by A. L. Brooks
“I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again,” Sarah said, her voice husky. “You really are beautiful, Bethany.”
In the next moment, their lips met and Sarah kissed her with a greediness that was momentarily thrilling, then rapidly became uncomfortable and unpleasant. Bethany pulled herself away, even as part of her wondered why the hell she was doing so.
“What the—?”
“Oh, come on, Bethany, you know you want to just as much as I do.” Sarah’s brown eyes, which had been warm and inviting, were now hard and flat.
“Not like that I don’t,” Bethany retorted, anger welling up. “For God’s sake, Sarah, why did you do that? We’ve just been having a lovely time in there.” She gestured to the restaurant behind them. “And now you pull a stunt like this? Just what is your problem? Every time we meet up I think it’s going great and then you go and do something stupid to spoil it.” Her voice had risen but she didn’t care. This woman was so damn infuriating!
Sarah folded her arms across her chest, her stance defiant. “A kiss at the end of the date spoils it?” Her tone was snide, but there was something in her eyes, something like…panic.
“A kiss like that, yes,” Bethany snapped, taking a step back.
Sarah stared at her for a few moments, then her eyes widened, her posture slumped, and she shook her head.
“God, I’m sorry. I… You know what, let’s forget this. I can’t do it. It’s just not… Sorry,” she said again, and before Bethany could respond she was gone, marching along the embankment by the river, her head bowed, her strides long.
Chapter 11
Alice’s hands stilled on their way to the teapot as Bethany finished her story and groaned in frustration.
“I honestly don’t know what is wrong with that woman. Well,” she huffed, “I don’t actually have to worry anymore because that’s clearly the last I’ve seen of her.”
“Well, I should hope so. She doesn’t sound like the sort of woman you need to be with at all,” Alice said, finally pouring the tea and then walking over to the table with the two full mugs. She sat opposite Bethany and patted her hand. “I’m so sorry, love, that your dates aren’t quite working out how you’d like.”
Bethany flopped her head down onto her folded hands on the table. “I don’t want to do this anymore. It’s rubbish.” Her voice was muffled but she knew her mum had heard her when she chuckled.
“You’ll change your mind about that, I’m sure,” Alice said. “You’ve got a whole summer ahead of you and therefore plenty of time to see who else is out there.”
Bethany raised her head. “You choose.”
“What?”
“You choose one for me. Set me up with a date. You must work with some nice women at the university.”
Alice snorted. “Oh, Bethany, don’t be ridiculous. I don’t have the faintest idea of the sort of woman you’d like. Besides,” she said, smiling wryly, “the only lesbian or bi women I know there are all in settled relationships already.”
Bethany groaned and flopped her head back down again. “Then I’m doomed.”
“Bethany Keane, get a hold of yourself,” Alice said, her voice strident.
Looking up, Bethany smiled despite herself. Her mum had her “I’m going to tell you something important and you’d better listen to me” face on.
“You were raised to be a woman who knows her own mind. To not be afraid to be who you are, and to follow your heart. To speak out whenever you are not happy, and to not settle for anything less than what truly makes you happy. Yes?”
“Yes, Mum,” Bethany mumbled. When her mum started this speech, there was no point in arguing with her. Besides, she was, of course, right.
“So, you are going to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get right back on that horse again, yes?”
“Yes, Mum.”
“Good. Now,” Alice said, leaning forward, her gaze keen. “What about online dating?”
“You did what?” Jonathan’s voice was tight, and when he put his hands on his hips, Sarah knew she was in for a rough ride.
“I just…panicked,” she mumbled.
“Panicked?”
“Things were getting, you know, emotional and…”
“And so you thought being overly physical would allow you to hide from your emotions, yes?”
Sarah stared at him. Damn, he was good.
Jonathan marched across the kitchen to a corked bottle of red wine on the counter, yanked out the cork and brought the bottle back to the table. He went back for two glasses from the cabinet on the other wall, then sat down opposite her at the kitchen table and poured them each a glass of the ruby liquid.
“Thank you,” Sarah whispered.
“Whatever,” he muttered, before taking a healthy mouthful.
“Sarah, dear, how lovely to see you.” Evelyn appeared in the doorway, having presumably just awoken from her afternoon nap. “It is Saturday, don’t you have better places to be than here?”
“She was,” Jonathan said acidly, “but she blew it.”
Evelyn walked slowly over to the table and pulled out the chair next to Sarah’s.
Jonathan stood. “Tea, Evelyn?”
“Yes, please. Some Darjeeling, I think.”
Jonathan nodded and went to the counter to carry out his task. Sarah watched him, not daring to meet her aunt’s eyes. Evelyn’s surprisingly strong fingers on her forearm forced her to turn and face the older woman.
“Sarah?”
Sighing, Sarah slumped back in her chair. “I had a second date with Bethany.”
“The same woman from a couple of weeks ago? The one who stormed out on you?”
Chuckling ruefully, Sarah nodded.
“I did not realise you were such a glutton for punishment,” Evelyn said, her frown deep.
Blinking rapidly as thoughts of an entirely different nature invaded her brain at Evelyn’s choice of words, Sarah cleared her throat before speaking.
“Well, she’s lovely. And I like her very much. I just…”
“Keep blowing it,” Jonathan finished for her from across the room.
“Ha bloody ha,” Sarah mumbled.
“Well, that’s not the end of the world, is it? There are, as that delightful old saying goes, plenty more fish in the sea, dear.” Evelyn accepted the tea Jonathan handed to her and sat back with a contented look on her face.
Jonathan scowled. “Yes, but Sarah’s had most of them by now.”
“Hey!” Sarah sat upright, indignant. “I’m not that bad!”
Sighing, Jonathan sat down opposite her. “No, you’re not. But I do wish you’d try something a little different. I was so hopeful when you asked Bethany out again.”
So was I. Why can’t I just do this, actually date someone? Why can’t I just be…normal?
“I was too,” she whispered, and smiled when Jonathan’s eyebrows shot up.
“Well, that’s some admission,” he said, nodding slowly.
A noisy, less-than-ladylike slurp of tea came from Sarah’s left and she looked round at her aunt, who was frowning as she put her cup back down.
“Something to say, aunty dear?”
Evelyn tutted. “I simply do not understand why you are fighting your nature, Sarah. You have always been on the move, exploring all that life has to offer, and you have enjoyed it immensely. Trying to do something different is making you unhappy, so…” She gave an elegant shrug of her shoulders.
“But she hasn’t explored everything that life has to offer,” Jonathan said, his tone far gentler than it had been so far. He stared at Sarah. “You haven’t explored what being in love is like, and all the wonder that can bring to a person.”
Sarah swallowed hard. Love? She loved Evelyn, and Jonathan, and, in her own way, her parents. But it was true, she’d never been in lo
ve with someone. What would that even feel like? Was she capable of it? Did she want it?
“Love is overrated,” Evelyn said, to a loud tut from Jonathan.
“Love is the most wonderful feeling in the world,” he countered, with passion.
“Stop forcing her into something she does not want,” the older woman said. “Can’t you see how much it is unsettling her?”
“Evelyn, I’m not forcing her into anything. I am simply giving her an alternative view on the options in front of her.”
Evelyn grumbled something indecipherable and reached for her tea.
“Sarah, apart from the rather unfortunate ending to the date, how do you feel about what happened with Bethany? And would you like to see her again?”
Sarah held his intense gaze. “I loved it,” she whispered. “I just… I really like her, and I really, really want her. But I also know who I am. That if I’d taken her home with me tonight, I probably wouldn’t have called her ever again. And I don’t want to do that to her. And I think that’s why I made such a mess of things. I was trying so hard not to hurt her one way, I hurt her in another way. I tell you, this dating thing is a bloody minefield.” She punctuated her words with another swig of wine.
“And did you get the impression she wanted to see you again?”
Sarah nodded. “Oh, yeah. I mean, I’m not bragging, but yeah. Until I screwed it up, of course.”
“Oh, Sarah,” Jonathan said, shaking his head. “What are we going to do with you?”
“We are going to leave her alone,” Evelyn chimed in. “Sarah does not need us pushing her into something she is not ready for.”
“But I think she is ready for this. I think she always has been, and your meddling hasn’t helped her in that.”
“Meddling?” Evelyn’s voice went up an octave. “I have looked after Sarah a lot longer than you have, young man, and I know more about her life and her needs, and I will continue to look out for her as long as I still have breath in my lungs.”
Jonathan and Evelyn glared at each other across the table.
“Hey, time out, you two.” Sarah reached out to both of them. “Come on, seriously, this is not worth you two falling out over.” They both relaxed a little, and she squeezed their arms. “I know you both care about me, in your own ways. And I’ve always appreciated the advice you give me, even if I haven’t always agreed with it.”
She turned to Evelyn. “I know you worry about my wellbeing, about my mental health, after all that you saw me do to myself back then. But really, Evelyn, I do think I’m in a different place now. There is something about Bethany that pulls me to her. Something that means I do want to see what can happen with this, even though it scares the sh—the poo out of me.”
Evelyn sighed, and her eyes glistened. “I know, Sarah dear. I just cannot help but worry.”
Sarah’s throat tightened. “I know. But honestly, if you met her, you’d see what I’m talking about.”
“Well,” Evelyn said, sniffing and wiping at her eyes. “Maybe that could happen one day.”
Sarah smiled, and swallowed hard. “Yes, maybe it could.”
She gave Evelyn’s arm another squeeze, then looked at Jonathan.
“And you,” she said, “need to stop berating me when I get this dating thing wrong. I have no idea what I’m doing, but at least I’m trying, okay?”
Jonathan looked abashed. “You’re right, darling. I’m sorry.”
He stood up and walked round the table to give her a long hug.
“I am so proud of you for trying,” he whispered before pulling back. “And I’m sorry I’m giving you such a hard time. I just don’t want you to blow this.”
“I know. And I get that. But you’ve got to help me out here. What do I do next?”
To her surprise, it was her aunt who spoke. “You need to call her, dear, and apologise.” Evelyn smiled. “And ask her out again. Perhaps send some flowers. Or maybe chocolates.”
“Oooh, I like those ideas,” Jonathan said, grinning. “You should listen to your aunt. She’s wise beyond her years.”
He looked across the table at Evelyn and winked.
Evelyn just rolled her eyes and sipped her tea.
Starbucks was full, as usual for a lunchtime, but Sarah actually didn’t mind. Her thoughts were still spinning from the weekend’s events, and her aunt’s advice to simply call Bethany up. Only it wasn’t that simple, not for someone who had no experience with this whole let’s-have-more-than-one-date shebang. One minute she knew Evelyn was right, the next she was cursing her for suddenly taking Jonathan’s side. She’d managed a short text message of apology to Bethany on Sunday, but that hadn’t garnered any response, and now she was facing the excruciating dilemma of whether to follow up with a call or just give up on the whole thing entirely.
Someone tapped her on the shoulder.
“Your turn,” a male voice said.
Snapping out of her reverie, she noticed the barista waiting to take her order and smiled at her before turning back to thank the man who’d brought her back to the present. She grinned when she saw it was Scott Fisher.
“Sorry, I was miles away.”
“Oh, hey, Sarah!” He smiled. “No worries.”
She placed her order, and Scott moved to the order point next to her, where he was greeted by the cute male barista she’d seen working here many times before.
“Hi, what can I get you?” the man asked with a flirty smile and a flick of his long fringe.
“Skinny latte, please.”
“If you don’t mind me saying, that’s a lovely suit.” The barista was beaming, and Sarah nearly laughed out loud at the way he leaned forward, thrusting his chest into Scott’s space.
“Oh, er, thanks. Had it for years.” Scott seemed taken aback by the attention, and Sarah was astonished. Surely he realised how gorgeous he was, and how appealing he would therefore be to the rest of the gay male population?
“Well, it totally suits you.” The barista giggled at his dreadful joke and Sarah cringed with embarrassment on his behalf.
When Scott didn’t respond, the barista stopped laughing and took his cash. However, as Scott made to move away from the counter, the barista held up one finger, glanced quickly around, then reached for a napkin and pen and scribbled something before sliding the napkin across the counter towards him.
Scott visibly sighed, reached for the napkin, and scrunched it into his pocket. He moved off, Sarah trailing behind him, her curiosity peaked.
“I imagine that happens a lot to you, yes?” she said in an undertone as they made their way to the end of the counter.
Scott tutted. “Unfortunately, yes.”
Suddenly thinking her gaydar must be malfunctioning, she cleared her throat and said, “Sorry, I must confess, I thought you were gay too.”
Scott turned to stare at her, then laughed. “Oh, I am.”
“But then…”
“Not my scene,” he said, his tone curt. “I’m holding out for Mr Right.”
Jesus, not another one! Why did everyone except her think that being in love was the be all and end all? Before she could think to censor herself, the words spilled out. “Good God, what is it with you gay men and your big thing about happy bloody ever after?”
His eyes narrowed. “What, you think you lesbians have monopolised the market on U-hauls?” He turned away from her to grab his coffee. When he turned back, his face was set in a frown. “And trust me, I wish I could find another gay man who wanted the whole commitment thing, but they seem to be a rare breed these days.” He stared at her a moment. “You have no idea how easy you have it.”
With that, he turned away and left. Sarah, her conscience finally kicking in and giving her a boot up the backside, grabbed her own drink and hurried after him.
“Scott! Scott, wait. Please!”
He didn’t slow. She could just leave it; after all, she barely knew him. But she knew she’d been unfair and it didn’t sit right with her. So, careful to avoid spilling her drink, she increased her speed until she caught up with him.
“Scott, I’m so sorry. I…I’ve got some stuff going on and I just spoke without thinking. Please accept my apologies. I didn’t mean to paint you as any kind of stereotype.”
He slowed and turned to glance at her. Whatever he saw on her face relaxed his frown, and he nodded.
“Apology accepted.”
They walked on in silence for a few moments.
“Need someone to talk to?” he asked, eventually. “It’s not that homophobic prick you work with, is it? Because I will happily go to HR with you if that’s—”
“No, no, it’s not him. Although good to know you’d back me up if it came to it.”
He grinned, and she smiled.
“I thought dickheads like him had died out years ago,” he said, shaking his head.
“He’s old school, I’m afraid. A dying breed, sure, but they’re not quite extinct yet.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” he said, feigning an American accent.
She laughed, then sobered. “So, you’re single?”
He nodded, then took a sip of his drink before shrugging his shoulders. “It’s all about the hook-ups out there right now. And that’s never what I’ve wanted. Even less now.” He smiled ruefully. “I’m not getting any younger, you know.”
She nudged his shoulder. “You don’t look a day over thirty.”
“Oh, I like you!” He nudged her back, then leaned down to whisper, “Thirty-eight next month.”
“You wear it well,” she said, appraising him and grinning as he fanned himself.
“What about your love life?” he asked, and she nearly choked on her drink.
“Me? Um, well, it’s…it’s complicated.”
He rolled his eyes. “Isn’t it always with you dykes?”
Sarah laughed out loud.
When the email reminder arrived on Wednesday evening, Bethany sighed. How could she have forgotten? Well, actually, that had been easy, what with everything she’d had on her mind.
