by Kaylee Ryan
“What do you want?” He moves to climb out of his seat.
“I’ll come with you.”
“Okay, but first…” He helps me up and pulls me into his arms. “It’s been hours since I’ve kissed you,” he says, softly pressing his lips to mine.
“Blaine, someone might walk in,” I scold him but not bothering to pull away.
“Let them.” He gives me another quick kiss before releasing his hold on me. “After you.” He holds his hand out toward the door and I can’t hold back my smile.
“Thank you, kind sir,” I say dramatically.
“It’s purely selfish on my part. Have you seen your ass in those shorts?” he whispers next to my ear.
I’m blushing. I can feel it. And I have a feeling that as soon as I open that door, there will be someone there to witness it. So, instead of replying, I take in a deep breath and try to cool my hormones down. When I open the door, sure enough, Ashley is there, and she jumps back. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
She laughs. “No worries.” She steps out of the way to let us pass.
Her smile was knowing, and it’s only a matter of time before she corners me to ask what’s going on. Maria knows, but it would be nice to talk about this, whatever it is that’s going on with us with someone who knows him.
Rick takes the next leg of driving with Jacob as his copilot, his words not mine. Kevin and Ashley give Brian and Robin a break even though Brian insisted he was fine, which leaves Blaine and me and his parents. We’re all four sitting at the table when Robin suggests we play a game of cards.
“Do you know how to play Euchre or maybe Rummy?” she asks me.
“No, but I’m sure I could learn.”
“Let’s go with Rummy. I can see her cards that way and help her,” Blaine suggests.
So, that’s what we do. We spend the next four hours playing Rummy, laughing and joking, and it’s a really good time. Brian and Robin are great people, and well, Blaine is Blaine. He keeps leaning into me to look at my cards, and I can’t say I’m upset about the gentle touches and the closeness. I can’t help but think about the fact that if we were… more than what we are, this could be our life. Hanging out with his parents on the holidays and during the season. I push that thought to the back of my mind. Those kinds of wishes bring nothing but more heartache, and I know for certain, I’m up for a healthy dose of that soon enough. The day isn’t even here, the one where he tells me he’s done, yet already I’m starting to feel broken on the inside. My heart aches, and I know that I have to create some distance.
It’s go time. The stands are packed and the fans are cheering ready to see a race. The track was hooked up in the heat races, just the way I like it. Dad and the guys are checking over the car one last time, making sure we’re good to go. Mom, Ash, and Bree are standing here with me while I suit up. They’ve been in the T-shirt trailer all day, and I’ve missed her. I want to haul her to me and kiss the hell out of her, but I refrain.
“You’re good, man,” Kevin says, walking up behind Ash and wrapping his arms around her. Dad places his arm over Mom’s shoulders and my eyes immediately dart to Bree. She’s watching me, a small smile tilting her lips. Rick walks up and hip checks her, and I can’t prevent my glare even if I wanted to.
He smirks.
Bastard.
They know. They all fucking know, but none of them other than Dad and Kevin have hinted at it. Rick likes fucking with me, and I’ll admit it’s working. I’ve never been the jealous type, but then there has never been anyone like Aubree. She’s special, something I’ve known from the beginning, but it’s more than that. I’ve fallen for her. I swore I wouldn’t, that racing was my top focus, but somehow over the last couple of months, she wormed her way into my heart. All this time she’s been certain that this… situation of ours would end with her having a broken heart.
Not on my watch. At least I hope not.
I never want to hurt her. I know she loves me. I can see it in her eyes. I care about her, more than I’ve ever cared for another woman, but is it love? I’m not sure, and until I am, I’m keeping this to myself. I need to be certain that this is true, and not just the rush of all the time we’ve been spending together. The sneaking around.
“Good luck out there.” Kevin shakes my hand while Ashley gives me a hug. Rick and Jacob follow suit with a handshake and a slap on the shoulder.
Then there’s Bree. She steps forward and wraps her arms around me in a hug. “Be safe, Blaine,” she whispers.
I inhale, pulling her scent, and a hint of peaches surrounds me. A smell I know is her shampoo, because I’ve used it a time or two when she left a bottle at my place. All too quickly she’s pulling away and stepping back. I want to pull her back and kiss the hell out of her, but I don’t. Instead, my eyes follow her until Mom steps into my line of vision.
Mom steps into my embrace. “Have fun, and be safe. That’s what’s important,” she tells me. It’s the same line before every race, has been since I was a kid. I squeeze her tightly before letting her go.
“Son,” Dad says. Instead of the handshake I normally get, he pulls me into a hug. “Trust the push,” he says, just low enough that I can hear. He pulls back and offers me his hand.
“Dad, I’m pretty sure I’ve got this.” I laugh.
He nods. “You’re a damn fine driver,” he agrees. He steps in close. “But I’m not talking about the car, Blaine. I’m talking about Aubree.”
I nod. No use in denying that I care about her. Apparently, I’m not hiding it as well as I thought I was. “Yeah, I’m getting there.”
With a grin, he says, “Good. We’ll see you after, in victory lane.”
“Don’t jinx me, old man,” I call after him as he’s already walking away.
“Never,” he says with a laugh over his shoulder.
Aubree lifts her hand to wave before turning and following my parents and Ashley. I watch her go, until I can no longer see her. Shaking out of my thoughts, I get my head in the game.
“You ready for this, Checkmate?” Kevin asks. Apparently, he too can see that she’s occupying my mind.
“Yeah, let’s bring home a win.” I climb into the car and prepare to start the race.
When the green flag drops, I hammer down and make my way to the front. The track is fast as hell and smooth as I fly around the corners. Lap after lap, I hold strong in first position. The flagman gives us the sign that we’re halfway there.
Twelve laps to go.
As I slide around turn three, on the inside, I see the lap car in front of me spin out. I don’t have time to adjust and nowhere to go when I slam into him. My HANS device, and five-point harness seat belt do their jobs to keep me in place, but when my car flies through the air, end over end, I still feel the impact of the fall when I finally land. My hands shake as I take a minute to gather my bearings. I’m safe, not hurt from what I can tell, just shaken the fuck up. Literally and figuratively. I’ve flipped before, but this time, I was end over end more times than I could count before my car finally landed. I don’t move just in case something is broken or hurt, not that I could if I wanted to. My hands are trembling so bad, I can’t even grip the wheel.
Emergency personnel appear at my window asking me questions about if I’m hurt, what I feel, if my legs are trapped. I answer them to the best of my knowledge. Reaching in they, unhook my HANS device, and help me take off my helmet.
“You good?” one of them asks me.
“Yeah, just get me out,” I say, my voice shaky. I’m not sure if it’s the adrenaline or the fear. This is a dangerous sport, I know that. We all do. It’s a risk climbing into this car week after week. It’s not that a driver has a death wish, but we love the sport. I’m trembling and I admit it was scary as fuck, but it won’t keep me from getting back in my car and racing.
It’s in my blood.
For safety purposes, they cut the door of the car to get me out. Once I’m out, the crowd goes crazy, cheering and clapping.
With an emergency worker at my side, I make my way to the ambulance to get checked out. I go through the motions, answering questions. I’m not hurt, just startled from the adrenaline of the crash. They release me with a list of things to watch for, a list I have memorized. I’ve been lucky during my career. I’ve not had many accidents like this one, but it only takes one for you to know the drill.
When I exit the ambulance, we’re in the infield. My car is on the back of a wrecker as they pull it to the pits. A track official waits for me on a Gator to take me to my hauler. When I get there, Mom rushes me and hugs me tight.
“Oh, thank God,” she says, fighting back tears.
“You good, son?” Dad asks, pulling Mom out of my arms.
“Yeah, just a little shaken up.”
“You’re going to be sore tomorrow,” Kevin says. Ashley steps forward and gives me a hug, not nearly as tight as Mom’s.
“We’ve got the car,” Rick chimes in. “You go in and get a shower, or whatever,” he tells me.
“We’ll take care of it,” Jacob adds.
“Thanks.”
My eyes dart around looking for Aubree. I find her standing off to the side, her arms crossed over her chest, and although she might not realize it, her heart on her sleeve. I can see the worry from the way she’s biting on her bottom lip. I can see the fear from the wetness of her eyes. I don’t care who sees me. I stalk toward her with my arms open. She stands still, not moving, watching me.
“Come here, Bree,” I say when I stop just inches away from her.
“Are you okay?” she asks, her voice cracking. Her eyes roam over my body looking for injuries.
“I will be once you come here,” I say again.
“What if—” I don’t wait to hear what she has to say. I close the remaining distance and wrap my arms around her.
“I don’t give a fuck who sees,” I say, keeping my voice low and even. “I care about showing you I’m okay.”
A sob breaks free from her chest as she grips the front of my fire suit and holds on, as if she were to let me go, I might disappear. “I didn’t know what to do.” She sniffles. “I wanted to go to you, but….”
“Hey.” Pulling back, I place my index finger under her chin and lift her gaze to mine. “I’m okay. A little shaken, and I’m sure I’ll be sore for a few days, but I’m good.”
She steps out of my hold and wipes her eyes. Standing to her full height, she says, “I can help you, I mean, the soreness, that’s why I’m here, right?” She turns and opens the underbelly of the toter home and starts pulling out her bag.
“Bree.” I grab her arm to get her attention. “Let me shower and let us all calm down a little. We’ll get to that.”
“But I can help you.” She wipes another tear from her cheek.
“I know you can, but let’s take a breath, okay?”
She nods. “Yeah.”
“Son.” Dad places his hand on my shoulder. “We’re thinking a hotel for the night. Will do you some good to soak in a tub, and we could all use a good night’s sleep.”
“I like that idea,” I tell him.
He turns to Aubree. “You okay, sweetheart?” he asks softly.
“Yeah.” She stands up taller. “Just hard to watch when it’s someone you know.”
He nods. “That it is. Go ahead and load up. We’re packing up out here, and the T-shirt trailer is already closed down. Ashley is booking us rooms now.”
“I can help,” Aubree offers.
“Actually, can you stay with him? Not that we expect anything, but for a few hours, we need to keep a close eye on him. That’s probably just the dad in me coming out, but I’d feel better.”
“Sure.” She nods and her shoulders seem to relax a little. “Let’s get you settled.” She moves to stand beside me and takes my arm, guiding me to the door of the toter.
“I can walk, Bree.”
“I know, but I just… let me help you.”
I don’t need her help. The adrenaline rush is starting to come down, and I’m no longer shaking. I think she needs this more than me, so I’ll give it to her. Whatever she needs to believe that I’m okay, that’s what I’ll do.
“I’m sorry,” she says once we are inside and I’m sitting on the couch.
“What for?” I reach over and tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“The way I acted. I know this is supposed to be fun, and we agreed to not tell anyone. I just couldn’t control it, Blaine. When I saw you flip—” She bites down on her lip again as her voice cracks.
“Don’t ever be sorry for feeling how you feel. I don’t care if they know. That’s the least of my worries.”
“Can I get you anything?” She offers me a small smile before turning and walking to the fridge. “You should take some ibuprofen. You’re going to be sore.” Reaching inside, she grabs a bottle of water and a bottle of headache medicine from the cabinet above the sink. “Here.” She opens the bottle of water and hands it to me, followed by a couple of tablets.
“Thanks.” I swallow the tablets and down the entire bottle of water. “Come sit with me.”
“I can’t,” she says, leaning back against the sink. “I’m barely keeping myself together. I just need a minute to get it under control before everyone joins us.”
“Aubree,” I say tenderly.
“I was so scared, Blaine. I mean, I know you were in the car, and I can’t imagine what you were thinking and feeling, but seeing that.” Her voice cracks again and her eyes well with tears. I swallow back my own emotions remembering the crash and seeing her reaction. Her pain, her worry, it’s all for me. It’s real and true and another piece of the wall that’s been surrounding my heart crumbles.
Before I can counter, the door opens and everyone piles in.
“To the hotel we go,” Rick says, taking a seat behind the wheel. They all know that I need normalcy. For a driver after that kind of accident, I need normal. The worry and the fear leads to second-guessing. I need to be 100 percent the next time I climb into that car. My crew, my parents, they know that. My Bree, she doesn’t, but to see her hurt for me, that does something to me. Instead of fear, it’s longing. For her. I motion for Bree to come to me, and I’m surprised when she does. She sits next to me on the couch, pulls a pillow into her lap, and holds onto it as if it’s her lifeline. She remains that way the entire drive to the hotel.
When we stop, I stand, tossing the pillow onto the couch, and climb out of the toter home. As soon as I’m outside, I take in a deep breath. Mentally I have to remind myself that he’s okay. He’s not hurt. It was my idea to hide us from everyone, thinking it would be easier, but in all my life, I’ve never regretted that decision more than I do tonight. I had to make myself stand back and watch as everyone greeted him. I couldn’t get too close; I was barely holding onto my composure as it was. Then when he came for me, the tears that were threatening to break free finally fell.
I’m sure my reaction is confusing to them, but I couldn’t hold it in. Now here I am trying like hell to act as collected as possible, to be the professional I was trained to be. It’s time for me to do the job I was assigned to do. The real reason that I’m here, with him. The reason that brought us together in the first place. Opening up the underbelly compartment, I grab both of my bags and sling them over my shoulders.
“Let me help you with that,” Jacob offers.
“No, thank you.” I try to be polite and keep my voice calm. Nothing at all like the shaking emotional mess I am on the inside.
“Let’s get checked in.” Ashley links her arm with mine and we head inside the hotel.
I want to argue that I need to be with Blaine, that he might need my help, but he’s okay. Not to mention, there are four men who are more than capable of helping him.
“Here, this is y’all’s room.” She hands me a key. I stare up at her in confusion. “Aubs, I see it. There are separate bedrooms in case I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure I’m not.”
“I can’t
stay with him. What will everyone think?” It’s a halfhearted plea and we both know it. I don’t even bother to ask her how she knew. I know that my actions in the last couple of hours speak volumes.
“They won’t know. Blaine gave me the credit card. I booked the rooms. We’re all on opposite floors. Your secret is safe with me.”
I nod as the tears build behind my eyes. “I thought he was hurt or worse,” I croak.
“Come here.” She pulls me into a hug, and I don’t hesitate to hug her back, holding on tightly, soaking up all the comfort she’s willing to give. I know it should be Blaine who’s being comforted, but my heart… I don’t think it beat until I saw him climb out of that car. “Here they come,” she says softly.
Pulling away, I wipe my eyes and stand tall. Blaine catches my attention as soon as he sees me, raising his eyebrows in silent question, asking if I’m okay. I give him a subtle nod.
“Right, so Bree has her key,” Ashley says. “Here is one for everyone else. Check out is at eleven.” She passes each person a key including Blaine.
“I’m in for the night,” Blaine says. “I see a hot bath and room service in my future.”
“Honey, you should let Aubree work on you. That might help with the soreness tomorrow,” Robin suggests.
“What do you think? Will it help?” he asks me.
“Yeah, I mean, you’re going to be sore regardless, but your muscles won’t be as tight.”
“All right. Let me get a shower, and I’ll call you.”
“You need help?” Kevin asks him.
“Nah, I’m good. You all go enjoy your night. Nothing a hot shower and a good night’s sleep won’t cure.”
We all pile onto the elevator, and each of us pushes a button or calls out our floor number. Blaine and I are on the sixth, everyone else is on three and four. I don’t call out a number, not wanting to lie to them more than we already have. Sounds crazy considering.
“Oh, good,” Robin says when we stop on the fourth floor and I make no move to exit the elevator. “I’m glad you’re on the same floor in case he needs anything.” She turns to Blaine and gives him another hug, while Brian holds the elevator doors open. “You call us if you need something. You too, Aubs, we know he can be a pain in the ass.” She smiles, trying to make light of the situation. I can see the worry in her eyes, but they’re all putting on a brave face for him. Then again, maybe it’s for me. I’ve done a shit job at hiding my emotions.
