to a third party they’d see as harassing them. In the past, I’d interviewed a couple of these kinds of agencies and still hadn’t felt comfortable using their services. Having finally gone through the Accounts Receivable list last week, it was time to toughen up and collect on the thousands we had in overdue balances. This was a business and we’d done the work that was agreed upon; we deserved to be paid for it.
While I was feeling strong and determined, I called Brad, requesting an in–person meeting for the next day to discuss my plans and ideas. I had to leave a voicemail, of course, since he rarely answered my calls these days, but that was probably for the best. He wasn’t able to interrupt or hang up on me.
For the first time in a long time, my busy brain as it worked through a to–do list wasn’t a chaotic place to be. As in the first few years of starting and managing my own business, I was eager to get to work, to turn my ideas into reality. Whether it was the time off or the distance from day–to–day stresses, I was energized and…happy. I was actually happy to go back to the work I loved.
By the time I was thirty minutes from home, I was feeling like a scrappy streetfighter, ready to take on the world. Though I was tired from the long drive, my synapses were firing enough to make my skin tingle. Taking the turnoff that would lead to my parents’ house didn’t bring on the typical resigned dread. Not today. Today, I was ready to rumble.
Or, face my mother’s cold shoulder with a little tough love.
Huh, maybe I was channeling Bailey.
Dad was the one who answered the door, though I’d bet my beloved bicycle that the living room curtain twitch had my mother behind it.
“Sweetheart, what a surprise!” He pulled me in for a Dad hug, not caring in the slightest that my back was damp and I was probably less than fresh after the drive.
“Hey, Dad. Good to see you, hope it’s okay I came by. I just wanted to drop off all the gear I borrowed.”
And confront your pain–in–the–ass wife.
Dad told me I needn’t have hurried to bring everything back so soon while helping unload it all from my car. There wasn’t much cleanup to do, but I was still surprised Mom hadn’t made an appearance after we’d been at it for a good forty minutes. That wasn’t like her at all.
“Is Mom inside?” Though he tried to hide it, I caught the grimace on my father’s face. I patted him on the back as I headed for the door connecting the garage to the house. “Stay out here where it’s safe. I’ll try to keep the bloodshed to a minimum.”
When I tracked her down to the kitchen, Mom was rearranging her extensive spice rack. In other words, trying to look busy and oblivious to the fact that her daughter was here.
“Hey, Mom.”
She feigned a startled look over her shoulder. “Oh, Maya, I didn’t know you were here.”
Nice try, lady. My mother had always been as easy to scare as I was when someone entered a room. We even gasp–squealed the same way.
“Dad’s putting away all the camping stuff I borrowed and I wanted to come say hi before I head home to do a mountain of laundry.”
“That’s nice, dear. Did you enjoy the rest of your trip?” Her focus was fully on the bottles and jars in front of her; she hadn’t even given me a hug or made eye contact longer than a second. I was being punished.
Keeping my sigh under my breath, I pulled out a kitchen stool from under the island and perched on it. “Mom, can we talk about what happened with you calling the sheriff and…just…all the worrying about me all the time?”
“It’s a mother’s job to worry, Maya. That doesn’t change just because you’re an adult now.” She looked my way pointedly. “If anything, it gets worse because I can’t be there to protect you.”
“But, Mom. Look at me, I’m okay. I’m better than that even—”
“No, you’re not.” With a heavy sigh of her own, she finally faced me and leaned a hand on the island countertop. “You work too hard, you look perpetually exhausted, you have those tummy troubles—”
“Those are better, pretty much gone while I was on vacation—”
“For how long, though?” Her hand gripped my forearm where it rested on the counter. “That doctor you saw thought the issue was stress–induced, right? Which makes sense, if it improved while you were away from what was stressing you out. That’s the point I’ve been trying to make about Brad and your company. Wouldn’t it be better for you—healthier—to give some of the work and responsibilities over to someone who’s done such a good job with his own business? You could work normal hours, sleep more than five or six hours a night, go out with friends. Or on some dates, I guess, if you and Brad are really over.”
Well that was a shocker; she wasn’t pushing for me to work things out with him. Just take a backseat while he took over my company.
“Mom, I appreciate that you’re concerned”—I squeezed her hand, hoping to convey how much I meant it—“but I had a lot of time to think and plan at the lake.”
When I wasn’t doing the wild thing with Luka.
“I have some ideas for minimizing my stress, which is largely tied to the company’s financial outlook. If I can fix that, I’ll be able to relax a little.” She didn’t look convinced. “It’s not like I don’t want a work–life balance; it’s something I’ve been talking about for years. I think I may have figured out how to actually achieve it.”
A big part of that would include Lukasz, but I wasn’t ready to tell her about him yet. I needed her to see me being strong and successful in my career first.
She sighed again and released my hands, her body language as she stood back not as confident as I’d have liked. “I hope that’s true, sweetie. I just worry that, without help, you won’t succeed at whatever these new plans are. You’ve never taken failure well.”
